Not a good day Grandson has gone home this morning the house is quiet and my anxiety levels have gone up. He was good company and it was good to cook for someone else and having someone in the house at night.
I think it’s the build up to scattering Chris’s ashes on Sunday and not knowing whether his son will turn up or not and how I’ll feel about it all on the day. My eldest son &eldest grandaughter will be here tomorrow night and Chris’s daughter &family are travelling up tomorrow too. Will go for a walk and get some fresh and hopefully I sleep better tonight than I did last night.
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We scattered mark’s ashes a couple of weeks ago and I was really anxious in the build up to the day but to be honest it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I felt much better afterwards as I knew he was laid to rest properly in the place that he wanted. There was just me and my daughter and son in law. I didn’t have the worry you have with family.
Hope it goes well and try not to think about who will be there. You are doing it for Chris and that is the most important thing xx
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Morning Shirley, enjoy your time with your family coming to stay, like Barbara said this is about doing something for Chris and also after you will feel so much better like we both did even though we were really anxious before the event.
Think of happy memories and know Chris will be watching over you with a smile and let your emotions out because this is a special time for you too. If you feel you need time alone your family will understand . Xx
Thank you Griff& Barbara for your thoughts and kind words. Awake anxious and in reality I know it will be ok and I just need to get through today. I’m going to the musuem this afternoon and my son and grandaughter arrive late tonight. Chris’s daughter & family are also travelling up today
My son & grandaughter will stay Sunday night so that I won’t be on my own. I just want to be able to lay him to rest .as I promised and grieve his passing in my own way. Xx
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There’s no one stopping you Shirley, you are strong and independent. The anxiety is strange how it makes us feel even though we know everything will be fine, I think knowing that helps us through it. Take care will be thinking of you this weekend x
Thank you Griff I try not to fight it these days as it made me feel worse ,so I just sit with it and let it pass sometimes that’s easier said than done but it does pass. I tell myself I am ok I am safe and I will get through this, they have become my mantra . Knowing I have this forum helps to so thank you for sharing and being there for me to xx
Well today’s the day we scatter Chris’s ashes I’ve been awake off and on since 3.30am feeling anxious and sad I’ve sensed his presence the last two days as if he knows he’s going to be laid to rest. Not sure how I will feel when I finally let him go on his journey into the depths of the Irish Sea knowing that is where he wanted to be. RIP my love xx
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Oh Shirley, the sun is shining here it’s hard to let go and I hope the sun shines on you today. I’m actually having a few tears now, hope all goes well x
Bless you Griff tears heal and I hope I can shed some today. The sun is out here too. Chris’s daughter will be here sometime after 11am the plan is to scatter his ashes at noon and then have lunch together at a beach side resturant at 1pm. I haven’t heard anything from his son so I presuming he isn’t coming. Sad really but he will have to live with the decisions he’s made . Be kind to yourself today xxx
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Shirley, I will be thinking of you today, I hope the sun stays shining and it’s a special day for you and your family to say goodbye. X X
Yes it’s horrible the anxiety, it’s been 4 weeks since my mum died and I’m still in shock and I feel like I’m detached from reality and when I’m talking it’s not me. I think it’s a part of grieving, is this normal ???
It’s perfectly normal your life has been turned upside down ,it’s early days and the shock is starting to wear off. Take your time be kind to yourself and talk to someone about how you are feeling.
It has - until you go through it you don’t realise how bad the pain is, I lost my sister 5 years ago and I thought that was bad but losing my mum has really knocked me for six and I’m struggling - I’ve spoken to my Hubble and friends and they say it’s normal to feel detached from reality as its the minds way of dealing with the upset and trauma, and they say I’m too hard on myself,
Thank you for your reply, it means a lot
Shirley I hope today was a good day for you and that your feeling a little bit calmer and relieved. X
Hello Griff. Yes thanks it went well the wind dropped and the sun came out. His grandaughter read a verse and Annie’s song by John Denver played whilst the ashes were scattered. We went for lunch which was good and he’s at rest now. I don’t know how I feel peace yes,sad yes .Have slept most of the evening and am in bed now. Hope your weekend hasn’t been to bad we’ve both taken a big step towards the new normal for us so perhaps it’s time to reflect .Sleep well xx
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Although yesterday went well and I felt peace after the scattering of Chris’s ashes why do feel so anxious and so sad today and just want to runaway from it all . The house is quiet after 9 busy days it just feels as empty and sad just like me.
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Hi Shirley, I think the anxiety is going to be with us a long time. I phoned the stonemason about grahams headstonx then bought a trough and planted flowers to put on his grave. I thought I was doing well until I just cried uncontrollable at his grave. I’ve taken my daughters dog out to give myself time and now sat at her house not wanting to go to my empty one
Have you tried putting some music on Shirley, I’m going to try that in fact I’m going to walk home now and do it. X
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Oh Griff tough day for you too
I was expecting my daughter in law and my youngest grandson tomorrow they were going to stay until thursday and the plan was that I’d go back with them for the long weekend. Phonecall yesterday he has come down with chicken pox so visit cancelled. Bless him he’s busy counting his spots.
I ended going down to see my cousins’ for a couple of hours home now
F log it on the TV fingers crossed we both have a better day tomorrow
Strange as it might seem a white feather wa laying by the front door when I got back and it made me smile. One step at a time we’ll get there because they are walking by our side with every step we take along our new highway of life
Take care xx
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Hi Shirley
Pleased to hear it went well yesterday. You did exactly what we did played a song and said a poem. It is another step taken a very big one at that. I read your other post about the feather. When we scattered mark’s ashes we were stood there quietly when we heard a thump thump. It was two pine cones falling off the tree. My daughter said it was her dad letting us know he was proud of us and pleased that we had carried out his wish. I brought one home and put it beside our photo.
Hope you feel better tomorrow xx
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Thank you Barbara. Tomorrow is another day and a busy one as they are coming to replace two windows that were on Chris’s to do list. I think I am still processing yesterday and am finding that the grief I suppressed is now coming to the surface which isn’t a bad thing and needs to be worked through
The only way I could with his son’s behaviour was to try and keep things ticking over until probate was granted and Chris’s ashes were scattered. Take care x
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