No one knows what to say, and I don’t think anything they say is right in my eyes, and the pity looks make me want to poke them in the eyes 
x
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Oh that’s what i found the worse the pitying looks where i live at beginning ! Ya know got to the point where i didnt want to go out or if i did i was just avoiding everybody and taking shortcuts so i didnt see anyone ! Thats ridiculous we should feel like that isnt it ! Why should the owness be in us ! It should be on them - to know how to behave properly !!! Wallys !! Lol x
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Oh yes I still don’t go out unless I have too and I’ve become a master at avoiding people.
The look makes it hit me all over again
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Yeh its not fair is it !! It really peès me off !! How far are you into this ? Im probably further in than you … dont get it as much now but jeez it really annoyed me too ! Nice somebody is honest about that ya know … i used to.even shut ny blinds so neighbours didnt stare over ! Lol … xx
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I’m 11 months, I get it all the time still especially when our youngest son is with me (11) which makes it even worse. Hopefully it stops soon
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Do you still ? Im just 16 months in ! C i give em dirty looks now if they do that to me now ! So they probably darent ! Lol. Its so rude isnt it ? So condescending xx
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Oh yes but the situation was unbelievable and everything that happened after was quite unbelievable. He was abroad on a veterans tour in Belgium, 3 causes of death all wrong, lost passport in transit and it goes on. Only got the PM report the end of feb, so probably feel sorry for me all over again
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Oh no … poor you 
thats hard for you ;( but still no need for pitying looks either - we gotta try be brave and they’re really not helping are they ? Lots of self care and try giving a few looks back if u can / just avoid them ! Lol xx
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@Sah28
Best comment I had was at the Wake:
You won’t be on your own for long, you’re attractive. Someone’s already been asking about you.
I had to turn my back on her.
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Thats terrible 
the last thing you want to hear. Very insensitive
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Unity man , thanks for that beautiful poem . I have looked in my heart and soul for them very special words , and just couldn’t find them, it’s now being 5 long months for me , and I never stop thinking about my Christine, beautiful beautiful words mate . So thanks and take care everyone xx
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Deb5, yes they/ we are but one thing, we don’t talk about death or like to talk about, using the term like loosely. Some have no idea what to say, should we ask or shouldn’t we? Should we talk about the deceased or not? I do think some don’t say anything, cos they don’t know what to say. Others say stuff that make you say, really? You’ve asked me that! I know if i’ve ever said, no i’m not ok, the subject is changed, so i don’t get a chance to say howvi feel or off load & rant. So easier to say, yeah i’m ok & just plod on.
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Yeh bit we should have space to say how qe are or how we feel ! You get that space in any other circumstances but yet not when you lost a loved one ! I think its partly cos the world has got less caring too - sadly … ;(
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Do you think people like to see you cry?? I cried loads but im on antidepressants now so dont as much. So people think i dont care!!
They dont see me walking our dogs alone, crying.
Or going to bed alone, crying.
Its like a nightmare you cant get out of.
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Yes i know what you mean … its like you gotta prove youre still grieving ! As you say they dont see your private moments of sadness … bugger them anyway thats what i say - i dont have to prove myself to anyone. I know how i feel and how hard this has been and how much i loved him and miss him xx
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Mandyc15, like a merry go round, that you can’t get off!
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@Deb5
If people ask me how I am, I tell them, if they can’t deal with it, that’s not my problem, this is hard enough without denying our right to express our we feel. People shouldn’t ask the question unless they are prepared to listen and support and if they don’t then it tells me they don’t really care! I don’t want anyone to fix me just some understanding and compassion would be nice, a hug even better but seems that is too much to ask for most
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@Deb5 i am not doing anything right according to my son . He said he was tired and unwell and gone to bed . I am glad I am alone love
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Walking home with the dog just now after cutting the grass today, tidying up the back garden and washing the car I found myself asking a simple question as I entered an empty house - why bother? Why actually bother doing anything when my wife and soul mate is no longer here to share it. One tiny highlight, after working in the back garden and commenting to my son how his mum would’ve been pleased he filmed a little Robin landing on our fence looking in to the garden - I smiled thinking she’s seen I missed a bit. I hope you all are doing what you can to get through another day.
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…I feel exactly the same with the “why bother…can’t share” mentality…still haven’t worked out how to get passed that…as for the signs like the robin, I’ve spent the last 14 months researching if the afterlife could be real…I am not religious at all but I am now firmly of the opinion that it’s very likely real…the scientifically based evidence that SOMETHING happens when we die is extensive and quite staggering and took me by surprise. However, if survival of the consciousness after bodily death IS real…I haven’t worked out what that means for me now. As I see it, that I will one day die is certain…as of now, the only time I feel ok is when I’m asleep…so if there is something else then that is a bonus which we will all find out one day… everybody…but whatever the truth is, it won’t bring back my soul mate now. Even if we will get to hook up again in the future somehow, this life has changed irreconcilabley …so…as I can’t share what I do with her now…I wonder why I do anything…but I still do it…welcome to all our new worlds …but watch out for the signs coz I have had quite a few inexplicable ones…and not just robins 
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