I have been a coach driver doing continental tours. But I got layed off and went back to Lorry driving. We holidayed all over together Europe and parts of Asia. We took our caravan to France a few times also Spain.
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Yes , pretty much every morning when I wake ,I think itās the realisation that yes this has happened and itās not a dream , that you have to get even though you and your world is not the same xx
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Itās unfortunate but we are all born and we all die. I never had any problems when my mother and father died but I wasnāt ready for my wife she was 73 when she died I should have been ready but it still hit me like a brick.
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Yes, everyday I go to work since Doug died, I get anxiety, never used too. Itās Monday again woke feeling nauseous and my heartās beating fast. I just want to cry and go back to bed. But I have to force myself to get dressed and go.
I know once Iām there I will be okay, but this feeling wonāt go away the panic sets in most mornings.
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Feel that way too Sundays are always bad and sads days and am relieved when I get into bed. Anxiety kicks in most mornings and today is no different anxious , tired and weepy. Iāve tried breathing exercises.meditation but they donāt help and now I just sit with it and let it pass leaving me tired and weepy. The tears flow and I feel tired and relatively calm Take care of yourself
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@Debbie57 - I also feel this way about work. I often cry whilst driving there but once Iām there am usually ok. Theyāve been very supportive and Iāve been on a phased return but am now back to my usual hours.
I find coming home after a day at work very hard. As the house is empty and so quiet I often just sit for ages before I can do anything.
Itās exhausting.
People ask me if I will continue working but Iām not near retirement age so have no choice. I wish I did.
I hope today goes ok for you.
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Yes i totally understand. I lost my Daughter 3 months ago in very traumatic circumstances. I suffer awful anxiey and panic attacks. Itās so crippling. I try and do meditation to relax my mind. That helps a little. X
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Hi @Flossy3, just home from work. Once I was there itās not been too bad.
I am near quite retiring age. I work in a school been there 27years, did work full time but had my hours reduced when taken over by an academy. Didnāt matter then as at the time as my husband health was not good so I could spend more time with him. I think I deeply regret not taking early retirement, to be with him full time and now heās not here I just resent being at work.
Donāt get me wrong, Iāve been happy there and they have been very supportive and I have good colleagues.
I think Iām just lost, I donāt see a way forward. I canāt afford to retire until Christmas 2023, when I get state pension.
I have been advised that work is helping me deal with grief as it gives purpose to my day. But Iām just not feeling it, Iāve lost the one person that would get me through this wilderness I find myself in.
Yes it is exhausting, the effort of continually putting on a brave front for the sake of other people.
Sorry to be so negative, but I hope you have had a better day.
Debbie X
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Iām glad your day hasnāt been too difficult Debbie. I completely understand that the one person who you would discuss your concerns and difficulties with is the one person who is not here to support you.
I often want to tell my husband how much an insensitive person has upset me or how difficult my day has been. He would have known how to put things into perspective and to make me feel better.
Thatās our reality now though and I just hope we start to feel life getting easier soon. Take care x
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Hi.
I lost my son in October. I couldnāt sleep. Issued with a silly dose of anti depressant which gave me panic attacks ( never had before). Then changed to an alternative at a lower dose. Anxiety was still around and tablets didnāt make me feel I was in control. Emdr helped me tremendously. Also other counselling ( I am trying shamanic work) and that has moved things on again. Itās not for everyone but I would try and stay away from tablets if you can. Find some way such as guided meditation. Cold showers in the morning help also, takes some getting used to ! . Itās just small steps each time. I am no where near ānormalā and will never be but anxiety is less and I can see improvements as days and weeks go by. Wish you all the care in the world and hope you find something that works for you.
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It will be 2 years next month since my hubby passed and I too suffer from anxiety. Itās strange because on the whole I seem to be coping with everything, but do get overwhelmed at times as there seems to be a lot to catch up with around the house. I donāt have any children just my two dogs. I live in a village and donāt drive and I find myself dreading a trip into town by taxi. I love walking around the village with the dogs and chatting to neighbours or going to the village shop but the thought of a trip outside of the village I find scary, which is ridiculous as I have never felt this way before. I think I am scared of all the memories coming back of the places we would go etc. I donāt have any close friends and I know it would probably help to have someone take me. My brother was helping (he offered) and now has cut me off for no reason and no explanation, just at a time when you need someone. I am not on antidepressants but do take the odd valium, mainly when I went for my jabs and the feeling of being alone in the town where we would go really hit me which hasnāt helped.
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@CountryGirl, it is strange how one minute you can be coping and the next itās all downhill.
It must be difficult for you, I donāt drive either but I do live in a small market town with regular buses, so it I can get out and about.
Does the village you live in have any groups, sometimes local church run social activities. Being not far from home but getting involved might help your confidence with going out.
Small steps.
Take care, Debbie X
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Really struggling today picked up my partners ashes thought I would be ok but feeling anxious and weepy Feeling his loss all over again. Trying to manage those feelings in the pit of my stomarch but not succeeding
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I wish there was a better bus service here but if you have an appointment to get to you just canāt rely on them. I think there are groups in the village but itās not really my cup of tea to be honest. I donāt really get lonely as I seem to be so busy all the time! When my hubby was ill with Parkinsonās everything that needed doing around the house got put on hold as he could not stand any stress and I am now picking up the pieces and trying to get things done. I think that is the problem as you say, my confidence has gone. I think if I manage to do it once and I feel okay, then I will be able to do it again. I think the trouble is sometimes that with anxiety I tend to build it up into something big when itās not really, itās a simple trip to the town!
I am sure when you feel ready, you will be able to do it and you confidence will come back.
It will just take time and as you said you have plenty to keep you occupied with the house. When your caring for someone the house never seems so important at the time.
Take care, Debbie X
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Me too Shirley,
Iāve lost three very close relatives in the last five years.I interred some of their ashes under a lovely tree that was planted in memory of my Mum who died when I was 22,Iām 64 now.
The rest of their ashes are in our garden house.I picked up Malcolmās ashes and froze I just knew Iām wasnāt ready to do the same for him and I wanted to keep him altogether in one place beside my bedsideā¦I just say maybe tomorrow.x
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Hi
Iāve been suffering with anxiety since my husband died in September. Taking medication now which has helped. When I was going anywhere I thought it all through, the drive there, where will I park etc. All things I used to do confidently. Like you itās always worse in my head than when I actually do it. Hopefully with time our confidence will come back.
Xx
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Hi Country Girl,
Iām a country girl too and it seems we both suffer from anxiety.Itās seems ridiculous that we get worked up about the ordinary things we took for granted.
Iām the opposite to you in one respect,I live in a village and I dread walking round here but I can get on a bus to go to town(only just because even that was becoming a phobia).
Iām scared of becoming a prisoner of my emotions so itās a matter of courage to face our fears and feels impossible when we are grieving.x
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Yes, after my hubby died I never thought at the time that it would be a problem for me getting taxiās etc. For the first 8 months or so I just tried to get on with things and of course, we had lockdown after lockdown. I guess I just keep putting off. Yes, I am slightly opposite to you as I feel safe in my little bubble at home and around the village. I think maybe I am a bit scared of feeling really upset in town as the memories where we would go are mostly there. I know when I went for my jabs, while I was in the queue I looked across the street to a little bookshop where I would always meet him after we had been shopping and the feeling of being lost and lonely was overwhelming. I think you are doing very well facing your fear and getting the bus. Take care x
I had a bad night I woke at 5 and couldnāt get rid of thoughts of my wife. I feel I have let her down because we always knew she would pass first she kept telling me that when she has gone donāt live alone find someone to look after me the way she did. But Iām struggling now because Iām not even going anywhere to meet anyone. Now I have advanced prostate cancer I donāt want to put anyone through looking after me for me to pass away and leave them to cope without me. I do have a son that doesnāt live far away but rarely see him he thinks I should go to them and doesnāt understand that due to my bladder weekness I donāt want to be to far away from my toilet I sometimes donāt make it to bathroom. I would be terribly ashamed if I was to wet myself whenever I go anywhere I have to take a change of clothes. So tend not to go anywhere. All my shopping is either delivered or click and collect I have a car but hardly use it but it does give me some independence. I have a bus pass which Iāve never used especially as I used to drive coaches. I have my 2 Labradors so I care for them so that gives me something to focus on and playing my guitar although sometimes that brings back memories of when I met my wife over 45yrs ago whilst I was playing in the club she worked. I guess I just have to accept that this is my life now.
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