Hi Bluecatmum77
As long as these debts were not in joint names you as his widow are not liable for them. My husband took out a loan and had a credit card with a total debt of £14k. At the time of his death our savings were only 10K. After funeral and wake expenses I only had £5k left in his “estate”. That’s all I had to pay out in the end.
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@Ellie1
Thank you.
Having a very bad day today.
Have just put some old books in a bag and found a little gift tag from My Husband before we were married.
That has just tipped me over the edge.
I have always kept things like that, cards, tags, because it has his writing on.
Still got birthday cards in the loft from my Nan and Dad.
Feeling very low.
Sick of people asking me about what im doing for Christmas Day.
I quite frankly couldn’t give a sh*t about Christmas Day.
I quite frankly could get in bed and never come out.
I keep smelling a jumper that he wore for comfort.
I just miss him so much.
As I said very bad day today.
Hopefully tomorrow I will feel a bit better.
Been for a lovely walk in the park this morning with a couple of colleagues.
It was nice.
But now I am back home, alone and struggling.
Sorry for being so negative.
I know we are all struggling.
Xxx
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My heart goes out to you. I am 10 months in to losing my precious husband. I finally reached out for help to Cruse, Bereavement Councellors and to my GP for antidepressants. Both of these were last resorts but I’m so glad I did it. I felt very much as you are feeling a while ago. Things are better than they were. I know you don’t think you will ever feel any different to what you are feeling at the moment but I found if I concentrated on the day in hand and didn’t look too far ahead each week got slightly better. I’m at the point now that the good days outweigh the bad and I promise you there will be light at the end of your long and painful tunnel.
I have dreaded the first Christmas without my soulmate and best friend. We both went a bit mad over Christmas. I told my family I wasn’t doing Christmas this year as I know I wouldn’t be very good company but it’s been taken out of my hands and my daughter is spending a few days with me. So for her I have made an effort.
I still have his aftershave and sometimes spray it on the pillows on his side of the bed. He always smelt lovely.
I’m so sorry you are struggling and having a crap day. I truly hope tomorrow and future days are tolerable for you.
Thinking of you and everyone else at this difficult time.
xxxxx
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I know it doesn’t help ease any of the pain, but I am really sorry for the loss of your Husband. I understand this feeling of helplessness that you are feeling right now, and although I do not know the feeling of losing a partner, I did recently lose my Mum very young and suddenly just over a month ago. So that feeling of pain and just absolute shock and just gloom in the first few weeks, I completely understand and sympathise so much. During this year as well, I feel as though things are just especially more difficult. After losing my Mum, although I was surrounded by so many family members, I just felt so alone. The one person that I wanted, and that could make the pain go away, could not come back and it is one of the most lonely feelings. I understand completely. I too was asking people how to cope and when will this feeling pass? Why did they have to go? What am I supposed to do now? How can I carry on? Are they watching me now? Do they know how much I love them?
Although I only lost my Mum on 8th November and so therefore what has happened is still fresh… I do feel as though maybe what I am about to say will help ease your pain, even if only for a slight minute. The whole saying of ‘time heals’, although very cliché and very annoying when people say it to you, is true. The first week, I remember just walking round like a zombie. I barely remember exactly what I did that week to be honest. Well actually all the time leading up to the funeral, I barely remember. I feel as if this time is the period in which you are still very much in the mindset of how has this happened? It’s not real. After the funeral, I still felt the same too. It was as if time was moving so slow and every day was such an effort. I just wanted my Mum. I couldn’t understand why somebody so young had to be taken from me. I even felt slightly angry! Especially since I had my 23rd birthday and instead of my Mum being there and celebrating with me, I was going to visit her in the chapel of rest. It just didn’t seem right. I was in a lot of pain, something which I know you will understand. However, once the funeral was over and the dust had settled so to speak, my heart finally started the long process of managing. I almost said healing then, but let’s be honest, none of us will ever truly heal. I think that is something I have started to accept too. You will probably always feel this hole inside you, but you have to remember that it is because at the end of the day somebody you love is gone and to love is to one day lose as well. But one thing that has brought me comfort is to think well all this pain I am feeling, is because of how hard I love my Mum, just as you love your husband. Your Husband will know how much you love him, because this pain you are feeling now is a reflection of the love you have for him.
If you are anything like me, you have googled ‘How to cope with grief’, ‘The stages of grief’, ‘When will I feel better after losing a loved one’… But honestly, as I have said, time is the best way to cope. Your pain will never go, but the way you can manage will become clearer as time goes on. Although I know that the thought of time continuing without them is also painful. Whenever I have bad days, which is still probably 80% of my week, I try to remember what My Mum would want for me. She would want me to try and carry on. She loves me, as I do her, and if it were the other way around, I would want my Mum to carry on living on behalf of me! I will leave you with a section of the verse that me and my sister chose to be read out at my Mum’s funeral and I hope it brings you a little bit of comfort…
“So live, be free, And know with every breath you take, You’ll be taking one for me.”
I hope what I have said made sense, I tend to ramble but I just want you to know that with Christmas coming up so many of us are experiencing our first Christmas without our loved ones… You are not alone, this community on here has become such a comfort to me to know that I am not the only one… I hope you can find that some comfort 
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Yes I agree it’s a minefield .
I’m 73 and basically because I don’t qualify for pension credit I can’t get help with funeral costs
It’s the old story once you can get one benefit then it opens the doors for more.
They send you brochures and leaflets about help but I get the feeling they are targeted NOT to help if they can avoid it.
But I dont care if I have to pay it off until my dying day my darling wife was worth it, and I will honour her memory to eternity.
Day two after funeral and I just want to curl up and sleep until next year … if only
Take care all xx
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Hi I am not giving up, just feeling very alone and lost without my husband. We were together for over 50 years.
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I’m so sorry you lost your lovely wife 
The days following the funeral are probably one of the worst because you are left to your own thoughts and life keeps carrying on and you just wish time would stop. I was in that space just a few weeks ago after my Mum’s funeral so I understand how you feel, it’s such a dark time and with it being so close to Christmas it just makes it even worse doesn’t it 
It must be so difficult for you at the minute and my thoughts are with you during this period… Also I would like to say deepest sympathy for the loss of your Wife,
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So sorry for your loss @Tricoa - I can only imagine how lost you must feel after losing your partner of 50+ years… I can only imagine the love that you both shared for so many years, I hope that love surrounds you now and brings you comfort when you are feeling low. Thinking of you during this difficult time, grief is such a lonely feeling. Keep reaching out on here when you feel low, it really does help
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@Tricoa
I am so sorry to read about the truly awful time you are having.
My next door neighbour passed away in August.
They had been married 51 years. She lost her battle with dementia.
Her Husband has really struggled.
He has given me lots of support.
I was with my Hubby for 8years.
Today has been a really bad day.
It comes and goes in waves doesnt it?
Sending you my best wishes. Xx
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Thanks Charlotte, It’s that “Nothing left to arrange” feeling after running on adrenaline to get every arranged, now there’s nothing everyone else moves on and so must we. But I think I feel worse now than then before.
That’s why it’s good for us to chat here and prop one another up 
xx
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Yeah that’s exactly what it is! In a way the funeral keeps your mind occupied because you always have something to do but once everything is done, it hits especially hard. I also keep finding that people expect you to have gotten over it or something, like it’s not new anymore so they just assume you must be fine. Of course the reality is very far from that but yeah like you said that’s why coming on here is great. It’s comforting sometimes when you read something and it resonates with you because you feel less alone!
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@Mickp @charlotte97 and gang
Totally agree with you regarding some peoples attitudes.
It takes as long as it takes.
Good days and bad days.
The visits of support will become less. Less phone calls.
People get on with their lives.
There is nothing wrong with saying Im not ok.
Its braver to say im not ok than to pretend to everyone that you are ok.
Make sure you accept invitations, even though you dont want to leave the house.
Sometimes looking at 4 different walls makes a world of difference.
I’m nowhere near ready to part with any of his clothes or possessions.
This huge void in my life is going to take a very long time to disappear.
Plus all the financial uncertainty I face.
What I would give to have him back.
His cheeky smile.
His lovely cuddles.
Bickering over silly things, then laughing about it.
I did take him for granted.
The tidal wave of emotions each day.
The flashbacks of finding him and doing the CPR.
It is exhausting.
I am just so grateful that i can sleep.
We will all get each other through this.
The day after the funeral is when it really hits home.
Take care gang. Xxx
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Dear Mickp, Isn’t it amazing how our loved ones always think of us when they sometimes know they may be leaving us. I remember last Christmas - after my wife died she had bought me a gift - I didn’t know it at the time. She was always that way. How I wish I had known that at the time. Our women have so much courage and outgoing concern for us even when things don’t work out as we think they should. Well, I thought more on your last message — seems I am handling it a little better now - not like last year, however still get moments of sadness when I come across something she left or didn’t get to finish. She loved artwork - no Rembrandt, but I always liked her efforts and never hesitated to praise he work. What can I say, my mindset is on her always, I remember her mostly for her love of art, children and animals. I s till love her.
Best wishes and thank you for your reply.
Herb
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Dear bluecatmum77, I read your message about your personal thoughts on your loved one. They easily reflect how I feel and felt about my wife. All I have left are memories of the times we did such silly things and out ups and downs together. I’ll never her. How nice it was to reflect on things like that and to know we all had those same feelings and experiences — and of course I thank you for reminding us of our loved ones. Again, thank you!
Herb
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I completely understand your feelings of utter despair and asking for him to come and get you. I feel exactly the same and can’t believe my husband has left this earth ahead of me.
I am unable to see a future without him but have an adult son that I feel still needs me. Unfortunately he lives in another part of the country so communication is by telephone and I miss a physical presence around me.
I want you to know you’re not alone in this dreadful journey through grief and I absolutely share your fear, feelings of abandonment and loneliness. My heart goes out to you.
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@CTF1 and gang.
Sorry for the silence, but the last few days have been horrific.
Been on a complete downer.
No interest in anything, just want to sleep.
I am on anti depressants already, and my dose has been increased. Still waiting for them to make a difference.
May have to see G.P in new year.
It was 5 weeks today that I lost him…
I just need 5 more minutes with him. Thank God I still have his jumper to hold and smell.
Christmas cards coming through the door.
I just can’t bring myself to write any.
I know everybody is going to have a tough time, especially those already on their own.
What i would give to wake up to my Hubby on Christmas morning.
I am absolutely dreading it.
I know we all have to keep going, but it is so hard.
Have been in my pjs all day.
Since i found the gift card from an engagement present he got me drop out of his book, it has set me back so much.
My heart is broken. My life shattered into a billion pieces.
I just want to be numb. Not feel anything.
Wake up and its all been a bad dream.
But it is a very real and frightening nightmare.
I dont seem to have much strength at the moment.
Sending you all love and strength.xxx
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I totally understand how you feel. You are very strong to have come through everything so far. You will feel you have no more strength left, but Americans call this time The Holidays, so just take rest when you can, do whatever helps you (not too much gin, but a glass full as they say in my home city Glasgow), take the diazepam and anti depressants, listen to music you love, watch silly movies, whatever.
When January begins and the world returns to normal, you’ll find the strength you need.
Love, Christie xxx
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Hi gang.
I won’t say the words because we will all have a tough day.
Have looked up at the stars and said the two words to my hubby.
Just sending love and hope to you all.
Have had a few horrific days.
Sister,Brother in law & niece coming for dinner.
They are in my bubble.
I dont want to get up, but know I have to.
I just want the next week to be over and say eff you to the worst year of my life.
Stay strong. We can do this.
Xxxxx
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