I’m at nearly eleven months, and it is still very hard. I just try to take one day at a time. If I look forward too far, I find it very depressing. I try to get out of the house every day, even if it is only for a walk round our estate but it is still an effort.
Hello Jerry. I understand a bit of where you are coming from. It’s been 18 months for myself and my thoughts and actions seem to echo yours somewhat. I know I’ve used this phrase before but Simon Thomas TV presenter and widower, said he felt “in” the World, but not “of” the World. I think his words are poignantly true. Sending compassionate thoughts to you.
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Hello Marilyn. I think the passing of time brings a different kind of pain. It feels harder and more isolating as well as 11 months is such a long time to everyone else yet for us time seems to have no meaning either way, it feels as though it’s stopped - more likely it’s us that’s stopped. Looking ahead is frightening I agree. You have been doing well to be getting out for a walk when I imagine you really don’t feel up to it. Sending warmest regards to you Marilyn.
I am another who advocates trying to go out for a walk however short every day, to the post box, end of the road and back, anything. I found the winter and at the moment the spring quite good as you are muffled up and if you look a bit tearful strangers assume you have a cold and don’t stop you and start hassling.
19 months on and I am still sleeping appallingly. I remember when we lost my Dad it took Mum years to sleep through the night again. She used to listen to the radio on headphones. Early days of the internet then so no chance of an i-pad in bed and chatting online.
I will often have a nap in the afternoon of I am at home which does seem to help a bit. I do find just taking things in short bursts good, one day or when anniversaries loom an hour at a time.
Hi Sheila hope your well ,have you had your party yet if so did it all go off okay .
The wedding went well every one looked lovely but I was so glad to get home ,and yes Sheila was on full form plus my brother who is just as BAD in fact they all are ,don’t know where I come from my Dennis used to say I was the milk man’s, it’s awfully really room full off people and you feel completely alone ,I was watching all the couple’s dancing and thinking that would have been us a few years ago ,I kept having a walk round the out side off the hotel hoping for the time to fly by .
I wish this rotton weather would go as I am fed up off being wet ,still they say it going to be warm next week ,hope so as it might makes us all feel better ,if that is possible ,I am fed up of feeling rotton my Dennis is on my mind all the time .
I have been to Wentworth today with my friend Audrey as she would have been celebration her sixty wedding anniversary today and her and Barry always went to Wentworth so we took daffodils for him and left them on a bench near the church ,wonder how long they will stay there ,it was packed there today dispite the weather I hope you sleep well take care my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila, it cheered me up reading your message ,I am really glad that your party went well thank goodness for marks Spencer’s , sat here waiting to hear from my daughter son in law they went back to Germany today they go by Dover ,then a short ferry ride so they can keep the dogs in the car ,then another six hours drive to get to bedafeld ,Mary working tomorrow and there no where near Dover yet I don’t know there a permanent worried,.
Hope all goes well with your teeth tomorrow ,glad your party was good take care my love for mow Teresaxxxxxxx
Hello Sheila Mary Gareth and the dogs got home safely ,Mary went straight to work I don’t know how they keep it all up ,she said daisy and Deano were little monkeys as they wanted to get out off there seat belts and sit in her knee ,there not used to being sat in the back off the car on there own ,they are spoiled but there both lovely .
Well Sheila you are going to have another busy weekend it will be nice hope you get a bit off sunshine,as it been very miserable misty foggie rain here for days ,.
I am also making my garden lot easier, lots off my garden now look after it self ,I have got ride off lots off my big heavy pots ,I really do need to get ride off quiet a lot off my alo Veras as there huge and I can’t handle them any more the trouble with them is that they need to be inside greenhouse or garage all winter I have twenty all at different stages .
I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE gone on okay at dentill hospital and you don’t need to go back any more ,going to see if I can sleep now ,I hope you have a lovely weekend my love for now Teresa x x x
I did the same thing this week Jeannie. I bought new pretty bedding and curtains so the room looks different. I am Ok being in the bed that I shared with John but I am not sleeping well. I know that I have to move on and find a new life for myself, I know that I can’t bring him back but it is hard. I think that it is little things like reclaiming the bedroom that help. I do sleep with a pillow in the bed where he used to be, I know it sounds silly but it is reassuring, and makes me feel a bit better.
Hi Sheila I hope your okay and your weekend went well ,you will be ready for a bit off peace and quiet now ,I wish that you did live near me I would be round with all the all. Veras, but four off them weight more than me as I have had them almost twenty five years and they have given me hundreds off baby’s I no longer pot them as I now have no room for any more still got twenty that are getting very big.
I TRIED to get a bit off gardening done again today but it got to cold so I came in ,still can’t muster up much Enthusiasm for doing my garden ,or for doing any thing really ,I have found these last few month very hard the longing to have my Dennis back is to much to bear at times ,but all off us in our position must feel the same ,the price we have to pay for loving someone more than ourself is hard ,
I think I feel worse now Mary back in Germany ,now my granddaughter and her young man have both gone out there to live and work I will really miss her as she came to me from Duran on her days off and on her holidays ,so I feel really lost and alone dispite have friend and family ,daren’t say much to Mary as I know what she would say ,she want me to go live with here as she says she can’t settle knowing I am here on my own ,but I won’t, just wish it was a bus ride away .
I am hoping for bit warmer day tomorrow ,and a bit more get up and go ,and get thing done in my garden ,I would feel better if I could sleep .
I am glad your teeth are okay I have got to get mine seen to as I have a partial pallet but it’s to big but I seem to have turned into a woos as my son says ,since Dennis died as I never went anywhere with out him holding my hand ,it’s strange all the little things that you miss ,I hate Sundays the most as I went walking ,and Dennis went to have a game cards with his old school friends (thay had all stayed together all these years the last one died last week ) I always cut my walk short to go and meet him as he had a few pint and I was afraid off him falling as he was a bit weak on his legs after the stroke
He would always to do the same when he saw me and pretend to stagger ,it always made me smile and as I got closer he would open his arms and kiss me all over my face even in the snow we would
stand there cuddling for a few minutes, daft pair , .
So much to be thankfully for but so much to morn for .
Hope you have a nice week thanks for listening talk soon take care Teresa x x x x
Hi Jess I also have pillow beside me, very often it’s not there when I first go to bed but usually there beside me when I wake. A reassuring thing. Take care.
Hi Sheila it was so nice getting your message I do enjoy reading them .
It’s a shame you have no one to go places with ,me and Audrey my friend have three shows booked four day trips ,and we are going to get a little cottage in Whitby later on in the year for a few days Audrey was a very good dancer her and her late husband Barry often went dancing at Blackpool tower ,you and Peter were so like me my Dennis ,we also have little get together every month with our other friends we take it in turns once a month,only tea coffee cake but it get us all out ,but some still have there husbands so they have no idear what we are going throught ,don’t think that you can un till it happens to you .
I have decorated most off the house these last few month as I don’t want my Dennis looking down thinking I am not keeping it up my sister in law rang me earlier to see if her Harry could come tomorrow
We go to one another’s house once a week ,for lunch ,she said what are you doing ,I told her that I was washing the tiled floors in my hall ,she said but it ten o’clock, she throught that I was going mad ha ha .
I have been in the garden all day cut my palms down gave my two hbay trees a good hair cut still got lots to do but I will get there ,I love lavateria ,but my favourite bedding plant are begonias they were still lovely in October dispite being neglected all year ,I got all my rockery done ,I now only keep my front garden tidy as thing now get stolen the min you put them in ,I had a brass horse in my garden he was there for twenty five years he was one that was laid down so I concreated him in ,and I called him Mrs coupe ,God knows why ha but I loved it well one morning a few years ago when I got up he had gone I felt sick as he in a way had come real to us as we all talked to him when leaving the house and when coming back ,daft I know but it really was awfully.
I have just been chatting to my son in Canada and it’s snowing there again the weather there had been very severe this year so look like every where’s getting bad weather he is coming to stay with me for a while in the summer that will be nice as we go out for meals and go watch films if there is any thing good showing .
MYSELF and Audrey Pam and the friend I used to play badminton with are all going bolling on Friday, last time we went I was rubbish but we had a laugh hope I do better this time .
Well Sheila going to see if I can sleep, keep as you say rambling as it’s lovely to read your messages and I love reading about you and Peter as it makes me feel better my love for now Teresa x x x take care x
Hi Sheila I hope you are okay and you got lot off gardening done ,was a lovely day here today ,went walking round bradfield dame but not many walkers about for such a nice da went to garden centre but it was rubbish most were more dead than alive ,felt like going to look for the hose pipe .
I was getting my self ready this morning when Sheila rang full off woes, and I did not like to rush her (Not that you can )I ended up rushing about as I was in danger off missing my bus to the meeting point ,as it was very windy I throught I would put a bit off spray on my hair ,don’t think I have put any thing on my hair for few years as it’s very good natured ,I just wash and shake ha ,well put my coat on and gave my hair a spray only to realise that I had sprayed my self with furniture polish had to get wet warm flannel try get it off, well no wasps and bees followed me whilst out shan’t be doing that again ,the spray that I did see under the sink was our Jessica’s it was the same colour as polish ,when she rang me tonight she throught it was hillarioous little madom ha ha . How old was your Peter when he got ill ,I saw this couple this morning at the bus stop both were swearing and were so big ,the man’s tea shirt did not fit over his great big belly ,scruffy pair they were , they were my age ,and I throught they just eat and eat never wash etc and there still here it’s so not fair ,I know that awfully but I can’t help it ,some couple’s will never experience what we had and that is sad ,eveling my neibours never sleeps with her husband thay don’t even sit in the same room she sits in the kitchen with her own telly he stay in the living room with his telly they get no pleasure from each other it sad .If my Dennis came back I would sit on him and never let him move ha ha but that’s not going to happen is it ,Do you think Sheila that we will meet Peter and Dennis again I don’t know what I believe any more ,my Dennis never broke a promise and he said he would come back but he has not so far ,but my daughter feels him with here all the time ,I don’t even dream about him on the occasions that I do sleep ,I do feel that he is in here with me but I just want ,well don’t know what I want ,just want him back ,can’t bear the thought that I will never get to see him or kiss him or talk to him again ,
Well Sheila your house sound lovely it nice to get good work men as there’s not many about these days .I would Sheila like to go and see the picture that’s on the cinema here from tomorrow ,but very awkward for us all as were all bus rides away from one another and not many buses go to Meadowhall from where we all live and that’s where it’s showing ,will say good night night talk soon don’t work to hard in your garden take care my love for now Teresa xxxx
Hi Sheila hope that your wrapped up in bed fast asleep ,as you can see I am still wide awake dispite my long walk ,I then went straight into the garden to give more off my trees a good cut , I have to cut every thing up small to try get it all in the bin as can only do skip trips now when Mary comes
I do think Sheila that when you have always been so strong and independent that your boys just forget that your getting older,bet them carpets were horse work to cut up I know as I have done it but only two thank goodness,I have a load off wood to move tomorrow but if I don’t get any sleep I won’t have the energy to do ,it we were dismantling the old hut at the bottom off the garden but I have not done any more since den died it look a right mess when you walk down there ,John said to leave it till he comes but I will see ,going to try sleep now my head has stopped whirling love for now Teresa x x
I feel the same I lost my amazing husband 6 months ago, he was only 44 it was suddenly and unexpected, I put one of his T shirts on a bear so I’ve got something to cuddle up too and feel like I’ve got him next to me… I have even sprayed his aftershave on it so it smells like him. Nights are the hardest and the loneliness to deal with.
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Hello Sheila
I do hope that your feeling a lot better now it’s rubbish when you not feeling well and got no one to make you cup tea or just to be there .
I felt so sad reading your message , Peter having worked hard all them years and never got the chance to enjoy what should have been your time ,you really did have a hard time and I don’t think that people realise how bone tied you get ( unless they have been throught it ))the stress alone is enough to make you ill ,and the lack off sleep ,but you did it all with out any throught to your own health ,no one know how many times you go somewhere quiet to cry as your so exhausted you don’t know what to do with your self ,but you brush your self down and just get on with it ,you get strength that you never throught you had from somewhere and you loved and cared for Peter right up to the end .
I got some more off my garden done but not as much as I would have liked ,do you find Sheila that when you get someone call they never say how’s it going or how are you they just gab on about rubbish and they really have no idear that your broke I just can’t wait for them to go ,my brother this morning was going on about his wife snoring and he never get any proper sleep ,well I throught you have no idear what lack off sleep is all about ,and I would give the world to hear my Dennis snoring ,
I am getting very annoyed with people these days .
I was up again all night last night chatting to my Dennis it did me know good as he has gone very quiet and never chats back ha
What flower show are you going to as I normally go to a few each year with my sister she only takes me really as I make better sarnies than her ,as she don’t do cooking ,her partner is very nice but he has to do what she says what a life and she gives him some right dressing down in front off any one I see it as she has no respect for her self or him as you don’t do that to someone you love ,no wonder she been divorced twice .
My daughter is fliying in on Thursday to spend the weekend with me and we are off to yet another wedding next Sunday she was hoping that I was going to go back with her to Germany but I not I just need to stay here for a while ,but she does now say mum you have to do what best for you and I don’t ever want to pressure you into doing any thing you don’t want to do ,it just that I worry about you all the time,she says I feel sick every time I drive up to our house just knowing my dad’s not there so I can’t imagine how you feel every time you go out ,then have to go back to empty house ,knowing dad not there putting the kettle on she adored her dad and if it had got to ,much for me she would have given up her job and looked after him
.hope your lots better soon I am off to bed hope I sleep take care my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila
I do hope that your feeling a lot better now it’s rubbish when you not feeling well and got no one to make you cup tea or just to be there .
I felt so sad reading your message , Peter having worked hard all them years and never got the chance to enjoy what should have been your time ,you really did have a hard time and I don’t think that people realise how bone tied you get ( unless they have been throught it ))the stress alone is enough to make you ill ,and the lack off sleep ,but you did it all with out any throught to your own health ,no one know how many times you go somewhere quiet to cry as your so exhausted you don’t know what to do with your self ,but you brush your self down and just get on with it ,you get strength that you never throught you had from somewhere and you loved and cared for Peter right up to the end .
I got some more off my garden done but not as much as I would have liked ,do you find Sheila that when you get someone call they never say how’s it going or how are you they just gab on about rubbish and they really have no idear that your broke I just can’t wait for them to go ,my brother this morning was going on about his wife snoring and he never get any proper sleep ,well I throught you have no idear what lack off sleep is all about ,and I would give the world to hear my Dennis snoring ,
I am getting very annoyed with people these days .
I was up again all night last night chatting to my Dennis it did me know good as he has gone very quiet and never chats back ha
What flower show are you going to as I normally go to a few each year with my sister she only takes me really as I make better sarnies than her ,as she don’t do cooking ,her partner is very nice but he has to do what she says what a life and she gives him some right dressing down in front off any one I see it as she has no respect for her self or him as you don’t do that to someone you love ,no wonder she been divorced twice .
My daughter is fliying in on Thursday to spend the weekend with me and we are off to yet another wedding next Sunday she was hoping that I was going to go back with her to Germany but I not I just need to stay here for a while ,but she does now say mum you have to do what best for you and I don’t ever want to pressure you into doing any thing you don’t want to do ,it just that I worry about you all the time,she says I feel sick every time I drive up to our house just knowing my dad’s not there so I can’t imagine how you feel every time you go out ,then have to go back to empty house ,knowing dad not there putting the kettle on she adored her dad and if it had got to ,much for me she would have given up her job and looked after him
.hope your lots better soon I am off to bed hope I sleep take care my love for now Teresa x x
Hello Sheila
I do hope that your feeling a lot better now it’s rubbish when you not feeling well and got no one to make you cup tea or just to be there .
I felt so sad reading your message , Peter having worked hard all them years and never got the chance to enjoy what should have been your time ,you really did have a hard time and I don’t think that people realise how bone tied you get ( unless they have been throught it ))the stress alone is enough to make you ill ,and the lack off sleep ,but you did it all with out any throught to your own health ,no one know how many times you go somewhere quiet to cry as your so exhausted you don’t know what to do with your self ,but you brush your self down and just get on with it ,you get strength that you never throught you had from somewhere and you loved and cared for Peter right up to the end .
I got some more off my garden done but not as much as I would have liked ,do you find Sheila that when you get someone call they never say how’s it going or how are you they just gab on about rubbish and they really have no idear that your broke I just can’t wait for them to go ,my brother this morning was going on about his wife snoring and he never get any proper sleep ,well I throught you have no idear what lack off sleep is all about ,and I would give the world to hear my Dennis snoring ,
I am getting very annoyed with people these days .
I was up again all night last night chatting to my Dennis it did me know good as he has gone very quiet and never chats back ha
What flower show are you going to as I normally go to a few each year with my sister she only takes me really as I make better sarnies than her ,as she don’t do cooking ,her partner is very nice but he has to do what she says what a life and she gives him some right dressing down in front off any one I see it as she has no respect for her self or him as you don’t do that to someone you love ,no wonder she been divorced twice .
My daughter is fliying in on Thursday to spend the weekend with me and we are off to yet another wedding next Sunday she was hoping that I was going to go back with her to Germany but I not I just need to stay here for a while ,but she does now say mum you have to do what best for you and I don’t ever want to pressure you into doing any thing you don’t want to do ,it just that I worry about you all the time,she says I feel sick every time I drive up to our house just knowing my dad’s not there so I can’t imagine how you feel every time you go out ,then have to go back to empty house ,knowing dad not there putting the kettle on she adored her dad and if it had got to ,much for me she would have given up her job and looked after him
.hope your lots better soon I am off to bed hope I sleep take care my love for now Teresa x x
Hello, Sheila. Glad to see that you are feeling better this morning. As usual I am on the same wavelength as you, especially regarding families and their thoughtlessness. I have been in deep depression this week and went to see my GP. He wasn’t all that helpful, just told me to keep taking the anti-depressants. I don’t know why I keep taking them as they aren’t doing much for me. I suppose they don’t really know what to do for an old lady of 86 who is pining for her husband, and finding the loneliness unbearable.
Speculation has it that Dale Winton died as a result of his loneliness. If that is true then I understand, and secretly wish I could go to sleep forever. Not that I would self-harm because of my family but it would be nice to just go peacefully whilst asleep.
I am like you, totally lost without my husband. I went into the Physic gardens in our town this morning and just cried because it is where we often used to go. Is there ever going to be any relief from this terrible feeling we are all going through?
I have all the first anniversaries coming up. May, June and July. Heaven knows how I am going to get through them. I just hope that my family are a bit more understanding and help me through.
There are a lot of sad and lonely people on this site, and we are all going through a dreadful time. I wish you and e erroneous else some peace of mind, if that is possible. Take care. Eileen xxx
Sorry, Sheila, this pesky IPad messed up the last paragraph. Should read ‘everyone else’ not e erroneous. E.
Hi Eileen
Sorry to hear you have been feeling depressed. That feeling is horrible and so difficult to shake. I think you’re right the doctors don’t know what to say or do with people who are greiving. I felt really low yesterday, I think it was the combination of the sunshine ( Geoff always love the sun and we would always be out walking in the parks) and the passing of Dale Winton. My husband and I used to work in Film and TV many years ago and still know lots of people. We went to the studios a few years ago and had lunch with Dale and Barbara Windsor. They were such lovely people and it was a lovely afternoon. I found some of the photos we took on the day. My sister ( also called Barbara) was with us and Dale made a great fuss of them being born on the same day. He told everyone they were ‘twins’. I phoned her after I saw his recent Florida programme saying that he didn’t seem well. He was obviously in pain and there was a sadness about him.
I think the realisation that ‘another one has gone’ made me feel low yesterday. I have spent the morning indoors but will have to venture to the DIY store this afternoon to choose some paint, flooring and wallpaper so that the contractors can start work on my house next week. Trying not to think about that because it will be difficult to have people in the house changing things and having to do my best to keep up a cheerful appearance.
You have so many dates coming up that are going to be difficult for you. I do hope your family rally round and look after you.
Take care
Yvonne x