Hello @Quarterman. I am so sorry for your loss. It is good that you will collect and wear the wedding ring you had made. Wear it with pride and as a symbol of the love you had for each other. Nothing can ever take that away from you. You may want to wear your loved one’s ring on a chain around your neck or make a memory box and put it in there.
Do keep posting on here as we all understand what you are going through as these feeling are very normal at this stage.
Much love to you Julie. x
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I want to share this with you all
Today It is four months since I lost my wife, I am working on the hospital where she passed away in ICU my workmates are totally oblivious of what I am going through at this moment it is taking all my strength to hold it together only thing I have got is all you fellow sufferers who understand the pain, stress to vent my emotions to. I think it’s going to be a hard day
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Ron
Please know we are thinking of you and understand your pain. What a horrific situation I’m sending you my heart felt love,
Virtual hugs
Julie
@Quarterman Julie, keeping the ring and wearing it is a great idea. I have my wife’s rings I wear her eternity ring round my neck, her wedding ring is a wide band so it and her engagement ring at in my memory box. But I’m thinking once the shops open up again finding a jewellers to see if they could be worked into one ring I can wear ? It’s just a thought at the moment.
Bad Dark Thoughts, I’m afraid come to us. But you’ve done the right thing talking about them.
Take whatever help is offered, don’t worry about taking a few tablets for a while if that’s the answer.
It won’t be forever and it will get easier.
Covid has robbed us both of so much of everything, lost irreplaceable time being the biggest.
I cringe passing a hospital now, I can’t watch any program on tv on hospitals or paramedics.
Still traumatised.
Take care
Mick x
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@Bluecatmum77 Sorry you’ve had a bad couple of days.
I think what I find is that you have no one to share any situation with,
you have to make the decisions and you have to make them happen its all down to you now.
Every chore that needs doing is now down to you and it’s that old thing of taking one another for granted ( in a nice way) ,nothing now happens unless you do it .Whereas before you would both do things without thinking about it or asking can you help me.
Yes I too now sit in the evenings wishing the phone would ring. I have people I can always call but I’m reluctant to keep ringing as you know some find it difficult to chat and feel certain subjects are to be avoided.
We had,we thought,good neighbours,we used to go out together occasionally,afternoon tea in our garden etc.Live six doors away never phone and only speak if they’re passing and I’m outside . I get the same thing every time “wish we could have you over for a cuppa but with Covid and everything” They are creatures of habit,shop,walk,etc same time every week. I call them now Mr&Mrs perfect life ,sadly one day one of them will be in our shoes.
We certainly find out who our friends really are and yes,I’ve been pleasantly surprised by some as well.
Hope your week improves,well until Sunday anyway .
Take care xx
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@Ron I think you so brave,well done.
I hate hospitals now,don’t like passing them,seeing stuff on tv about them,paramedics the lot.
Not that I blame them for anything just brings back really bad memories. How I’ll cope if I ever need to go to hospital myself I don’t know .
@Bluecatmum77 I hope the cat is ok and what a hectic time for you.
Thank you all for your support Tim is home how and why ?? But he’s home sat in his spot on the sofa.
His ring as suggested by you is round my neck with the locket I have his photo in.
Few more steps taken and I feel calm but I know the waves will build and take me over again,
Virtual hugs,
Julie
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@Quarterman.
Aww thats lovely to hear.
Hes back home. I hope him being home has brought you as much comfort as it has brought me. Xx
Puddy tat is getting there.
Thanks everyone for all the lovely messages.
Xxxx
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@Mickp I can thoroughly recommend this jeweller. His work has so many good reviews. He is making my memorial ring and necklace at the moment
@Bluecatmum77 I know how you feel. Our pets become our sole focus for our love. I feed a regular fox and days after losing John, she turned up with a swollen face and tail ripped off. I was beside myself. I couldn’t lose her too. Treated her with meds and she is fit and well
@Quarterman well done getting through today
@Ron what can I say. Well done doesn’t cut it. What you’ve done today wasn’t easy but you did it. Your virtual family here are proud of you. Rant. scream as much as you like. We get it
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Thankyou, just sobbed since I got home, the things you hide all day come out when you get home. Life sucks, from total happiness to total dispare in four months, what is the point?
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Oh Ron. My heart breaks for you. There is a point. We might not know it yet but hopefully one day we will. Virtual hugs. I know you’ve sobbed once home but you got through. Could you have done that three months ago? X
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@Ron That must of been so hard for you . I don’t think I could even drive pass the hospital . We had my husband’s inquest yesterday . Cause of death was sepsis as secondary but Industrial related as the main cause (Asbestosis) from 30 years service in London Fire Brigade. A job he loved doing . Life is just so unfair . 
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@KimG Thinking of you. I hope knowing he loved what he did gives you a little bit of comfort. Life is so so unfair hun xx
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Hi all
Thank goodness for this thread and sharing pain. I hope this evening finds you all cosying up, watching something nice, reading something engaging, or whatever gives you comfort.
I have had 2 good days. My mood has been good and I’ve felt that life is good. Why do I feel so bad about feeling good. It feels so wrong to feel mentally ok when my beauty is no longer here.
I dont understand grief at all and I feel like I need to be sad. Confusing times …
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Oh boy I am also dealing really badly today with the grief cycle. I just signed off on the order of service to get printed and had a complete ?? no word for it ?? After a few hours of feeling calm enough to touch normal.
I find it brings a false such sense of calm and always come before a big fall.
It seems to be about learning to live with it. But their is no instruction manual!
Does anyone find that the times or grief mood swings stabilise a little? (It’s been 3.5 weeks since I lost Paul)
Mx
I lost my husband 12 weeks ago . I feel that I am having more good days than bad but I think I am learning to block it out . Which is probably not a good thing but grieving is so emotionally draining and that’s my way of coping at the moment . Little things can trigger it off when least expected but I keep saying to myself he wouldn’t want to see me like this and it makes me stronger x
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@Merrin Im 8 weeks next Tuesday. I’d say I’m starting to settle. Had a massive breakdown at the weekend but calmer since
@EllaRobb so glad you are in a good place at the moment. I was worried you’d not been on. Grief is odd. Our loved ones would not want us suffering. Enjoy the good moments hun
@KimG I know what you mean. I was exhausted after the weekend. I’m still trying to face it though as I know it will bite me on the bum if I don’t x
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@Merrin
I’m not sure I would use the word “stabilise”. Six months in, I still get the good days and bad days, but the gaps between the really bad days gradually increase, sadly I can never tell if a day is likely to be good/bad
However having to deal with the funeral admin I would expect to be a really bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for you
Thank you Richard and apologies for my my bad choice of words.
I guess I’m talking about a bigger gap between the changes of mood,levels of anxiety and concern for not getting important things done. I think I’ve put too much pressure in myself for a good funeral. Ooh writing that has made sense!
I can understand life will never be the same, and I’ll be able to feel like I will be able to understand the swings better in time. Maybe that’s it.
Merrin x
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