Best ways to cope with loss of mother

[Jess1]

Hey Amy I’ve already had a lot of contact from my Mum.

I didn’t know whether I believed in all of this stuff before I lost her, I was more on the fence at the idea.

Near the beginning unexplainable things were happening and I thought I was going mad but it made me dwelve into looking for answers.

I so a medium around 2 or 3 months after and she told me things that she shouldn’t have known.

Someone once told me to try and give my mum 2 symbols one for yes one for no so that I could ask yes or no questions. I always asked if she was still with me.

Anyway I thought about a white butterfly for yes and peacock butterfly for no asked the question of are you still with me and low and behold a white butterfly shows up.

I changed my symbols to a Robin for yes and a sparrow for no, asked the question along comes a Robin

Of course my sceptical mind said these things exist and are easy to come by and I then said to my mum “if I see a stag, I really will believe you’re there” I actually laughed at the thought but fast forward a few days since then for some reason I felt compelled to walk a different route on the way home.

Guess what came sprinting past me, that’s right! a frigging stag, I almost passed out from shock and it very unusual to see them in my area and I should also point out that it was in the middle of the street

Another time kept finding white feathers in my past and of course I was like they come from birds they exist and I said to her “you’re going to have to put one in a less obvious place for me to believe they’re from you”

I got home from work one day and I got a can of pop and I was drinking it for a while and I decided to have another sip and believe it or not, there on my coaster was a white feather! That one had me flabbergasted as well as my partner and me being me tried to make an excuse and my partner was like no that just appeared out of no where.

The funny thing is that’s just like my mum to do something like that and my goodness it did make me laugh.

I started going development after these encounters and every week I develop a little more but cause I have been through a tough time I do at times struggle to really believe in it all but I seriously need to stop denying it now really.

Sorry about how long this message is but I thought I’d share most of the amazing signs I’ve had with you all

I just don’t get right much now and it makes me worried she’s disappeared or it was all in my mind but there’s got to be truth in it!

Apparently they can make contact right after but people advise against it due to you needing time to process it but I guess none of us know for certain but I felt my mum around me like 2 days after. Thought it was my mind playing tricks but had too many coincidences!

[amyrose92]

That’s amazing Jess they do sound like paranormal experiences and visits! Seeing a stag in the street after asking that is wild! I am sure she’s been letting you know she’s still here and maybe now taking a step back to let you process and heal and move forward a bit with the rest of your life. She’ll still be there though just maybe wanting you to focus on yourself and your life moving forward now. I’m sure she’ll reach out to you again though
I loved reading your experiences it gives me so much hope!
Amy xxx

[Jess1]

I’m glad it’s helped you. I’m my own worse enemy at times. They’ll all be fed up of me in the spirit realm it is hard though to keep faith when you are so blinded with the grief and having other problems on top. They do say that you can block it out when your head is all over the place.

I was actually thinking whilst writing my experiences that I could write a book one day. It also made me realise that my mum has given me so much to let me know there’s something after here and we will meet again.

I have been to a few mediums and she always tells me that she hasn’t left me, like she’s answering my question in my head. It’s just frustrating not being able to actually communicate with her like we used to

I go to the development classes because the first medium I so recommended me to as I was doubting things and she thought me being able to see it for myself would help and also thought it would be good for me to see how it works and so far I’ve not been disappointed but it’s not how I imagined it.

[amyrose92]

I don’t have any doubt your mum is still with you and you will meet her again. The wait will be long but so worth it when you do reunite. I’ve been telling my mum when I speak to her and when I write in my journal that I want her to be the one to come and collect me when it’s my time to go. I have no idea where to start in trying to connect but I will start reading into things and try to connect with her, as I dont think there are any classes like yours near me.
If you have any other experiences you’d like to share please do, it is so hopeful and maybe you should write a book, I am sure we would all buy it

Amy xxx

[AmyCarter]

Hi all,
My beautiful Mom passed away 5 days ago on Wednesday 15th November from a very short battle with a rare and aggressive cancer at just 56.
Even up until three days before we believed she was having treatment to live for 1-2 years, unfortunately that was not meant to be and we experienced a very traumatic few days as her health declined so dramatically.
I have been reading lots of your posts over the last few days, especially yours Amy as we are the same age when we lost our moms (both 92 babies) , of course same name and feel some other similarities too - though ultimately we are all relating as we have lost one of the closest bonds we had with our lovely Mums.
My mom was so hungry and determined to live, this was never ever in the plan.
Everything feels very raw at the moment and I feel as though I’m drowning in confusion, pain and shock.
Over the first few days of mom passing, including the day, I have had multiple ‘signs’ or at very least bizarre coincidences, but I feel as though I’m probably just looking for her everywhere as I’m so desperate to know she’s okay.
Today in particular I am feeling so isolated and alienated, probably why today I’ve decided to create an account and write to you personally. I have a very good support network of friends and family but no matter how much people reach out, I feel that no one understands my pain (none of them have lost their moms at all! Let alone traumatically and in their 50s) so I have the urge to shut everyone out and tell them all where to go with their sympathy.
Do you ever feel that no one can comprehend your pain as no one appreciates how close and special your bond with your mom was? I feel so alone in this grief, I can see how people turn bitter! And I am usually one of the most friendly, chatty and open people - chronic oversharer if anything! But this time I feel quite the opposite.
Amy x

[Jess1]

Do you have any spiritual churchs in your area? They usually do the classes there.

I’m not sure it’s possible to connect with your own loved ones as I know quite a few mediums needing to go to other mediums for readings when they need to speak to their own loved ones.

I did ask a medium once why it wasn’t possible to connect with their own and they said it’s not exactly that it’s because they don’t know if they are really connecting or just imagining it. I do get where they are coming from because I do sometimes hear my mum in my mind giving advice and i don’t know if I’m making it up.

[Jess1]

Hey Amy number 2

Sorry to hear about your mum! I lost my Mum age 50 so I understand also!

I totally understand what you mean about others not being able to fully comprehend what we are going through as they still have their mother’s.

I don’t seem to have a lot of people around for me though, I don’t hear off any of my friends unless I contact them. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done if it wasn’t for this site.

I lost my Mum back in March this year and I’m still pretty much struggling with life right now, I’ve had a few people telling me that I should be getting over it and moving on by now. That would come from people who don’t know what it’s like though!

[AmyCarter]

Hey Jess
It’s so nice to hear from you- someone else that truly understands what this feels like.
It’s strange how much of a comfort it is isn’t it? Misery loves company I guess haha

Honestly, I don’t feel like having a massive group of friends really helps with this situation. I have one best friend that knows exactly what’s happened all along and although she can’t fully relate I know she cries for me, she feels for me. All my other friends seem a little surplus to requirement at the moment… that sounds terrible doesn’t it! But honestly in some ways it makes me feel worse that so many people say sorry but none of them can relate - they’re all fine, you feel jealous of everyone else just living their happy lives with their mums and looking in on your trauma and loss with sympathy.
I know I am probably (hopefully) going to feel better about that in time and let my friends in again but right now I can’t even speak to anyone I’m just ignoring my phone.

I can’t believe that people are saying you should be moving on, they clearly have not experienced such a significant or painful loss in their lives, lucky for them! I don’t think I’ll ever ever get over or move on from my Mom not being on this earth - I’m just going to have to find a way to live with it as when she got her cancer diagnosis I promised her if anything happened that I would be okay.

I’m so sorry about your mum passing, especially at 50. I bet it’s still hard to believe, I feel like I’ll think my moms going to text me any minute for the rest of my life. I just can’t believe she’s gone.

Xxx

[amyrose92]

Hi Amy
Thanks for posting and I’m glad our posts could bring you some comfort in an otherwise horrific time. I understand the bitter feeling, many of your friends won’t be able to appreciate just how much this will affect you, not just for now but forever. Also trivial problems seem so meaningless now, which is hard with friends as they will go back to chatting about really small issues and it can be frustrating. I am in my work today and whilst I have been coping generally OK during the day, I was sat with a group of girls at my desk today and I had to get up and say sorry but I need to be alone and have come to work in a private room in the office by myself for the day.
I am sure your friends do care but they will just not be able to conceive how traumatic this is. They won’t until they experience it but Amy they will experience it someday, we’re just the unlucky ones who’s mums have gone first. You will be there for all your friends when it happens to them as you will know how they feel.
No one will understand your exact pain as your relationship between you and your mum was yours alone, but we will be going through the same and similar feelings to you. The first 3-5 days after my mum died are a total blur I just remember tiny moments of when I thought I was getting signs, but I still dont know how I got through that first week. Try drink plenty of water and eat when you can, it’s mentally and physically draining.
Also that is a nice coincidence both Amy’s born in 92! It is really hard being this age and knowing we will likely outlive our mothers, and we will probably live longer not knowing them than we did with them. We have to try our best to be grateful that we got to know them and have them as our mothers. 56 is so young and I am so truly sorry that yous did not get more time, but try your best to believe she won’t leave you. You’re literally made from her and so she lives through you too. It doesn’t feel real sometimes and you just do whatever you can to get through the next few weeks, hopefully you are off work. Also in this time with friends asking how you are, it’s nice but it can be hard too as you start thinking of everything again, not that you ever stop but it brings it all back to the forefront of your mind.
Stay strong Amy your mum would want you to be hungry and determined to live just as she was, so try and live a good life to make her proud
Amy xxx

[Laura8]

Hello Amy 2 I lost my Dad 3 months ago . He was my biggest supporter and friend and a wonderful father .
The feelings of loneliness are normal I’m afraid .
Welcome to the group. Xx

[Jess1]

Yep exactly that! I still can’t wrap my head around her being gone. I guess sometimes my mind thinks she’s away on holiday or something!

It is still very raw for you and early days, so I’m not suprised you don’t feel like talking to them right now! But please let them know that you will talk to them in your own time so that they are ready to be there for you.

It is weird that talking to others that are going through a similar experience provides a level of comfort I must admit but if it helps why not.

[amyrose92]

It is terrible people saying you should have moved on by now… that is awful. I hope you know its completely normal to never get over your mothers loss. If they don’t understand, they’ve clearly never loved and lost in the way we have. I cannot imagine telling anyone to ‘be getting over’ the loss of their mother, or any other family member for that matter. Hope you tell them to back off and not comment on your situation.
I told my boyfriend straight away I’ll never get over this and he said I know and that’s okay. I don’t think we ever need to get over it when it comes to losing our parents, we learn to adapt over time but we will never get over it x

[Jess1]

I know right it seems silly but in a way I wouldn’t want to get over it anyway but I’m sure you understand where I am coming from when I say that.

As they say grief is love with nowhere to go and I will continue to love my mum until my very last breath on earth!

[amyrose92]

Yes Jess I really don’t think it would be right to get over them. They’re our mothers and always will be <3 and we’re allowed to love them forever!

[Jess1]

Don’t know why but I felt compelled to share a photo of my beautiful mum, prehaps we could all share some photos and funny and nice memories?

[AmyCarter]

Hi guys
Amy, such special words thank you. You’re right I was so lucky to have such a wonderful mom, I won the lottery. But it makes it so much harder to accept they are gone.
It totally doesn’t feel real, I go between being completely numb to screaming at the four walls of the room for her to come back to me. It’s horrible.
Yes I’m off work, think I will need some time away to process everything that’s happened. The funeral won’t be until 4 weeks time due to business and lead up to Christmas so in some ways I wonder if I’ll even get back to work ahead of Christmas.
How long did everyone have away from work? God knows what’s normal!
You’re right thought my Mom would be desperate for me to live life to the absolute fullest - anything else she would despair at!! It just feels impossible at the moment though I know I’ll find a way one day.

Laura - I’m so sorry about the passing of your Dad. I don’t have any relationship with mine and I always grieve that too. Though you have lost something wonderful just hold on to how special that is. Do you have a relationship with your Mum/ is she still alive? I feel like an orphan now that my only parent is no longer here, it feels as though my childhood has been lost forever and I mourn that too.

Jess - I totally feel like she’s on holiday yes, like she’s inevitably coming back to me, I know that sounds stupid because I know she can’t but I really feel like she’s gonna come back. It’s awful.
Love the photo of your mum, bless her. I’m not quite ready to share anything yet but maybe in time, for now it’s nice to be a little anonymous here.

Thanks all for listening and responding
Amy x

[Laura8]

Here is my Dad …. Loved the sea . That was his own boat which was moored at Scarborough harbour .

[Laura8]

Hiya , yes I have a lovely relationship with my Mum …
We are really close . She’s struggling a lot. They were married for 51 years . I have been very lucky in many ways .
I have only just gone back to work and at phased return . I had 3 months off as I just couldn’t face it . Sorry you are on this path . My heart is broken I’m sure yours is too …
Much love xx

[Laura8]

I meant to say he was 75 x

[AmyCarter]

Laura
Im so glad to hear you have a lovely relationship with your mum, that is a thing to be cherished always. These things make us realise how precious our loved ones are to us.
I cant imagine the loss of a life partner after so many years, but I’m sure having you by her side is great comfort to her.

Yes my heart is completely broken, don’t think I will ever be able to put it back together the way it was, you realise how easy and trivial your life was (even with some pretty big issues!) compared to the loss of a parent - nothing compares. Life will never be the same again.

In terms of work 3 months feels realistic but I’m not sure how my employer will accommodate, I’ll have to see. at the minute it feels like the world just needs to stop turning. X