Thank you. You have shared so much relatable feelings & realities. How do we cope with it? How? I have a growing disconnect between what I am living when others are around, and what is actually going on inside of me. My ability to switch from one to the other is getting incredibly difficult so am withdrawing as much as possible so when I do disintegrate there won’t be witnesses.
If thoughts did manifest themselves it would be the end of me. Am fighting, badly, to keep it together when my teenagers need me to be in the present. Am fighting, badly, to keep it together when my parents need me to be in the present.
I don’t want to fight to keep it together for myself anymore. My life is growing arounf my grief and I’ve realised that others still see me as the same person, but my own grasp on who I am has been engulfed with unreal absence & pain of living without my soulmate.
It is living in an everlasting nightmare and we cannot wake up. Everything is strange and unreal. It is like I am detached from myself and watching a stranger carrying on living my life. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Hugs to you .dumped two of our closest friends yesterday one was getting pushy and other one sent me some topless photos and suggested she would send some full frontal ones and hinted at something else. My answer was go away and leave me alone and don’t bother contacting me ever again .the shear nerve of two people we thought of as friends .i felt disgusted by it
I am stunned by how people can send something like that to a grieving person. It’s good that you dumped them - they are just terrible people and no friends of yours. Sending love and hugs.
Thank you. Gotten so much from this group its helping me a lot
Someone, real close, told me that ‘when I got married’ she would be there for me. I was speechless. Then angry. Then stunned that they seem not to know me at all!
I met a woman last week who shared she had lost her soulmate 4 years ago, and asked was I married. I said yes. Then I said ‘actually widowed 17 months, and still married’. We’d never met before. She immediatelly said “oh God! That’s how I feel!”.
I am so sorry anyone who calls themselves a friend would put you through that.
Still consider myself married to sue
Thank you. I feel like I am in a loop. I know my soulmate is gone, get on with the demands of the day - or hide, inert, till I am needed to appear present - evening comes and I am alone. And I realised noone is coming home to me. I avoid my bed because I can’t sleep, because that’s when I know my soulmate is NEVER coming back. Generally nights coincide now with fkashbacks, reliving disjointed facts/feelings/guilt/fears of the 24hrs around our loss.
Sue Ryder counselling has helped heaps make sense of what is going on, figure out what am afraid of & feel I need. It’s just simply so hard to live between the disconnects.
I relate to what you say absolutly. Its 8 months since loosing my darling wife of 50 years less a month and all your mentions of being by yourself, not making joint decisions anymore and bei g by yourself and not as a couple etc. I can totally relate to. I tought it would ease with winter passing, but in fact, i feel it is just as raw and has in fact worsened ,with all my friends now off on holiday, a joint pleasure we used to share, but now .denied… Like you in being by myself, i put a srave face on, but in reality , ambhaving a lot of bad exahusting days recently due to lack of proper sleep. Still, I wish you well on your journey and pray that these issues feelings etc will earse with time.
God bless
Aw god bless you ! Hsve a nce day if you can and try sit in the sun xx
ive just noticed I ,m in east Yorkshire goole so not too far away from both of you
Hi @lonely …i was born in leeds … horsforth ! After living in Bradford for many years we moved out here to silsden, near skipton about 6 years ago ! I wish we had never moved cos my hubby might still be here ??? 
know that sounds silly but … xxx
It is a nice place… but not so nice without your hubby! I cant really enjoy any of it now - so i might as well have stayed where i was it was all a fultile dream wasnt it ? Im so sad without him xx
Yes but we moved 6 years ago … so here im stuck for now ! I dunno i think i would like to move and live near the sea but tbh dunno if i can do that by myself now ? We were always gonna do that together but i dunno if ive got the balls to do it alone tbh ? Xxx
I feel so empty and just have a flat tone that I don’t even want to talk to anyone. My husband passed unexpectedly in his sleep last August and it seems I’m getting worse instead of time helping. I know exactly what you are going through 
You are not alone in your grief because we are all experiencing the same emptiness, despair, and sadness. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Last week I was getting a quote for clearing a small field and I was upfront in saying could you please give me a fair price not a widow’s price to which he laughed but I didnt but I received a fair price i think…just have to wait to see if he actually comes to do the work!!!
excellent I always ask for removals x
Hi @Ele1
So sorry for you.
My husband died last August too (24th) One day before our 15th wedding anniversary .
It is so hard, and yes nothing gets easier…just harder.
I only found this forum at the start of May (during the first of these horrible long weekends)
I’m glad you’ve joined, and I hope you find some comfort from knowing that there are others who understand and get all your feelings.
Bug hugs to you, and everyone 