Dear Mickp, That was very sad. I can identify with your cries of anguish when your wife died. I remember the anguish I felt when the doctor told me she died. I was in shock - I couldn’t believe she was gone. I fell to one knee and cried like a baby. Even after 14 months, I still get moments like this. That woman was my life - I really hated to lode her. I am very sorry for your loss.
Herb
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Dear Misty, Thank you for your understanding. Likewise, your story touched my heart, and it brought the moment I lost my wife. She was a very sweet and kind person. Thank you for your compassion.
Herb
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@herb Thanks . It’s still very raw, lack of family close by and no counselling or support group’s available I’m so glad I found all of you.
I now know I’m not alone and over the weeks have read heart wrenching posts from others that make my loss small by comparison.
I know we’re all going to die sometime but it was the speed of Covid that I can’t get over.
I’ll never truly get over it ,but one day hope I’ll learn to live with it .
Take care,
Mick
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Hi Mick, I believe I know the feeling you are going thru — you know- good days and bad days, but mostly bad and sorrowful days. You learn to wear 2 masks - one for the covid 9 virus and the other for friends and family. I usually feel safe going to the store (I like small stores), then I engage the staff in conversation like I did when I didn’t have this cloud over me. When I get home and settled in (usually after a glass of wine or a beer, I try to unwind and watch the Television — but nothing good to watch. So I come on this forum to read of others who have lost someone as we did. Sometimes I shed tears for them – try to encourage or offer my sympathy to them. Sometimes someone will offer me encouragement or sympathy,. Sometimes no one replies. All in all, it’s changed me from the man I was 18 months ago. (I hope I am not too far ahead of you as I know your loss and sorrow is still raw). Yes, I am managing to hold my end up — but when all that is done, I have a bit of sadness I live with. I saw the little photo of you and your wife — I may have told you that I have a photo of my wife and I during what I call “happier times” — I go out at times as I can - I see how some couples just seem to dis-respect each other and so forth. It makes me sad to see this - I am not prefect but I never treated my wife like that. I feel like telling them that life and happiness are very precious and to be like this, but alas I don’t think they will hear me either way. Yes, I’m going too far on this — anyway, nice chatting with you.
Take care!
Herb
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Hi gang,
There have been some really powerful situations, words and memories shared today.xx
I had a bad day yesterday. Really struggled to concentrate on my job.
Today back in numb mode.
I am counting down the days to what would have been his birthday. It will be his birthday on the 24th.
He was a proper romantic and always made a big fuss at Valentines.
As an ex florist, I LOATHE Valentines.
But i always made a fuss for him. X
I love him. Part of being a partmership is to put the other person first.
@Mickp my heart broke for you when i read you had to have a closed coffin.
Its just such a sh*t time.
I am on autopilot.
I feel guilty for laughing at something on the radio or tv.
I feel guilty for going shopping.
Is he looking down thinking it hasnt taken me long to function properly?
The pain is always there.
He is on my mind the moment I wake to going to sleep.
I have lost my best mate and it hurts so much.
This lockdown has really got to me.
I would just love to go to the pub, watch the football and get trollied.
Wandering round the supermarket is the highlight of my week.
The text messages and phone calls have all but dried up. Knew they would. But it is NOW that I need people.
Im sat here in typing to you all at 12.25am.
I should be asleep, but i think im in for a long night.
Stay strong.
Sending love and light. Xxx
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Dear bluecatmum77, We are all still out here. Stay put and stay well till we hear from you again.
Herb (aka greencat1950)
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@Bluecatmum77 Morning. We are here. I hope you managed to get some sleep. I’ve woken up down, as I often do, but hoping i can find my way through the day. We are all here x
@Greencat1950 @Bluecatmum77
Thank you both . I agree there has been going on on these pages this week,
As all say the support we all need diminishes as everyone else gets on with life .They pay their respects today either text,FaceTime,or maybe phone and as soon as they think your OK it’s stops .
It’s now we need support. It took two months from her death to finally having her ashes laid to rest in her family Churchyard. It’s then it truly hit me, job done,nothing else to arrange. Emptiness and the zombie like existence that were left with.
It’s fair to say I have piled more pressure on myself by selling the house and moving soon .it’s a long story but when we moved back 6 years ago to be closer to family we suffered financially and sold a really nice hose and moved to a not so nice semi. In 2013 my wife’s daughter (my step daughter) died from cancer and Venetia just couldn’t bare been 70 + miles away from her grave so we moved back as close as our money would allow.
I am now alone here ,no real friends and family close and I have to get back close to my family and am buying a one bed flat . Its all I need and I will be only four miles away from my sister and daughter. And I’ll be only 20 minutes from her grave and not 1hr 20 as I am now.
My son and three grandchildren live in New Zealand ,so a lock and leave flat is ideal as I plan to go out to them (whenever this s*it’s over ) as they are desperate to see me and all have some closure too.
So I’m now racked with guilt for leaving our last home together and this week had a big wobble and nearly pulled the plug on it .But my son talked me round and everyone says it’s the right thing to do and support my decision.
I have no bad memories here but I’m just alone and feel for the first time in my life old and vulnerable.Age for me has only ever been just a number, but when you face the rest of your life alone your outlook changes.
These are life changing events we’ve all suffered,and even knowing death is inevitable to us all but until this wrecking ball hits you you can only imagine how you’d be .
Well now it’s hit and I’ve changed,my life’s changed ,
Outwardly we’ll learn to cope,insides a different matter isn’t it.
Take care all, sorry if I’ve waffled on a bit !
Mick
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@Mickp I think your wife would want you to have supporr close by. She is with you in my heart, not bricks and mortar.
We had work to do in our house pre lockdown. Im now at the dilemma of whether eventually i do it alone or move. For me, too early to make that decision. My family want me closer but I have good friends where I am. I don’t want to be making these decisions alone. Life is so unfair x
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Morning gang. Xx
I managed to sleep until the cats started their breakfast demands at 8am.
@Mickp. You havent waffled at all.
You are “emptying your bucket.” That’s what my counsellor says im doing.
Its probably more of a skip than a bucket, but i like the terminology.
We all have so much going on in our brains and coming on here helps so much.
The move will be bittersweet for you.
I dont know what im doing yet regarding the house.
Cant really do anything until after the inquest in June.
Hopefully by then i can get on a plane and get some sunshine somewhere?
I still havent collected his ashes.
I will do before his birthday. Bring him home.
Going to have a slobby saturday. May treat myself to a siesta with the cats.
My friend said im always putting others first.
Thats who i am. Not going to change at 43.
The weather is rubbish. At the mo
Tv is rubbish. At the mo.
Life is rubbish. At the mo.
There are tiny signs that Spring is on its way.
Brighter times for us all.
Sending love and light. Xx
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@Misty1972 There’s nothing worse than starting the day feeling down. I sympathise it used to be partly my fault ( too much alcohol in the evenings ) but thankfully I got good advice on this forum.
I find one small thing can kickstart the day being better , usually it’s some form of contact and a chat with someone. And I accept also weekends are rubbish too.
Hope you day improves
Mick x
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@Bluecatmum77 it’s a beautiful sunny spring day here today.
I hope you enjoy your siesta with the cats and your day improves
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Dear Mick
You are so right with regard to the support diminishing. I have three constant people (excl my son and daughter) who continue to give me support since my husband died in a road traffic accident in September - the rest, including in-laws have just got on with their lives.
As others have already said, you must do what is right for you and if this moves brings you closer to family and your wife’s grave then that is all that matters.
I cannot bear to think of living the remainder of my life alone. My son and grandson live close by - daughter lives down south - but they must be allowed to live their own lives once the lockdowns are eased. I try not to look too far into the future, I still have so many 'first’s still to overcome.
With regard to coping, I think it will be a case of wearing the mask that people want to see, whilst, as you say inside we will still be shedding tears for our loved one.
Take care.
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@Sheila26
Hi Shelia , I’m truly sorry for your loss .
I tend to think everything is Covid related right now but I’ve learned here it’s not .
Loved ones are still lost to all the previous illnesses and tragic accidents which puts individual loss into perspective and helps me empathise with all of you.
All of us have a different story to tell of life,love,family and loss,but are united in one common factor GRIEF .
Thank you and everyone else who has and still help me to cope and make some sort of sense of it all.
I’m sorry we all had to meet like this but am grateful I’ve found you all.
Let’s keep propping one another up in any way we can,until we see the light.
Mick xxxx
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I read more than I write on here. I have to keep reading what others have felt so I know I am not going mad. Finding all of life very difficult. Hoped working would help me think of other things but, from being a workaholic before this hell started, I now have absolutely no interest in it. I found after the funeral that everyone seemed to have the impression that I should be okay now as they feel that I have had closure. I will never get closure, and feel worse than ever. Nobody really wants to know. I have no close friends. If anyone bothers to ask and I say I am anything other than ok, I can see the panic on their faces, or hear it in their voices. My grown up children (my partner was not their parent) aren’t even bothering with me much. I try and ring them or send them texts and often don’t get replies. I am hurt at that as I have always been there for them. Just feel so incredibly lonely.
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Hi Mick
Thank you. Take care.
Sheila
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@Mickp thank you it did. I went to see my bubble (mum dad and two brothers). Just seeing/speaking to people helps x
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@Wong oh this saddens me. At a time you need them most. Post away. Im a relative newbie but feel a bond already with these amazing people
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Dear Wong
I am so sorry to read your post. I know what you mean about other people’s reactions. I am now invisible to the neighbours who scurry away when they see me and hear the deep signs of some relatives on the phone when I say that I am struggling with my husband’s loss.
Those on this site are so supportive, although it saddens me that they too are having to experience the dreadful trauma of grief also.
Take care. Someone on this forum will always be here for you.
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@Wong. No your not going mad and your not alone here.
We may be just profiles on this site but we all real people sharing the same feeling of grief and despair.
Keep sharing ,it will, and does help.
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