Sounds like a plan, you’ll have your Mum’s energy with you x
So sorry to hear that, sounds awful. I’ve been fortunate that my doctor decided it was the best thing to be signed off. Can you be signed off by your doctor?x
Hi Jess, don’t feel bad about braking down, a bereavement causes a grate deal of worry and stress as well as an overwhelming sense of loss(which it is) and is not like the common cold, can have a marked effect on your physical and mental health, leaving you feeling drained and tired and unable to cope,as Amy said, you are human, not a machine, and I know that dealing with a bereavement and holding down a job at the same time is particularly difficult, on the day of 9/11 my boss lost friends in the twin towers that day,he went home and we did not see him for a week,if you need time off you should be able to get it.
keep your pecker up and try to pace yourself, the office can be a very cruel place.
Timxx
It’s a new job I’ve started. I thought a fresh start would help but it turns out that the grass definitely wasn’t greener and I’m seriously annoyed at myself for making such a life changing decision in the first place.
I don’t think getting signed off would work with me only being there a week unfortunately.
If I didn’t have a mortgage or partner and lived on my own I’d have probably walked out and signed on the sick and take a time out to sort myself out but that option is out of question.
I’m just completely lost now and always wonder what the point to all this suffering is x
Not to pry but the wee kiddo in your profile pic, she looks important to you. She can maybe help you find reason in the dark times?
Lol that kiddo is me 
it’s a old photo of me and my Mum, I don’t have children x
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I feel for you Jess, you should have asked people on this site about this, I hope your partner is contributing to the mortgage, I know it is giving people hell at the moment and I am so grateful I do not have a mortgage to service, I was not only greaving for my mother when she passed early in January and wanting to die in my sleeping bag but was ill with hypertension, depression, chronic fatigue and a form of ptsd, while I am know much better I still have my dark days and I am not out of the woods yet, and I cannot see the point of all the suffering either, for years I have been living for my mother, know I must learn to live for my self, two years ago my twin brother passed from brain cancer and I feel I am possibly on borrowed time, I may well be gone in five years and if the nukes start flying in the middle east or elsewhere before then it will be the same for all of us and we all have our cross to bear and I am not complaining, just telling, my doctor told me not to do anything precipitant for 12 months, probably sensible advise, I am so sorry for you that you appear to have leaped out of the frying pan into the fire with your job and is just what you did not need, when I started work back in 1979 an employer could sack you on the spot with out reason at any time during the first two years, only after that I got a written contract, I am know self employed and not sure what the period is so I cannot advise you, Amy can probably give you better advise then I can so listen carefully to what she says,
try not to get down and adopt a positive outlook if you can, easier said then done I know. keep calm and carry on, you must not loose your head, thinking off you.
Tim
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way 
starting a new job is hard enough never mind what you’re going through. I’m so sad tonight too. All I can say is you’ve managed this week and you’ll manage the next, and the next. You will manage. You’ve been strong enough to make this change in your life and I know you have regrets but as you said you have the mortgage and you’ve not lost a job only gained a new one. I know it’s not great, but when I’m down I try and think of the positives (even though we might not have many right now) imagine losing the job and having to deal with unemployment just now… I don’t know if that will help imagining how things could be a bit worse and you’re in a job and going to be able to afford your house. But I am so sorry you’re not enjoying it when we’re dealing with grief it’s enough on it’s own never mind feeling down about other major things in our lives.
I am hopeful that you might be able to find something else or if you really want to, call your old employer up and explain the situation and see if they’d consider bringing you back? Worth an ask and always good to keep doors open. A woman I worked with left after her last baby and didn’t return, she’s been in touch and they’re going to consider taking her back when they can, these things can happen.
As Tim said try your best to keep your chin up and don’t let this get you down too much but I know the feeling, it would be nice to just take an indefinite time out and return to a job when we feel properly ready to do so.
I also think in time you could be in a totally different situation. And you mentioned what the point in this suffering is that I don’t know but I know that without feeling this low we wouldn’t get any good days either, we have to feel the opposite sometimes and I really don’t think the suffering will last forever. I know it’s morbid and I don’t think any of us should be rushing to go but someday it will be us who are gone and back with our families who have passed and other people will mourn us. And the process repeats itself forever. It’s just our turn to be the mourners right now
Hope you’re okay and try to enjoy your weekend even if you just visit your mum or take a bath and try to relax a little bit. Work doesn’t define you and while we’re not there we shouldn’t focus on it or it will take over our whole lives, and not just the hours we’re being paid to do xxx
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Also that is a beautiful photo, your mum was gorgeous. And wherever she is now she will likely look like her younger self again and I know some people don’t believe it but I do. I hope she’s with you and you will see her again, it’s just going to be a while but I think our mums still watch us 
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Thank you so much @tim007 and @amyrose92 it is so nice that I can talk on here to people like yourselves.
Tim, me and my partner have a system that works, he pays out more than me as he works full time whereas I work part time. This has always worked for us because we have a dog and it’s handy one of us being home more often in case any repairs need to be carried out.
I honestly don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for my partner he’s been my rock. We’ve had such a hard year as he lost his Grandad 2 months before I lost my Mum. Although it’s been traumatic it has brought us closer so I am grateful for that!
I am struggling with my health right now and getting worried. I think all the stress is getting to me now. I ache constantly, feel drained and just feel genuinely crappy. Sometimes I feel that bad I feel as though I’m dying off.
Arh thank you Amy, she is beauitful she’d have been in her early 20s then I think, I actually don’t know how old I am on that picture 
but she never looked her age and we were often mistaken for sisters.
Can chat anytime it does help it’s nice knowing there’s people we can go on and talk to.
Fingers crossed for you that you can manage to find another job, if you’re unwell do you think it would be worth discussing with your partner taking a time out from working? I know it might not be feasible though. Maybe once you’ve been in this company a few months you should consider a sick line for a while if you’re still feeling this way, but you are right it’s best not to do that right now since you’ve only just started.
That’s brilliant my dad is the same he looks a lot younger than his age too. Hold on right to the nice memories Jess, and remember almost every person on this earth will go through what we have, we’re just unlucky to be going through it right now. But it is a universal experience, our mothers lost their mothers too, and are probably with them again now. There’s a reason for everything even the suffering we just probably won’t know what it is until it’s too late!
Really hope you manage to relax this weekend and spend time with your partner and dog. I get what you mean about bonding with your partner over loss, my boyfriend didn’t know his mum she left his dad when he was little and didn’t take to do with him, his gran helped raise him and he lost her young, so he has been very supportive of me through this as he looked at my mum like a mother figure himself. It is bittersweet that it brings people together but it’s good yous are there for each other.
Amy x
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My mums mum is still here and I am really close to her but losing my mum has made me so scared of the time my Gran leaves because I am not as close to other family members and I will be on my own once she’s gone. Well I’m not cause I have my partner but I mean with my side of the family.
My Grandad (dads dad) passed a few weeks ago, I wasn’t close with him but that’s a long story! And I haven’t heard from my Dad as we had a fall out over it.
We have a lot of work that needs doing with the house, lets just say when we were in the process of house hunting we were waring rose tinted glasses when we settled on this house lol
I wouldn’t feel right either if I wasn’t working and he was paying for everything but don’t get me wrong I’m sure he would be willing for me to have some time out if I asked him it’s just how I am as a person, I just don’t think it would be fair on him.
It’s looking like I’m going to have to grin and bare it. Who knows it might improve and I’ll end up staying there and I have more chance of it changing now as I’ve discussed the issue early which I was so scared to do but it could turn out to be the best decison I’ve made. Here’s hoping anyway.
I still find myself swinging to really believing my Mums still around to worrying it’s not real, I had so many ‘signs’ near the beginning though! It makes more sense that she is watching over me though, I know that! X
I have a hard time keeping my faith when it feels like I’m being tested all the time but it certainly makes more sense than I will see my lovely mum again
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That’s great you still have your gran, but your gran must be so down herself losing her daughter. I’m glad yous have each other. Please do your best not to think about losing your gran. Easier said than done my dads taken me to his solicitor to ensure the house is given to me in the event of his death… I will not cope after that and as he’s 67, it makes me so sad to think we have maybe 10 or 15 good years left together at best. It’s not enough. He is my best friend now and always been my inspiration, in school we had to do talks on our hero’s and everyone chose celebrities and I picked my dad at like age 14, I’ve always looked up to him. And thinking he will too go one day destroys me but I try and think about the wonderful memories we will create before that day comes.
exactly Jess you might end up loving this place! And if you don’t that’s okay you may apply elsewhere and find another new job. Life is full of changes some good some bad but it’s how we react and adapt that counts and you’re doing so well, a lot of people might have left and you’re sticking in there so be proud of yourself
Some of the best friends I’ve had are people I’ve not gotten along with well at first! I don’t know if the same applies to jobs but give it a chance you never know
Bedtimes for me now speak later
Amy
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Sorry also want to say, we lose our mums in all this but our fathers lose their wife, your grans lost her daughter. It’s so powerful how one persons passing affects so many around them. If you want to reach out to your dad, do it, I’m sure he’d love to hear from you. If you don’t want to then you’re not obliged to
Amy xx
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Ah! I see, well it still stands. She’s special, and your reason to keep moving forward x
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@Jess1, just picking up on what @amyrose92 said about reaching out. You have the gang here to bounce ideas off of you did want to x
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Hi Amy, its wonderful that you love your dad, try not to let likely future events spoil your happiness with him, it is likely that recent events have made you even closer, and your dad is a pivotal part of your world, as you move from the all consuming darkness of your present grief into the light, and believe me you will, try to enjoy the moment, go away on holidays together if you can and create happy times and enjoy each others company as I did with the last active years of my mother and we had some 6 good years together before covid struck and she started to go down hill, and try to enjoy each day, all things come to an end, good times, bad times and sad times and eventually even the mountains themselves weather away, and in the end we all go on that grate journey at the end of our earth lives and are reunited with those who have gone before us, and that is not something to fear but to be, when the time comes, embraced, we may grieve for those we have left behind, but our spirit guides will help us, and them, along the way.
Hope you are enjoying your weekend.
Love and blessings
Tim
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Thanks Tim you’re so right I need to enjoy the time i do still have with my dad as we never know the day. But I hope he’ll have many happy years ahead. We will definitely be booking holidays away together in the near future. My weekend is going well so far, going to a pumpkin picking day with my boyfriend and daughter tomorrow so looking forward to that. It is weird the things that make us think of our loved ones though isn’t it, we were getting fuel in my boyfriends car today and I looked in the car next to us and an older woman was putting her leather driving gloves on, my mum always wore them too. But we’ve had the wee robin out the back garden again today and my dad is starting to believe that means my mum is nearby, we’ve never really seen a robin in our garden before and this one isn’t leaving us alone 
Have a lovely weekend Tim speak soon
Amy x
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Exactly, even if we’re just keeping on for our younger selves. The little girl inside us is counting on us to keep going
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