Do you ever get up and have that sinking feeling that today will be a bad one?
No idea why. Slept ok ish. Broken but slept
Nothing planned today other than starting to sort out what to do with his classic cars (remove personal plate, etc.). Maybe it’s knowing I’ve no walks with friends planned. Just got an uneasy feeling. Missing him so very very much 
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@Misty1972 I hope your sinking feeling proves to be unfounded, but there are some tasks that we have to do, which we approach with justified dread
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@Misty1972 sunshine and warmth makes everything feel better. Hopefully we won’t have long to wait
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@Misty1972 Know how you feel you just wake up and think what’s the point ? and try and do things to while away another day .
Spring approaches and longer days, I see spring bursting out and think she will never see another,its not fair I’m seeing it and again I think what’s the point ? But as time passes for us we do somehow keep going mainly for them not us .
Hope you day improves
Hugs,
Xx
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Morning gang. Xx
I suppose i better inform my car insurance im a Widow. How that affects your inability to drive i have no idea…
@FleurDeLis. I have been on Citalopram for 8 years. I never had any suicidal thoughts.
Without them i dont know whether i would still be here?
They have been my lifeline for many years.
You might only need them for short time?
Who knows. Take each day as it comes. Xx
@Misty1972 its going to be one those days for you, so just be kind to yourself.
Im feeling flat today. Just meh.
Had to wrestle my boy cat to the floor to give him his eye drops…
Sending love hugs and strength. Xxxx
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I was fortunate that the car insurance kept it at the same level as the previous year. They were probably not daring to do anything else cancelling it completely through ‘admin error’. The bank sent my husband’s credit card balance to collections even though we always paid it off from our joint bank account they would not accept payment. It took three months to sort. Then the car broke down, called AA to find out that the bank had cancelled both of our memberships!
As you say Mick it is just so distressing - my husband always dealt with the cars.
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Hi all
I’m sorry today is being such a bugger for you. Tomorrow is another day…
I have stupid little petty family and ex issues that have been whirring on in the background. Had a walk with the doggos and my partners dad for good old rant. Looking forward to putting toxic people to rest and moving forward.
@FleurDeLis
I am the same with the car. I havent driven for years but had started to think about it before Christine died. The car insurance amount changed massively. Also, a few years ago I had panic attacks and was on a serotonin anti-depressant to help me get on top. It did give me an awful first few weeks but after being on them for a good 9 months or so, I came away from them feeling better and ready to conquer things again. It also gives you time to find managing mechanisms so when you come off you are more able to function by your own means.
Take it easy everyone.
Ella
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thank you for sharing your experiences,the advice and support, it helps.
I am feeling relatively ok right now (no pills but will tomorrow). Cant recall why I was panicking so badly in the night when i feel like this. Saw an ambulance in the street when putting the infernal bins out this afternoon that sent me wobbly again but calmed down after not too long this time. Hoping you all can have some peaceful hours however you can.
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Good evening friends,
Today I attended by invitation an old friends funeral.
I wasn’t sure if I should go or not as I knew I would see old work colleagues of my wife’s and didn’t wish to draw attention away from the family in mourning.
But I managed to hold it together somehow and as I met them asked if we could meet in the car park afterwards to which they agreed . Then a group meltdown took place.
Strangely I’m pleased I went even though it’s opened up a few wounds tonight.
Another of my new life’s challenges completed .
So it’s a large scotch night tonight ,I think I’m allowed.
Peace and love to you all.
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Good job (if that’s the right phrase). What’s better than a meltdown than a group one?
You did good 
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Hi gang. Xx
@FleurDeLis i used to the same when i see ambulances or hear the sirens.
Not as bad now. Xx
@Mickp what an incredibly brave thing to do. You enjoy that well deserved scotch. Xx
I can feel another slump coming.
Very meh today.
Struggling to concentrate on work.
Friday tomorrow , cue prosecco night. Xx
Love and hugs to all. Xx
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This made me smile and yes you enjoy that scotch,
Another day we survived this journey we never wanted,
Hope you all manage some sleep,
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Night all 
x
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Dear Bluecatmum77, Just wanted to say I appreciated your feedback and thoughts. That was very nice of you to stand in my corner, when I am feeling that some of my acquaintances seem to be abandoning me (at least that’s what I feel these days). Thank you!
Herb
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@Bluecatmum77
I can so relate to everything you have said similar time for me 4 months since he passed away 2 and a half months since funeral which is when I began to accept it 🥲
I too can relate to life now carrying on for everyone else and getting the feeling I should be getting over this now. We were together from being 14 for 37 years . He had underling health conditions I was his carer and we were together 24/7 just the two of us . Then COVID…
He was my everything and people just do not get it. I too keep coming on here to get and if I can give support as this truly is a living nightmare. I’ve always been a strong person had to be to deal with Graham’s health issues and numerous ICU admissions over last 18 years but this has absolutely broken me. I’ve had thoughts of not wanting to carry on and everyday is still a battle . Started bereavement counselling this week which I am hoping will help I would recommend this to anyone. Thank you for your honest posts it’s so helpful to share with others going through the same rollercoaster of emotions.
Take care x
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You are doing a great job. Bereavement counselling…go you.
It’s so hard I think when you are in your caring world. It’s the most fulfilling thing to care for your partner, so intimate and just the two of you but so heartbreaking to see them go through this and to experience it. Then all of a sudden it changes and you are not only left without your world but what you knew is no more and you face understanding your role in life. I know all I wanted to see again were the nurses who helped me in that crucial last week. If I saw them in the street I’d probably want to give them a big hug.
Anyways, you are doing great.
Night all
Ella
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That’s awful! I wasn’t charged for notifying mine of Tony’s death.
Have you thought about changing your Insurance company? It would serve them right!
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