Yeh i know what you mean about cant be bothered but i think it helps if we CAN be bothered. If we keep busy and do stuff it helps i find … even if we dont put that much effort into it it “distracts” us from our grief xx
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Unityman, i believe there is byond this life & had many signs. I’ve asked for some & they have appeared. Is a comfort on the one hand but would rather they were back here in the present 100% & some. Life does change forever & i guess we all get through in our own ways.
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We have to be bothered Deb5…but I’m increasingly of the opinion that what we are bothered with has to develop. I have suffered over the past 14 months trying to carry on as before…but alone…in fact I know I’m still doing that…and it’s not working. It’s not like before and never will be again. As much as I don’t want to change what was I know I HAVE to…so the things I do need to reflect that. I still haven’t worked out what that means…but I’m working on it…as painfull as that is.
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Yeh we must do things in different ways dont we and i just dò what i have to do depending on the situation … i think maybe just see how life rolls - it doesnt mean that you have to consciously do things differently. Take care @UnityMan and dont be too hard on yourself will you ? xx
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I so agree with what you are saying here. I went to a friends yesterday as she invites people around to watch the Grand National and then very kindly does a lovely supper. There were so called friends that a hadnt seen for a long time and since my husbands tragic and long suffering death, She asked me how I was which I said struggling on and then quickly changed the subject to how she had been sorting out her freezer as had been so busy with visitors and since coming back from their second home in Barbados. Her partner just ignored me no mention of saying how sorry they were to hear of the loss of Peter my husband. These are so called friends that we had known for over 38 years . This has really upset me especially as Peter had done them alot of favours in the past like driving them to the airport. I had a whats app from her when he had died over 3 months ago but feel really depressed and sad that they couldnt mention his loss. This has really upset me on top of struggling to cope and dont want to be anywhere were they are going to be in the future.
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Aw… just read your post. Yeh you really find out who your friends are and who cares and who doesnt. Its actually quite brutal. I thimk they avoid it cos it upsets THEM to talk about it 
people are so selfish amd thoughtless … not all but a lot are but as i say you find out who your real friends are , who are the kind people and who are the ME, me, me brigade. X
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When my husband first went into hospital i didnt hear from my so called CLOSE friends. They didnt phone or call at our house.
They knew Nick was in hospital 28th December until 6th January.
One of them said, ’ Why did i delete myself from the WhatsApp group?’
It was like they just wanted gossip!
I sent quite a stern message to my best friend who i had known since i was 12.
She messaged back saying, ’ You are giving me a stomach ache, so i am swerving you now! You are too aggressive. ’
I couldn’t believe what i was reading.
Ive blocked all of them on all social media and will never speak to them again.
I have gone through all sorts of emotions and yes, anger was the first.
Nicks work friends and his mates have been there for us. They have all been amazing.
I felt so hurt from my friends. They just wanted the details to gossip about!
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Oh yeh ive had that ! Their precious feelings are so hurt !! How the hell do they think we feel like? Our flipping world has come crashing down and all they care about is their precious ego and their precious feelings !!! Grrrhhh … i read a book in those early days " languages of loss" by sasha bates … it helped me understand my feelings more and how they were normal. And yeh anger is a part of grief , because we have lost the most dear person in the world to us … i used to say … i wonder how well they would cope with it ! Not too well i suspect … Huh !! xx
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@gillybobs
One day they will go through what we have because with any couple one will always go before the other. None of us deserve or need the additional hurt and stress that these so called friends are causing. All what has happened to us and we have been through makes us reflect on what is important in life. I believe that when you let go of those people that no longer have your best interest at heart, it opens the door to meeting and letting in the right people into our lives. I understand the hurt and anger you feel but you did the right thing blocking them. Good people don’t hurt others. It really is that simple. The one positive thing about loss (not that there is much of it), is it makes us stronger and we are able to see things with much more clarity than we ever had before
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Hi gillybobs, sorry to hear you’re so upset by what your “friends” have done. I can empathise with this & agree with others, it is brutal, it shocks you & saddens. For me, makes me feel even more isolated. You take care.
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Oh my lovely.
I do understand your post. This happened to me once , when I dared to go to a friend’s birthday party… Some of those friends I had seen a few times…others not at all.
No one asked how I was…everyone else in couples.
I hated it. I won’t be doing that again.
What I really wanted was someone to say , “this must be so hard for you, we’ll done for coming” … But no one said anything about my husband…
And then an empty house when I got home, and lots of tears, and oh the irony , without the only person I wanted to talk to about how awful the evening had been 
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Thats so bloody ignorant isnt it ? Not asking how you were even. And yeh the dreaded couples scenario. I dont do couple outings anymore either x
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Thank you I still feel upset this morning
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Thank you for your post it really makes me not want to go to events in peoples homes any more . Its easier to visit true friends on an individual basis or go to places where its easy to leave if you need to. Its so hard just trying to get on with life as it is and so aware that life is short and need to try to make the most of it. I cant remember the last time feeling true joy .
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I am so sorry to hear this and really feel for you. I got a slightly similar thing at first such as didnt know didnt want to bother you but gradually the true friends came through but it is heartbreaking when you find out who they really are . Of course you are going through all sorts of emotions and why do people think that you can keep being nice ? Its natural to feel angry with the situation you are in . I am glad to hear that you are getting support from your husbands work mates and friends support and care comes from sometimes where you dont expect it but thank goodness it does.
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Yep you got it in one !! And im same … go somewhere where you can make a quick exit ! Not get trapped in a home !! Lol and yeh true joy … whats that ? Think ive forgotten ;( xx
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Aw… how sweet to be told that … theres a lack of encouragement and praise for doing what youre doing isnt there in this world … i have found so many people just wanna brush it under the carpet and its hard when we are living it isnt it ? Its so real to us but maybe not to them X
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What?
That is completely unacceptable to put it mildly!
That is really shocking, what a shallow person.
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