Hi @Sheila26
Debbie55 posted on the ‘Help’ category 3 days ago.
Amy x
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Hi all,
Hope you are all surviving the weekend. We all hate those now . 6 months for me now and if anything this pain is getting worse . I don’t want to accept he’s gone and this is now my life. Had what I thought was a positive few days been offered a job in a GPSurgery first interview I have had in 32 years . Now I’m panicking in case I’m not ready to go back to work yet some days I can’t get out of bed . This weekend has been so difficult I’ve had coroners office on my case for a couple of months now wanting me to prepare a family statement for Graham’s inquest in September . I’ve finally done it this weekend no wonder I was putting it off . It’s like reliving my life with him all over again from meeting at 14💔. I’ve just pressed send it’s finished but has taken me right back . Been sobbing for two days everything and anything is setting me off and just so angry he caught Covid in hospital after being so careful for months shielding as he was high risk. All I see on social media is people getting excited for easing of lockdown . How are we supposed to carry on when all we want is the life that we had . X
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Hello Sheila
Had a few bad weeks
Felt alone and sad
My family just haven’t got a clue
And also I have been with Andy mum for nearly 2 weeks she was end off life so stayed with her
She passed away may 5th five months after Andy
So finding that hard
Please all take care xx
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@Juli69 congratulations on getting the job. When I returned to work I was worried about getting there on time. I had fallen into a routine of hardly sleeping at night, dropping off exhausted, waking about 9am and not getting showered and dressed til 1pm. I still don’t sleep well, and am often still awake at 1am or 2am (4am is a killer!). I now have 7 alarms going off in the morning starting about 6.30am. I snooze them until I feel ready to get up, bit excessive but doing that gives me a gradual wake up. If the cockerel noise goes off on my phone I know I have to leap out of bed and get sorted asap. I sometimes smile to myself as my neighbours are probably wondering which of the neighbours has a cockerel. It is really loud! They will need to train you, and will not expect you to cope with the whole job on the first day. The same as dealing with grief learning the job will be gradual in little steps. Deep breaths, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if you don’t understand something, and if need be a trip to the loo if you need to compose yourself, and although it will be hard you will somehow cope. Good luck. X
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What is it about 4 am? Waking up that time for months
Ron x x
@Debbie55 so sorry you have been bereaved again. Andy would be so pleased that you helped his mum, but it must have been so upsetting for you to do, especially bearing in mind you are still reeling from the loss of him. We are all here for you. Please don’t feel totally alone. X
I am so sorry that you have had more heartbreak. My husband’s mother is in hospital as well. It’s so hard when those waves keep coming large and fast. Sending hugs
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Hi
It been hard what I find strange I can’t cry for my mother in law and if I am honest she was always a mam to me
Strange feelings xx
Jules4
So sorry your husband mum in hospital
Really is hard I slept nearly 2 weeks in a chair
Looking after Andy mum sister in law she was on the floor
Funeral is Thursday same church as Andy and same cemetery
Sending hugs to you all xx
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Dear Amy49
Thank you. I find this site sometimes difficult to navigate and get back to the various categories. Glad Debbie is still posting.
Dear Debbie55
Sorry that you are having to deal with another loss and this time without Andy by your side. I was worried that I had not seen any posts from you for a while but not the most IT literate at navigating all the different categories on this site but do try.
I also welcomed a second grandson 4 weeks ago - mam was in hospital for a few weeks before the birth so was also looking after the now eldest grandson. Also had the Inquest into my husband’s accident. So not had as much time to visit the forum.
It really is difficult especially when family don’t get it. I have clearly upset one of my husband’s brothers but tough I have enough crap to deal with.
Take care.
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Hello Sheila
Arr new grandson lovely
Think we have all had a few bad weeks
And it doesn’t stop 
Being sad lonely missing are husbands wife’s
I have gone back to work well trying my hardest
There just doesn’t seem any point with anything
Take care xx
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@Debbie55
Sorry for the loss of your mum-in-law.
Don’t be hard on yourself that you can’t cry for your mum-in-law at the moment, your grieving for Andy, so our brains can only process so much.
Life is pointless without our love one. I try hard to not look far ahead, it’s too frightening. We have to take one day at a time to move forward with our grief. It’s hard work, its not going to be easy, but we have to try and climb this mountain, sometimes falling back down and then climb back up again.
I don’t want this life, but what can I do. I have to cope, cope carrying my grief.
I miss my Marti so much. I can’t believe he’s gone.
Sending hugs
Amy x
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Amy49
So hard to do anything
And I miss Andy so much pain is so unbearable
I do try every day to do something might not be a lot but something
Sending hugs please take care xx
debbie55 I am so so sorry for the loss of your mother in law I can’t bear to think of the hurt and pain this has caused you.
I have been struggling the last few weeks I feel I’m back at the beginning just when I have an ok day I break down and sob uncontrollably for days again.
Our wedding day is approaching 18th June at 3pm we were to marry and I just can’t help but feel devastated I don’t know how to live without him and I’m scared so scared of a future without him.
Thank you for thinking of me I have been so depressed I didn’t want to bring anyone else down.
I am still having counselling and my GP tried to cut my medication down a little but I just couldn’t cope without it, what’s happened to us
I hope the week is kind to you all virtual friends,
Julie 
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Hello
I feel as it getting worse as each day goes by
I am not coping very well
I am trying not to drink to much as I have some bad thoughts
Every day there something that’s set us sobbing could be the littlest thing
Take care xx
Hi Debbie
very sorry for the loss of your mother in law sending you hugs
xx
@Bristles. Glad to know you are still about. I have never seen a post on here that warranted a report button, but maybe I missed the excitement! I tend to miss things and find them weeks later. There are an awful lot of different topics on here it gets confusing. We are all doing what we can to get through. Keep battling Bristles, you are part of us and God knows we all need each other because there isn’t a great deal of empathy out in the big wide world. Xx
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@Quarterman wondered if you were in trouble. I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad.
We hadn’t set a date for our wedding, but my partner kept talking about getting me an engagement ring. I said I would need to try on, there was plenty of time and we would go out and sort it out when lockdown was over. Never crossed my mind we would be parted. I thought about getting a ring now, but there is no point as he is not here to help me choose it. I can’t even put his ashes in one as he is buried. Apparently they can do rings with bits of hair from a loved one, but there is no way I can dig him back up now, so that’s that! I just have to remember he loved me and wanted to marry me.
Your man wanted to marry you too. Hold on to that. He loved you. If you can, try and mark the day of your wedding by doing something special to both of you. Doesn’t have to be anything major, maybe some food or wine you both enjoyed, or even just putting the best duvet cover on the bed, or going somewhere, anything really to mark the occasion. Even I know I may be clutching at straws possibly with the duvet idea. Every year when it is my granddaughter’s birthday I take flowers to the crematorium and make a small donation to an organisation that helped her mum and dad cope. Maybe that would be a good idea to donate a little something to a charity on your wedding day, and on subsequent anniversaries. Please don’t think I am telling you what to do. I just hope that if you can mark the day in a positive way every year it may help.
Try and keep in touch. If you ever want to private message me let me know. I don’t know how to do it, but could learn.
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@Bristles
I can honestly say I’ve never read anything on these chats that has offended me .
So I’m sorry that happened to you.
In fact I’m not sure I would know how to complain !
We’re united here for one reason
Sure we’re all on a different road,at different speeds.
But only by talking can we help and understand others and indeed our own grief.
So come back to us ,we miss you
M xx
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