A trouble shared is a trouble halved so the old saying goes xxx
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Thank you Loobyloo and Dennis weāre all going through tough times and those strong emotions are just below the surface , but we will face them head on when they break through find some peace and then hopefully the good memories will flood in Take care xxx
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Although I have had a better few days and managed to sleep 6 hours most nights I am still waking up feeling anxious most mornings but it goes off as the day progresses Have any of you had similar experiances and how do you manage those feelings when they kick in ? Itās just an awfull way to start the day so any tips would be appreciated xx
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@Shirleymc I literally dread going to bed as I know when I do wake up my stomach is churning like a tumble dryer working over time. My mind plays havoc with overwhelming thoughts of events and the sadness takes over. I now longer burst into tears as I donāt know if there any more tears to cry. Do get feelings of emotions when something reminds me of what I had before the passing of my husband. I now concentrate on doing something to get out and keep my mind occupied. It really is not easy and is a daily struggle. At this moment in time I have just walked to the village train station and bought a ticket to a town I have never been to but it keeps me focused and occupied. Will probably find some where to have some lunch and that is when it hits me. Sitting alone,eating alone and watching couples eating and chatting a way
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@Shirleymc, I had that anxiety feeling the last few days and today has been awful. I planned to go out today but havenāt even managed to get dressed yet. Just abandoned the day as very tearful.
I know what causing it at the back of my mind is returning to work after the school holidays, and breavement support group I went to on Thurs brought back all the heartache of losing Doug.
Iāve no tips Shirley, Iām fine for days on end but then the aniexty just rears it ugly head, I just have to ride it out.
Debbie X
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Oh my heartache and Debbie and Shirley so much of what you all say resonates with me. Seeing other couples is the worst heartache we try and carry on and then seeing other couples is like a kick in the stomach, it must be the same feeling as someone wanting a baby and thatās all they see babies and pregnancy. That morning feeling Debbie when all you can truly do is wipe thd day out as a grieving day and then that you know its going to ware off as the day goes on but itās exhausting battling it every effing morning. Itās 29 weeks today since Graham died and the grief is worsening daily and to top it of its a bank holiday all about being with loved ones and having fun abd weāve had that taken away. Iām normally a glass half full silver lining person but not at the moment I just want Graham. X
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I agree with everything youāve said Griff, just wanting our hubbies back is soul destroying .
Today is worse knowing both our children are busy, as they should be, ones gone camping and the other is working.
The bank holiday always makes it harder.
At least Iāve done two positive things, got dressed and ordered my grandsonās birthday present. X
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Thank you ladies for your replies they certainly echo how I feel at the moment and like you Griff Iām a glass half full person as a rule and can usually see a positive solution to most things. Bank holidays are tough and I donāt begrude my sons their time with their families ,but miss Chris even more at these times. Iāve spent the afternoon doing my stint at the musuem and it usually lifts my spirits but not this week hopefully tomorrow afternoonās stint will be better. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and this weekend feels like a ride on the big dipper xxx
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Weekends are difficult and bank holidays even more so. Everyone busy with their own stuff. Iām going to my daughters tomorrow which Iām pleased about as today hasnāt been too good.
Tomorrow is another day, hope itās a better one for you xx
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Hi Shirley. The simple answer is I knit. If I donāt want to be diving around doing physical tasks I sit cast on 25 stitches and knit skinny scarves in my favourite wool Donegal tweed. It keeps my mind occupied doing a simple pattern. After an hour I feel calmer. Give it a go x
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Thatās a good idea. Iām gonna give it a try. I listen to audiobooks, but knitting at the same time will give my mind and body a bit of anti-stress. Xx
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I drove my Mam batty when she tried to teach me to knit . It more often ended in a wholley mess lol Iām going to try my hand at lego with the help of my grandchildren
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Jigsaws are good to do. You get engrossed in doing them and before you know it an hour or two has gone by xx
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@Shirleymc @Heartbroken2022 @debbie57 @Griff Iām totally the same. Wake up, stomach churns, try to get coffee down and cereal, feel sick, bathroom temporarily relieves symptoms and I NEED to get out of the house, do something, try to distract me brain. Whether it is right or wrong
I canāt face the reality - the total finality of my darling Sharon being gone forever - so Iām distracting myself, getting out as much as possible. Maybe you try that if it helps? Sometimes it is easier later on in the day, but then the next morning the fight starts again, every Groundhog Day the same, no progress, no small steps, just the same.
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Yep groundhog days I dog sitting this week so my routine will change a bit for the better hopefully. Boris (the dog) should keep me on my toes.
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Oh Dennis I feel for you and have had all those symptoms too. I try now to have a plan for most days even if itās only for a walk . Joining a Tai chi group and a local breavement support group has helped. But admitting I am not coping to myself and my family has been the hardest but the best step to take for me. Have you looked to see if your local community centre has a Menās shed, they offer real support to men coping with their emotions etc and give each other mutual.support . X
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@Shirleymc Thanks for that. Iāll have a look, but Iām it sure I fancy group sessions, I think Iād prefer 121 - but, I will have a look thanksā¦
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Itās a mutual support thing not a therapy session the one locally has a small.allotment and workshop etc that they participate in or just meet up for a cuppa and chat . Be kind to yourself Dennis x
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I go to friendship group for people who are bereaved, itās 2 hours on a monday. I dealt with the first time going by thinking āIf I donāt like it, I donāt have to go backā. It was ok and very friendly. One of the good things is you can just show up on the day. So thereās no pressure feeling you have to go if you donāt feel up to it. Xxxx
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I started yoga twice weekly. It was just down the street but she is moving this week and I am already having anxiety about going. It was so easy and I could just go home quickly if I felt anxious. Iām going to face it on the day and try not to get anxious about it. I wish life was easier. I have been reasonable for the past couple of weeks and now I am waking with morning anxiety again x
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