Hello Willow. Good idea with book club or a book thread. I used to love reading but couldn’t read for months, now I can again it’s been helping distract my mind sometimes and it’s what I do to get to sleep or when I wake in terror I the night to calm.
Some others i liked recently in addition to Megan Devine were Louis Carroll’s Grief book. Then the story The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I also started with the reverend coles grief book and deepak chopra you are the universe that was recommended to me by one of us on here and I find I read over and over and calms me a lot. Have you read any good ones recently?
Jeez i should be working and I keep not doing it. it’s like I trying to sabotage the little bit of life I still have left. Going to try again… promised myself I’d concentrate for two hours. bye for now and good luck with surviving today everyone. If you can eat drink (hydration not booze) move a bit or anything else it’s a success in my view. Good luck grief friends xxx
A book club is a really nice idea. If you’d like to set up a new topic to have one each month, you’re more than welcome to do so. I can also pin the book club topic so it can stick to the top of the general chat category and be seen by everyone
Sorry I’ve been quiet on here. Yesterday John’s mum and I had a service at his childhood church and half of his ashes were buried. His dad and grandma are at the same church. It was a beautiful day. I know he was watching over.
I definitely have more better days than bad but letting go of the pain is hard. I feel like its all I have left. I know that’s not true. I have such beautiful happy memories of our 20 years and I have many years to live. It’s a real struggle to balance the sadness and trying to come to terms xx
Sorry for my badly insensitive post. I was just thinking about it and came on here to ask for the sentence to be deleted but see I’m too late already. I apologise, I often type my true thoughts without editing and unfortunately my true thoughts seem to be revealing that I’m a Dimwit. Sorry about that.
Hello virtual friends
I see I’m not the only one going through a hard week.
The investigation report came back from PALS regarding the incidents that happened when Tim was in HDU on a CPAP. It has really upset me I feel like I am back at square one, haven’t slept since I read it.
While they except mistakes were made none contributed to his death he was critically ill and would have passed anyway. It said they had told him they were going to ventilate him the day before he went this they believe is why he was down the following day he never told me this. I know it’s because he was protecting me and the children but to read he was going through this on his own has destroyed me It is horrific reading and I’m broken inside.
My love and hugs to you all and I hope the day is kind to you,
It must be so, so hard for you again. We are all seeking some sort of answers to make sense of everything but ultimately it just can’t stop us hurting. Sending hugs
Oh hun. I am so sorry for you. Xx
I know how hard it reading information like that.
Just rips off the scab and all the healing is undone. Emotions raw again.
I cried and cried the day i got the coroners report and all the day after.
Was like losing him all over again.
The anger at him for overdosing and the guilt and utter sadness that i wasnt there. That he died alone.
@Quarterman
Julie goes out to you having to read that report
My Venetia actually inadvertently took selfies of herself as she text me while on that dammed CPAP machine.
That’s bad enough looking at them , I don’t think I could bear reading a report as well.
Bless you
Xxxx
I spent last week with our daughter and son in law. Being able to talk and share helped. The emptiness and pain never goes but when we talk and recall some of the many good things it helps us to bear the loss a little easier. My wife gave us much to be thankful for. I just wish she was still here.
No idea why, assume it was a dream I can’t remember (assume I should be grateful I can’t remember)
Today I’ve ripped up half the garden. Just yanked it out by its roots bevause that’s how I feel my life has been treated. Yanked out. Binned without even a second glance to figure out whether it’s a plant or a weed.
I feel very very very angry today. I’m not a bad person. I don’t deserve this. I feel like a toddler and I want to jump up and down and stamp my feet and scream until I am sick till I get my own way and he comes home.
@Lost82
Yes,ANGER let it out as loud as you like,certainly don’t bottle it up .
Anger is OK
Angers Normal.
Your OK to feel this way.
Your a caring person, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be angry.
M xx
I am so sorry - I know these feelings well. I woke the other night shouting my husband’s name.
I am struggling with the anger issues - towards my husband and towards his motorbike. I was not going to pursue counselling but am following it up now because do not know how to deal with this anymore - I am drowning in the pain of grief.
@Lost82 my post the other day was a rant of pure anger.
Its normal. Let it out.
Use that pent up energy and change the garden. Thats what i did.
I was in the office yesterday.
One of my colleagues confided in me that her Brother took his own life a few years ago.
Speaking to anoyher person that has been directly affected by this has been a huge help.
She has forgiven her Brother.
She said that he is at peace now. She said thats what I need to focus on.
Lee is at peace.
She said she isnt at peace and until her dying day, she will carry this with her.
I totally agreed with her.
Im calm again. Numb.
Well, apart from this awful wisdom tooth infection.
Its bad, but not as bad as it was on Tuesday.
I cannot believe how far i have come in 6 months.
I was laughing, interacting and for a few hours i felt normal again.
Then it was time to leave work and go home.
Prior to lockdown, Lee and I would meet up every night after work. Walk to the car together.
As i came out of work i knew he wouldnt be standing there waiting for me. He will never stand there waiting for me again.
But i accepted that. Came home. Cats dramatic
Performance for their dinner.
Waaa haaa where have you been???
They are so mardy when i have been out all day. But i love the attention
5 weeks until the inquest.
I have the nightmare of new broadband and Sky coming today.
Lee did anything like that, so i will be relying on google if i get stuck.
Another weird night.
I think I must be dreaming of him but for some reason I can’t remember it when I wake up. Which is bloody annoying as I want to see him, even if it’s just a dream.
I woke up about 5 times in the night scanned my bedroom and each time was convinced he would be ‘visiting’ yet nothing was there.
There is a tendril of a thread floating around. I can’t grab it but I know i was dreaming but that’s it, I have no idea if it was a nice dream or a nightmare.
It’s 7 weeks today, I honestly think I’m getting worse. The intrusive thoughts, the flashbacks to what happened, they are all battling to be seen and heard. My crisis worker asked me yesterday what would happen if I just let them in, allow myself to think about it. I told her that I thought it would paralyse me. I lived through it once. I can’t do it again.
@Bluecatmum77 I’m so glad you had a better day! Keep an eye on that tooth!
goes out to you having to read that report
let it out as loud as you like,certainly don’t bottle it up .