I’m going to see my husband at the funeral directors today. I’m so scared
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I’ll be thinking of you today.
I didn’t go to the Funeral Directors to see my husband. He had 2 post mortems and it was a long time before he was returned. In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t go. I am able to remember more of the good times we had while he was alive. I don’t regret it at all.
I hope you manage OK today.
xx
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Thanks for your advice, @Bluecatmum77 no one truly understood my grief until I joined this forum.
For now, going through everyday is like playing the song ‘Mad World’ on a loop (Gary Jules’s version).
I’m learning to be numb, numb is good enough for now
Xxx
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@Misty1972.
Dont be scared. Xx
Nothing can prepare you as it is an incredibly emotional thing to do.
I went to see my Hubby.
His Dad and my best friend came with me but his Mum couldnt face it.
Everyone is different. Xx
He looked gorgeous and so peaceful.
He just looked asleep minus the snoring.
The funeral home will give you as long as you need.
For me, I dont regret seeing him.
As i said, everyone is different.
Xx
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Thank you
Im hoping he looks peaceful. I need a new memory instead of the CPAP mask. I just need to know he is safe and ok 
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@Misty1972 Visiting a loved one in the funeral home is personal choice,some do some dont there’s no right or wrong.
I wanted to go to say my own goodbye BUT because of Covid I wasn’t allowed to dress her in normal clothes. I was not allowed the coffin lid off .
And some photographs and artefacts I wanted to place with her were left on the coffin and they assured me they would put inside .
I hope you can take solace from the visit, it’s not easy but you’ll be pleased you had that time with him.
Take care x
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@Misty1972 I hope your visit to the chapel of rest to see your husband will give you time to chat to him and tell him all the things you wished you had time for while he was with you
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Thank you. The covid rules keep changing. I am allowed to see him but only once. I can dress him and put things with him myself. Im so sorry you couldn’t do that. I know i will struggle but i know i need to see my love xx
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Dear Misty1972
Thinking of you.
Sheila x
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You will not be alone our thoughts are with you at this time. I found it hard but it was my good by. Not a thing anyone will feel easy with.
We will be here if you need us
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I saw him. It was hard going but I’m glad i saw him. Told him everyone loved him, stroked his face, kissed him and told him he would be my forever love. My tears landed on his face and there they will stay x
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@Misty1972 Another tough day but I’m pleased for you that you had your time to say goodbye properly .
Take care
X
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That’s beautiful. Well done for going. X
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@Misty1972
You have been in my thoughts all day.
So glad you did it. Xx
Its the bravest thing you will ever do.
Know how you feel and what you are going through. We all do.
We are all here for each other.
Try and sleep tight.
Xxxxxxx
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Dear Misty, I feel for you. I kissed my wife for the last time when they took me to the room (in hospital), where she died. I saw her - thought that was my wife! She’s dead - gone! Some of my family was there but it didn’t matter , I leaned over and kissed her goodbye as this would be the last time I could do this. I said good bye to her, I really didn’t want to. I had already fell to the floor when the doctor told me she died. From that point on till some time after the funeral I was a “walking zombie” – someone took a photograph of my son putting his arms on my shoulder - I looked so devastated. The part where you told us you shed kissed your husband and shed tears on his face really touched - I felt I had to tell you this (hope you don’t mind). I cannot forget that moment. To this day, I still have a hole in heart.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Herb
Oh Herb
Your story is heartbreaking. I’m so glad you told us. I understand all those feelings. The overwhelming feeling of it all and that devastation. My father broke his heart last week as he said i looked so sad as i walked to my car, and for the first time in his life, he cannot make it right for his little girl xx
Dear Misty
I understand your dad’s feelings. I can see the pain in my two kids eyes, faces and in their voices and there is nothing I can do. At the time they most need their mam, I am incapable of helping them - even if I did have the energy there is nothing that I can do to change the situation. Friends keep telling me that they are adults and they will work through this themselves which is true, but parents should not hurt their children and my two are hurting so much.
My son did the ID required at the hospital, I feel so bad but I could not bear to go in and see my husband. I should have stood my ground and resisted the police pressure I felt at that time.
I am so hearbroken and will remain so until I am reconciled with my darling husband.
Take care. xxx
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I was by my wife’s side in ITU when they said they had run out of options .
I told them “that’s not my wife lying there” she wouldn’t tolerate this much intervention . Slowly the nurse removed syringe pumps and wires and tubes and I noticed her hand go cold and her fingertips were blue and then a voice said “she’s gone” I cried and screamed my sounds muffled by all the PPE I was having to wear I could not give her a kiss or anything . I closed her eye lids and stroked her hair then was asked to leave after about 5 minutes.
The Undertakers “regulations” meant I never saw her again. I was allowed time with her in a sealed coffin but that’s all.
All these things and more still haunt me . I’m still angry,confused,bitter, and all of those emotions one feels but overall I’m heartbroken and traumatised…
But in her memory I will try and fight through, we all have to somehow dont we.
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Hello Mickp. i feel so sorry that you had no proper closure when your wife died. You were with her when she died so that is a blessing. You are angry at not getting time with her and not seeing her again at the undertakers, and that is very understandable. Let all the anger and tears and frustration out. You are hurting badly and you need the support of the lovely people on this site. Do you want to tell us more about your wife. It may help, especially if you find it more difficult to talk to relatives and friends about how you really feel deep inside. love and light.x
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Hi @Jean2,
Thanks .
Reading others posts here I realise I was subject to the undertakers phrase “ under health and safety guidance affecting our staff “ we are not allowed to do XYZ .But I was powerless to change that.
I’ll muddle on without her somehow but it will never be easy.
She was my life,my love,my soulmate,my everything
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