Hi AnneC
I understand about the anxiety and lack of confidence.
It’s been nearly for a year for me and I still feel like a different person. If we could just get some confidence back it would certainly help dealing with everything.
Take care xx
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I don’t know if any of you have a similar pattern I can sleep really well for a few nights then wham I’m back to sleeping just 4 hours a night and that’s only if I go into another room as I can’t stay in our bedroom even though I have bought a new bed etc. I can’t pinpoint the triggers and am at a loss as to how to brake that cycle of anxiety which kicks in on those nights.
Morning Shirley,
My sleep is generally good but some nights once or twice a week I just can’t sleep. So far I’ve tried reading a book, looking at the stars if it’s not cloudy and getting up to watch a film and give up on sleep cos trying to sleep just stresses me out even more.
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Morning Griff.
I know that feeling and I try not to let it stress me out hence moving into another room more often it’s onto the settee in the livimg room as lying against the back of it helps relax me as it feels as if someone is there next to me and then I manage three or so hours sleep. It’s part and parcel of the adjustments we make on this new path we’re walking and hopefully one day it will all fall into place.
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I take sleeping tablets. It’s the only way I can sleep. If I don’t my mental health would be zero
I’m lying in bed and have pain in my left kidney. Why since my husband died do I feel everything is a huge issue. The slightest thing no matter how small seems to tip me over the edge. I feel I have no confidence and am close to tears all the time x
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Hey Nel,
I think its the same for us all little things become big things and there’s nothing worse than a pain to make us worry and keep us awake. Can you take a couple of painkillers, go to loo, have a little walk round house and go back to bed thinking of calm sleep. Jupiter is very bright in the sky if you look eastwards like a bright star. Try and sleep nel sending you a hug x
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Dear Nel,
I feel very much the same as you do.Malcolm’s death was caused by medical negligence.I have heard from the Coroner today to tell me that the start date for the hearings will be on October 21st st 2pm.
I have been feeling anxious about the smallest things so how I am going to deal with this goodness knows.xx
Hello Nel, I think it’s probably all too much cos you are grieving. It shows how much you love and miss that person. Two things usually help me to sleep. First is being busy in the day so that my body is tired, if I’m not in the mood to go out I do some cleaning or something like that. I stick to stuff that’s less likely to trigger memories, something like the food cupboard. Bonus too cos you can see the difference you have made! The hardest bit is actually starting, after that initial bit it’s usually ok. The other thing is I listen to audiobooks and sleep meditations when I’m in bed. There are lots of sleep stories and audiobooks on YouTube. Some won’t be right for you but if you try a few there will be some voices that have the right reassuring voice for you personally. I find that if I get into bed, don’t try to sleep but just listen to the voice I tend to drop off. So I’m not focusing on needing to sleep but listening to the voice and that’s comforting and does help me drop off. I hope some of that helps even a bit. You must be feeling exhausted and not sleeping at night enhances all the pain and misery, it’s like a vicious circle. You can get online books free from your library, you download them at home so you don’t need to go to the library, but there’s hundreds of books, including ones about grief. There’s ebooks and audiobooks. Just go to your library website. Sending you hugs and the hope that you get some sleep, you need it and deserve it xxxxx
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Good morning Neĺl
I hope you managed to get to sleep and the pain in your kidney eased. I to like Griff get up and walk around the house and will often lie on the settee and do manage to fall asleep there if I can’t settle in bed. I try and have a plan for the day ahead and that helps relax me too. If I am really unsettled I write to Chris and tell him how feel and I find once it’s all down on paper I drift off to sleep Take care xx
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Good morning
Thankfully I’ve been sleeping better lately but I always read a book for half an hour or so and if I can’t get to sleep I put the light back on and read some more. Doing stuff to try and tire you is good advice…it’s finding something that works for you.
Hope everyone finds that something xx
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I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been anxious all morning and am trying my best not burst into tears. Had some good weeks but today. Yoga has changed venue and I’m dreading it. Seems any kind of change speaks me into panic x
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Totally understand. Anything new sets my anxiety off. Not only do we lose our husbands we lose a lot of ourselves too. I so wish I had some confidence back in order to deal with it all. Xx
The mornings have been the worst time of the day for me, I wake up with this awful feeling of dread about another day without him, I’m 6 weeks in. My 12 yr old and I have planned a trip out tomorrow just the 2 of us, most days I’ve tried to go to one of my family members houses.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I feel like I’m losing my mind.
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I wish I could be a confidant person but I feel since my husband died I have changed. I try to live hour by hour as planning anything makes me stressed. I think about it until it happens and then I don’t want to go. I pretend I am okay with family and cry on my own It’s been 15 months now and everyone thinks I should be doing okay I feel anxious most of the time I hope this helps others. We are not going mad we are grieving x
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I so understand how you all feel. It has been just over 2 years for me now and although I seem to cope with all the household issues I still just don’t want to out on my own. I am the same trying to plan going out (especially if it’s an appointment) I get so, so anxious. I live in a little village and enjoy walking my dogs but still haven’t ventured into the town yet. First we had lockdown after lockdown and there hasn’t been any reason for me to go. I have had to deal with one of my dogs being poorly and he had to have two ops. Luckily I have a good dog minder who took me back and forth to the vets. That was quite a lot to cope with. I must go for an overdue eye test soon but have been putting it off due to dog being poorly and I can only cope with one thing at a time. When you have been used to sharing everything with your husband for 46 years it’s so hard, as you all know. I WILL go, I will have to get a taxi as buses are so infrequent now also worried about leaving dogs for a while as they seem to get anxious when I go out and howl! That is just a walk to the local shop 20 mins I’m usually gone! That adds extra stress in case neighbour complains. Gosh, it’s so, so hard on your own. My love and thoughts go out to you all.
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Just a suggestion, but how about booking a taxi each way. That would give you reassurance about getting home. Also when you book you will know what time you will be home. Plus you could make the first trip a short one. Even just half an hour in town is a very good start. Take it in gentle steps. You aren’t alone in feeling anxious, I’m the same. Once you’ve been to town, even if it’s brief, it’s an accomplishment. Maybe buy yourself a treat to reward yourself for the journey. Wishing you luck and a sense of achievement when you’ve done it. Xxxx
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It’s really tough picking up the threads of your life and accepting this is the new normal from now on. I went to my cousin’s 80th last night enjoyed the company and slept well but wham bang the anxiety is back with avengence this morning and nothing seems to shake it off. I think it’s the realisation that Chris has gone and my sons live away hit home and seeing my cousin surrounded by her family made it feel very real… My sister died 20 years ago and my brother just 9 months before Chris so I’m feeling a bit like orphann Annie at the moment. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a stint in the musuem will blow the blues away x
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