Hello Sheila hope you had a few good days and I am glad that you are going to start pampering your self it will make you feel better,Tha weather her has been awfully I am sat here in my conservatory watching the rain ,at least it’s not snow .did you Sheila when Peter died did you ever get some kind off depression, it’s been twenty one months and I am getting worse I have had to force my self to leave the house I just want to roll up into a ball and stay there ,I know we feel sad and empty all the time but this is different I do hope it passes soon as I can cope with how I was ,not making much sense am I , not being able to sleep dosent help ,sorry for moaning thank for listening will go back to bed see if I can settle love for now Teresa
Hello Teresa. Hope you don’t mind me dipping into your conversation. It’s been over a year for me as well and I share your sentiments. I’d rather not leave the house and want to just curl up in a ball. Then I also have this restless feeling and don’t know what to do with myself. All in all I just feel a detached from life so with me I am sure it’s a reactive depression. Hope you managed to find that elusive sleep and feel rested in a few hours. Kindest regards.
Hello Sheila thank you for your replie it has made me feel bit better as some times I feel so alone and forget that others are feeling just as bad as me .I have also just finished doing the house from top to bottom I keep asking my Dennis if he likes it ,but every thing off Dennis has been put back into the back bedroom where we had shelf build to hold all his cd etc his guitar that he was always going to learn to play but never got round to it ,I can see him now pretending to play it and we would just laugh ,we had so so many laughs, all his books are now put back in the same place but i have stii i have got wardrobes full off his clothes dispit his brothers taking quiet a lot .i could not sleep last night so i was sat there chomping a mint and my tooth broke in half ,i had been warned by my dentist that it would happen one day as i stood on the rake in the garden and one off them freak accident, the hadle shot up and slapped me in the face i walked round with black eyes for a week (my poor old Dennis got some right looks )well all my top teeth were knocked loose i now onlt have 4 left the others are false ,so going to get my self all together and have them out and have full top set but will have ones put on my denture that I have got ,then have to wait 3 month like you did .so nice to talk to you take care Teresa x
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Hello Tina I don’t mind at all I also get that restless feeling and roam the house I feel so sad for you and for us all ,I can’t even take in conversation my mind just wonders off I walk in a shop and think
what am I doing here ,the world seem to go on and I know I am in it but it hold no joy . I think Tina when you have had long happy marriage and you loved them more than you love yourself ,half off you goes with them as I think that you somehow grow into one another if that makes sense, I still can’t find that sleep but I do hope that you are asleep and you can and we all can find some peace take care nice to chat with you my love for now Teresa x
Hello Sheila I do hope that you have managed to get some peaceful night’s sleep,thank you for your last message I have read it a few times as it makes me smile thinking off your face and your replie when Peter mentions knocking a hole through the wall into your bedroom i hope who ever bought them gets a lot off pleasure out off them .my granddaughter and her young man left this dinner time they are now in Scotland ,Jess was twenty six yesterday so Dean booked them a little cottage for the week ,then there back off home ,I have really missed them as it’s now very quiet .I have not felt any better I just wish this depression would go as I can cope with the rest that comes with grieving but some days only just .your Peter sound like a very clever man how if ever do we stop grieving . I really do need to do something about my self as I have never left the house today I have had plenty off company but I just could not wait for them to leave my niece is a singer and she was doing a few hour singing tonight and my Dennis family tried there best to get me to go but I am still far to fragile to face any thing like that at the moment ,I am dreading my other nices wedding I really don’t want to go to that either . my Dennis was one off thirteen children and they aĺl had the greatest respect for each other and loved one another dearly, don’t suppose that happens very often ,my Dennis was there favorit as he was one off the youngest, I am luck in the fact that they always regarded me as family . I do hope that your friend is managing to find a bit off peace but can’t ever imaging what it feels like to loose your child . I am Sheila sat in this very quiet house knowing that I can’t go to bed as yet as I know I won’t sleep forgot what it’s like to have a good night sleep .The weather her has been awfully ,but it’s seems to be the same every where ,my son has just rang me from Canada and it snowing there again so he is out there feeding all the bird the rabbits the squirrels he feed every thing ,when I was there the birds start pecking on the window at six o’clock to tell you there ready for food and he fill ten bird feeders before he goes to bed plus squirrel feeder, etc but they are all a joy to see.well Sheila take care my love for now thanks for chatting to me Teresa x x
Hello, Sheila. I hope you won’t mind if I intrude into your postings to Theresa. Something in your last posting rang a bell for me and I’m glad I saw it. You say you don’t go out for the sake of it and I am doing just that because of unasked for advice from people who think they know what is best. I walk aimlessly for miles, and bearing in mind that I am 86, I find it very tiring. Also, I am heartily sick of being told that I must join things. I have never been a joiner but to-date I have joined a short-mat bowls club which I do like. I have also joined three knit and natter groups which I find totally boring. A group of elderly ladies sitting round a table clicking needles and gossiping is really not my idea of entertainment. Like you, I want to grieve for my husband in my own way but people won’t let me. On Thursday I met up with an old neighbour who knew my husband well. She spent over an hour listing all the things I should be doing, from taking a cruise to joining a keep fit class, and many other things in between. I wanted to strangle her, especially when she tried to frog-March me across the road to ask in a charity shop if they needed volunteers. Maybe I am different but I prefer to make my own choices. I feel so sorry for everyone on here and wish there was something we could all do to help ourselves. Sorry for the rant but your words struck a chord with me. Kindest regards. Eileen xx
I too have lost my partner (my husband died in October last year) I could not sleep in our bed and got rid of it I now sleep in the other bedroom. I have still not got round to sorting his clothes out I cant face it. This must be the most painful thing we have to deal with and nobody prepares you
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HI Kathleen
I know exactly what you mean when you say it’s so painful to sort things out. I moved my husband 's clothes from the wardrobe with a view to take them to the Charity shop at New Year. Still haven’t managed to do it yet. Like you I need to change the bed - another daunting job. We always chose furniture together for the last 40 years.
Somehow letting go of things seems disrespectful and feels like letting go of him (again). I know it’s silly because the most important things are the photos and the memories. I am frightened of really getting stuck and not being able to move forward with anything. (Just like on the Hoarders programme). Think I will have to give myself deadlines and be strict with myself otherwise nothing will get done.
Thank you for you post - it helps to know I am not alone in dealing with this.
Sending you a hug
Yvonne
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I know just what you mean about it being disrespectful getting rid of your husband’s things. I donated Peter’s clothes to a homeless charity, thinking that at least they would be of use to someone but it was hard to let them go. I’ve still got some of his clothes, that I can’t bear to part with. I sent a lot of his books and records to the British Heart Foundation charity shops, but it felt as though I was rejecting him when they went. Still, all we can do is get through one day at a time.
Marilyn
Hello again, Sheila and thank you for your reply to my posting. You sound just like me. I am 86 but use a laptop, IPad and mobile phone, I also play a Yamaha keyboard. So, the old saying is right that age is just a number. I live in sheltered accommodation where everyone else is elderly, although I am one of the oldest here. So far I am lucky in that I still have an active brain and living as I do with all elderly people doesn’t do much for me, especially now that I am on my own. I have decided to take your advice and please myself what I do. My family have gone back to their busy lives and left me to get on with it so that is what I will try to do, although I hope that as I am approaching 87, I won’t have too long on my own. By the way, I love Rock 'n Roll music too. Warm regards. Eileen xx
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Hello Sheila nice to here from you ,so so sorry about your sister .I dont know if this makes any sense but a few weeks ago I went numb and I still am that why I thought I was depressed I can’t seem to feel any thing i cant cry I feel empty and it scares me as I don’t want to feel like this and I just wondered if anyone else had felt like this and if so will it go ,I hope every day that it will go and I can get on with grieving ,I am sat here with his photo and I keep saying to my self he can’t be dead ,how after fifty three happy years how as it come to this take care my love to you and all that are grieving x Teresa
Hello Sheila hope you are okay ,thank you for your message it made me feel lot better as some times I think I am feeling thing that no one els as but ok course I am not ,your so right about them groups I only went once thankfully Audrey my friend came with me (She is also a widow six years )they were all sat down as we walked in ,and not one off them said a word ,no good morning your welcome no nothing so we left after half hour it was awfully, Audrey said your not talking me me into going any where else like that but we had a moan and a laugh and went for coffee. I am not one either for going on my own anywhere ,but I must be getting a bit better as I now go for a coffee on my own if I am out shopping ,but I not good at talking to people that I done know .I hope that you got your windows etc cleaned and it diddent snow on you ,we have had everything here today even hail stones thank you again for your help my lo e for now Teresa x
Morning Sheila hope your okay ,did you get for your massage if so was it okay ,I have never had one but my sister in law swears by them.every this you say is so true ,I dread this coming wedding ,as I have not seen some off my relative since my Dennis went as they live away ,so I know what is to come ,I will just have to plant a smile on my face and hope it stays there ,and if it’s one off my really bad days I won’t go.I hope you have a nice birthday and a nice lunch with your son ,I do wish I was born with the gift off the gab I think it nice when you can chat to anyone ,perhaps with time you might get your confidence back a little ,I phone my sister every night and I am on the phone half hour and I hardly say a word she never comes up for air ,my other sister brother are the same my Dennis used to say I was the post man’s as I seem to be the odd one out .I talk to my Dennis all the time ,I ask him thing and I know his answer but it’s only ever in my head as I don’t hear his voice ,but would we feel any better if we did here there voice I don’t know .that cake shop sound very nice ,if I meet my friend we always end up in Costa we will part own it soon ha and for someone who never drank coffee well I am not doing bad I often get a taxi when meeting friends but it feel very odd sat in taxis on my own I am always a bit aprensive. I have almost got my house finished thank goodness but it has kept my mind a bit occupied whilst it was getting done .
I have been down to my neighbour tonight for chat as she not very well and it always makes me a bit sad when I go ,as she has her own telly in her room and he has his own room they don’t sleep together ,but they muddle on one never really knowing the other ,we really have been very lucky my Dennis would have done anything for me as Peter would for you and not many people ever get to experience what we had ,i love him and that will never change ,i would give the world to be cuddled up with him on this big empty sofa my daughter had me two pillows made with his lovely gentle smile on them so I sit and cuddle them .I was thinking off going back to badminton today but I don’t know if I can as Dennis was always waiting for me outside when i came out with that big smile on his face ,and he would say have you thrashed them ,sure have I would say ,ho happy days ,thank for listening Sheila and happy birthday my love for now
Take Cate Teresa x
Morning Sheila hope your okay ,did you get for your massage if so was it okay ,I have never had one but my sister in law swears by them.every this you say is so true ,I dread this coming wedding ,as I have not seen some off my relative since my Dennis went as they live away ,so I know what is to come ,I will just have to plant a smile on my face and hope it stays there ,and if it’s one off my really bad days I won’t go.I hope you have a nice birthday and a nice lunch with your son ,I do wish I was born with the gift off the gab I think it nice when you can chat to anyone ,perhaps with time you might get your confidence back a little ,I phone my sister every night and I am on the phone half hour and I hardly say a word she never comes up for air ,my other sister brother are the same my Dennis used to say I was the post man’s as I seem to be the odd one out .I talk to my Dennis all the time ,I ask him thing and I know his answer but it’s only ever in my head as I don’t hear his voice ,but would we feel any better if we did here there voice I don’t know .that cake shop sound very nice ,if I meet my friend we always end up in Costa we will part own it soon ha and for someone who never drank coffee well I am not doing bad I often get a taxi when meeting friends but it feel very odd sat in taxis on my own I am always a bit aprensive. I have almost got my house finished thank goodness but it has kept my mind a bit occupied whilst it was getting done .
I have been down to my neighbour tonight for chat as she not very well and it always makes me a bit sad when I go ,as she has her own telly in her room and he has his own room they don’t sleep together ,but they muddle on one never really knowing the other ,we really have been very lucky my Dennis would have done anything for me as Peter would for you and not many people ever get to experience what we had ,i love him and that will never change ,i would give the world to be cuddled up with him on this big empty sofa my daughter had me two pillows made with his lovely gentle smile on them so I sit and cuddle them .I was thinking off going back to badminton today but I don’t know if I can as Dennis was always waiting for me outside when i came out with that big smile on his face ,and he would say have you thrashed them ,sure have I would say ,ho happy days ,thank for listening Sheila and happy birthday my love for now
Take Cate Teresa x
Hi Sheila I am so glad you had a lovely time ,I bet you looked lovely ,I do like it in Harrogate but have not been for ages ,has baby come yet
Your going to be busy for the next few months ,my neibours daughter has left her partner and moved back in with them with a new baby and I had forgot how much they cry but none off them are very happy with the situation and I do think that baby’s pick up on it .
I also like Wallis clothing ,I have gone off marks as I did like some off there jumpers but it’s not as good as it once was .
I have felt little better these last few day ,I have started walking again and yesterday we went walking to Wentworth it was not a bad day weather wise and we had a lovely lunch , but the thought off going back home to no Dennis is always at the back off my mind yet I am always ready to get back home . My daughter is coming on Sunday to stay with me for fortnight ,she has meeting in London so I will be going with her it is the longest I have gone in all her fourth eight years with out seeing her , it’s only been five weeks but it feels forever so it will be nice ,we are going to my sister’s whilst in London. Thank you for your message I love reading them take care my love for now
TERESA
Hello Sheila I hope your feeling okay ,congratulations on your new grandson, it sure put a smile on my face when I read how much he weighed bless him .Well Sheila my daughter is not here ,she was about to leave the house to catch the early morning ferry when Gareth her husband was taken ill she knew instantly that he was having a heart attack ,they operated when he got to hospital ,doctor say he will be okay but he needs a further operation this morning ,so I have been waiting all morning for update ,and unfortunately I could not go as I have been having trouble with my ankle for about a year so I decided to do something about it ,I had a scan on Friday and I have a blocked artery so waiting to see what doc say when I get to see him ,but in between times not to fly ,my daughter rang me last night an said ho mum how I want my dad just to here his lovely gentle voice I know he is around me but I just want to cuddle him ,and have him say everything will be okay ,very very upsetting ,she is fortunate to have quite a good few friend there so they have been a godsend ,my granddaughter Jess flew straight out .Well Sheila that all my news none off it good but it could have been lots worse .you are going to be very busy with your three grandchildren I hope the weather is bit better where you are so you can get out and about it horrid here none stop rain wind .The gardening club sound good wish there was one round here .Well Sheila thanks again for listening, I hope you have lovely time with your grandchildren you might sleep well as they are very tiring my love for for now Teresa x x
Hi Sheila hope your doing okay Gareth had his operation this morning and all is going well he has just got to know his limits for a while not easy when you have always been so fit .
I hope Sheila that your getting plenty off rest as you will need it be for your grandsons come it will be like a mini stamped ha , when mine come they fetch that much stuff the house looks like a bome has hit it .Gareth is fourty seven he went in the army from school he retired two years ago as his thirty odd years were up he then went into gas fitting and electricity , he retired from the forces one week and the following week he started work , so doing nothing for a while won’t sit very well .
Your right about everything being worse now we’re on our own no one to mull thing over with or just be there for each other when thing like this happen ,must have been awfully for you waiting for updates on your own ,I often wonder what they would be thinking if there looking down on us ,your Peter would be saying blimey Alfie a whopper ,my Dennis would be telling Gereth that he need to do as he is told for a while . . I do hope that you have a lovely time with your boys and that the weather pick up for you ,and spending money on them never stop what ever there age ,but we would not have it any other way
I am going to try and sleep now I have been sat here cuddling this daft cusion trying to think that it is my Dennis but my imagination won’t stretch that far ha ,ha ,
Last night I fell asleep with a toffee in my mouth ,I woke up to it stuck in my hair ,so I had my hair to wash first thing this morning ,I
Won’t be doing that again ,spoke to my son earlier he said mother you could have choked ,I love chatting to you Sheila as you always make me smile take care have a lovely weekend I will be thinking off you my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila hope all well with you ,and baby mum still doing well ,will take mum a few weeks to feel better .Thank you for your good wishes ,Gareth is now doing well ,but the more he comes round the more he talks about getting back to work next week ,
Your so right about all the stress that comes with the work load that they have now ,they are a permanent worry .
My daughter is also fourth eight in September she is in the same position as your son ,but she thinks that her job ,and also the company will all fold in about two half years ,but i do think what ever there pay out is thay have erned every penny off it , she is off to
Honkong later on in the year then Brunei, then beliese, still it’s better than Afghan, that all shut down now thank God . She phoned me earlier to give me update ,and she said mum I could swear I heard my dad say hello to me tonight as I walked into the house it was so real I turned to talk to him , my granddaughter then came on the phone as Mary was sobbing ,and I could do nothing it was soul destroying ,I wonder if it is ever going to get bearable, I have felt so sad and alone these last few days ,I do think family friend choose how good they are have no idear how we feel ,they only see the face that we put on ,and then go on about all there woes sometimes I could scream and say shut up as I don’t care just go home ,how bad is that .
I hope the weather stay nice for you this weekend it was a bit better here today ,I even got a bit off gardening done ,I even swept my neibours path down ,as she works full time and never get round to it
Well Sheila thank again for listening I hope to here from you soon as your messages always make me feel better ,I am off to see if I can sleep take care my love for now Teresa
Ha ha poor you poor back enjoy x x
Hi Eileen, Not been on line for a while felt so down, Going for counselling on Friday hope it helps, How are you getting on ?Been to my daughter for a few days but coming home to empty house is a nightmare especially after being with my Husband 56 years not forgetting you and Bill 66 years , Thinking of moving in the summer but got to be sure its the right thing to do, Lets hope tomorrow is a better day for us all xx Pammi