And mine with you.
xx
Ellie 1
What a great explanation.
I remember that when the Queen of England said, grief is the price we pay for love.
I think that your explanation is better.
It is what it is.
Thatās why it takes different times to heal for everyone.
This actually helped me some
Thank you.
G
Hi Gary54
Iām glad sharing that helped a little.
Itās just over a year since I lost my precious husband. I think Iām finally in the acceptance stage but there isnāt a hour that goes by that I donāt think of him and wish he was still with me. I still cry for him and our future and I miss him terribly.
As you say people heal at different rates and healing doesnāt mean forgetting.
Someone told me that you never get through the grief you just build your new life around it and it becomes less all consuming.
xxxx
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I think that we do manage to get through it because we are no longer being loved by our significant other,so we slowly come to grips with the fact that he or she is not with us.
Our changed new life is what we finally accept as our new normal.
Of course we never forget our loved ones they are with us always. It just becomes a different kind of view of them.
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Thankyou all for your comments on antidepressants, it has given me a chance to make a decision for this moment in time. You have all helped me, so I thankyou all
Ron
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Hit the three month marker yesterday.
Still in bed , donāt want get up , no reason to do anything.
Must be the new sleeping tablets Iāve been prescribed, added to a large amount of whiskey .
Stupid I know but Sunday was real bad day .
Iāll try to stay off the alcohol today .
I loved the quote āGrief is the price we pay for Love ā sums it up perfectly
Wishing you all peace and a better week
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Hi 
No matter how long ago your loved one passed away, the wave of pain and being so alone just overwhelmes you , my soulmate has been gone 6 years , far to early at 51, and even when surrounded by others the pain is unbearable at times you never get over it just learn to live with it . Xx
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Hi
I just wanted to say that I was prescribed tablets 2 years ago for anxiety as I had a breakdown and lived in a permanent panic attack. I donāt think I would have got through it without them. I came off them and then my husband had lung cancer and I went back on them. He died 4 weeks ago and I believe they have helped me. I am still grieving but the anxiety is under control . I have no side effects from them. I would prefer not to take them but unfortunately mental illness runs in my family and Iād rather take tablets and stay sane.
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Thankyou for your post, I hit a low last week I must say a very low, I did not know which way to turn, I managed to get away and see my daughter and my two grandsons, son-in-law working away as he is in the army.,but I must admit seeing them gave me a reason and when I say a reason it is a reason to live, having that warmth of a disfunctual family around me was a Ray of sunshine, all we need is a reason to carry on, covid not only has caused some of us to be here on this site but it is stopping us from easing our pain by social interaction letās keep on talking to each other as we are all now brothers and sisters in a hard rock place do what you need to do to keep our spirits up
I thankyou all for being here for me, and I am here for you
Ron
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@Mickp and gang.xx
Off work this week.
Went to the tip with some crap from the shed earlier.
First thing i saw when i opened the door?
Hubby trainers. The ones he wore to mow the lawn.
Stopped me in my tracks, but I took a deep breath put them in a bag and in the bin.
It is so hard throwing things his things away.
Spent today in the garden.
Moving things around. He passed away in the garden.
He loved sitting in the garden.
So i need to make sure it looks different so i dont see him sat in the spot he loved.
I have my photos to remind me.
Constant reminders just stop me.
Although i am completely at peace now he is home. Soon to be reunited with his parents.
I will keep some of his ashes.
I am not ready to let go yet. Xx
Mick, please be careful with the booze and tablets.
One or the other. Def not both. Xx
Know how you feel.on Sundays. We hate them.
Just take care, very powerful medication.
Sending love, light and strength.
Xx
@Bluecatmum77 Iām ok tonight just a beer about 6.00 pm .
It was that Sunday thing coupled with the three month milestone.
I spent two hours with her yesterday sat on a nearby bench. I made sure I was there at 1410 hrs,the time she died .
I talked to her and shed some tears and the robbins sang all the time I was there.
Sheās in a beautiful setting with younger sister and parents nearby.
Iām happy,one day Iāll be there too
Thanks for checking in on me.Xx
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@Mickp.
Totally get you the Sunday thing.
Sun 15th November. Worst day of my lifr.
Yours was the following Sunday.
I always wake up on a sunday morning knowing hes dead because i woke up on that sunday 6.35am to find he had gone.
We are all here for each other.
I hold my hands up and openly admit i used diazepam, whisky and my anti depressants to cope. Please dont feel bad.
We do what we have to do.to het through it.
Blotto is great. Until the morningā¦
I am blissfully numb again. I hope that gives hope to those at the start of this nightmare.xx
3 month mark for me too.
How i will be weds on his birthday is another story.
I know i am blocking it out and keeping myself busy so i dont have to think about it.
We all do what we have todo to get through each day.
Saw an ambulance driving back from the shops before. Went cold and felt weird.
Still facing trauma in all different aspects of life.
Sleep tight everyone. Xx
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@Bluecatmum77. Like you I cringe at the sight or sound of an ambulance.
Iām awaiting counselling. On my assessment call I was told Iām suffering trauma as well as grief.
I still see her arm in arm with two paramedics walk out the house and into the ambulance ,then the wait while they worked on her and then saying goodbye and seeing her eyes looking back at me like a scared rabbit in the headlights Then that Sunday when I was allowed in ITU and seeing her sedated ,I counted ten syringe pumps,ventilator,dialysis machine,tubes and wires all over her. Cant shed these images however I try ,so sometimes I resort to inducing sleep by whatever means I have to hand ,not good I know , I just hope counselling helps when it starts in a few weeks.
And so to bed.
Goodnight xx
Hi, Iām sorry to butt in but is anyone awake? I found my lovely husband had passed in the night on christmas morning. He was only 46. Iāve tried so hard to keep really busy, relaying all the flooring inthe house, clearing the loft etc just so Iām tired at night and can get some sleep but it doesnāt help. Iāve been crying for the last hour and I dont know what to do with myself. It doesnāt help that I also have aspergers so Iām not good at the whole social thing. He was my best friend. We spoke about everything. Does it get better because right now Iām not ok. Thanks for reading.x
@Legolaslass Sorry to read this and for your loss
I canāt help with regards to if it gets better as I only lost my husband, aged 53, on 19th January this year. What I do know is that I have to try. Some days I cry. Some days Iām numb. His funeral is Wednesday.
I canāt imagine what you went through.
If he were here, what would he say to comfort you? Try talking to him. I find that helps as well as writing a journal each night. I tell him about my day and how i feel, to get it out of my head x
Hi Misty1972,
Iām so sorry for your loss. I know how hard this time is. I have some of my husbandās ashes in a box near my bed and in a necklace he arranged to buy me with his sister before he died (I knew nothing about it), as well as his pictures everywhere. I do try to talk to him and Iāve just found, in the last 15 mins, the note book he used to write his vows for our renewal we had in November. There are pages heād written to me that I havenāt seen until now, for me to read after heād gone, so now my hearts broken all over again. Sorry. Iām being so pathetic when I know people are going through worse and when youāre in so much pain yourself. Iām sorry for being selfish. I hope things get easier for you. I might try writing a journal. Thank you for reading.x
You are never being selfish
We are all here to help each other. On good days and bad
Those pages are extra special. He meant for you to find them 
In time they will bring you comfort
I have some ashes jewellery on order for after the funeral so part of him will always be with me.
None of us know the way through, we just have to keep trying. When we fall, we get our breath then try again x
I need to try and sleep
Take care x
Goodnight and thank you.