Hi @Quarterman
I’m sorry for your loss.
You’ve come to the place of the broken.
I’ve found since I lost my partner to cancer 3 weeks ago nearly, I’ve been finding evenings very tricky.
Even getting lost in the tv doesnt help.
I have actually found listening to Griefcast on Spotify helpful. Somehow comforting and almost like an audio version of here.
Hello all
Quarterman, I lost my hubby 7 weeks ago, I miss him so much life seems pointless, I cannot get him out of my mind. He died of covid and me and my boys had covid so we couldn’t see him when he was dieing. He text me saying he found it hard without me my his side, that he couldn’t cope. I feel so guilty not being there with him. Everyday is the same of feeling so sad and crying bouts, I’m always shaking too, I can’t believe he’s gone, my future is bleak without him, it really is.
Sending you all a hug, Amy x
Thank you all for replying to my message I’m sat here alone as our children have all gone back to work and I’m sobbing uncontrollably for him and me, for what we’ve lost and I can’t see a way forward.
It hurts to know you are all feeling the same as me.
All of our closet friends have had their vaccines and I know Tim would of had his he was four weeks away this destroys me. COVID took Tim in the most savage way in 27 days and the guilt I carry because I couldn’t be with him watching him by FaceTime suffering trying so hard to breath and get better never leaves me.
Hugs to you all and Thank you so very much for your support I hope one day I can do the same for you,
Julie
Covid has a lot to answer for
My husband caught it in hospital, they sent him home with his original condition untreated and covid positive. 6 days later I had to call an ambulance.
I struggled not being able to visit (until end of life visit by which he was too weak to really communicate but I hope he knew I was there, albeit not at the very end)
It was hard to communicate in those three days as the oxygen mask made so much noise
He wasn’t a texter although he read them
There was so much I said to him as I knew he could hear me but so much I needed to hear from him
My heart was shattered 6 weeks ago. Now its just me and the cats and a life of emptiness
Dear Misty1972
I have the same fears. I am 61, husband was 60 when killed in RTA. We thought we were going to be able to reap the rewards of our years of hard work after lockdown eased only for that to be wiped away in a blink of an eye.
There are a few friends who have remained in touch- the others including family and people my husband considered good friends are no where to be seen. I do not think about the future as it frightens me.
I have our little grandson, otherwise I would not get up out of bed or leave the house.
I wish for everyone on this site that they were not going through this awful pain.
Take care.
I know what you are saying, all the years of paving the way for a happy and not a struggling retirement taken away, a lot of things have been said to me but when it was said what has happened is cruel just cruel, now I have been told other things are happening with my family which is big not nice I am starting to think everything bad that could be bad is happening now, and to top it off I don’t have my wife, who was the coper to help me out… God help me.
Hi gang. Xx
@EllaRobb you dont have to apologise. Xx
I would be here all day tagging people to say thanks.
Lockdown has really done me in.
I couldnt stop shaking when i first lost him. Its the shock. Xx
The awful realisation that this isnt a dream.
I had a dream where i woke up and the realisation he had passed floored me.
I just got up, fed the cats, got back in bed, pulled the covers over my head and sobbed.
Sometimes we need a day like that.
We have to be kind to ourselves.
Its such a truly horrible time.
Just got back from taking one of my cats to the vets. Poorly eye.
Got to administer eye drops on my own.
Its things like that, that make you realise you are on your own. Hubby would hold them whilst i did the drops.
All silly little things, but have a huge impact on your day.
Was driving home and its gone very wintery again.
Roll on Spring. Xx Although the new season will bring a whole load of firsts to get through.
Sending love and strength, we all need both in abundance right now. Xxxxxx
Hi All
It’s so sad all of our losses . The only thing that got me through yesterday was that someone on here said live life for the two of you. It’s not easy but it has kept me going the last few days.
I was lucky to be with my husband when he passed 
@Bluecatmum77 so right. Clipping a cats claws on my own is a challenge. One claw. one day lol
As you say, lots of firsts to come. On days we can’t face the world, do what we need to do. I thought I was having an “ok” day today but an hour or so ago, sobbing for no reason. The reality hitting again that he’s never coming back. The sheer overwhelming all consuming missing him, that takes your breath away. Seems my “ok” wasn’t ok
Much love to you all x
It’s so hard . I realised last week that I couldn’t cut the grass because it’s a petrol lawnmower and I’m not strong enough to start it .
I then had a panic watching the grass grow . It’s so strange the thoughts/feelings that go through your mind during the day.
Ron
Yes everything seems to have gone wrong. My family being torn apart since my husband died. I cannot cope now when simple things go wrong. Husband was always my support, the person I turned to for re-assurance.
Will be thinking of you.
Take care
Sheila
@KimG I too was with my wife when she died.I’m 50/50 at the moment .
Pleased she didn’t die alone but severely traumatised by the events leading to it and seeing all the life support she was on. She wasn’t there machines were keeping a body alive.
I’m awaiting counselling,and I know one day I’ll fully accept it.
Sending hugs and hope
Mick x
Dear Wong
Just to give you the heads-up. I sorted out the log books for the cars with DVLA. Then received a letter to tell me to return husband’s licence and to write again - this time to the licence section - notifying them of his death. Appears it is two different systems at DVLA and you have to send two separate letters!
That’s a point. I’ve just done that. Need to find my partners licence!
hello everyone. I did car insurance on Monday. I have my license but never drove as my husband even used to take me to work because I preferred that and we were always together the rest of the time. the car isn’t our car (hired) but i can’t bear to part with it. On Monday I phoned up to change car insurance and turns out it had expired in January. it didn’t renew like home insurance. So I’m lucky the horrible neighbours kids didn’t damage it.
After talking with a horrible woman who made me cry it turned out it increased a lot in price (30 odd to 50) despite that now only one of us is (barely) alive and the mileage reduced. It seems this is due to the unwelcome"widowed" status she forced on me. And I dont even drive. I went ahead with it as too exhausted. I hope your experience is better Wong but if not you’re not alone.
Today I’m getting anti depressants. I resisted but 3 of them now told me to get them as my brain is not recognising serotonin due to the shock/trauma (that chemical that we produce that makes you on a basic level want to live). It won’t take away grief but will teach the brain to start working normally again in the end they say so that serotonin starts working again . Apparently the first three weeks can give suicidal feelings (which is what I’m having them for…) so it will “get worse before it gets better”, hard to imagine either concept!
Wishing you all as good a day as possible and hello to fellow middleof the nighters!
Hi
I just wanted to reassure you that the anti depressants don’t always make you feel initially worse. I’ve been on duloxetine for 2 years and was told they may make me worse/ suicidal in the first couple of weeks. I was fine and after just one week of taking them felt so much better. I was suffering from severe anxiety attacks . I hope you start to feel a bit more positive in the near future.
The government Tell Us Once service should cover the driving licence 
@FleurDeLis Sorry you had a bad experience with car insurance company.
We had everything in joint names Bank wise, my worst was with a credit card company ( we only used it for travel) I spoke some “millennial” explained my situation, he was completely unsympathetic and was having another conversation with someone nearby at the same time. I’ve now discovered instead of cancelling one card he’s cancelled mine and left hers active.
I phoned again got another idiot who said his supervisor would have to sort it and they’d ring me.
Guess what. ? They never called.
So I’ve cancelled the account by sending them a very snotty letter and the account is now closed ( I checked online) but they’ve never replied.
Do they not train these people.
It’s annoying at any time but in our situation it’s so distressing.
Hope it’s you last bad experience, you just don’t need it do you
Hope you have a reasonable day x
