I know what you are going through I lost my husband and best friend 14 weeks ago sending you virtual hugs and thinking of you
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I like that idea! Iād wear it
Herb
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Hi gang.
Hope you are all hanging on in there. Xxx
Im taking the tree and the cards down tomorrow.
Had enough of looking at them.
I hate new year, always have, not welcoming in another year of shite.
Just living each day as it comes.
I ways used to be a big planner, but as my Mother once told me, life gets in the way of plans.
Who knows what the next week, let alone year has in store?
This has been, by far, the worst year of my life.
I pray every night for the strength to get through this.
I pray for my hubbys soul to be at peace and I pray to see him in my dreams.
I miss him so so much.
Friends and family are doing what they can, but they just dont accept why i am drinking a lot and sleeping a lot.
I have cut down on the drink.
The sleep, no. I need a few hours away from this mental and emotional torture.
I am completely exhausted.
Itās 6 weeks since I lost him.
How can I possibly be back to ānormalā???
Some idiots have sent me Merry Christmas messages! REALLY? REALLY?
What is merry about any of this?
What has been Christmas about any of this?
My hubby is dead. He should be with me.
Im hoping that anger will kick in so at least I have some fight in me.
I have one very tough emotional and financial battle ahead.
Stay strong everyone.xxx
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Oh my gosh! I read your post and it could have been written about me. I feel just like you do and it is hell on earth. I have been without my husband for nearly six months and I would love to tell you it gets better, but I canāt.
Like you, I am taking the cards down, and the tree, once my granddaughter has visited tomorrow. I only put the tree up for her, bless her.
I donāt know how this will all pan out, but I wish you, and everyone else, well. We need to make a new life, but I have no idea how to start with that. Any ideas, anyone?
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I have struggled with cards, even the ones that mention Steve x I threw the lot, opened them read them and binned them. Only one I kept because it had a photo on it x I had a thinking of you card which I have also kept. Fruitless sentiments x I have spent time with family but very little happy Christmas has gone on x This will always be a difficult time of the year now x x Wishing us all resilience and strength at this time x All the love x
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I am also still in survival mode, hour by hour. I canāt see an end to it thoughā¦ the old life and myself is dead, my heart is not in it as far as building a new me and a new life which I need to do as my situation is currently unsustainable with my house but I cant be arsed to sort it out. I honestly think I need to be in a mental hospital or just go to a vet and be put down.
Still only a small percentage of the way through the death administration. Thought Iād be done by now as i was good in the beginning weeks but now i hardly do anything. Today I felt like I had vomit stuck in my throat all day from the moment I woke from a nightmare into this daymare.
Iām an I now instead of a we. I donāt want to be a we with anyone else and Iām useless at being an I.
Iām just killing time. over and over and over. The only positive is I have no Xmas things to put away this year.
I donāt even know what to wish for, I was saying I wish you peace or to keep breathing but even those feel like insults if they were said to me at the moment.
Urghhhhhhhhhh what a mofoing asshat full of steaming turd this all is.
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@FleurDeLis & gang.
Another dew days and this arsehole of a year is over.
Be kind to yourself.
Sleep when sleep calls you.
Try and get out of the house and go for a walk.
Having a shower feels like a mammoth task some days, but i use the water to wash away the sadness and negativity.
Its taken me 6 weeks, since he died, to put a wedding picture back up. Its next to battery candle so a light never goes out.
Remember, each minute of each hour is that step closer to healing.
Some days i feel like I have gone back weeks.
Other days i can load the washing machine.
Hoover up and face the day.
There is no set time scale as to when we will accept what has happened.
All we can do is support one another and send words of comfort.
Stay strong. We are all doing a fantastic job.
Sending love, strength and prayers.xxx
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Good words. Iāve done 5 weeks now and Iām practising living alone for the first time in 25years. Christmas was so hard with the family but now I want to get used to being at home alone. Staying with family is so much harder in a way. I felt so home sick away. As if away from where my late husband was. Good luck to all.
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Iām so sorry for your loss. My sister died suddenly yesterday , New Years Eve, and I am broken. She was my rock my love my everything. Iām unable to
Process what has happened and feel like Iām drowning. I noticed you posted in November so I hope you have been able to cope a little better with things. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Welcome @Sharonssister I hope the so he helps you and Iām so sorrybtonhear of your loss x sending you love and wishes of strength x
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Thank you so much xx
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@Sharonssister and gang.
It is 8 weeks today since my hubby died.
As I knew they would, the phone calls have become less and less.
People getting on with their own lives.
Im left looking backward with little for the future.
The past is safe. Future is scary, so sometimes a day in bed away from everything has been my saviour and if thats what you need to do, then do it.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
All I would advise is do not suffer in silence.
See your G.P.
Reach out to people on here.
Call the Samaritans. I DID. They were wonderful.
You are not alone and nothing you say or share will be judged.
We are all going through a horrific time.
There have been days where i thought i was going to lose my mind.
Screaming to him in the middle of the night.
I am calmer than I was, but that is because of the medication I am on.
Sending love and prayers for our futures.
Xxxx
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As you say the phone calls and shoulders to cry on diminish.
Tomorrow the country gets back to normal ? Whatever that is, and you feel you can be no longer the elephant in the room or the person no one knows what to say too.
Itās ironic that itās now you need the support and it fades away, and everyone else gets on with their lives and weāre expected to do the same.
Just 10X harder in this pandemic. I crave the company of another human bring, but instead today Iāll walk till Iām tired and come back to this emptiness again
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Itās an awkward position to be among the mutual friends. Isnāt it? If the relationships started in the first place because they knew your partner, the ānormā seems to be drifting apart because most people do not want to talk about or be reminded of death, a heartbreaking yet inevitable event in everyoneās life.
I suppose thatās why so many of us treat this site as a sanctuary for a little bit of comfort and mutual support.
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@Sharonssister @Mickp it is so very hard and a constant fight isnt it. I too am confused about where my head is and Covid compounds thisā¦ its all quiet here too now that I am 8 wks and 4 days on from losing my husband. Its such a shock to the mind and so difficult to comprehend - did speaking to Samaritans help at all?
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I agree absolutley, it is certainly much much harder - I really hope we are all able to move forward in time. It will change, I suppose, never go away but it will change. And for me as life gets back to normal, it will provoke different elements of grief again.
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@Mickp @Cinders21 I think it is particularly hard during the lockdown as nothing is open and it isnāt safe to meet indoors.
I get out walking, preferably with friends, but usually it is on my own.
I will be back at work on Tuesday, so at least there will be some normality and there will be people to chat to during the working day
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@Cinders21 & gang.
I rang the samaritans at 1.30am and spoke to a wonderful person.
She listened to my crying, hysterical. She was fabulous. They are there 24 hours a day.
Sometimes it is easier to just say what you really need to say.
Plus you can say things about family/friends that have p*ssed you off.
I wanted to be alone, but didnt want to be on my own.
I am getting used to living alone again.
Big test will be tomorrow when I go back to work.
The meds from the GP have helped me immensly.
Just make sure you all check in on here.
Post something. Let us all know you are ok or not ok.
There are good days and bad days and the rollercoaster we are on isnt being helped by Tier 4.
I was supposed to be going to my sisters on saturday for a walk and roast dinner.
Had to cancel because of tier 4.
I am SO SICK of everything.
The grief, the shock, i miss him terribly.
He was my best friend and soulmate.
The added stress of the financial uncertainty that i face.
But i cant change anything.
We cant change anything.
We just need to be there for one another.
Tomorrow is another day. It might be good or bad. Dont know until we open our eyes.
Stay strong. Xxx
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I havenāt tried Samaritans yet. Iām so sorry for your loss and the losses everyone on here is going through. Whatās it all about? All this pain and loss. I feel as though I am alone and relatable to no one. People have been so lovely, especially my sisters friends but they have their own lives and so ultimately I am alone with this. Maybe this community will help me be alone together xx lots of love and comfort xx
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Gosh @Bluecatmum77, I could have written some of that post. I am too back at work tomorrow after 9 weeks away and I am also struggling with Covid. I am also OK being aline but need to pop out and spend time with people so that I am glad to come home. Im quite a solitary person really and all though Im very social ( on my terms) I am and can be quite introvert. I was on my own for many years, 18 to be precise and I was happy being singleā¦ its just, he came along, we shared similar interests in music, we were old flames from our teen years, I was a singer, him a guitarist ā¦ oops I was in a relationship, it just seemed to happen that wayā¦ then I realised that being in the right relationship is the best thing ever and I was more content than I had been for many many years ā¦ it all seems so harsh.
Let me know how you get on at work tomorrow. I am very distracted, lacking in concentration and possibly a little distant but having spent a lot of time on my own over the last 4.5 weeks in particular, I really donāt know how I am going to be. I am going back full time, are you?
We miss them so much dont weā¦ but I am glad that the short shocking build up and his death, the chaotic scenarioā¦ the stunning shock that he also felt is over and I am here and not there. This is why, I keep thinking of people going through that right nowā¦ I have to have positive thoughts about some things as I feel very vulnerable and fear depression and never ever ālivingā or ājust beingā, never jumping around in my āhappy bubbleā, it scares me. I know he would have wanted me to be happy, he loved to make me happy and I cant bare that, if he can watch over now that he is sad because I am struggling.
My love goes out to all of you ā¦ every single one of youā¦