hello @Mickp. I believe Sunday would be your wedding anniversary. These days can be so hard but we do get through them. We are all still in a state of disbelief and all we want is our loved ones back. I have just read a brilliant book on my Kindle called Till Death Us Do Part by Kerry McKendall. It covers our exact feelings but also gives hope. You may find it helpful. If you buy it make sure it is the correct author as there are lots of books with that title.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Love and light.x
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Itās such a dilemma, felt so tired after a busy work week and needing the weekends for rest, but without the work distractions my mind just wanders offā¦ Managed to watch a movie on iPad because the TV and PC wouldnāt turn on after a week of rainy day, the high humidity and a power cut probably didnāt help either. Ten more boxes from moving are still sitting around and I darenāt touch them because of triggers. Maybe i will never unbox themā¦
Hope you guys are having a better weekend x
@Jean2 Thank you so much thatās so kind of you.
Been trying to keep busy today as yes tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.
33 years together and 29 married.
Tomorrow I will visit her and put down a special flower arrangement my sister has prepared for me,Iām dreading it as I know Iāll be a mess .
But as so many have said itās the first year of milestones,already had Christmas, the three month hurdle ,now this.
Get tomorrow over and then my house move gathers momentum.
I hope to be moved before her Birthday May 5th,and travel rules permitting have a plan to visit one of our special places for that.
Hope your OK this weekend .
Thanks
Mick xx
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@Mickp Good luck tomorrow. We are all sending you love and strength and will be here virtually if you need us x
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Dear Mick
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
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How is everyone?
I had a total meltdown this weekend. Gave myself a talking to last night. Today was a better day
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Hey
Just about to pop to bed.
This weekend and today has been tough. Lots of crying. Lots of talking to Christine. Lots of staring at photos. Everything I do reminds me of a life I used to live quite happily. This whole sitting tight through grief is a tough one to tackle.
I prefer my own company and the dogs. I dont want to really do anything apart from keep.our house tidy, stare at the tv or listen to podcasts. Found a really beautiful podcast āGoodbye to all thisā.
Iām also finding that I oddly just want to connect with the people who have helped Christine and I at this time. The nurses, the people at Maggieās, the women who sorted the funeral with me.
So all I wanted to say is I hear you. Even though the tears are worth it, itās so very difficult.
Big love
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And the pain over her suffering is unbearable.
Hi
Glad you had a better day today. I think we will always have our meltdowns we have to let it out. Nights are the worst tend to re/live everything. We try to keep busy but when we stop hits home again. I wish my heart would stop pounding . Hope you get some rest tonight x
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Sorry for your loss, the pain is unbearable 12 months on 21st for me what a roller coaster. Your so right. Hope you have a better night. x
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So sorry for your loss, I wish my words could help you through your pain. sadly I donāt think they can.
I also lost my hubby a month ago after a very short battle with brain cancer. I feel your pain and shock and despair.
Take it day by day. even hour by hourā¦thats the way im trying to cope .
My husband and me used to tell each other in the short journey he was onā¦as he called it " sometimes there will be thundsrstorms on this journey. but we will always find a rainbow each day"
I hope each day you also find a rainbowā¦ a memory that makes you smile , a song that brings you comfort etc. Be gentle with yourself.
xxx
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Hi sorry for your loss very early days for you. I can look at photos sometimes smile then cry still. Beautiful post x
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Thanks for this, rather comforting. Not that grief is for rushing, but itās good to know that, in time, there is hope the waves may not be so overwhelmingā¦
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@Misty1972 Hi,donāt beat yourself up.
Meltdowns are a safety valve,think of it like that,if we didnāt give in to them we would burst.
As we slowly move down this path we never wanted to be on they will subside .
Be kind to yourself .
I wish there were a magic wand I could wave for all of us, we all deserve a break from this living hell.
SHOUT if you need us,weāre here xxx
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Thank you @Mickp
I think it was just all too much for me. Even with my family for distraction, I sobbed all day Saturday and Sunday. Stopped wanting to eat again. Ended up so emotionally drained. I know he wouldnāt want me to feel that desolate. I know it will come in waves and expect many more to follow
Itās almost like I convinced myself that the more I cried, he would reappear. If I wanted it that badly. I also feel like letting go of grief is like letting go of him. Grief is all I have left. I know thatās not true. I have 20 years of wonderful loving nemories but my brain doesnāt tell my heart that
It such a lonely path in some ways but it has also brought me such wonderful friends on here. The ability to support others as we struggle ourselves feel me with immense pride x
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Hi Friends,
Thank you so much for all you messages of support for our wedding anniversary last Sunday.
Yes @Bluecatmum77, Sunday Bloody Sunday !
I found myself surprisingly calm on the day.Took a wreath my sister kindly made for me and sat on a nearby bench for two hours just reminiscing about our life . Met a lady in churchyard who went to school with my wife spent a long time talking to her which helped.
Came back to house had a drink but not to excess as I thought I might.
ā¦But yesterday ,just ceased to function. I had written a list of things I wanted to achieve (lists are the only way I remember stuff these days) think I managed two of the minor tasks .
The day was just a blur,sat down 1.00 pm and went to sleep for two hours ,woke up feeling crap and thought got to get out so went for a walk.
Consequently didnāt sleep well last night.
@Jean2 Thank you so much for the book recommendation Till Death Us Do Part by Kerry Mc Kendall, I ordered it in paperback it arrived late yesterday on Amazon .Iāve read a few pages in bed last night and can see itās well written by someone who understands our situation and explains well what our brain does and the emotions we experience,and proves again weāre not going mad,itās a journey we never expected or really prepared ourselves for even though some where in the back of our minds one member of every relationship will suffer it .
Love and light to you all,
Mick xxx
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Yes @Misty1972 I can relate to all you say and feel and Iām sure everyone else reading your thoughts here agree.
Your right,sharing our grief and emotions is good Iāve taken so much from these posts and hope others have too.
Iām on a waiting list for counselling with Cruse but all of us I feel are one anotherās councillors here.
However trivial letās keep putting it out there,someone,somewhere will read it and realise they too feel the same.
Yes your right to feel pride in what you say and do for all of us it proves that your a very caring lovely person and although none of us wanted to be in this club we are so pleased to have you on board.
Lots of love
Mick xx
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Yesterday and today I cannot stop sobbing I feel so alone and empty, five weeks for me tomorrow Tim left I am also having thoughts of not wanting to live without him, does anyone else have these?
I am so broken inside the pain is unbearable and I see no way out.
Hugs to everyone on this journey of hell,
Julie
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