So much to respond to. You all have your little pearls of wisdom to help us all through. @Mickp I might get that book. I just find solace and comfort in this online space to know others feel the same way.
Good thoughts @Misty1972@angiecb . Sometimes hard to keep those in mind when you are in the knots of your own mind. But you remind me of these. @Misty1972 I also want to feel sad and grieve because if I dont then its disrespectful and I keep Christine in my thoughts. Vicious circle.
I do have these thoughts. But I know these are only thoughts. When I have these thoughts I try and imagine what Christine would say to me and try and vow to make my life count for her.
Itās super hard. Please go easy on yourself. We are all doing amazing.
Hi Julie
Yes had these thoughts in the early stages did not want to go on a year on the 21st March I go on because of my children and granddaughter but they are horrible thoughts you are early on in your grief. Iām still early on but donāt think anymore I canāt go on without my husband I have too. I cry every day like you sobbing etc not a nice journey
Take care of yourself xx
Quarterman
I am so sorry you feel like this.
I can confess that I did feel these awful thoughts.
Do remember that these thoughts are just thoughts.
To have bad thoughts is very normal, especially when under stress.
A therapist once said that bad thoughts are normal, but acting on them are not.
This actually helped me see just how futile these thoughts were.
Take care of you even if you donāt feel like it.
Make yourself know that itās going to get better.
It will.
G
It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed. I want you to know that youāre not alone. Thereās always someone out there to listen to what youāre going through and help you through these thoughts of not wanting to live. I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
Iāve listed below a few options for you anytime you feel these thoughts are feeling to much:
Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything thatās on your
mind. You can call them on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them
about anything.
Stay Alive App - is an app that offers useful information to help you stay safe. Itās
available on Android, Apple and Desktop.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions
are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Thereās more information about this
service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other
support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently
offering face-to-face appointments but will usually be offering telephone or online
alternatives.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency
appointment immediately.
@EllaRobb Itās an American author.
It certainly rings very true of all our situations and explains also how other people see us .
As the book says,we plan lots of events in our lives but our mind does not allow us to imagine or plan for GREIF .
We bought a funeral plan,it was a conscious decision to buy it but we put it in a file and subconsciously thought job done not really allowing our minds to imagine this day.
One day at a time,I now itās an overused cliche but sadly true.
Take care,
Mick x
Had a few very low days again.
The issue with the bank has really set me back.
@Quarterman, yes I felt the same way.
I was screaming at him once at 2am.
Why have you gone? Just come amd get me.
I cant do this anymore without you.
We are so raw. The emotional, physical and mental torment is so powerful.
We are all hear for you.
Phone your GP.
I phoned the Samaritans. They were fantastic.
Sweetie, we know what you are going through.
Its truly awful. We all just want the pain to go away.
Try and get some sleep.
Listen to some music.
Try and get some sunshine. Just stand outside with it on your face and breathe in the air.
I promise you it will get easier.
I still have wobbles, but life is beoming that little bit more bearable.
I dont feel guilty for laughing.
Sending you all love, light and strength.
Xxxx
Hello Mick, Iām just finding my way with this app and thread, could you give me the name of the book you mentioned?
I am 3 weeks now without my partner Paul of 21 years. I have to call the celebrant today for the funeral is next Tueaday.
I hope I can keep myself together, but if not - thatās the way it will be. We saw Paul myself and his two children, last Friday it was a very moving experience one that was very important for us all.
I want to walk today, and I will, as the weather is nice today. I find these posts very helpful before getting up, for that I thank you all.
Itās all a mental health problem, I was having my last counciling session last night and I talked about not wanting to be here, not wanting to carry on, I do not need to go on, you all know all the emotions, she said four months are still early days,I agree but to be in pain unhappy, feeling like no future it does take its toll on your mind and also your body. I hope a future is there for all of us.
@Merrin This is the book available Amazon paperback or e-reader.
Pleased to help,sorry your here with us but together weāll survive.
Take care
Mick x
Hi Ron, Glad to hear your having counselling. I am too when itās not raining as we meet in the park.
I am finding that whatever I do the grief monster wonāt let up and come along anyway. So a nice walk on a sunny day like today hardly lasts 10 minutes. When I walk past. the shop weād go too and bang! The the guilt, āhow can you do this without Paulā then it subsides only to return passing the next shop.
Although it was hard, I am now back home knackered after 7 miles and my weird body pains have subsided.
I think itās best not to have expectations like before, āgo for a walk you will feel betterā. Eeh no I wonāt, my mind will remained pained, but my body will be happier.
I feel so the same way. Except today, I went a walk to the house my partner used to own before we met. I feel an inclination to know more about her before we were together. Possibly anything to cling hold of.
But yes, not much of an opportunity to really enjoy anything without thinking itās all wrong and that Christine is missing out.
Itās so hard reading some of your messages because Iāve felt exactly the same . It was my Birthday last Friday and I really wasnāt sure how I would get through it . I got up in the morning and mentally blocked my Birthday out of my head . I went to my brothers as I normally do and he surprised me with balloons and gifts . In the end I had a lovely day and it gave me some hope that I will still be able to enjoy the little things even with Danny not being here . Itās only 11 weeks but just gave me some hope in the future that I will be able to carry on and enjoy the little things x
Morning all
I eventually rang my GP who is helping me seek support for my bad thoughts.
I honestly am like a lot of you at rock bottom I am lonely lost and miss him so much itās unbearable.
The funeral home are arranging for me to pick him up hopefully today I donāt know how this will make me feel I hope it will help.
Our wedding rings he ordered in December are in store after a lot of soul destroying thoughts my daughter is picking them up for me he picked them with me I will wear mine .
I canāt see past the day I am in the future scares me I am broken literally broken.
Good luck today @Quarterman
I think youāve made the right choice about your ring. I hope it brings you comfort and a symbol of your love. I wear my husbandās ring on a chain so that he is close to me. Eventually the chain will be an ashes memorial chain from a local jewellery maker
I spoke to a grief person yesterday that was on the Esther Rantzen program a few weeks back. Iām seriously thinking about following this up to help with the overwhelming pain xx
Hi gang. Xxx
What an awful 48 hours i have had.
Had to rush my boy cat to emergency vets tuesday night. Temperature of 39.8.
After numerous tests and an emergency bill of Ā£1,000 (thank god for pet insurance) they cant find anything wrong.
I have cried and cried.
Had to sit in the car for 2.5 hours whilst i waited for some news. They kept him in tues night and i brought him home yesterday.
Hes still not out of the woods, but better than he was.
I drove home alone on tuesday night on the motorway.
It was dark, road was pretty empty and i thought if he dies, what am i going to do?
Facing more sh*t on my own.
Was doing 80 and never felt so alone in my life.
Hubby didnt drive, so beng in the car on my doesnt bother me.
Had to take a Diazepam yesterday could feel a massive panic attack coming on. @Quarterman, so proud of you for asking for help. Grief is so destructive. It is the most powerful thing we will ever experience.
Your GP will guide you.
I need to ring mine.
Im really down again.
The letter from the bank, cat being poorly. Being stuck in. Hardly anyone calls or texts.
I probably sound really pathetic and selfish, but it doesnt take much to send me over the edge at the moment.
Sending love, light and strength. Xxxxx
not really allowing our minds to imagine this day.