Thank you Kim unfortunately I know the complains procedure far too well and have been through it before. The lies are what upset me more than anything. I just wish people were accountable for their actions and held their hands up. The last complaint related to Graham’s admission 3 years ago when all sorts went wrong . His bowel ruptured and he ended up with sepsis and life changing surgery and a year later went in for corrective surgery again complication bowel ruptured and sepsis again. Our daughter is a Band 7 Specialist Nurse so was able to help identify issues and yes I got a letter apologising from Chief Exec and assuring me lessons would be learnt. It is of no comfort when time and time again he then continued to be let down and passed away after contracting Covid in the hospital. I will not let this be covered up and myself and our daughter are going to work on a response to their findings when I can face reliving it. The coroner requested an investigation in December which he has just had a reply and is now having an inquest. The coroner told me to go through the complaints procedure with the 2 hospitals that treated Graham which I was reluctant to do as I’ve been there done that and it’s not going to change I’ve lost him. We decided however it was the last thing I could do for Graham so on we go trying to get answers. Good luck with your fight and yes they have you jumping through hoops as they just want us to go away. Big hugs x
We were together from being 16 (and knew each other before that) so everything I’ve done has been with him as half of the team. I feel like more than half of the team has gone now because part of me has gone forever too. Sending hugs
I sympathise with you and am sorry for your losd. I share your anguish as I am going through the same complaints process with the NHS Trust. My wife passed in August, two weeks after being admitted to a and e three succesive nights only to receive no treatment because all departments were on “covid protocols”. So no trauma staff after 8 pm. It has taken 9 months since we made the complaint and still no answers. It took them 4 months after we asked, to get medical notes. Quit apart from the distress of losing my wife, my daughter’s Mom and sister in law to my sister who is dealing with legalities, it is as if the complaint, about care in A and E where we think she caught the infection that led to her sepsis, is not being taken seriously. In addition she was Bipolar and in excruciating pain(the reason for the a and e visits) waiting for a hip replacement. We are not giving up because it all points to lack of care. I would add, she was a nurse herself for 38 years. A letter this very week to them has not yet been replied to. It just adds to the desolation of being without her. I wish you well with your complaint.
Wishing you all well with these complaints I work as a nurse with the trust whom let my husband down for 39 years. I have not returned as yet. I will also keep pushing for answers I know it won’t bring him back but surely in all these cases somebody in these trusts have to take responsibility for there lack of actions. I appreciate the Covid situation many have lost there life’s my heart goes out to them but every other person with conditions have been let down by our NHS
Love to all
I’m in exactly the same boat, only my mum died 10 years ago. We are very lucky as I know lots of people have the opposite experience
It’s so difficult to accept that after a lifetime together that’s now it. 
. Thinking of you x
Thank you I am so sorry you too are having to deal with all this after losing your beloved wife. It’s heartbreaking reading more and more people have been let down at the time they needed the help. Wishing you all the best with moving forward with the complaint and if I can be of any help give me a shout. Whatever I do now isn’t going to change I’ve lost Graham but I need to get the answers, he deserves that after fighting for so many years to stay with us.
Take care x
Hi gang,
Im so sorry to hear that you are having a bad time.
Im numb.
Im so sorry that we are all enduring this nightmare.
I still dont have answers.
I never will.
Yes, the inquest will acsertain a “legal” decision, but a group if people, reading reports will never know the real events.
They dont know my Lee.
They dont know me.
They dont know anything about our lives.
They can never take away the pain and emptiness. The huge loss.
The fear of the future.
I know i have a future, but i am taking each day as it comes. Xx
Its saturday night, and I’m trying to ignore its saturday night.
Ive stopped counting the weeks. Thatvhas helped immensly.
@Mickp. Sunday bloody Sunday tomorrow.
I will make sure i keep busy tomorrow.
Stops my mind whirring.
Hope everyone has a decent nights sleep. Xxxx
Evening fellow lost souls .
Just been catching up on the days posts.
I’m so sorry for all of you going through complaints procedures.These appear to be long and very stressful and only add to your suffering.
The pain is bad enough but suffering added in is toxic.
My councillor says suffering we can control by avoiding those situations or even people that unwittingly wind us up.
But ongoing inquiry’s and the delays in getting answers must be unbearable and out of your control.
I hope you all get the answers you deserve.
I felt my Venetia’s care was lacking at times but if I’m honest I think the outcome was inevitable.
@Bluecatmum77 yes it’s THAT a day again tomorrow.
Big week coming up Venetia’s Birthday on Wednesday 5th.
I have a plan 
If I succeed I’ll share it with you all .
Next week, my word
SURVIVAL
Take care all xx
That’s the hardest for me. I don’t know who I am now. I need to start again but have absolutely no motivation to do so. Then I just sit and my mind takes me back to the time when Paul and I…
This basically makes up my day, and I truly think the rest of my life now.
I don’t mind going out and seeing someone, but today I was at some dear friends house and there were new people. I just felt strange and severely disinterested. They all competed to talk over each other and I felt out of it. I was hoping for a grief break but it ended up being hard work! I honestly think the rest of my life now will be feeding my children making sure they get to school or clubs and then looking out the window or at the television! I cannot see this changing. I feel stuck can’t move forward, but the past has kicked me out as well!
Mx
I really feel that apart from the tears and regrets, my life is cooking and washing for the kids and that’s it. Also trying (and not doing very well) to get my mum through this hell. I don’t watch tv, I’m bloody sick of everyone talking about getting back to normal and booking holidays. My life has practically ended when my poor Dad’s did. Who’d believe before the pandemic pubs were shutting left, right and centre. Now the most important, popular thing to do in the world seems to be to smugly go to the pub and sit there in the peeing down rain if needs be - just to get a drink. I’ll never go to a pub again, I feel I’ll never do anyrhing again. All I do is look back, wish I could turn the clock back and have my dear dear Dad back.
@Mickp good luck with your plan. 5th is our wedding anniversary. 9 years (although 20 together). 1st without him
@Merrin I know that lack of motivation feeling. Been with me all week to the extent I haven’t even cooked for myself. Thank goodness for tin openers and sandwiches.
As lockdown eases and gatherings come back into our lives Im dreading the encounter you experienced today…
A crowded room can be a very lonely place.
You feel conspicuous, and awkward.
How will our lives evolve from here ? , I don’t have a vision.
It’s scary
M xx
I get that - the past has thrown me out as well. My kids are older so I don’t even have the distraction of taking them to places. I didn’t want or ask for this life and don’t know how it will ever be anywhere near to what it was. It can’t be. Sending hugs
That’s exactly how I feel Lost and no motivation to face the future . Thinking of you x
Unfortunately distractions only work for a while. Going home to an empty house, and now having a future we didn’t want, or plan for, is the pits! There is no motivation to cook a proper dinner and sit alone eating it, and I know lots of us are probably snacking on crap. I have got through birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s, Easter. I know a few on here are at or coming up to the 6 month mark. Is anyone else feeling that their emotions are spiralling more out of control again? I don’t count days or weeks (although I think most of us have THAT day of the week when our lives changed), but every time another month goes by it hits. Each month I want to shout at everyone that I am not calm and rational because it is x number of months today! This month being the 6 month point is really tipping me over the edge emotionally. Someone at work made a sarcastic comment to another colleague about my moods being up and down all the time. I know my moods are erratic, but I am not rude to anyone, I turn up every day clean and presentable (no make-up, but who cares), I work hard, and interact with people that really do not give a toss about me all day. I am just finding life very difficult. The old me that was fun, lively, always out and about doing something, happy and witty has gone, and I really don’t know whether she will ever return
Dear Wong
I don’t think people understand our pain unless they have loss someone. Comments about you being moody goes to show they have no clue, please don’t let them get to you, unfortunately they will lose someone close to them and go through the torturous emotions we deal with day after day.
It’s so hard working and dealing with your grief. Do you have time to sit and process your grief in the evenings as I’m worried in case you working is not helping you to grieve.
Try to eat a healthy dinner each night and drink lots of water, its important.
I have read somewhere that the 6 months some revert back to the raw feelings they had at the beginning, I don’t know why. Grieving is two steps forward 10 steps back, a rollercoaster, its a process that takes time. Be kind to yourself and don’t let anyone get you down, your going through enough as it is.
Sending you a hug
Amy x
@Mickp awkward yes you hit it on the head!
It was strangley uncomfortable as I tried to figure out how to be! There was a weird conversation about ranking supermarkets, I had absolutely nothing to add, I just couldnt do silly and superficial, like I once could. Maybe it was because I have had such deep conversations of late. 🤷🏻
I just know I wasn’t ready.
Mx