Dear Mickp
It is so difficult isn’t it. We have a little grandson, 13 months. Ian was devoted to him and I often break down thinking about what Ian is missing.
Our wedding anniversary is 13 March - 39 years, together 42. I know it will not be easy for you as you approach March 7th but myself and others on this site will be thinking of you at this time.
Take care.
Sheila
Hi Misty1972
That’s been me for the last few days can’t face the world. It’s 3 months since I lost my Graham he was my everything. My heart is breaking for us all I’m just relieved I found this site full of caring people who listen and understand. So sorry for your loss. Take care x
I totally agree re this group. Also found a good group on facebook called bereavement uk. It saddens me that so many of us feel this sadness that will never go away. Together though we are stronger x
Three months for me also on the eleventh day, I think I am starting to go insane one day things seem to be berable then bang trying to find some meaning to my now worthless life, I go to work and work mates think I am doing OK because I say I am, I am not I go home to an empty house which was once my sanctuary but now it is my solatory cell. I miss my wife i am trying to carry on but it is almost impossible, I am in purgatory I feel like I have been dropped into hell I was watching a film the other night and the main character had tirets he kept saying things he did not want to say and kept saying sorry, that is me I talk about my lovely wife then the tears start to flow and there I am saying sorry sorry again I think I am going slightly mad.
@Ron Im having one of those days today. I don’t have work to occupy me. I was made redundant in 2019 and we decided to retire early and enjoy our life together. We have no children, just happy with each other
I have no words of wisdom. It’s only 3 weeks in for me but I think we just have to just keep going, keep getting up and pretending until one day we pretend a tiny bit less
Take care
I have children two I was going to say a boy and a girl, but I have a man with a wife two children a woman with a husband and two boys, and two children from a failed relationship with my son I love them all, I have photos of my wife and they are all with my grandchildren she looks so happy as she was … But now trying to use that as a reason to carry on is still very hard but that is what I have got at the moment as my wife and myself did not have a social network as you said we were happy with each others company now what a life, what life
Hi @Ron,
I can relate to all you say .
Lost my wife 22nd November. We were second time around with children from our previous marriages.
We were married 29 years, together 33 .Being retired now don’t have work as a distraction just long lonely days and even worse nights.Miles from my family I’m now in the process of moving into 1 bed flat closer to my sister as I feel very vulnerable. It’s very hard to dispose of stuff I no longer need as a single person. This has been a particularly bad week as my car broke down and I can’t get it fixed quickly because everyone is too busy.
It only takes one thing to go wrong in life right now and I’m over the edge and down again.
Support in the shape of phone calls has diminished to an almost halt.
What they all don’t realise is that it’s Now we need a call not for the first few weeks. I don’t want to call people all the time as I don’t wish to appear needy “life goes on “ they say “ one day at a time “ they say . True but very hard for us .
Stay strong and sound off to us as much as you like .
Mick
Thankyou all as you say our life now is very hard let’s hope it stays bearable we have been put into a nightmare at let we say normal times but the covid nightmare that put me on this site is tourchering me and I know Mick others,… on a day today basis, on the radio on the TV in the papers no sign of a social life that I must admit will have to drag me out screaming and kicking but that is a forward move, at the moment I feel like iam treading water how long can you stop yourself from sinking
I am out here and struggling too.
You are right @Mickp it is now we need the support. At the beginning we are in shock and numb and just hurting so very much. Hoping we can wake from the nightmare and it will all be okay. We are still hurting, brains all over the place, and trying to cope with a future we did not plan or want. People seem to think that it helps saying “If you keep busy you will soon feel better”, or “in time you will feel better”, and even worse “as time goes on you will get back to normal.” It does not help at all!
@Ron I too feel like I am going mad, and most of the time tell workmates and family I am ok, because that is what they want to hear. Don’t know quite how to get a social life going and not sure that I even want to at the moment, but it would be nice to just get on a train and go somewhere different. @Misty1972 I hope looking at how us slightly further along not coping doesn’t make you feel frightened. However you will at least know it is something that others have been through and if you feel you are going a bit mad you probably are to a certain extent. Personally I preferred the numb stage.
If I mention my partner in conversation people look embarrassed and uncomfortable. That really hurts!
Best wishes and good luck to all the fellow sufferers out there.
Hi gang. Xx
Had a few really bad bad days this week.
Have the familiar iron ball in my chest.
Had my counselling session yesterday. Cried through most of it.
She said i am talking as though he isnt dead.
I said its too hard. Was hysterically crying at 3am Tuesday night because i couldnt sleep.
I feel as if i have gone backwards?
I miss him so much.
My heart is absolutely breaking.
I hate my life.
I hate the mess he has left…
I hate hearing about Valentines.
I am so lonely.
If people ask me if im ok, i say NO. IM NOT
Im not pretending to anyone that i am coping.
Why lie?
Its better to say no.
If people avoid you, and trust me, they will, then thats up to them.
One day, they will be in this nightmare.
Im hitting the prosecco tonight because i need the fake numbness that it brings.
Sorry guys for being so negative, but that how i feel right now.
Sending love and light. Xx
@Bluecatmum77, don’t ever apologise for being or feeling negative.we’re all in this nightmare together, and here for one another when no one else is sometimes.
I too have had a bad week for different reasons. I had my first Covid jab Sunday felt sad not elated, had a reaction to it Monday/ Tuesday got frightened and scared being alone and feeling ill.
Car broke down,more stress trying to get it fixed , weather cold,tired, emotionally drained etc etc .
Promised myself next week if no better will seek medical help.
So it’s scotch tonight ,even though tomorrow I’ll wake feeling crap.
Going to see my girl on Sunday with roses for her grave.
Enjoy the Prosecco xx
@Bluecatmum77 the loneliness is awful I know. Night times are dreadful, in fact most of it all is dreadful. I think to try and get through the day it sometimes it helps to almost pretend they are alive, but just at work or visiting relatives, friends etc. They are alive inside us, and our hearts (that iron ball in the chest), and will never be forgotten. I talk to a photo of my partner. I moan about things, and apologise about others, and sometimes I just look at the photo and ask why? One day I hope to be able to describe new places I have been and what I have done in the day, but I can’t now, and anyway times are dull at the moment, emotions are all over the place, and I have nothing that exciting to mention, and dare I say it I am angry at being left alone with questions going round my head that I cannot ever get answers to. Things are going wrong in the house that I have no idea how to sort out, and most days there is a calamity of some description which sends me into a flood of despair.
Are you finding the counselling helpful or not? People keep suggesting it for me, but I am worried that it will unleash a demon inside me, and I will say things that I will eternally regret, especially if the counsellor has no experience at all of grief. You cannot appreciate how soul destroying grief is from a text book.
@Mickp
Bless you and thank you.
Just a really really bad week.
Missing him so much.
Empty bed.
Empty home.
Empty life.
Take care everyone. Xx
Dear Wong
Like yourself, I too get angry on occasions. Angry that he left me, sometimes feeling abandoned. Angry that he had to go out on his motorbike and never return to me. So many questions unanswered. There will be an inquest but I am not going to participate - it will not bring Ian back and to be honest I do not want to hear the details of his injuries. I started to speak to Ian through a photograph but at the moment I cannot bring myself to do that anymore. I have not sought the help of a counsellor as yet. I think perhaps nearer the date of the accident it may be more beneficial.
Sorry you find yourself in this sad place.
@wong and gang.
I am seeing a proper bereavement counsellor.
She listens.
The great thing is, because she didnt know my Husband she is neutral.
Im finding friends/family have too much to say.
Everyone is different, so you may feel.it is beneficial to you. X
Others may say it didnt help.
As long as you have people to talk to, then talk. As long as they listen.
My husband did cause me all this pain because its looking like he chose to take his life, but it doesnt stop me from loving him.
I always will.
Still nothing from the Police coroner. 3 months and im still waiting to hear from the toxicologist whether the amount of pills he took were actually enough to kill him?
If it wasnt then i will have that glimmer of hope that his heart gave out and he didnt actually mean to leave me.
. He did have heart problems.
Its all so up in the air and this week is just coming down hard on me.
I have no answers. Its all going around in my head on a loop. Xx
Bluecatmum77, I don’t think you can understand it. You just have to take one minute at a time. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you have support around you. This site is very helpful, there is always someone to say some kind words - they can’t make anything different or better but it just helps to know you’re not the only one going through this awful experience. Take care x
To all of us who are lost and hurting you may like the following quotes.
In life, something beautiful has been expressed. In death, nothing has been lost.
The body dies, the relationship does not.
Hoping this helps us feel closer to our loved ones.
Love and light. x
Hi gang. Xx
I hate saturday nights alone.
I hate Sundays even more. Will be 13 weeks tomorrow.
Weather is awful. -1, trying to snow and that wind is biting.
Dark, cold lonely nights.
Have spent majority of the day asleep in bed.
I have def gone backwards.
Have very little positivity at the moment.
Just going through the motions.
Cats come first, they always have tbh.Still ensure they are fed, loved, combed, trays sorted.
Really really p*ssed off atm.
Im numb again, but with no energy.
No booze tonight.
I am almost falling asleep as i type this.
The overehelming force to sleep is very powerful, so thats my body tellig me what i need. So im going with it.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
Stay strong.
Sending love and lights. Xxx
Morning gang, xx
Woke up in a terrible state.
Asked Alexa the time. 6.11am.
13 weeks ago today i asked Alexa the time and she said 6.35.
Thats when i rushed down and found he had died.
Have cried on and off all morning.
Hubby always made a fuss on Valentines.
Said he wanted to make up for all the years he had noone to share it with.
Counsellor said grief has no time scale.
It comes and goes and i have to accept the bad days and work through them.
I just feel as though i got to first base on everest and there had been an avalanche that has knocked me back to ground level.
This is the toughest time of my life and it looks like there is no way through it?
Would have been hubbys birthday in 10 days.
Dreading it.
Think people are expecting me to snap out of it now.
Their patience wearing is thin.
Well im not going to pretend im ok.
Im not going to lie.
If they cant accept me for who i am at the moment they can all eff off.
As Marliyn Monroe said “If you cant handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”
I hope none of you are having as bad a day as i am, but if you are, have a rant.
We all understand.
Sorry guys, just really bad at the mo.
Sending love and light. Xxx