So so sad isn’t it .
I’ve had a half day back at work - working from home . It was ok .
Just got to get on with it I guess . My son went trick or treating with his friends . They love it don’t they ! X
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Yeah she loved it, she’s not even 2 yet but she got really into it I’m glad we took her out. That’s good you did a half day back just take it one day at a time. I’m only part time so I just returned to my hours but if I was full time I’d have probably asked to do a phase return too x
Hi Amy, hope your daughter and you enjoyed tonight, possibly one of her earliest memories?, any toffee apples?.
Timxx
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Hi Tim
She had a great time I am so happy I took her out. I wasn’t really in the mood to go out but it really cheered me up. No toffee apples! Haven’t even seen any in the shops which is a shame I love them. But she got a lot of sweets and chocolate she was thrilled
Amy x
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Hope they get back with an answer soon, if not call Friday if you are up to it so it doesn’t drag into next week.
Hope tomorrow goes better at work Jess. Remember all things pass you won’t be working here forever you just have to deal with it for now
Amy x
Hey unfortunately my previous employer has told me that I’ve been processed now which means I’d have to reapply and I’ve been on their website and there’s no positions to apply for. I guess I’ll have to stick out the new job until something else comes along.
That’s a shame, but hopefully something good comes up soon that you can apply for x
Hopefully it will be soon because I can never see me settling into this job! All I’ve done is cry when I’m off, it feels totally unfair!
Just worried about it looking bad on my resume as I’ve only been in this job a couple of weeks. I haven’t even updated my resume yet.
I guess if I’m lucky enough to get a interview and I’m questioned about it, prehaps being honest is the best policy. I’ll say something like the job wasn’t as advertised which it most certainly isn’t.
I honestly feel at my lowest now and wish things would work out for me.
Another reason I have trouble believing there’s something after here is because a medium told me that I’m going to love my new job and that my mum had something to do with me getting it. Hmm doubt my Mum had anything to do with this lol
Hi Amy, its good you made the effort to go, it sounds like it has done you good to get out and we get out what we put in, now I have something really uncanny to tell you, one of the sites I look at is quora digest, people go on it with all sorts of issues and I came upon a story of a young boy who returned home from boarding school to find no one at home, no contact number, nothing, his parents had simply moved and abandoned him, a boy of a similar age rescued him from the rain in the park and took him home and the boys mother basically adopted him and he became part of the family, the mother, is the splitting image of my mother and I have uploaded the photograph of her together with her adapted son, I to am adapted and was two weeks old along with my diseased twin brother, the lady is NOT my mother, but is her splitting image, same build and everything down to the glasses, that, is uncanny.
How do you account for that?, a friend thinks she is reaching out to me, a very noble thing, to take in a young boy and give him a loving home, and the likeness to my mother is uncanny(the words my friend used, hope you are having a good evening Amy and your family is too, incidentally my mother came from the Furness area, not East kilbride, that was my ‘Uncle’ the very good family friend who my mother almost married and was scotish through and through and was attached to the Gordon rifles regiment, he was an army instructor during the war and ran boxing clubs for boys in his spare time.
Hope your mother reaches out to you, I am sure she is watching over you.
Love and blessings
Timxx
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Hi Jess I am really sorry to hear that but I am glad they didn’t drag it out and leave you waiting a long time for an answer. At least now you know that is off the table. And I doubt you will reapply if a new position becomes available. I think they must have lined someone new up pretty quickly to fill your old position. 
There WILL be another job out there for you and perhaps the medium seen that and not this job. And I wouldn’t worry about your resume with that showing as a short position just explain it wasn’t the best fit for you and that’s why you’re looking for a new job. Lots of people look for new jobs after finding themselves in a position like you’re in it’s understandable and you don’t have to have worked somewhere for 3 or more years before you move on. I know how hard job hunting is though but keep looking and hopefully soon you’ll be in a new job that is much better than this one or your previous job.
X
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Hi Tim
That is uncanny that they look alike and also both you and that boy are adopted. It’s wonderful how loving your mother must have been to take on two twin boys I bet she was so excited to adopt you both. I am sad tonight had a text on my phone and I don’t know why I just thought it would be my mum I’d just get random texts from her in the evenings around this time telling me what she was watching on tv or just to tell me she loved me. I know that the love doesn’t end once she’s gone but it sure feels like it sometimes. Especially coming up to her birthday I knew I’d be sad and I don’t really want to get used to her not being around. I hate change and my life has changed alot, trying to remind myself she is probably here with me and I hope I get to dream about her soon
It was great taking her out it really cheered me up and I know I’ve got a lot to look forward to watching her grow up, but at the same time it’s overshadowed by my mum wanting me to have a child so much and now she’s not even here to enjoy things with us. Just going to try to get some rest I take my daughter to a toddler group on a Thursday morning which we both enjoy. I am dreading time passing on as it just feels too real to me now that none of it lasts forever and the good moments are fleeting and turn into memories far too soon.
Hope you are okay today
Amy x
Hi all . @Jess1 @tim007 @Universal @amyrose92 I’ve had my second half day back at work . Working from home … and I too have struggled so much . It’s been 3 months - thousands of emails . They went right back to the day I went off and Dad collapsed and last day there . I feel like I’ve gone backwards . My boss was really supportive but people said work might help but it really hasn’t today !!
Love to you all … Laura xx
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Aw Laura I know how you’re feeling I’m not enjoying being back all that much either but I forced myself back. I chose to wfh Monday I couldn’t get my daughter watched but also just didn’t want to be in. Not back in til next week but already dreading it a bit. I think if I’m feeling this way I might sign off for a few more weeks until I feel a little better: but everyday I am different some days I want to be out talking to people and others I just can’t cope with the thought of it. It’s so daunting going back to all the emails I remember going back after 14 months off from maternity and it took me a couple days to go through them all! It wasn’t too bad this time as only off 5 weeks. If it’s too much for you and you’re not feeling ready it might be a thought to sign off for a few more weeks however, there is a point we have to face reality and get back to it. It’s hard to choose that time as it might never feel like the right time
Amy xxx
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I think you are right . I am just going to have to push through it . I miss my Dad so much it hurts so much .
I know you all know what I mean xxx
It’s hard but you’ll get there. You’ll do it for yourself and in your Dad’s memory coz he will be backing you all the way.
I’m back to work on Monday after 7 weeks off. Working 3 hours for the first week or so. I dunno if I’m ready but I’ll try it.
Backwards is ok, because in the grief journey you’re still making overall steps forward and going backwards is part of the process. I think there’s strength in acknowledging it and feeling the emotion in the moment. Hope you get a good sleep x
Echoing what @amyrose92 said, nothing wrong with a very short job on your cv, you can turn it into something good like, the way the place was run didn’t align with the level of care / attention you’re accustomed to providing and want to give. Maybe, it turned out to not be as advertised and you were given tasks that don’t allow you to fully care for others which is what you’re good at and gives you job satisfaction in knowing you’re helping others. Or something along those lines.
Sometimes we have terrible work experiences to nudge us back on track and really know what it is we want. So maybe the great job is still to come? The medium wouldn’t necessarily flag a rubbish paragraph when a new chapter is coming?x
Hi Laura, its tim hear,I am saying this to everyone working from home sounds a good idea and you have that buffer from the office environment and you do not have the pressure of commuting or dealing face to face with sometimes less then friendly colleagues, I have never been able to work out why the work environment brings out the worst in some people, I suspect it is a mixture of resentment at having to work, hatred for there bosses(frankly so many bosses have only themselves to blame for that because they do not care about there staff, there people skills are so often crap, and they often just want to get home like everyone else) and so many people hate there jobs, ware have we as a country gone wrong?, I suspect most problems in society start in the school play ground, that is certainly ware all bullies cut there teeth and it is a sad fact that bullies tend to get to the top of the dung hill and become the chiefs,the rest of us tend to end up in the dunghill and become the indians, am I correct?, maybe if we could get the indians to work together it may be possible to make changes, what is the bullies(sorry chiefs) main weapon?, a four letter word called fear, the British used it to good effect to subjugate its subjects and control the empire for decades and it is still the main means of control today, take away the fear and they have nothing to fall back on, that, is very difficult when you have a mortgage to pay and a family to keep, but most of us just want reasonable consideration in the work place and I can not understand why that should be to much to ask, Amy is correct, there comes a time when we all have to face reality but that does not mean we should be filled with dread at the thought of going to work, and if that is the case then something is wrong, we spend 1/3 of our lives and sometimes more in the work place, and when you are greaving as well then the stress can be unsustainable, something has got to change but I am not sure how or what, and frankly the system is broken and sick and what else can you expect when the country is led by donkeys?, so many people die before they get there state pension, I think years ago people knew what was expected of them in the work place and we did not have the pressures that we have know, the computer has not helped matters in that respect and has if anything added to the stress of office life, another factor is the growing American style of culture in the workplace that regards its workforce as expendable cannon fodder, one enlightened boss (yes, there are a few of them around) band internal email in the work place and told his staff they had to go and talk to there colleagues instead, not only was everyone happier, but they got more done. start with working practises.
Any ideas please?.
Tim
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Hello Amy, sorry you feel down today, for you it is still very recent and I know what I was, and still am, going through and I am sure it is the same for you and there is the empty feeling that she is not around you in the manner to which you are accustomed,we all need something to look forward two and your daughter will keep you busy for many years to come and hopefully you will get to share much love and happiness together, I had a wonderful mother and for that I am blest and yes she had her hands full with the 2 of us but she wanted twins, she was 33 years old and went for it, adoption then was a long drawn-out business, the fact that my father held an official position helped the process(he became the justices Clark to the courts) and we became an overnight family unit at the end of May 1960, apart for my self all the family members who were around when I was borne have all gone and suddenly one realises that one is basically alone, there is my sister in law, Niece, Great niece and nephew, and although we are legally related they are my late brothers family, I am sure from what you say you had a wonderful mother and it must be hard to lose her when only in your early 30’s and that is why it is so important to create good happy memories with your father for the sake off all of you, keep an eye on your dad, I am sure he is feeling it as much as you are and you need each other know, yes there will be difficult days ahead and I am not looking forward to christmas and will spend most of it alone, that is my lot and I have to be thankful for what I have had and get on with it, neither of our mothers had an easy death, that makes it more painful and I got my mothers sedation stepped up knowing what was coming to her, you don’t get over a loss like that, but you do get used to it eventually, but a string of health issues bought on by my situation does not help, I am not complaining, others are worse off then me and at least I do not have a mortgage to worry about and can keep my self fed and you must keep going Amy, two people are counting on you.
Love and blessings
Timxx
I just have to get on with it I guess don’t I ? X
I lost my mum at the end of July
She was 76 and had severe COPD the last year she was in and out of hospital and I knew this was only going to go one way!!
Like you I felt like I did my grieving before she died and like you I’m waiting to grieve properly .
I feel guilty ( I went back to work a week after she died) my dad is bereft and I feel guilty I can’t be there everyday for him at his house( he lives an hour away)
I’m on antidepressants and wonder if they’re numbing the real grief. I honestly don’t know how I should be feeling
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