Hello you lovely lot. How are you all tonight? I’m very drained today for some reason. @amyrose92 I really hope that’s the case but I guess we will have to wait and see. I really hope there’s at least something after because seriously what would be the point?
@Laura8 how beautiful and well done for continuing the work of your father! I am not good a gardening lol
I am supposed to be booking a tattoo in my Mums memory but I haven’t got round to it yet and my Gran keeps asking me when I’m getting it done lol she’d usually go mad at me for getting stuff like that done but she’s all for me getting a memorial tattoo bless her.
I’m also supposed to be thinking about what we are going to do with my mums ashes, another job I’ve been putting off!
I will get round to it eventually but it’s too painful right now to make any decisions regarding that just yet.
I have also got a bag of her clothes which I can’t seem to give to charity just yet, there’s a top in there that I keep getting out and smelling, it still smells of her! So definitely not ready for that just yet!
I was going to get something similar to this but the other robin will be for my Grandad who I lost when I was 11 who still holds a special place in my heart x
Hi Amy, that’s a wonderful idea with you and your dad,little things like that do you both such a power of good, and your daughter is of course learning to interact with other children in a safe environment, sounds perfect. my clairvoyant customer has been in contact with me(on the phone, not from beyond!!) her mother had a near death experience when she was 76 and went on to live till 93, the description she gave matches that of Lisa Williams in her near death experience so that holds good and is some independent validation of the book, but I think like you we are all in a learning process and it may well be we have had past lives, in my case Sunday September 3rd 1939 seems a very significant day to me, VE day on the 8th May 1945 just a day in history,the first time I sore a spitfire in flight I heard it before I sore it and I knew from the sound what it was, and yes, people during the war would talk of having heard a spitfire, I am sure our mums are around in spirit form, and your little one saying goodbye to your mother shortly after she passed suggest to me only one possibility, she could see your mother!, there is no other rational explanation.when you know what something iusant, you are left with what it is. good your dad is doing the garden, how is the wendy house and how can you protect it from gales?.
Hope you having a good day, take care and drive carefully, weather is colder, look out for ice both driving and walking.
Hi Jess, regarding your mothers ashes,just a suggestion, I got a lovely casket of ebay with a nice inscription and put my mothers ashes in it (it was all in a sealed bag) and sealed the casket, that is know mounted on the wall under a lovely photograph of her taken at her silver wedding celebration, that is under a cross, to each side of the casket is a photograph of my late father and late brother, it is a wall memorial to my late family,mother said I could keep her ashes and that is what I have done, they should be properly and respectfully mounted or scattered, so many end up under the bed or at the back of a wardrobe or draw and are forgotten, my twin brother was left inside a plastic bottle with a barcode on it!, so disrespectful, half his ashes were finally scattered in the summer, the other half probably next year, just a suggestion, did your mother express any wishes regarding her ashes?, if not, or she gave you permission to the contrary then that is up to you, in which case do not do anything you cannot undo until you are sure what you want, at my mothers funeral we just had the ashes, it was more pragmatic at the time, gave everyone a chance to travel who wanted to come and gave me a brake so I could gather my thoughts, I needed that after she died in my arms, I have still not processed that, to painful. hope you are having a better day
Hello Tasha, lost my mum in January (5th) so possibly around the same time as you and I know live alone all my primary family gone, I have a sister in law near by who I see regularly and she sometimes comes to me for a meal and visa versa mother died from dementia after I had been her principle carer for four years leaving me not only greaving but clinically ill with chronic fatigue, depression, hypertension and ptsd, last night the depression flared up again and from what you say while I am not a medical clinician I wonder if you have something similar, I am going to my doctor and prehaps you should to.
Hey Tim unfortunately because she was only 50 when she passed we never had the chance for that discussion.
I am her next of kin and had to be her executor and funeral arranger and I literally had nothing to go off. I don’t even know if she wished to be buried or cremated. Now that was tough for me I was so worried I was going against her wishes.
Her dad (my Grandad) was cremated so I went off that.
I ordered a scatter tube and some mini urns because I refused to pick her up in the paperbag they come in! I was very disturbed at the thought of her being in that!
Family members have an urn each and the scatter tube is currently on display at my Grandma’s for now.
I’ve thought about scattering them in her favourite place but I don’t know if I like the thought of even scattering them as it feels kind of like I’m throwing her away.
I did think about having them buried in the garden of remembrance at the cemetery where my grandads ashes are.
It’s just such a big decision to make but I think I’ll wait until after Christmas for now.
That is the hard bit about it if I may say so Amy, they are not there for us to turn to anymore, they are probably there in spirit, but not as we can talk to them and in some ways that makes the parting harder, what i miss most is the time before she was ill, we had 7 good years together between 2012 and 2018(before covid reared its ugly head and her dementie quickly followed) and that was the end of my happy life, and its the same for you, yes, you have your family around you but I know you miss your mum as much as I miss mine, its a lovely idea of Laura’s to honour her father that way and I wonder if you and I could do something similar in our area?, glad you have had a better week, sorry that you are still feeling the pain of her passing, the greef ball in the box gets smaller with time, but it never goes away, its 10 months for me know and about two months for you(sounds like a prison sentence, and in some ways it is a full life term with no time off for good behaviour, but WE ARE INNOCENT!!) and yes, part of us within us died with our mothers, that is why we never get over it, we just get used to it, you say you are catching every bug going?, I tend to spend a lot of time in isolation and am depressed at the moment and I wonder which is the lesser of the two?, may I ask what message are you putting on your mothers stone?, on my mothers casket at the top is her name, date of birth and death, followed by
Those we love don’t go away
They walk beside us every day
Unseen, unheard but always near
Still mist, much loved, and very dear
They usually do not place the head stone for a year in order for the ground to settle, on my grand mothers grave on my fathers side the inscription has been guided and my grand fathers ashes interred with it (1972, I was 12) and no one can touch the grave without my permission(my mother had me appointed its legal custodian)my fathers ashes are scattered some ware round a tree but we could not remember which one resulting in my mother telling me I could keep them (better then a dog pissing on them if you forgive the irreverence, I think she would be pleased with the casket and the way I have mounted it,proberbly not so at the state of her lounge at the moment as it is the bit of a building site, it is still her property until probate is done, and there will always be a space for her hear, if only her ashes, after my day my Niece can have them and I have left it to her to decide what to do with them.
Take care, I hope you are better soon
Jess, so sorry your mum passed so young, I did not realise, I am sure she would be proud at what you have done for her, I think Amy would have liked her mother to be cremated and the ashes mounted in a casket like I have done, this is still her house and as long as i live there will be a place for her, if only her ashes, as ashes are ashes then there is no hurry and I felt I would be throwing my mother away as well in scattering her ashes and as she gave me permission to the contrary I tried to do her justice, I hope I have done, I had to organise the whole thing my self like you and I knew
my mums friends from away would want to attend, it was early january and i was not then up to running a funeral hense direct cremation was my choice, a mixture off fulfilling my mothers wishes, accommodating everyone else, giving my self time to organise things properly and frankly survival mode, my health was shattered and is not that good know, but that is the way it is and depression reared its neck on me last night and i need to get the antidepressants i turned down earlier, non of us are out of the woods yet, I thought I was getting there but i still have some issues.
I was on antidepressants a while before. I stopped taking them a few months before my other halves grandad passed then my Mum passed. Worse time to stop them really but I wasn’t to know!
I am trying my hardest not to go back on them because I had unwanted side effects hence me coming off them, goodness knows what they put in them!
When my Grandad passed my Gran took valarium root sorry if I’ve spelt that incorrectly! And she swears by them so I went to the herbalist shop to get some but because I have the birth control implant they advised against it as there’s not much information whether it affects it or not yet.
They ended up recommending me to get some magnesium which is very good for the nervous system and vitamin B complex which is apparently a natural happy pill.
I have been taking them for just over a week now. Whilst I haven’t noticed a huge improvement just yet I have noticed that my panic attacks upon waking up have started easing.
I am going to keep taking the vitamins and see if it works. I thought I’d mention that in case you’d like to give them a try! In fact you could try the valarium root maybe. There’s also other natural supplements such as saint johns wart ect. I have to be careful cause certain ones react to birth control.
Yeah 50 years old! it was so unexpected, I still can’t believe that she isn’t here anymore!
Hi Tim,
Thank you for your message
My mum passed 31st January and died off secondary cancer in the bone and in the liver. This time last year it was crazy and my poor mum was in and out of hospital and the sad news was they couldn’t do anything for her in the end. Only had 3 months to live. We moved her to the hospice 31st in there for 9 hours and thats when she took her last breath. They think i keep going over in my head when she said few weeks b4 she couldn’t speak anymore was help me. This was her last words she said, as we found out mum had blood clot in her brain too. It was quick death in the end.
I am copying ok seeking grief specialist with my employment as got good support from them. If this dont work then i will seek medical professional insead. Thanks tasha
Hi Tasha
So sorry about your mother, its heart rending, the blood clots may have been a result of her treatment but that is speculation and they may actually have spared her a lot of suffering, I am sure you did your very best for her as I did for my mother so no self recrimination and no self guilt, life throws curb balls at us and we all do our best and yours was at the end of january so hopefully you will not associate christmas with your mothers passing, I will always have that know, I know my mother was in pain towards the end and I got her pain relief stepped up and was more or less in charge of her end of life care as she passed away at home eventually dying in my arms, I went way beyond what was expected of me and I do not think I could have done more for her,death from dementia is clinically similar to a crucifixion, you eventually drown in your own fluids, my grand mother died from ovarium cancer in 1974 and I probably sore things no 14 year old should see, my twin brother died from brain cancer in september 2021, I am not sure how my father died but he was ill for some time and his lungs gave out, they were going to put him through the scanner the morning he died, there has been a lot of death in my family, in fact I am the last one of my primary family, I have a satellite family with my sister in law and my Niece, grate niece and grate nephew,(they call me uncle Bulgaria,I am getting them the wombals for christmas) my sis in law coming for dinner tomorrow, we keep in touch, my twin being her husband we have a close connection, I regard her as my next of kin, she is a teacher and I take note of what she says. for us both it is a time for perseverance and I came close last night to ending it, my depression was getting out of control and I really should be on antidepressants so that is something I will raise with my doctor on monday, my mothers ashes are in a casket on the wall under a lovely photograph of her, and that is how I remember her, not what she became, non of us look good when we die, I am sure she is around in spirit and I sense her presence in the house, the room got very cold when she died and some say that is caused by the spirits of the departed loved ones gathering around at the time of death, let me recommend 2 books to you, ‘You are not alone’ by Gillian Lloyd, the founder of grief cast, and ‘Climbing out of depression’ by sue alison, both books are very well written and both these ladies know there onions so to speak and are well worth reading, if you are interested in spirits and the afterlife I can recommend ‘the survival of the sole’ by Lisa Williams, a friend of mine is clairvoyant, her mother had a near death experience and she described it as lisa Williams described her near death experience in the book, I think we are both going to need some extra help, reach out if you want to talk, we are all on this site to support each other, have a good weekend if you can.
Timxx
So sorry for what you have been through. You need to do what best for you and if you feel you need medicine to help then try no harm in it. Your family be proud of you what you been through and how much you have grown into a person today. My husband been my rock last few months and couldnt do it without him. It hit him too as we been together nearly 25 years and married 15 years. So when my mum passed hit us all. Thank for the recommendation of books atm i cant read books as i keep crying. I have just started listening to giref that works podcast by Juila samuel, she goes through about the grief progress. Maybe after listening to this one i see the other books be on audio. Music also helps me cope as well.
Glad to have people around to give support. Been struggling few weeks and not knowing what to say. Have a great weekend too. Tasha
Sorry not been on much wanted to say that’s lovely they call you uncle Bulgaria my daughter loves the Wombles too it was her favourite song when she was really young.
Sorry to read about last night and I hope you’re feeling a bit better today please call your doctor and discuss anti depressants
Taking my daughter to visit some family tomorrow it is after midnight and I am still wide awake and have to be up early. It is so hard to switch off these days.
I feel like you know within yourself you have to stay here and carry on like your clairvoyant said and your mum is most definitely in your home with you. I hope you keep believing and it gives you strength
Hi Tim
I am sorry to read you’re feeling down please don’t keep yourself isolated I know it can be difficult but try your best to get out a walk every day you never know who you will meet. And as I said above try getting on anti depressants it sounds like you may need something like that and there’s no shame in it.
We’re getting ‘Go Gently into the night’ it’s a change to ‘Do not go gently into the night’ a Dylan Thomas poem my dad said him and my mum used to love sitting up at night listening to his work so he thought that was fitting. We don’t have alot of room as it’s the same grave stone as my gran and my dad didn’t know my mum would want in there, so a short and sweet message and one day I will replace it when my dad goes in too and give them all much longer messages. Our names are all going on too plus her name DOB and death date. There’s just not huge room to put in a longer message.
Yes I’ve been catching everything so it seems but that happens with kids and going to kids classes they carry alot of bugs and pass them to everyone so I am not surprised plus my immune system is probably quite poor just now.
My boyfriend said he is buying me a locket for Christmas with an inscription saying always close to your heart so I can put a photo of my mum and a photo of my baby in it I thought that was really nice idea he said he wanted to ask first incase it upset me. I also ordered a fingerprint necklace with my mums handwriting on it and got one for my sister and niece too to remember her.
I think we learn who we really are at these moments there’s no sugar coating anything we’ve lost people who were extremely important and how we cope and respond is so important. Please look after yourself Tim this time of year doesn’t help it’s dark in the morning and dark at night try get out a wander and to church on Sundays im sure you mentioned you go to church sometimes? A nice way to spend a Sunday if you would like to and it gets you out around people. But don’t be too hard on yourself either if you need time at home alone that’s okay just don’t hide away if it starts making you feel worse.
Amy xxx
Hi Tasha
Sorry to read about your mum and how things happened I hope you’re coping okay. It’s good your husband is so supportive and he will feel her loss too having known her for such a long time and seeing the affect it is having on you. My boyfriend has been really supportive too it does help, and I’m aware not all of us in here have that type of daily support at home so I hope these messages help and no one feels really alone as the truth is we aren’t. We’re all going through it and trying our best to cope it’s hard some days feel not too bad others dreadful but they’re always on your mind, it’s all consuming the thoughts and whilst I think of her all the time I don’t always feel sad I sometimes laugh or smile already but usually followed by the sad gut wrenching feeling that I won’t get to have another joke with her. Not in this lifetime but I’m a big believer now that I’ll meet her when it’s my time to go.
I’m sorry your mums last words were help me that must have been so hard to hear and not really being able to help her at that point. In the end it was quick which can be a blessing they say ‘do not underestimate a good death’. Not that I think what your mother went through sounds good at all I think you’ve been through it with worry and the anticipatory grief knowing you’re going to lose her. But I just mean in her last few hours it went quick and that can be a small mercy.
My mum was in for copd which caused lung failure for 7 weeks before she passed away in her private room in the hospital. I didn’t hear her last words she spoke to drs the morning of her death but our last proper interaction I asked her does she miss me she nodded and then I asked will you wait for me wherever you’re going to next and she nodded even harder then played with my hair for a while whilst I had a good cry. It sucks we tried to hide the fact she was so sick as she was very up and down the entire hospital stay but the last 2 ish weeks talks of losing her and her passing in hospital were becoming topics of conversation and I think maybe that had an impact on her. I don’t think things could have changed though she was incredibly sick at the end and all the treatment they use for lung conditions (which she’s responded to well in the past) were doing nothing but make her worse.
It makes me think of that song ‘the drugs don’t work they just make you worse but I know I’ll see your face again’
Sorry this is so long I’m just sat here thinking about it all again: it’s crazy how our brains can take us right back to that very moment. And I just wish my mum and all our loved ones are okay wherever they are. And she agreed to wait so she best be holding on to that promise
Anyway I am glad you have your husband and support around you it makes a big difference especially when they are understanding of how you’re feeling. And I don’t think we’ll ever get over this I think we will just get better at coping.
Thank you for your beautiful message. I am so sorry for what you went through with your mum. It is so nice to know we are here for each other and know that there is no judgement and we listen to each other. I feel so much better today after last few nights of talking about how i am feeling and couldnt do it without you all given advice and listening to my worries.
Hope all have a good weekend, catch up in the week.
Tasha xx
Hello Laura, how are you and its nice of you to ask, I got very low indeed midweek and went into a spell of depression but I am better know and my sis in law is coming tonight for dinner and that has given me a reason to clear the kitchen and sort one or two things out, one of the main things in my situation is I can go for several days sometimes with out contact and my thoughts just run riot in my head, its a mental thing I know but that is what depression is and put together with my ptsd can push me close to the edge, I am getting a doctors appointment next week and I will probably have to start tacking antidepressants like my Niece and if I end up hooked on them I end up hooked on them, its better then the alternative and I know Churchill suffered for many years with depression and no antidepressants in those days so I am in good company, the fact that I am still greaving helps nothing and I am sure you are still greaving your dad and I know you have been through the meat grinder of life as well, we all have to crawl towards the light at times and in many ways I am very blest in that I do not have financial worries but that does not mean I wish to take early retirement, I need a reason to get up in the morning, I lost that reason after my mum past and I very nearly followed her with in a week by just staying in my sleeping bag and giving up, I intend to see my self employment adviser with a view to starting a new business so hopefully that will give me a reason
to carry on and to make progress with my life, I am 63 but NOT over the hill and like the rest of us on this site, down but not out, thankyou again for contacting me and lets hope for better times for all of us.
and I hope you’re feeling a bit better today please call your doctor and discuss anti depressants