I don’t know what to say. Ashes… we are left so much more than that by our loves…
A big moment… I hope for some peaceful hours for you all somehow x
2 Likes
Thankyou Jean for your words, imet my wife at15 how can life ever be the same she was with me through everything, now what?
Same here. I have a box of ashes in my closet.
I have a few items of Gary’s, a box of ashes, memories and photos.
He was my mainstay
My heart breaks for Gary that he is not with me. Perhaps I am being selfish. I miss him so much.
I know he is in a better place. I know God knows best always
One day I will see him again, and that’s an encouragement
Gary has already met Jesus.
Wow what a beautiful thought.
4 Likes
Hello @Gary54. You are not being selfish because you are missing Gary. It is just love being expressed as there is now no other way.
Your beautiful thought that Gary has already met Jesus is awesome and will bring you comfort as time goes on.
Your memories of the past with Gary are real and better than anything you could hope for in the future.
Love and light. x
2 Likes
I first talked with my husband around age 20. (through a very simple online game when the internet was in its infancy). We only were helping each other through life like people on here are but over time it progressed that we were talking for 4 hours or more every single day and were the focus of each others lives. So we didn’t have a simple physical attraction as had never seen each other, it was on a soul level as deep friends.
We finally met when I was 23, not expecting anything romantic and just hoping it wouldn’t ruin our friendship if one was not how the other had imagined. On seeing each other instead we fell in love. 6 months later he was making preparations to quit his job, sell his car and everything he owned to move country to be with me which he did (i was going to move to the Netherlands at first as he had a proper career and I didn’t but I was struggling to leave my mum). He proposed some months after moving here and we married when I was 25.
We saved for ten years for a deposit and bought this house 10 years later when I’m 35. it took us a few years to clean it up as no one had lived here for several years so it required compete renovation which my husband did and I made the coffee and supplies, helping where i could,
Now I’m 40 and he died suddenly of a totally out of the blue heart attack 4 months ago. Just when we’d got to the stage we were starting to relax and thinking about having kids, going on trips together and enjoying all we’d worked for. He was changing careers from something to pay for all the stuff we needed to renovate the house to something for himself. We’d started to build a garden. Last year I’d been writing in my diary how perfect everything was and I loved him so deeply and our house had become home. Even though we’d been together 17 years and were so so close it felt like we were just getting started.
We would have been together until death which we expected in 30 years or more… I am sure of that. we wanted to grow old together and die together, we’d even talked about the last part and now I’m cheated. I feel so lost without him, I do the same things on the outside for both of us (today I did his job of putting the bin out and feeding the cats, my job of washing will come ) but I can’t talk to myself like he talked to me. I knew him so well but I still don’t know what he would say as he could surprise me. I miss him doesnt quite cover it. It feels like my blood is entirely wrong now and its all through my body… can’t see how to go on like this either.
9 Likes
@FleurDeLis its so unfair isn’t it. We’ve been cheated out of so much. Today is one month I lost my soulmate. He was my world, my everything. We had our plans snatched away
I keep trying to tell myself that I was lucky to love him and be loved by him for 20 years. Some people search a lifetime for that love. Nothing can ever take that away and wherever he is. I know he still adores me as he did in the physical
Like you, I miss the conversations, the just being witj him. I can do the chores, eat, breathe on auto pilot xx
3 Likes
Hi
Thankyou for your words of kindness.
I was not getting much response from anyone but you.
When I get a response like yours, that’s what these messages back and forth are for.
You my dear make it all worth it.
How are you coping today?
1 Like
Yes I hear and feel the same emotions as you .
We committed the big sin of running off together and leaving our spouses and children.
Both born in the Mid 40’s we were products of the “swinging 60’s” ( had a different meaning then ! ) Both married on whim and far too young.
We made the best of life for about 17 years with our partners,going through the gears of life without really questioning if we were really happy and contented.
At first we were just friends, I gave her a lift to work when she broke an ankle for several weeks and found her so nice and easy to talk to.At the time I was renovating a cottage,every spare moment and weekend without a break for two years, it got the better of me and I had severe depression and time off work.
Unfortunately my then wife, didn’t understand and if there wasn’t a bandage or a sticky plaster on it then you weren’t ill. Venetia having had depression herself used to ring me and encouraged me to talk,later we used to meet (secretly I admit) and all we did was talk.
Then she went on holiday with her husband for two weeks, I plummeted to the depths of despair while she was away raising concerns and some suspicion from my partner.
It was then I realised that what I was feeling was love and I was missing her so much and angry she was with him. Little did I know she was having a holiday in hell and feeling the same . On her return we met early before she went to work no words we’re needed we just both cried at the relief of being together again and well things progressed into a full on affair from there on.
Sure we could keep a lid on this, go through the motions at home and snatch every chance to be together, best of both Ha Ha how stupid were we. We had never experienced feelings like we had for each other ever,and in the end we got too confident and careless and were rumbled .
We knew it would be tough 5 kids between us and one of her daughters was employed by my wife ,hairdressing. So we up and left together consumed with guilt and being pressured from all sides. Her kids took the Dads side and didn’t speak to her for over three years and one NEVER spoke to her again ( 33years) and she died never being reconciled or seeing her grandchildren and great grandchildren Also she lost another to cancer in 2013. Somehow we kept going our love conquering all ,but I always regret just how much she gave up in pursuit of our happiness.
We had a bucket list but Covid stopped us ticking off the to do things .
But I know deep down despite all life threw at us we were happy and were meant to be together.
Now she’s gone and I feel the despair again Why Why Why
1 Like
Hi
I was 22 when I met Gary.
Sorry for your loss.
Nothing will ever be the same without them.
It just means we will have to go on with a different plan for our lives.
Our whole lives have been long time temporarily disrupted.
Everyone heals at a different pace.
Reaching out to others in their plight can and will help our healing process.
2 Likes
Sorry for your loss
I feel you are feeling that way because of some lingering guilt
The feelings of guilt are not from God
Sorry you had to experience this
Salvage the good to try to heal
Though it will take time you will get through this.
1 Like
Hi gang.xx
Feeling apprehensive about picking him up today, but also feeling slightly excited hes coming home.
Is that weird?
Reading such beautiful and heartbreaking words from you all. Xx
I know how it feels about having your future stolen.
Im 43. Hubby was 52. He would have been 53 next Weds.
I just feel lost. Lonely.
We met when he was working in the bank. The job he loved and lost.
I knew within an hour of meeting him I was going to marry him.
We fell in love very quickly.
We had some wonderful times together.
Sadly he had his gambling addiction, that i knew NOTHING about.
He hid it so well. In the end it destroyed him amd because of the huge debts, he drank heaviley and became more depressed.
Im still convinved he took something as a cry for help. He didnt mean to die.
I know he loved me. He just buried his head in the sand.
Was probably scared to tell me incase i threw him out or divorced him?
I talk to him all the time and ask him why why why didnt you tell me?
Such a waste of life. He was so so clever.
Passed his maths O level at 14.
We would have worked through it.
His Mum said he always buried his head and retreated and withdrew in times of trouble.
I just assumed that it lockdown that was sending him under.
I look in the mirror and dont recognise myself.
Black ring under my eyes. Spots. Sallow complexion. Eyes like p*ss holes in the snow.
Every day is such a battle.
I am off work next week.
Hopefully the weather will be nicer than the recent drab we are having to endure.
Stay strong.
Sending love and light. Xxxx
2 Likes
Hi
I look exactly the same. Wept last night as I looked at some of our holiday photos. We were so happy. So many happy memories which we were meant to relive once all the restrictions came to an end.
Today just served as another reminder that he is not here. Our car brokedown whilst I was attempting to go out and buy some food. Managed to limp to a garage nearby and just broke down and cried throughout the conversation - the poor mechanic. Ian would have known what to do immediately - I felt so pathetic. Back home now - still no food but not capable of eating in anycase. Have just sat crying and trying to understand why he had to go out on his bike that day never to return. I just so need him now, to reassure me as only he knew how.
@Bluecatmum77 I hope bringing him home gives you comfort. I’m sure you are right. Mostly attemots are a cry for help. What we would give for our time over again. Big hugs
@Sheila26 you coped you. You got the car to the garage. Ian would be proud. Ok, you were emotional but we’re allowed to be. Everything is familiar but new. We question things we’ve done before. Im terrified to turn my fire on as John always did it. So much so, my dad will watch me next week, to give me support. It’s a fire! If only we knew then what we know now. Hugs xx
Dear Misty
Thank you. The car is part of a long list of things that have gone wrong in the house/car/son’s house - all of which Ian would have just stepped in and sorted. It just reinforces that he is not here, but you are right just something else I will have to learn for myself. Fortunately with some of the issues, one of Ian’s friends has helped me sort the necessary tradesmen. Glad to still have a small number of people around who will fulfil their statement of just call if you need anything. The rest will not even return my missed calls.
Hope you manage the fire - let me know how you get on.
Sheila x
1 Like
Hi gang.
He’s home. Xxxx
8 Likes
Another big day I know.
Hope your OK
Take care.
X
1 Like
I hope it gives you some comfort, I have talked lots to my wife’s ashes, and cried a lot with them,
4 Likes
Hope you’re Ok x
1 Like
Hope you are okay.
@Bluecatmum77 Well done. Have you found the right spot for him? Karen is currently in the wardrobe
3 Likes