Hello, Pammi. I haven’t been on here much either, probably for the same reason as you. I hope your counselling goes well. I am having my third session today. Not sure if it’s doing me any good but I will carry on for a while. I think that the loneliness after so many years together is what is holding us back from making some sort of recovery. I hate turning the key in my front door, knowing that there isn’t anyone waiting for me inside. On the other hand, when I am with family I just want to leave, especially if the grandchildren are there. We cannot win, can we? The lovely weather down here in the south has lifted my spirits a bit but nothing can cure the longing to have my husband back and for my life to be as it once was. I’m sure that you feel the same, Pammi, and I wish there was something we could do to change things. We can’t, so all we can do is press on and make the best of what is left. Good luck for Friday. Eileen xx
Hi Eileen, How did your counselling go hope you got some comfort. from it. Today has been really lovely nice and sunny makes you feel a bit better , Not looking forward to my counselling tomorrow hope you don’t have to go all over things it will be to upsetting, They have taken our bus service away so will have to get taxi there and back.Had a bad day today got Iceland to do home delivery not used to doing that never done it before just want things back to normal, My friend lost her Husband 14 years ago and she has made a new life for herself lots of holidays days out etc., she said why don’t we do a small cruise together got to think about that , My Daughter said just go Mum I know its silly but want to go with Colin but know it isn’t going to happen.might end up giving it a go, Take care Love Pammi xx
Hello, Pammi. I hope your counselling goes well on Friday. To be honest, I haven’t yet felt any real benefit after three sessions. All she does is get me to go out and join things. I have already done that but it’s not my thing, and I really don’t care much for groups of women. I joined a short mat bowls group and quite enjoy that but there is very little to do around here unless you like knitting or card games. I will carry on with the counselling for a while longer and see how it goes. I have Cruse, and she comes to me. I have also thought about getting a passport and going on a cruise but not sure whether I would like it without my husband. I have a daughter in Australia but am not able to fly for health reasons, otherwise I would go. It is still very early days for you but if you have a friend to go with, it may do you good. Worth a try I think. The weather here in the south is gorgeous and really makes a difference to how you feel. I hope that the snow they have forecast doesn’t happen as I don’t want to be trapped indoors. I will be thinking of you on Friday. Let me know how it goes. Love, Eileen xx
Hi Eileen, Hope you are well, Counselling went quite well she wanted to know a lot about Colin which started me crying after I was determined I wouldn’t but couldn’t help it. I still cant believe it has come to this don’t want to know it just want Colin and our life back as I know you do. My friend has asked me to go on a small cruise to try and cheer me up she doesn’t have to do it she lost her Husband 14years ago when he was 60 he had cancer and she has a big family so she is always busy wish I was ,Thank God the night are getting lighter,. Why don’t you get a passport and do a cruise I know exactly what you mean I really do about it wanting to be your Husband to go with I still havnt made up my mind yet as to what to do, its what Colin would want me to do but I am lost without him, Eileen when you hear a sad song does it make you cry ?I had to rush out of a shop yesterday in tears its so sad for us ,Its been really cold today the wind is bitter, Hope you can try and enjoy your weekend Sunday is on its way and my stomach is already going over hate it Take care thinking of you Love Pammi xxx
Good morning, Pammi. I have been awake since 2.30am and can’t get back to sleep so decided to answer a couple of postings on here. Glad your counselling went well but it is very hard to talk about our husbands without breaking down. Like you, I just want my old life back but we know it can never be. You also share my feelings about the longer days and Sundays. I also like the lighter evenings and hate Sundays. I have booked a holiday to Bournemouth over the Easter weekend. My daughter lives there but she doesn’t have room for me to stay so I am going to a hotel near the seafront. I will go out with her during the daytime but don’t know how I will feel at night without Bill. Everything is so different now. Yes, when I hear a sad song it makes me cry, and if it’s one of Bill’s favourites, I am even worse. He loved good music, especially Country and Western. I am just going to try and have some sleep although I doubt it. Good luck with your counselling. Love, Eileen xx
Hi Eileen Sorry you was awake so early it is awful once you are awake your mind starts up and that’s it, but hope you did manage to get back for a few hours, Good you are going to your Daughter but sorry you have to stay at Hotel of a night that’s when it hits home we were so lucky to have had such wonderful Husbands for so many years but its still hard to accept when we havnt got them, My Brother has invited me to stay with him for Easter looking forward to that but still not want we really want is it,? I have got to look to move place is to big now plus on a corner which I am not happy with now I havnt got Colin. But that has to be a move on my own , I have a good faith and have put a lot of trust in God to keep me strong. That rotten Sunday tomorrow will just walk down to town have a coffee in costas look round the shops and back home again, what a life this has become for us.Hope you sleep better tonight, Take care Love Pammi xxx
Hello Sheila I am so glad that you had a lovely time and had a good laugh ,it sounded very nice .It will be lovely seeing your baby on Tuesday hope mum baby are still doing well.i am in London with my sister she not been well since having a new knee ,so I am fetching her back with me on Friday for a week or so .my son in law is doing well he want to go back to work next week and there no talking him Out off it ,as you said they know every thing .I have not been able to message you as only got the internet to work tonight .I bet your ready for a well earned rest now your grandchildren have gone ,but it lovely to have them .The weather here is very cold ,it’s the wind that gets you ,it usually warmer here in London .my love for now take care Teresa x
Hi Sheila I do hope that your feeling a lot better it is awfully when your not well and no husband to look after you ,your doing the right thing staying in wrapped up warm .
My sister Sheila had her knee replacement almost two years ago ,and unfortunately she has been one off the unlucky ones dispite lots off follow up treatment there has been no improvement, it’s still very swollen ,it won’t bend ,she can’t walk very far ,so she is feeling a little sorry for her self
I will Sheila be so so glad to get home as Sheila never stopped talking she goes from one tale to another with out taking a breath ,but since my Dennis died I have trouble taking in conversation .
My son in law is doing well and is going to do as advised by his doctor .
I Do find that since my Dennis went I prefer time on my own in my own home and i am always glad when i have company, when they have gone .when weather her has been very cold ,it’s the wind it just blows through you ,and today her in London we have had snow but it has stopped now ,it is very bad in Sheffield so I do hope that we get home on Friday .I do hope your lots better take care off your self ,did you get to see your baby is mum baby still doing well my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila so glad to hear from you I hope your feeling lots better now I have not had a minute to my self since Sheila came ,here friends have been here almost night and day my daughter is also here she has buisnes in Leeds so she has been computing there daily ,so by the time she gets back and we have all had our tea ,and our Sheila friend have all gone I feel worn out ,as you say we are now used to a much quieter life ,Sheila never stops talking for a minute and as you say all about them self I now know every priest and nun that lives in Fulham ha ha it drives me mad ,she is also not used to stairs so has me running up down half dozen times a day dispite trying to fetch all her stuff down in the morning ,she always want a prayer book that she has forgotten or certain sock ,and now others will do ,she thinks that I am the butler ha .It would be nice as you say for friend etc to ask how you are but that never happens .My daughter is taking Sheila back to London on Sunday and I know it sound awfully but I can’t wait .I was cought out my self on Tues as we all went looking for wedding clothing ,I was not in the mood any way ,and all off a sudden the shop started to play one off mine and Dennis favourite songs I had to leave the shop as I was so upset ,I could not go back in so I still have nothing to wear for this wedding .
I do think that your daughter in law loves you ,but I think that it’s us we are afraid to rock the boat ,and I am sure when your feeling bettershe would jump at your offers off help ,poor thing she will be very soar for a while .
DO you Sheila have weeks were you feel so low and down ,and then a few days were you feel a little better ,and then think if I could feel like this all the time I could cope ,but off course it dosent last .
Are you thinking off going on any holidays this year friend want me to go with here some where but as yet we have not made Any plans
Hi Sheila I could not seem to get any more on my last message ,I am hoping to have a quiet day tomorrow as none off Sheila friend are due i would just love to go out and have nice cup coffee and a chat
With it all not being one sided .Ha ha sorry for moaning yet again ha ha ,is baby a good boy so mum gets plenty off rest .
Well Sheila I hope this message finds you lots better take care I will hope to hear from you soon ,you could offer to take my sister for a few days ha that what friends are for ha my love for now Teresa x x
Hi Sheila thank you for your message as they always make me smile as your so accurate in most things ,Sheila is at this moment sat talking to the television ,I have to find her all the cooking programs ,but like with every thing she can do it all better ha ha roll on Sunday.
Jackie who used to play badminton with us twice a week also came walking with us and she was so mean that the little group got very annoyed about her, when we had finished our walk we all went for coffee cake but Jackie always had to have large glass wine ,but she always managed to get out off her turn ,dispite her being a very wealthy woman ,and she always had to remind every one on every walk that she had a new car every year ,well in the end I had to go walking with her on my own every Sunday, but when my Dennis died I stopped and I felt very guilty about it as i felt very very sorry for her ,what a horrid life just counting your money daily her two sons stopped talking to her years ago poor thing .
We had a nice walk in the botanical gardens today well I did Sheila sat having cup tea and watching the world go by and chatting away to any one that passed ,my daughter dropped us off whilst she went for her yearly Bupa check up .
My stone at the moment keeps getting upset with me as he want me to go back with him to Canada when he comes in the summer ,and he see no reason why I can’t go for six months ,as I have my own large place ,as he puts it ,so when I want to be on my own I can just go there ,but I don’t really want to go at all as I just don’t want to be that far away from home and my Dennis ,and the few friends that I do have are now in there eighty and we won’t have many years left going walking together ,also as much as I liked John wife I don’t feel that I know her enough to go there for long periods, I found it very hard when myself Dennis went for a month when John was ill ,we were both glad to be home ,but Dennis never liked flying ,and we always had a little bit off fear that if any thing happened how we would get him back home .
My Dennis will have been gone to years ,the same days as my niece’s wedding so not looking forward to that ,my daughter is coming with me tomorrow to look for something for me to wear for it ,I did get nice dress jacket but she said I looked like a sack off potatoes ha ha she was right ,so that’s gone back I like you have always kept my self smart ,but since losing so much weight nothing seems to look right .
It is Sheila pouring with rain here at the moment and very cold hope it’s stopped for tomorrow ,it is now all lovely and quiet as Sheila is in bed saying her prayers ,her heart is in the right place it’s just her poor old mouth not my love for now take care x x Teresa
Hi Sheila I never asked you if your cold was any better ,as you can see once again I can’t sleep dispite feeling worn out ,I wonder how many off us that are grieving are still wide awake ,I am sat looking at my Dennis photo and many a time I wonder if he can feel my pain ,do you think that the years since you lost Peter have gone slow ,I still some days think that this is just a dream and all will be back how it should be tomorrow ,but off course it won’t, I am so fed up off feeling so down ,will we ever feel normal again I have forgot what it feels like to feel .I hope that your fast asleep and your well take care my love for now Teresa x x
Evening Sheila ,once again your messages always make me smile ,I sit and read them on days when I feel really down and they always make me fee better .I went yesterday with my friend for supposedly posh tea and scones we had a voucher brought for us at Christmass and it had to be used my yesterday ,well we were soaked when we got there as the rain was just making floods every where ,
We got out cup tea with scones to follow twenty minutes later the girl fetched our scones (Audrey asked for more tea as we had drank it she had been that long fetching our scones )Well I tried to cut minebut afternoon out went better than ours would not budge ha ha Audrey looked at me saying what going on here ,so I just pulled it open and it was all burnt in the middle they all were ,they must have been frozen, and they had left them in the microwave to long ,so off she trots to get us some more by that time we had lost the will to live fifteen mins later she comes back full off apologies they had no scones left but we could have cake ,wrap it us up we will take it with us ,gets home she had wrapped the cake in a black napkin be for putting it into the bag ,so no cake as napkin had stuck to it but we had a laugh on the way back to the bus stop ,so I hope that your
Afternoon out went better than ours .
And your right I did miss Sheila ,she was a bit upset to be going home and that’s not like here ,but my daughter took her so she fine now .
I would be doing the same if a party came up I really am all on cooking now ,I used to love to cook for my Dennis but there seems no point in it now I do most off my shopping at marks my daughter says its there mints that keep me
I think that’s lovely to have all your photos dated etc and all your diaries to look through, I bet you have a lovely photo album off your wedding day, you are so right about all the empty memories we make now now they don’t seem to mean anything ,and the last two years seem to be a fog to me ,I sometimes wonder how we have got to where we are now as every think we were ,even what we throught or felt died ,
I go to bed at night thinking in the morning a might get up to aflicker off light or a familial feeling any thing but this empty void . Did you start going back for your massages .I hope you have a good time at the party and your head can stand all the noice my love for now take care Teresa x x
Hi Sheila I hope your part goes well and you don’t get to tired ,I seem to get a bit het up these days went catering for family friend so I don’t do it often .My daughter has had me out most off the day looking once again for wedding attire, she wanted to buy me a very expensive dress it was lovely but I would not dream off letting herspend that kind off money ,and where would I go to ever wear it again and my going out days are over ,I only ever went with my Dennis ,she seem bent on spending her hard earned bonus on me ,she said mum if I could look at your face and not see your pain I would gladly spend every penny I have and live in a caravan , I just can’t help it as these last few weeks seem to have been harder than ever .You are very clever how you taut your self all about computers
I get by but still get annoyed with it when I can’t do thing i want to do ,but my son talked me through thing that I don’t understand .
I am off to spennmore it’s in county Durham, it where my daughter’s house is ,we are going to stay there overnight then catch early ferry sat morning to Germany we are picking up my grandson (he lives there ) I am staying there a fortnight and then we are all coming back here ,so it will be a full house.
I am hoping that I will feel better when I see Mary’s dogs as I have missed them .
The three years that she located to Germany for seems to be going so slow but it is about fifteen months so not long to go now ,but I do have a feeling that she won’t come back to live ,here ,as due to some legal thing that her firm was waiting for has come and it was good news so she will be going much further afield ,Hong Kong ,Cyprus, Falklands and quite a few other places ,mum she says I am taking you with me ho I don’t think so ,I am to empty to tired and to sad and I just like being here in my own home I can chat away to my Dennis without having to bother if any ones listening ha ha .
Well Sheila I hope you have a lovely party and a lovely but tiring weekend with your grandchildren take care don’t work to hard my love for now Teresa x x
Hi Sheila I hope your part goes well and you don’t get to tired ,I seem to get a bit het up these days went catering for family friend so I don’t do it often .My daughter has had me out most off the day looking once again for wedding attire, she wanted to buy me a very expensive dress it was lovely but I would not dream off letting herspend that kind off money ,and where would I go to ever wear it again and my going out days are over ,I only ever went with my Dennis ,she seem bent on spending her hard earned bonus on me ,she said mum if I could look at your face and not see your pain I would gladly spend every penny I have and live in a caravan , I just can’t help it as these last few weeks seem to have been harder than ever .You are very clever how you taut your self all about computers
I get by but still get annoyed with it when I can’t do thing i want to do ,but my son talked me through thing that I don’t understand .
I am off to spennmore it’s in county Durham, it where my daughter’s house is ,we are going to stay there overnight then catch early ferry sat morning to Germany we are picking up my grandson (he lives there ) I am staying there a fortnight and then we are all coming back here ,so it will be a full house.
I am hoping that I will feel better when I see Mary’s dogs as I have missed them .
The three years that she located to Germany for seems to be going so slow but it is about fifteen months so not long to go now ,but I do have a feeling that she won’t come back to live ,here ,as due to some legal thing that her firm was waiting for has come and it was good news so she will be going much further afield ,Hong Kong ,Cyprus, Falklands and quite a few other places ,mum she says I am taking you with me ho I don’t think so ,I am to empty to tired and to sad and I just like being here in my own home I can chat away to my Dennis without having to bother if any ones listening ha ha .
Well Sheila I hope you have a lovely party and a lovely but tiring weekend with your grandchildren take care don’t work to hard my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila
I hope all is well with you ,I have missed chatting to you as you always make me feel better .
I am so glad to be home I really do miss my own home and i feel like I have left my Dennis on his own daft I know ,well the ferry ride there was awfully gale force winds rain ,it was suppose to dock at nine o’clock, but it eventually docked at two thirty ,plenty people with white faces .
I always feel worn out when I get home as when I get there they all seem to feel that when there home from work it’s all up to mum dinner ready ,washing done ,dogs walked, the list goes on ,I really did not mind when my Dennis was here but I find it hard work on my own ,I do like to give them a nice rest but they could wash there own pots ha ha ,but I suspect that were all the same .
My sister Sheila is now back she is here for the wedding on Sunday but as Mary ,garet, and Stephen ,.were here there was no room gso she is staying at my other sister’s and I really could not face her again so soon .
Mary Gareth have now gone down to there own house to get the garden etc done before they go back to Germany .
I have Sheila felt awfully all the time I have been gone I feel like I can’t climb out off this black hole ,and I really don’t think I can go to this wedding if it was on any other day I don’t think that I would feel so bad ,the two years on Sunday since Dennis died seem to have flown ,and I seem to have stood still .
How have you been and how is your baby bet he put weight on bless him ,hope his mum is feeling lots better and she has healed well ,as I know what she must have gone throught as I went throught much the same my self .
Nice to chat to you again take care my love for now Teresa x x
Hi Sheila thanks for your message ,I do hope that your shoulder get bit better soon.well you sure are going to have a very busy weekend
So I hope you manage to get a bit off sleep ,as I think that even when your feeling rubbish when your tired it ten times worse ,mind you these days I feel tied most days when I have slept seem to have lost my get up and go .
I decided after reading your message that I would go with my sister’s Sheila ,Bernadette, plus my brother in law shopping ,so got my self a dress and jacket shoe bag hat ,I look like as my nan used to say ladie got nowt ha ha, so I will smile and get my self to the wedding ,my daughter etc are all on there way here so I will be head cook and bottle washer once again ,i will be worn out before I get to the wedding let’s hope we don’t get rain all day ,I am not one for grand weddings nine bridesmaid four ushers ,and apparently the mother in law to be has paid thousand pound for her dress ,why would you go about telling people that ,and I bet she looks no better than we all will ,my last niece that had grand wedding in the cathedral ,was getting divorced with in the year .
My grandson has decided to buy him self a house just two bedroom one ,so he rang me to see if I would go back with him on Monday to Burnham to have a look at it he has shown it me on messenger and it look very nice , he is a lovely pleasant happy boy ,well man he twenty five , my self and his mum dad keep hoping that he will find a nice girl ,but he is diabetic and we have almost lost him three times as now and again his body stops accepting the insulin ,so I think that holds him back a bit .
Do you sometimes Sheila feel more lost when your surrounded with your family I do ,my Dennis was always there to help with the cleaning up etc, and always there to have a little moan to ,I really miss all that ,we always managed to have a laugh abouts something every night before we fell asleep I just miss him ,as you do your Peter, is there ever a day that you don’t think off Peter when you first wake up ,do you ever go a few hours with out thinking about him ,or does that never alter ,I sometimes think I wish I could just go a few hours without thinking about him .
Is your baby a good baby he is going to be a big boy bless him ,well Sheila I hope that you sleep tonight ,I hope I do as well ,take care my love for now ,have a lovely if busy weekend Teresa x x x
I have a life but at the same time I don’t have a life, even 15 months down the line I don’t know what to do some days. I don’t read can’t concentrate on things and some days even now do not go out of the house or get dressed and still sleep badly. How do you all cope.