Survival that is my word for today. X X X
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Dear Wong
Our two kids always say they are okay but the eyes give it away. I can see their pain at the sudden and tragic loss of their dad. As a mam it causes me great distress. As parents we should never be the cause of our kids pain. Have seen both our kids this weekend and have tried to repress all my tears. I have counselling arranged but not sure how it will resolve the anger that I have towards my husband for causing so much heartache for our kids.
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Dear Ron
Have read both your posts about the grandsonâs christening. I am thinking of you. As you say it would have been something to look forward to and simply to be there together enjoying the family celebration.
I hope that your visit with your dad goes ok.
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The truth is, my dad is 93 he is not only my dad but he is my friend, he has had a long life, did things after my mums death which I feel he should have done while she was alive. He met someone else 10years after she had passed, about 5 cruises later he is now in a home,
The cruises was not with my mum he lived a life and I was right behind him as life goes on, or so I thought but now I am in his position I donât want things I canât share with my wife all I have is pain. He is a ten Bob millionaire but he has memories money gone but who cares now he is in a home that maybe I have to fund with my sister. That is life.
Ron x x
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Cheers mick my whisky pal
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Dear Ron
A few people keep on saying you can still do this but like yourself I cannot. Me and husband had worked hard to enjoy holidays abroad and had planned a one-off trip of a life-time once lockdown had eased and to spend and enjoy our retirement monies. These people mean well but they have their partners and have no idea of the unimaginable pain that comes with losing the person you love. My dad died 11 years ago, my mam has never got over his death and I feel guilty that I was not supportive enough. They were married 54 years. She has female friends and before lockdown went on trips with them but she is now 86 and is now left reeling at the loss of my husband but again I feel guilty because I have withdrawn into my own little bubble which I cannot get out of and in all honesty do not want to. I am just biding my time waiting for my number to be called so that me and husband can be reunited. I do venture out but only when needed to help with grandsons.
Life as we now know it is not how we planned.
Take care.
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That is so true x x
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@Sheila26 How true your words are .
Venetiaâs daughter died from cancer in 2013 .
She said I was her rock .
But did I truly understand her grief.
No,Iâm honest I donât think I did ,not like I do now.
She never really truly got over it ,I lost a part of her then and a big part of me has gone now.
Sadly we understand grief now donât we.
M xx
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Cheers Ron 
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Thatâs so true . Dannyâs best friends lost their son last year . He was 35 and all we can do is imagine what pain they are going through but you canât really understand unless you go through it yourselves .
Itâs so said because they lost their best friend and son in the same year .
Everyday is hard but somehow we have to get through it as best as we can with help of family and friends x
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Dear Mickp
Regrettably we now understand grief and the devastating, unrelenting pain that accompanies it. I have never experienced anything like this before. When I lost my dad I was crushed, he had been such an influence on me and our family. I remember when our first grandson was born my husband said he hoped he could be half as good a granda as my dad had been. And he was - never leaving our little grandsons side, there every day only for it all to be taken away when our grandson was only 9 months and I was only 3 months from retirement. His sudden death makes no sense, he had so much more to give.
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If I were God I wouldnât have allowed covid 19 to spread as it has if I was his I wouldnât make people suffer the loss of a loved one. We live we die itâs a fact of life I have lost the wife I love so much nearly 2yrs ago my parents died many years ago I never grieved for any of those because I know that is life. I hate being by myself I miss my wife my partner and my rock but as Frank Sinatra sang thatâs life. I have no plans to do anything now but I want to live as long as I can but then again that fictitious God has taken control and gave me cancer to deal with, I will beat you God and defeat this cancer that you gave me, 6mths after my beloved passed away God doesnât exist. My father was atheist and said to me that he believed he would pray when he dies. One of the last things he said to me was Iâm not going to pray and I now believe the same. My wife thought she would see her mother and father again. As much as I would like to think I will see them all I know I wonât. This might be unbelievable to some. But I believe thatâs life.
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I havent been on here for a while, but i am having a dreadful day. Tears just keep rolling. Grief is so hard and no way to repair the ache that is in my heart x
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Dear Bubba
So true. If there was some cure I would bottle it and share it with everyone suffering on here.
Take care.
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You to shiela. It a cruel world x
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I havenât had mine yet but my MIL sobbed through hers. It was the week after Stephen was taken. It was awful for her to know she was having something that could have saved her sons life.
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Damned grief has so much power, why does it ruin or affect every aspect of our lives, our every waking moments, our dreams. I hate the person it has turned me into.
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Hello All, I was sent a quote today that I thought others may find useful.
âIf you simply cannot understand why someone is grieving so much and for so long, then consider yourself fortunate that you do not understandâ
Love and light. x
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Good Morning everyone.
Well I survived another Sunday but I sit here now thinking whatâll I do with myself this week ?
Retirement used to be good even through lockdown but now itâs another long lonely day.
Iâm told I need to get routine in my life but itâs hard with no incentive or purpose in life anymore.
I wake every day cursing that Iâm still here .
I guess Iâll find a way ,
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I understand how you feel Mick as distraction is all we have to ease our day. I work but I curse every morning that I have woken up to this living nightmare
Ron
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