Jess, your mum will always be near you, and walks with you every day.take care and keep the faith, ‘Do not hide yourself away, go forth into the light and sease the day’
Hoping for the best for you.
Tim 
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Hi all,is anybody there?, one knock for no, two knocks for yes, not pretending to be a clairvoyant or medium but it is more then 24 hours since last contact, everyone ok?.
Tim
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Hello Tim , how are you today ?
Laura x
Good evening Laura, how was your day and are you seeing more of your father and how is he?, you say you are an hour away but could he not come and live with you for a couple of weeks?, at least you would be with him between shifts and that would help, as a nurse you are a key worker and make a real difference to peoples lives and the work you do is probably helping you to keep going and it is vital that you do, nothing can bring back your mother and that is the one thing that in this life non of us can have, that must wait until the next, in the meantime we all have to get on with what we have to do and make the best of it, you will no doubt as a nurse have seen many deaths, but when it is your own then it hits you like an express train and you know in an instant that your life will never be the same, that nothing can fill that hole in ones life left by the passing of a close member of ones family and that nothing ever will, we never get over such experiences because they change us for life, but we get used to them, and in the words of the late queen mother, ‘Grief is the price we pay for love’ those words resonate with all of us, and death is as much a part of life as birth and sooner or later, and with out exception, comes to each and every one of us, my mothers ashes are in a casket mounted on the wall under a beautiful photograph of her taken at her silver wedding celebration, it shows her at her best, and is how I chose to remember her, not as a slitty eyes corpse just died from dementia having gasped her last in my arms, her limbs cold before she passed, the room turned cold as she died, mediums tell me it is the spirits of past loved ones gathering that drains the heat away, and I found my self alone in the house with the body of my mother, and in that moment, I felt as if the world had ended, it left me ill with depression, chronic fatigue, hypertension and ptsd, and then I had to pick up the pieces, I pulled my self together, remembered I had a job to do and reported the death to the night nurses, the local minister arrived at that point and was the first person other then my self to see the body, the nurses arrived, made my mother look respectable and combed her hair, then I was told by one of them to call an undertaker, it was a simple as that, I picked up the phone and put my prior arrangements into action, my mother past at ten past eight at night, by 11.20 her body was removed from the house and taken away leaving me alone, and with it the realisation that this was the start of the rest of my life, this after 4 years of being her principle carer, still getting used to it and hope you are bearing up.
Tim
You’ve got me mixed up @tim007 my Dad died in July not my mum and I’m not a nurse ! Hope you are ok x
Laura this is strange, you appear to have emailed me around the same time I emailed you, I have just been asking you how you and your father are getting on, and probably gone on a bit too much about the death of my mother, I am still getting used to it, but it did leave me with ptsd and I will probably need more help in the future, how are you today?, not heard from anyone for several days, has the site been down?.
Timxx
Hey Tim how are you today? Sorry I’ve not been on much. I’ve been struggling for the past few days trying to get my head around things.
I went to the development circle today and have been told I need to stop for a bit and gather my thoughts.
I’m so not looking forward to going back to my previous employer, but it’s something I’ll just have to grin and bare for the time being seen as money seems to be the most important thing to those around me 
Sorry for the misunderstanding Laura, (I am dyslexic and sometimes get my wires crossed) I lost my dad on the 1st December in 2008, basically he died because his lungs stopped working, but he had been ill for a long time before and it appears he had dementia and was suffering from dehydration
Tim
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Hi Tim
Had bit of a strange week all round and not looking foreword to next week already not like me I usually enjoy my weekend but I’m just down. I am actually considering whether or not I’ve went back to work too quickly and it I should go off again but I’ll see how I feel over the next week or so. With bedtimes it’s so hard to do things the way you think you will but majority of the time she’s asleep at 7:30pm which is a good
time. She wasn’t well over the last couple days either so I’ve have very little sleep.
I will have to ask him how he caught them I would actually think he caught them by hand but he may have used a net. I just know he’d keep them for a couple days then release out the window and I haven’t heard him discuss aircraft but he did do engineering and architecture he’s good at designing things just never heard him discuss planes but that does sound interesting.
I am hoping I will be able to travel someday that sounds amazing, would love to retire fairly early and do nice things. I don’t think anyone should be working til 67 or even 61 cut off should be around 60 for everyone it’s very sad and the age might only go up and up until there is no such thing as retirement anymore.
Need to keep reading the Lisa Williams book I am getting no time at all for anything right now I need a break. Really considering a bit more time off work had a bad day on Friday and just put me off quite a bit. Not enough to quit but just struggling to keep myself motivated.
I will be fine! Just a bad week and in desperate need of a good sleep
Amy xxx
Hi Jess that’s good yous usually get on hopefully this doesn’t spoil that. You do what’s right for yourself though. Yes it’s a bit hypocritical of her to be harping on at you to work when her other son doesn’t perhaps she’s misplacing her attitude on work towards you instead of her son. If it comes up again at least you’ll know what you want to say since you thought about it afterwards
Your mum is surely with you Jess I understand where you’re coming from though it’s hard to believe things without seeing the proof infront of us. Especially when things are not going the way you wish they would. I’ve been having a pretty crappy week too had a bad day at work yesterday and my daughter had a stomach bug tmi but she vomited all over the bed and had to be bathed at 3am so had some sleepless nights watching over her. Things will work out for you it’s just a hard time right now and I know you’re worried about going back into the old workplace but once the first few shifts are out of the way it will feel as though you never left, which might not sound great but it’s better than the other workplace you found yourself in. And rest assured there will be another job out there for you we find these things at the right time.
I hope things between your partners mum and work settle a bit for you over the next wee while and you can find some time to yourself to just breath and not be stressed too much. Although in saying that I am feeling stressed just now too I go through times as well where I just want to change everything I have been thinking do I want to look for new work or not work at all but I just tell myself to think of other things especially right now as my heads not in the right place to make any rash decisions. But I know I wish my mum was here to chat to she’d just listen and support whatever I decided to do. I’ll bet you’re feeling the same way as you’re getting people telling you what you have to do whereas your mum would likely just support whatever you wanted for yourself.
Please don’t feel embarrassed going back you’re going through a lot and I bet no one even questions you about it. If they do your answer should just be it’s not something I feel comfortable discussing right now and hopefully people will understand.
Amy xxx
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Arh I’m sorry you’re going through a bad week. I really do think the darker nights makes us feel worse to! Hope your daughter has recovered!
I can’t remember a time where I didn’t feel stressed and I often feel like nothing makes sense anymore since my Mum passed. It’s like I lost her but also lost a part of myself aswell!
I keep asking her to send me a sign as a reminder that she is still around me but I get nothing but prehaps I’m blocking it with the way my mind has been!
Jess, what is important to you?, never mind everyone else, they are not going through what you are going through and cannot even imagine it, I am afraid for know you must be pragmatic, that, sadly is sometimes life for all of us, just take a day at a time for know, your mentor in the development circle was right, stop and ask yourself what you want, to some extent you are trapped(that is what mortgages are for)the whole system is set u[p to enslave and subjugate us ‘peasants’ and the government and the banks very much have there fingers in the pie over it, and is why Amy’s dad would not let her buy a house. he was wise.the mortgage system is very cruel and is intended to enslave us,
Love and blessings.
Timxx
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Thanks Jess she is alot better today thankfully. I know what you mean I keep asking my mum to visit me in dreams but still not had that happen. I feel a bit disassociated sometimes as though life doesn’t feel real anymore. I get you a part of you you has died too and you’ll be forever changed by her loss. I don’t think we’ll ever be exactly as we were before but I think in time we will feel glimmers of our old self and over time the sadness we carry will just be a part of us but it won’t consume us. I’ve been writing in my journal tonight and having a cry. My daughter on walks has been dragging us into a grave yard in town not where my mum is, but it’s very peaceful and she takes me there I just follow her lead, and there was a Robin that was on a stone then seemed to follow us about until we left and sat watching on top of a high stone. Made me very emotional as I’d like to think it’s my mum watching us out on our walk
Hope things get better for you we just need to get the next week out the way and hopefully things start to get a bit better
Amy xxx
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I’m glad my dad did stop us but unfortunately most people don’t have family they can live with long term and are stuck between high rentals or often a low introductory mortgage. Hopefully the prices drop soon as it’s unsustainable for most people the prices keep going up and wages don’t. Just another stressor and it does keep people trapped but like you said that’s sort of the point, it keeps people working and needing an income. Most important thing right now is how we’re coping but we all need a roof over our heads too and for most people nowadays one wage doesn’t cut it to cover all the costs of living. It’s terrible 
wish there was more bereavement leave entitlement for people in all workplaces as a few days or a week off to grieve is nowhere near enough.
Amy x
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To be brutally honest Amy low introductory mortgages are hard to come by, there was the boom time after the war when basically everyone was in work and you could leave one job on friday and start another on monday and there were not the hoops to jump though that there are know because it was so much easier to higher and fire and there was still the ‘lets get on with it’ mentality that had helped to win the war and supermack was basically correct when he said we had never had it so good, everyone was buying there own home , work was plentifal, price of property was not exstorchernet as it is today and much more in line with rages and it was cheaper to get a mortgage then rent, as they said then and they say know, rent money is dead money, and buying ones own property was for many a no brainer, and I heard many people of my mothers jeneration saying they have had the best of times, the system is know on its head with both morgage and renting beyond the reach of many and us you say is unsustanable, and many landlords are opting to sell up and evict there tenants using section 21 no fault eviction, probably does not apply in Scotland, you kept your own laws under the 1707 act of union(the room were it was signed is know a ladies convenience Lucy rolsey once proudly pointed out) and us you say you need two rage earners in most cases to make it work and it is diabolical for people who have to move for work, you use to be able to take cheep bedsits (careful hear, I am sure you have heard many a bed’shit’ horror story and the difficulties of relocating is stopping people taking jobs and the government cart or wont do anything about it, why can we not have a system ware we can set up sights that can take accomodation modules that can be owner occupied and put on the back of a lorry when time to move or sell, that way people can get accomodation more easily if they work during the week away from home and just pay a nominal sight rental for water and electrics, most of them just want a place to lock out the world and crash at night and travel home to there families at the weekend.
Is your Robin still around?, you have not mentioned him for a while, also have you read anymiore of ‘survivol of the soul’?, one of my customers is clarevoyant and I am lending her my copy, she lost her sion last year but he has come through to her 3 times and says the after life is nothing like we think it is(I hope its not prison work parties, only joking!!) it will be good to have her perspective on it, hope your laptop problem can be resolved, never lend it again to anyone, even your dad, hope all well and things settle down at work, but think what i said about tacking a brake, you have been under a grate deal of stress .
KBO
Timxx
To Jess and Amy, you have hit the nail on the head and verbalised in a few words the whole meaning, when our mothers past part of us did die with them, and THAT is why we never get over it, but we get used to it.
Blessings to all.
Timxx
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Hi Tim
Thanks totally agree about the housing market, somethings got to change at some point soon.
I actually have seen the Robin again my daughter took me a walk and one followed us all around. Was really lovely. I had a nice dream last night too the lady in it was young and didn’t look like my mother but I felt it was her and I said can I ask you questions, I barely remember them all now. I said will I see you again and she said mmm yes and no; only like this. I said but I want to be with you one day; and she said if that’s what you want that’s what will happen. I asked am I still your number one she laughed and said yes. I had tears in my eyes when I woke up. Who knows if it was just my brain dreaming away or if it was a visit. I didn’t know my mum young so she could have well looked like that as a girl.
I got a great rest last night my daughter fell asleep at 5pm and me my boyfriend decided to get a sleep too we were both out for 6 o’clock which was great. I woke up around 3am then back to sleep about 5 and that’s when I had my nice dream.
Hope you’re well I’m in work today and having a much better day.
Take care
Amy x
Hi Amy, glad your little one is better and so good about the robin,what a lovely dream (or was it something else?) let me tell you a true story, a man clinically died in hospital and met his grand mother who had just died and the man did not know it, she told him he must go back and that his time had not yet come, they embraced and he went back, the doctors were dumbstruck when he told them this and only later was he told officially that his grand mother had died, a fact he already knew because he had briefly met her on the other side, they had died at precisely the same moment.I had a conversation with my church minister yesterday and I asked her to have a look at my book ‘the survival of the sole’ she seemed very uncomfortable about it and clearly they either do not want to, or are unable to acknowledge the fact of clairvoyance because it confronts there dogma and they feel uncomfortable with it, I have the humility to acknowledge the existence of things beyond my understanding, we both have enquiring minds Amy, and when things keep happening it is not coincidence, no one understands the true nature of electricity but we all use it and accept it as a fact, even though the message in the book regarding taking responsibility for or actions and having to account for what we did or did not do in our lives is very similar to the message of the bible, then she admitted she had seen something regarding her past mother but when pressed put it down to the greaving process, I mentioned that Dowding, (CinC of fighter command battle of Britain) often knew before hand what the Luftwaffe was doing long before they showed up on radar and was ordering sqrodrums to scramble before hand, his clairvoyance played a vital role in the air battle and helped give the RAF the edge.her answer to this was ‘its very difficult’ it appears they(the church) does not want to confront things or acknowledge things that it finds difficult or uncomfortable to accept and would just rather pretend it was not there, they seem uncomfortable to think that some of us may have more then just an educated guess about the after life, the more I look inti it the more convinced I am that it is the body that dies but we do not,I know how Barnes Wallis must have felt trying to sell his idea for a bouncing bomb to Harris(those two came grate friends later) but you and jess hit the nail on the head when you said that when are mothers died something died within us, that is why we never get over a bereavement, we just get used to it.
take care
Timxx
Oh I wish I could fully believe that I’ll see my mum again but with the way life has been for me lately I struggle to have faith.
I do wonder why we don’t have proper knowledge of the afterlife if it’s a thing and it’s drives me crazy.
I get all confused about it as well because everyone says many different things about it.
I have spoke to plenty of mediums and they all say different things. Something that bothers me is that one once said that when we reincarnate we could end up changing roles in the next life but I always want my mum to be my mum it doesn’t sit right it being any other way!
I am scared of my loved ones going before I reach them also. It’s so mind boggling but none of us know the truth until we get there I guess.
I think deep down I do believe that I will see my Mum again because I can’t imagine it being any other way but like I say when you are so down and defeated you get worried it isn’t real. I’m rambling so I apologise!