Fingers crossed I will if not the settee is an option I’ve used on unsettled nights the high back feel like someones there and that’s comforting and I can get off to sleep ok
Oh Shirley I know what you mean, I’ve got a heavy furry blanket on my bed I find that helps me a little.
We hang on to allsorts don’t we,anything tangible to keep them “alive”.I have an assortment of items I can’t let go of, an unwashed pillow case that smells faintly of aftershave,his favourite mug that had a drip of coffee down the outside.
I have even kept his toothbrush because it was probably the last thing he used.
I’m sure some will think it quite disgusting but those were the everyday things he used and I have kept them because they feel like a link in the chain of our love that can never be broken.
Does anyone else have things like this?
I seem to have gone through a strange phase Malcolm’s ashes were all important now they feel like a “sanitised” version of him.It’s the everyday tokens that seem to mean more to me now.
This message is terribly jumbled up Ferret but you had made a comment on one of my posts and I wanted to acknowledge it,now I find myself pouring my heart out to everyone here.
So everyone…anyone else got a collection of peculiar things?x
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Hi Pushkin, not really peculiar but I still haven’t washed or changed Graham’s pillow case as it smells of him. I also have his dressing gown and his aftershave but most special is his mobile phone as I can look at pics he took and voice messages 
I cleared every thing and found it better to not have reminders around I don’t need them she is in my head all the memories. I put my dressing gown on the other day and it shocked me that it smelt of Pat. All her clothes went to BHF it was her charity having heart problems and it gave me satisfaction that they tell you how much they made from the stuff.
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I have kept everything. I have a polo shirt full of stains. I have a toothbrush razor boxer shorts every item of clothing and a room full of things that might be of use one day. They are in the loft. I can’t bear to lose anything. I have pictures in every room and talk to my H all the time. It’s my way of coping and I’m not bothered what other people think x
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That is one thing I wish I had,to be able to hear his voice.I do have a short DVD of Christmas 2020 but last Christmas was just desperate and if I was to watch it I think it would be too much.x
The fact is that you were brave enough to give to a charity that meant so much to you and Jean is a great gift of love from you and Pat.I quite understand why you don’t need them when do many others can benefit from your gift.x
I’m so sorry I meant Pat.(I don’t know where I got the name Jean from when I had just read your message).x
How alike so many of us are,we are brave enough to discuss all the things that would be thought by some to be crazy,and and negative.
I’m passed caring what some family members or friends may think but I care very much about what everyone in here thinks.I value the opinions of everyone in here.It is our choice how we remember the ones we love.
Has anyone ever wondered if they had died first what our loved ones would have kept,given away,sold,donated or thrown out.
I play a little game with myself…I think the first thing my Malcolm would have found a home for us my 7 little men!!
Let me explain before you all disown me!!
Ever since I was a little girl and saw the first Disney film(I could be wrong but it’s the first one I saw)
Snow White and the seven dwarfs…I have loved everything Snow White…over twenty years ago I bought The Royal Doulton set of Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.
They are in a walk display cabinet just above the television.I don’t think he would appreciate seven men in his life instead of me.xx
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Yes, I’ve kept his toothbrush, comb, aftershave, razor and I haven’t washed his pillow either. I still have his favourite mug, but it was washed the night before and he never got to use it again.
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I still have nearly all his clothes in his wardrobe. I did give all his coats to a homeless charity as I know he would have approved of that. I have kept everything that came back from the hospital (sadly some of it was missing and I never got it back, which added to the heart break.) I have his shaving things, toothbrush, etc. which I find comforting to see in the bathroom cabinet. Also, still have his two bikes in the garage, all his collections of things as he had lots of hobbies, I have recently decorated my little study and I have all wellies, walking shoes etc. on a shoe rack in ther and I got his wellies which still have the mud on from his last walk in them and put them in a bin liner to throw out. The next day I just couldn’t do it and got them out of the bin liner and put them back. It’s just comforting to have them there. A few things I have left exactly as he left them the day he went into hospital. It’s two years next Sunday 15th but I am not ready to part with these things yet. His ashes I have in the bedroom and will always keep them near me.
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Hello CountryGirl,
I think it’s lovely because you have kept your home as he knew it and it gives you comfort.I haven’t moved anything from Malcolm’s bedside cabinet or the bathroom.it is still out home.x
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Yesterday was hard the last thing I wanted or needed was a row with my eldest son which blew up out of nothing. He worries that I’m not moving forward and upset that he can’t make it to scatter C’s ashes on the 29th. It’s the only date C’s daughter can manage as it’s half term and they have managed to book a cottage locally for that weekend. He did apologies and thankfully I managed to get off to sleep ok
But just feel upset and sad this morning . Sorry for the off load…Shirley
Off load any time Shirley. I had a disagreement with my daughter 2 days after the funeral, she told me if I didn’t stop being angry I would push them away. It cleared the air and I think brought us closer together, she said she realises anger is part of the grief after talking to other people. We went up Snowdon together after. Things said in a heated moment can be so hurtful. Perhaps you can hold a few ashes back for when your son can make it and remind him you have achieved a solo journey and that’s a huge step forward we all move at our own pace.
He and I are alike and friery. He was with me when Chris died and is a tremendous support but sometimes it gets too much and we blow celtic tempers I’m afraid. Things surfaced about losing his dad 17 years ago and Chris’s death brought them to the surface. He felt I dealt with his dad’s death differently the reality is and was I didn’t I was younger threw myself into work and shielded both of my sons from the worst of it this time age had played a bigger part and me grief is much more visable to them both. We did sort it before we both went to bed ,(he lives 200 miles away) and I’ll put your suggestion to him regarding Chris’s ashes. Thank you .Shirley. PS I live about 30 miles from Snowden and on a clear day can see the range from my front garden
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It’s true we do change as we get older and always put our children before ourselves to protect them. It’s so important to talk to them isn’t it even when they have children and family, they are still our babies. Well snowdon was beautiful put totally broke me, I said next time we go up It’s by train!
I’m from very flat Lincolnshire it was a shock to my muscles that climb.
I started another interest that Pat would not have liked relearning guitar I don’t understand why she didn’t like me playing guitar because if I hadn’t played guitar we would never have met. I had this idea to finish writing a song that I wrote for her, but haven’t got round to it yet.
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Today’s the day Oscar I’m giving you aroundtuit
Oh yes. Then the pandemic has made me much worse.