I’m sorry you’re having a down day, is there anything you can do to try and feel better? I installed the grief works app, it guides you through grief and has a journal in the app. I’ve got stuck at the next exercise, it feels a bit big.
Are you working today?
It’s 2 weeks today since my wee Mum’s service. I’m always down just now. I smiled the other day and it felt like I was somehow being disrespectful. It’s ridiculous, Mum wanted me to carry on and be happy. Was talking about Mum tho.
I’m the same when I feel happy or laugh I feel guilty but you’re right your mum would want you to smile again I know it’s hard but we need to try and remember that x
If I may say so Amy, it very much depends on how supportive the work place is, for so many people in work the office can be a very brutal and down treading place, I went for an office interview once in Liverpool, turned out to be a firm ware the boss was chasing ambulances to make a claim and the workforce was predominantly young girls, they came over as a very down troden lot and I was happy to get out of there and not get the job!, they reminded me of battery hens in an egg farm and were obviously unhappy
and the boss came over to me as callus and uncaring, if the work place is supportive that is wonderful, so often it is not, because employees so often feel fearful and undervalued,the culture of the place is bad, that breeds resentment and frustration that leads to friction, misunderstandings, anger, stress and illness, we have more days off sick then any other country and it is caused by bad bosses who understand the price of everything and the value of nothing, for any business or company, its best asset is its work force and bosses if they had a brain would understand that, so many of them no nothing about dealing with people and nothing about good practice in the work place and I was an engineer in a sales company for 5 years and sometimes the atmosphere was very toxic
and that makes for burnt out employees and a bad working environment, I have been there, I had to drive for hours on end from factory to factory and then try to fix label printing machines that were sometimes under trays of ware meet or down in back rooms in dark, cold places(i should write a book on my year in Ireland doing that job) eventually I left on health grounds having developed chronic fatigue and never went back, no point in putting your hand in the fire trise!.Sorry to rant on Amy, I hope your work place is looking after you and NOT driving you into the ground, stress is something you do not want at this moment, hope you are having some better days, do not feel guilty about en joying yourself when you can, I am sure you have nothing to be guilty about, keep your friends close.
Love and blessings
Timxx
Hi @Universal i have taken on my Dads allotment is decided to go there for a couple of hours .
Not something I thought I’d be doing at 44 with a young son and working but how life has changed ! I couldn’t let it go . I’m finding it really healing actually and enjoying it . I’ve put a photo of Dad up in his shed and I’m doing it for him . Here is a pic of my winter digging . I am aching now !
Hope you are doing as well as can be today . Sending strength . It’s such a painful path we are on x
It’s a lonely path.
The allotment looks fantastic, that’s so lovely you’re looking after it. Will you grow veggies there? I bought the tiniest greenhouse thing, it’s just for sheltering wee plants, one of those uprights with a zip. I bought it while Mum was in hospital and was going to show her it in my garden, but that didn’t happen. There’s so many little things to connect us to our loved ones. When I start to use it I’ll think of my Mum. She would have been so delighted.
I think it’s a good app, it’s expensive but I fall asleep to the meditations so that in itself is worth it. The guided steps force you to face milestones through grief. Day 2 or 3 was pretty difficult, the next exercise is asking you to think about the emotions and kinda list them. To me it feels overwhelming to acknowledge the barrage of emotions but I’ll get round to it. I’m about to go take a guided meditation to nod off to! Hope you sleep better tonight x
Yup, we’re both right but it feels so hollow. Maybe every little laugh is a message from our Mums to keep us going. x
@Universal
Yes I will grow vegetables and some flowers . Mainly veg we can eat .
I have been harvesting Dad’s veg all since he passed . All his hard work didn’t go to waste .
It’s been heartbreaking but therapeutic .
I will look at the app I have been listening to a webinar chat with Julia Samual she is good .
Xx
@Universal I agree as well about how important it is to keep lots of connections to them . It keeps them with us x
Oh the shared hobby thing. My mum and I used to go to gym classes up until March. She passed away mid august and found it very hard during her illness to go to gym as lots of well meaning folk would ask about her. Even now there are some people who still don’t know. I know the gym is good for me but I do struggle with it.
That’s really nice with harvesting your Dad’s veggies. His soul will be smiling.
Julia features in the app, she’s the one guiding you through the exercises.x
It’s so difficult. My Mum couldn’t walk far at all so we sat in cosy with crafts. I can’t pick up any crafts coz it’s all too upsetting but it’s a massive connection to my Mum.
Are you managing to go to the gym often?x
Yes I’m getting there not I’m full of cold this week abs then next week we have half term but hoping to be back in full swing soon x
Sorry guys I’ve not said much lately because I’ve been super busy starting a new job.
I’m having instant regret about changing jobs as the role is nothing like I was expecting. Sure the grieving makes me feel even worse which is porbably expected!
I applied for a position I’ve been interested in for quite a while but it seems now I’ve started they’re putting other jobs onto me meaning I don’t actually have the time to do the actual job I was hired for!
In this case the grass wasn’t greener on the other side 
I do wonder if I’d be able to handle it better if I wasn’t so down in the dumbs over losing my Mum.
I’m completely lost now and thought I couldn’t get even more lost 
There’s so many triggers when grieving though isn’t there!
Aw Jess, I’ve been in a job like that. The day I started they were like “this has come up and you’ll be working on it”. I would not have accepted the offer.
If it’s the same employer is there any chance you can move back to your old post if it’s still empty?x
Thanks that bought a tear to my eye 
cried a lot today . I hope so ! 
Xx
Did you talk to your boss Jess ? Xx
I’ve been considering it as apparently they are still hiring for my position but I did leave for a reason.
The main reason was that they weren’t very supportive of me around the time I lost my mum, they just expected me to get back to ‘normal’ asap. I did have a lot of other issues there but that seemed to be the final straw.
The problem is I think it’s appalling the lack of support anyone gets with grieving there should be something in place similar to maternity leave where you get longer than the 3 days compassionate leave they offer, like who gets over losing someone in 3 days?
The new company is highly unorganised as well, I got offered the job like 3 months ago and only started this week, there was a lot of messing around and it was me doing all the chasing around.
I started Monday and I’ve not even filled in any paperwork for my wages or next of kin details ect it’s very weird and I don’t cope when things are disorganised.
I really wish I had my mum to talk to it’s awful this x
Sorry you’re going through this. Perhaps ask the boss for a meeting to discuss this just let them know you would like to only focus on what you’ve been hired to do, better trying to nip it in the bud and not let it get worse.
Don’t regret leaving you did what you though was right and in the long run you might end up liking this new job or you may move on again.
Also 3 days leave is ridiculous my work gave me indefinite time off but I knew they’d likely want me back after a month or so I went back after 5 weeks off. It says a lot about your old work place to have expected you to carry on as normal I don’t think you should regret things too much about leaving. Hope things work out at this new place you wanted the position and if it doesn’t work out I hope you can find another job
Amy
I did have a word with one of the managers today and ended up breaking down, fancy that crying on my third day.
I had to take it upon myself to say about grieving over my Mum when I didn’t really want them to know but luckily she totally understood as she lost her dad.
The reason I came clean was that I was paranoid they’d think I wasn’t cut out for the job but when you’re grieving things seem so much harder to deal with don’t they 
She’s going to have a few words with some of the other staff and explain that I should be doing the job I applied for and she said to give them a chance and not just leave.
I guess I’ll have to grin and bare it for now and see how it goes. I’ve really not had much luck in life. I really do try and make improvements but always end up in a worse position.
I’m finding it going dark earlier makes things hard to. Gosh I just so miss my mum 
Well done for doing that today! You’ve made it heard at least that you want to make a good impression by just focusing on your role and being honest about grieving was important too and it’s great the manager understood and can relate to you on that level. Hopefully from here they’ll just allow you to get on with your position and not doing other types of work. I work in an office so I understand, before I had my daughter I basically did everything everyone else didn’t want to do which I didn’t mind but I ended up with so many tasks, plus my actual role that they ended up creating a whole new role for me… but once I had my daughter and cut down my hours they just gave me my old job back minus all the extras I used to do, which has made life a lot easier.
As you say it’s been three days I’d say give it a minimum of three months and see how you’re feeling then. If it’s really bad I’d advice don’t think the grass again is greener at your old job as it didn’t sound like you enjoyed that environment. There may be another career choice around the corner for you and sometimes we get lucky right away other times we need to change jobs a few times before we find the right fit. But congratulations on the new job and honestly well done for voicing your opinions as it sets your tone about your career right away and if you’d left it months down the line they might not have understood what was wrong. But by letting them know right away you weren’t enjoying being given other tasks, and them asking you to give them a chance is good. All you can do is lay your cards on the table and at least they listened to you. Also don’t feel bad about breaking down! We’re human and the manager will understand what you’re going through right now and it definitely doesn’t make you incapable of doing your work. You sound so strong taking on a new role with what you’re going through. Try to think positively as possible. Your mum is with you right now I genuinely believe that. Yes the dark days and nights are getting to me too right now. I hope you have support at home friends family to talk to also? Sorry if I’ve asked before but it just makes such a difference to know others are in your corner and care about you. We do too but caring family and friends make all the difference too.
Take care and I hope Friday is better for you at work and hopefully next week too.
Amy x
