Well done for taking that brave step, that is huge! You should be so proud of yourself. I hope this has given you a little bit of confidence to know that you can do things. Sometimes fear really holds us back and the reality isn’t as scary as we think.
Take care,
Amanda 
Thank you . Yes fear does hold us back but each step we take along this road makes us stronger . I take strenghth from my grandchildren and their whattnapp calls lighten the load. I’m still struggling since picking up his ashes but accept it’s part of grieving but the 5am wake up call from anxiety doesn’t help. I have gone back to volunteering in the local musuem and hope to take my first train journey next week to visit my son. It would be lovely to turn back the clock but that only happens in story books and what I want is C back but not the cancer
Fingers crossed a better day for us all tdy. Take care
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I’m going to yoga this morning and the more I think about the more I find excuses not to go. The anxiety has hit hard this week x
Hope you make it to your yoga Nel. I know how difficult it is but just think how good you will feel if you manage to beat the anxiety.
Good luck xx
There was no actual funeral for my wife she as I didn’t want one. I paid to get her ashes back. When they came I told all the family if the wanted to see her off to go up to Liverpool and I put her ashes in the Mersey her request, so we took our last car journey to Liverpool. There was no wake of any kind we both didn’t like them. Then I drove back home to Northampton alone. Next week I have my granddaughter’s wedding Pat would have loved that, I’m not looking forwards to seeing some of the family that I haven’t seen since Pat passed and all the sympathy. It’s 3yrs since she passed and I don’t need reminding that she has gone I know I live with it 24/7. Even after all this time the grief still hasn’t hit me yes I miss her it was 45yrs of our lives together. I do all the things that Pat hated I have a car with leather seats. I play my guitar loud she hated noise. I stopped playing guitar when we married because at first she was a bit insecure and thought I may want to join a band and leave her alone.
Bless you Oscar it’s tough going sometimes C wants his ashes scattered into the sea off the coast where we live. I’m hoping to do it next month. I’d like to have both his children there but his son is being particularly difficult feels it’s too soon wants everyone to wait until he’s ready but won’t give any timescales , re run of the funeral wanted that to be put on hold until he was ready too. Grief takes us down different paths and hits us hard when you least expect it. Go to your grandaughters wedding make new memories and tell Pat about it in a song whilst playing your guitar
Got to the yoga and I did feel better afterwards. Decided to go twice a week Monday and Friday. X
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I wouldn’t accept that for me I wanted to get the arrangements all sorted and done I made all arrangements and told him what I’ve if he didn’t accept it then that was down to him but that wasn’t a problem. He just went along with it. He hasn’t got the right to stop you doing what you want to do. As it happened my son made the arrangements in Liverpool. I was relieved when I watched her ashes float up the Mersey.
Hi @Shirleymc and @Oscar, I scattered my husband’s ashes in the sea. He loved Looe in Cornwall and we had planned to go on holiday there but never made it again before he died.
We had a BBQ, and decided as a family that is where we would scatter his ashes, in Looe. The whole family went, eleven of us and we did it on the day of his birthday. It very very emotional but a special day for us all, there was lots of tears and lots of memories.
This year we are all going away again together in Oct half term near his birthday, to remember, husband/dad/grandad.
Shirley I hope his son is ready soon, it gave comfort and closure to us, as the funeral was under covid rules and couldn’t be as we really wanted it.
Oscar, I hope you have a lovely time at your Granddaughter’s Wedding.
Debbie x
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Oscar It will go ahead with or without him it’s about his father’s wishes not his if he can’t respect that then he’s best staying where he is . The sad bit is that he’s sons will miss out on their final goodbye to their Grandad but he’ll have to cope with the fallout not me
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I understand exactly how you feel, my wife passed away three months ago, for the last two years I was looking after her by that I mean doing all the household chores, she was having treatment, she went into hospital for an infection we were expecting her home in three days so it was a shock when this happened. I am lost I try to keep myself busy but needed medication from the doctor which has helped, they are now arranging counselling for me, it has got worse over the last two weeks I listen to some of the stories in the forum and can identify with the majority of them unfortunately I know I will never be the same in my life now it’s completely different and I don’t like it one bit. My condolences to everyone who has lost someone in this forum .
Take Care
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Please take care and be kind to yourself and just take it day at a time putting one foot in front of the other is an achievement in itself. Counselling does hell ,it allows you to talk about your feelings in a safe place
Thank you Debbie I hope he will come around and join us to celebrate his father’s life and remember the good times and lay to rest the sad times
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Thank you Amanda,
It seems so ridiculous though doesn’t.When I was a child my favourite thing to do was playing out with my friends.If we were upset it was no big deal,someone would always have an arm to put round you.
Perhaps as we grow older we are expected to hide"negative " emotions.it sometimes makes me think that children are wider for their years than adults.
We can’t help feeling traumatised by the lose of our loved ones,so I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable about showing it.
For anyone here whose anxiety issues are severely affecting their lives make it known to someone you trust.it isn’t weakness it is a symptom of grief.x
Thank you Debbie I hope he will come around and join us to celebrate his father’s life and remember the good times and lay to rest
Feeling anxious this morning going to stay with my son for a few days and making the journey there on my own and for the 1st time in over 10 years it will be by train. My daughter in law will meet me at the other end. Any advice how have others coped with travelling on their own on public transport ?
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Morning Shirley, well done its a big step. I think once your on train and sat down its your space. I smile at everyone even though I’m extremely nervous. I suck a sweet slowly, read a book, connect to trains WiFi and use my mobile and then think about what could go wrong? Miss my stop, if that happens I’d just get off at next and buy a ticket back to stop I should be at or get a taxi if not too far.
I’m going on my 1st solo holiday in 10days and feel sick just thinking about. We can do this and remember we are with you every step of the journey share your anxiety we will support you.
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Your both so brave, I’ve only ventured locally on public transport so far. I keep getting brochures coming for holidays, but not brave enough to try it on my own yet.
Going away with my daughter and family in the summer, I can cope with that.
I hope you both have a lovely time and the journey is not to traumatic.x
Thank you Now on the train anxious but ok lot of help at the station so fingers crossed it will be the same the other end Good to know someone’s there sitting on your shoulders so to speak
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It’s awful being so anxious to do things that we did no problem when our partners were here. Good luck xx