Yes we are all good at putting the ‘face’ on aren’t we xx
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Yesterday was a lippy day coffee morning then a discussion and resolution with regard to the flight simulator. Leaving me feeling relieved that we could now move things forward regarding Chris’s estate so why do I feel so out of sorts with myself and anxious this morning ?
It feels like another piece of him has gone and there’s no turning back so tdy feels like it’s going to be a “iffy” day and it only just after 7am
If you have nothing today have a sicky day and stay in cry, grieve and digest yesterday then tomorrow get that lippy out again. X
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Good advice Griff . Got a tesco delivery and EDF are coming to install a smart meter this afternoon so won’t be venturing very far Need to contact the solicitor re yesterday and do some admin
Lippy day tomorrow out in the afternoon with the local support group. Xx
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I feel like that when I’ve sorted some of marks things out. It seems as if reality hits again and he’s getting further away.
Just do what you need to do to get through the day xx
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Thanks Barbara
You’re so right it does feel like bits of them are disappearing each time you sort things out. Building the flight simulator kept Chris alive and positive over the last 10 years so it was a big wrench to see it being dismantled and taken away. The outcome is a positive one as the proceeds will go to his 5 grandchildren and the firm who have bought it will rebuild it and display it in their assessment centre as a testiment to his work. I just need time to process it’s going and then I will feel ok xx
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Horrible night knee really painfull and the dam has begun to burst. Cried and sobbed couldn’t settle so have had a shower got dressed and now sat in the lounge with a hottie and feeling sorry for myself. The final bit of the flight sim being resolved has been the catalyst and hit me harder than I thought it would it’s the last bit of Chris and it hurts now it has finally gone. I just want to curl up and sleep I’ve Tai chi later so hopefully that will relax my mind and body and I’ll get the Lippy out and put my face on .
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This sounds really morbid but I wish I had cut a lock of Graham’s hair to keep like they did in victorian times I’d just always have a piece of him them.
Hope your day improves Shirley and you have a better night’s sleep tonight. X
It’s not morbid at all the Victorians accepted that death was part of life and we as a society have forgotten that. They saw a period of mourning as the norm and recognised and respected it as the normal passing of time after a loved one had died. We’ve as a society have sanitised our lives so death and loss has no place in it . Hence the comments like time is a big healer or are you feeling better now at which we all want to scream 'get real and f…ff .
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I woke this morning with stomach anxiety. I felt anxious all yesterday. I seem to be getting worse and I don’t know how to cope with it all. I’m afraid of life. X
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Shirley you are absolutely right. Until all this happened to me I would have laughed at Victorian grieving methods. Now the worst has happened I would gladly wear black for 6 months if it meant people showed a bit of respect and understanding of my loss. I can see how it gave people a bit of time to try to come to terms. We have ‘sanitised’ death and most people are in denial that it happens to us and to them sooner or later. So when it happens we don’t know how to deal with it and nor do many of our friends and family. We live in a culture where people don’t want to think about death at all and when we lose someone we love we are expected to go back to how we were before it happened. I’ve not seen anyone on here say that because we know it’s life changing and we won’t be like we were. I’m not even sure I want to be the person I was. Sending you and everyone hugs xxxx
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Hi
I haven’t posted much lately but have been reading what others have been posting on and off. I just feel like my life is just utterly pointless now. I get up do the same monotonous things and then back to bed in the evening. Why? I cannot see it ever improving. I miss my husband so much. I see life going on around me but I’m not part of that anymore.
Love to you all.x
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Hi - I think I know what you mean. I feel like an ‘onlooker’ a lot of the time. I’m outside looking in at others leading a ‘normal’ life. I just do one day at a time and keep on keeping on in the hopes that things will improve in my head and heart. Sending you hugs xxx
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Thank you all for your replies . It’s a rollercoater and rocky road we’re all walking isn’t it but we can take heart that there are people on here that will prop us up as we walk along and for that I for one am gratefull. For me September is always a tough month. My late husband’s birthday on the 21st ,Chris’s on the 28th and my Mam’s death on the 27th so stormy seas for a while. My youngest son is coming to clear what is left in Chris’s shed on Saturday and then I have to get some of it down to his daughter’s in herts for her to share them between his grandchildren. It was less stressfull sorting through my late husband’s belongings 17 years ago as our sons were there to do it with me . Well ladies and gentlemen we will reach a point of accepting the changes to our lives but please please let us do it at our own pace and not at the pace others expect xx
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@Loobyloo2, @Shirleymc, @Griff, @Nel, @Nell2, I’ve been reading some very wise thoughts and suggestions in all your posts today, thank you, it has really helped me to know that we all think exactly the same way. I still don’t believe my husband will not be coming back to me, like you all agree we don’t seem to be prepared (perhaps not an appropriate word) for death in our society today, as if it’s something ‘obscure’ that will never actually happen to us.
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Although we have such sad news on the the death of Queen Elizabeth, I can’t help but think people will understand our personal grief a little more.
The death of Queen Elizabeth has added to my grief, may she rest in piece with her beloved Prince.
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She was a remarkable woman and quietly got on with the job. I was thinking about the sort of national grief and I think part of that is also that it helps us grieve personal losses too, and it makes it ok to cry in public and admit distress. Most of the time we don’t do that for fear of making people uncomfortable. When Diana died I think it did the same thing. Just my thoughts xxxx
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I hope so Griff we need to be more open about grief and how it affects every aspect of your life . Xx
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I agree totally. We all need to not be afraid to show our grief and others need to understand it is not something we get over we have to live with our loss for the rest of our lives. It hurts it’s painful it’s relentless x
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It has unsettled me to and yes it’s bringing all those emtions to the fore again and they feel much harder to deal with. I just want to cry and want someone there to hold me and feel the comfort of that hug .Feeling that need just makes the loss much harder to bear we are human and need that physical reassurance and part of grieving is the hardest part to accept sometimes a hug says so much more than words.
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