Hi Nel,
I have found that the slightest change in my life makes me terribly anxious.The trouble is is that anxiety is a vicious circle,the more you think about it the worse you feel.
Morning is always the worst time for me,I wake with my heart pounding and if there is anything I have to do during the day it just carries on.I have so much more confidence when I was part of a couple and now I’m on my own I don’t know how to get my confidence back.It’s so difficult when you are on your own.x
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Hi , I’m so sorry you are feeling this way . im not sure if you remember , but you helped me with my confidence . Yes we miss our partners for so much . I am a totaly different person to the one my husband knew . I was always happy full of fun . Now . I don’t even know what I am now . Just know I don’t like this different me . Hope you do find a way to gain some confidence . And hopefully find some peace to help you on this awful exsistence . Thinking of you xtake carex
I do remember,I too was the fun one and didn’t take life too seriously.It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and my confidence has plummeted to almost zero.
It is an existence but I am thinking of ways to improve things.
I’m not for throwing in the towel.
So if I think of something I shall let you know.xxx
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Thank you . I’m sure our husbands wouldn’t want to see us like this . they wouldn’t recognise us . But how do we keep going without them . And how do we find the person or even a small part of the person we were . In our happy life . I hope one day we might . Because exsisting like this is pure torture . Sending a big hug . Xtake carex
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I know it is and I wish I had the answer,I know what would help me tremendously would be being able to meet up with someone who is going through the same thing.I live on the Fylde coast and I can’t find any small groups where I could talk honestly and openly.
Online support is lovely to have but I have tried churches,Age UK and other places such as the local hospice but there doesn’t seem to be anything available.I would just love to be able to have a chance to meet someone in a similar position.x
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I don’t know if you have seen on the site someone is setting up a zoom meeting . I know it’s not the same as meeting in person . But that might help you a little . I won’t be . I don’t put a lot of information on here . I am bothered if my kids go on this site for help . They don’t know how bad I feel . I need them to have a happy life and not worry about me . Mind saying that . Some of my posts are like an open book . And it wouldn’t take them much to figure out it is me . Xtake carex
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I can understand why you feel that way but I think they have a good idea of how you are without you even saying anything.
Much of it depends on their ages.
It’s must be very difficult trying to shield your kids from the way you feel how do they seem to be coping?x
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My son lives with me he is 36 . And daughter 33 . They seem to be ok because they think I’m ok . I had an awful day on Saturday ended up sobbing . And son ended up crying . They both worshiped there dad . He was and still is there hero . So I have to be brave . Strong . As much as I can for them . And also for my hubby’s memorie . All we ever wanted for our kids was for them to have a happy life like we did . XXX
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I don’t think you need to be anywhere near as brave and strong as you think.
I think you should let them see you “crumble” it gives them the chance to feel that they can do something to help you.
They may be feeling that they have to hold everything together for your sake.
If they feel they are helping you then it gives them a purpose and having a purpose in life makes you want to go on and live again.
They are adults and I’m sure they would be upset if you were not able to show and share how you feel.xx
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Yes every word you have said is true . But it’s just the way I am . But next time I’m having a total meltdown I might let them know . Instead of hiding away . Thank you for your wise words . Hope you keep posting I have enjoyed (well as much as I can enjoy anything )our chat . Thank you. Xtake carex
There is no need to thank me,if they see you have a meltdown then you might just as well have a meltdown altogether.
You have all lost your hero and it’s your hero’s way of helping you help and heal each other.x
You take care too just don’t think that it is weak to cry.There is strength in sharing your fears and upsets with your kids.
Stay close to them by showing your true feelings.xx
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My anxiety has been rearing it’s head the last couple of days. Don’t know if it’s the bank holiday weekend or the start of the build up to it being a year next month since my mark died.
To make things worse a bit of my tooth has broken off and I’ll have to phone the dentist tomorrow. My stomach is churning at the thought as I get anxious going to the dentist and also worried about the cost.
Xx
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I dread going to the Dentist too,as soon as I open my mouth I gag.I’ve found if you become anxious about one thing then it’s not long before you become anxious about another.
I find it I can fit a couple more scary things into one day I’m ok for a while.
I am phobic about having my hair cut,so if I know I’m going to the Dentist I’ll make a hair appointment for the same day.x
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I went to the dentist for a temporary filling after part of my tooth fell off. I had to go privately as my normal dentist had booted me off his list as I had not attended for a couple of years. I had to take my sister as I was not brave enough to go alone. I still haven’t been back for the permanent filling. She says it will cost between £130 and £250 depending on size. It’s robbery. And I don’t feel brave enough to go back. Since H died everything seems to be an issue and cause anxiety x
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I know only too well,for a while after Malcolm died I must have been in shock.His death was sudden and unexpected.I felt as though I could take on the world.
Then I woke up one morning with butterflies in my stomach and I expected it to go away.It’s now almost every morning.
Then when we are left alone we have to make all the decisions,pay all the bills and we nosedive into an economic depression.
Most of us have less money coming in and much more going out.I often wonder how people managed during a wartime situation.x
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I know what you mean. I can more or less manage as long as there’s not much stressful stuff extra happening. I ordered a sofa and there was lots of issues about delivery and getting it through the door. Soon as it wasn’t straightforward I felt my stress levels shooting up and I cancelled the order. Things I would have taken in my stride can now seem daunting. The grief is so exhausting and some days all encompassing, that it’s hard to cope with anything much else. I’ve def got ‘brain fog’. I’m hoping that will improve. Sending you a hug xxx
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Oh Nell,
I wish I didn’t know exactly what you mean but I certainly do.The smallest things have become huge.I find it hard just going to the corner shop.
I feel as though I will never feel “normal” again ,my anxiety levels are through the roof at times.I avoid people which is one of the worst things I can do but the more I try to talk myself out of my anxiety issues the worse it seems to be.x
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At least you get the scary things over in one go.
My night got worse as had a power cut. They said it would be off til 1 am but it was only off just over an hour.
Everything seems so much worse when you are on your own. Xx
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It is so much worse because we are on our own.We have no one to rely on any more but ourselves.If you hit problems when you are part of a loving couple you can sort it out together.
If you are upset or worried there has always been the other to depend on.Life is full of good and bad times but when you have someone who loves you as much as you love them everything seems so much easier.
We can’t share our memories with them anymore now they are just our memories.It’s a lonely place without the person we loved.It’s frightening too,I used to look forward to each new day together now I find myself dreading what might happen.xx
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@Pushkin28 You are totally correct @nel @Barbara61 @Broken2222
Everyone faces stress, which when it crosses a line (say 100) gives adrenaline fight or flight, often causing panic causing more adrenaline.
Most people bump along at say 50, so if you add 20 for going to yoga, means they feel no symptoms. BUT I think for those of us who have lost our soul mates we have a constant level of 100, so when you add even the slightest extra stress like say yoga, it pushes us to 120 and hence really winds up more anxiety. But, if we go out and do stuff, no matter how hard, (for me) trying to briefly distract myself from the reality that my darling Sharon has gone and this is permanent, it could maybe help block reality…?
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