Hi Laura
Thank you I haven’t but I will look into those poems soon x
Also I am sorry for thinking you were American I had no idea anyone other than Americans used the term mom learn something new every day 
She will definitely be with you Amy I am trying to be open to any signs.
Me too I’m not afraid to die anymore as I just feel I’ll be reunited with my mum. But I have a good reason to stay here for a long time I’ve got a child and she needs her mum too so I am doing my best to stay strong for her
Amy xxx
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Well sorry it’s how I feel
Hi Amy
I really hope the antidepressants work for you and that it will ease your suffering and you are not in a dark place like I was last week, they usually take between a week to 10 days to fully work and you should feel better after that, a vet once gave them to a group of zoo penguins that were down in the dumps (probably missing the snow in antarctica) and they perked up!!(I am NOT saying you are a pengrin Amy!!) I am seeing my mental health nurse on Thursday morning, I will probably end up on antidepressants too, but nothing to be depressed about.
I am concerned that to some extent you are wishing your life away almost as if you feel guilty(like Amyc) and if so then that is not healthy, you have to be strong, not only for your self but for your dad, daughter and boyfriend as well, you are well loved, and she MUST be your primary concern being so young, and its wonderful from what you say she was and is clearly a wanted and highly valued and trully loved child (sadly Amy, so many are not, they treat there dogs better, is it surprising so many youngsters get into street gangs and get into trouble?)
The lights going out may well be your mother signalling to you, my hair dresser had a similar experience after her mother passed on, the lights kept switching on and off for no apparent reason and you are familiar with my experience with my brother after he passed.
Social science is a wonderful thing to do, you are well equipped with that to deal with the turf balls of life, and you clearly understand human nature and could have probably had a career in it.I am not saying you are wasting your talents, you are dealing with venerable people and trying to improve there lives and that is important work.
Take care and rest up over the weekend and if the weather is fit get out with your dad, blessings to all.
Timxx
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It’s this one
May I ask Steven when did your mother pass away?, I lost mine in January
That was beautiful.
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Hello Ulma, I don’t think we have contacted before, lost my mother in January and found my self laterly on this site, what is your situation ?.
Tim
Amy,
I hope you and Amyc are ok,neither of you appear to have posted tonight and I understand you are both having a tough time of it and am concerned.
The poem is lovely, thankyou very much, please send more.
I am so sorry you had a stressful phone call at work, she was probably at the end of her tether and sadly took it out on you, you really do not need that in your state, fortunately your boss is obviously very understanding and accommodating (so many have no people skills what so ever and are not)
Hope next week to send you a photoi of my mum obnce I download it onto the pc, your IT skills are probably so much more up to date then mine.
Having to send a laser engraver back as I cannot get it to work via my pc.
The busy road near the park to me spells danger, not a place to walk children ware they breath in all the traffic fumes, incidentally was your degree in social science and environment?, so often those two go together.
At least at the toddler class you are in the warmth and dry, its just all the bugs going around, greaving does lower your immune system, it has been proved, I was very sick until the end of February.
Returned a clock to a customer today and fixed another while there, did some furniture repair work on a table (rubbing down)
and fixed a third clock in my clock room, the house is a bungalow.
also the bit of a building site, the snug is progressing.
Probate application has been sent in(at last) waiting to hear back from the courts
Bless you and family and enjoy your weekend Amy.#
Timxx
.
Hi all
Sorry I have had a very stressful day or two funeral planning and haven’t had chance to properly reply
I want to have time to respond to you all properly instead of rushing so I will message tomorrow
Tim thanks for checking in on me
I hope you’re okay
Night all
AmyC xxx
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Also I have Covid so have been feeling so so rubbish, I haven’t even had the energy to cope with normal life let alone my mums death 1 week ago and funeral arrangements!
Feels like I’ve had a big run of bad luck.
X
That’s a beautiful poem 
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Thinking off you Amyc at this sad time, are you having to arrange everything yourself?, I know that is so hard, do not be afraid to ask for advise, I had to do it all my self, no one else to help me.
Bless you and stay safe.
Timxx
O you poor thing, this covid on top of everything as well, it was partly on health grounds I opted for direct cremation, it took much of the pressure off me and gave me time to gather my self together and prepare a proper funeral service later with just the ashes so I could manage it more or less my self, I am not afraid of public speaking, I just regarded it as a job to do and got on with it, someone should give you a hand, being ill makes it so much harder,I did have the minister there who did the prayers and blessing, but I more or less ran the service my self.
you ned a brake Amyc, cant a relative help you, (unless they are basically gone in my case, my sis in law helped in church on the day of the funeral, she was generally surprised how well I copped and so were others, I had an injured foot and was recovering from cellulitis, afterwards I slept for 12 hours, I had been running on adrenalin and was exhausted. take a holiday when this is all over, you will need it, I am considering a singles holiday for the recently bereaved, might be fun, there again might not be, use tro go away on coach tours with my mother before she took ill, (during my happy life) we ALWAYS caught some bug with out fail after the holiday.
Take care Amyc, you are in my prayers, get some help if you can, it is a lot to take on and can leave you drained in every sense.
Timxx
Tim007 November 24th 2016
Hi. No, I don’t think so, I just saw the poem and liked it. Sorry about your loss! I lost my dad a week ago and am trying to find a way through the pain.
Hello Ulma, so sorry you have just lost your dad, you probably don’t know ware to turn at the moment and if you have to cope with everything yourself it can be so bewildering and distressing.
My mother had dementia for 4 years and I was her principle carer, eventually she passed away on the 5th of January in the evening, we were alone in the house together and she was on a driven syringe as she gasped her last and drowned in her own fluids, a dementia death is a crus fiction, you die the death of Christ, I had to deal with everything, my mother had expressed the wish for cremation so I had arranged earlier for a direct cremation, I was not in a good way myself healthwise and in no state to deal with a funeral, I had that in April with the ashes, I know have hypertension, depression and ptsd and about 10 days ago found my self in a very dark place.
I recommend you take some paracetamol, it will not stop you grieving, but it will ease the pain of grieving, that, is a real pain and you can feel very ill with it, sometimes with close couples when one goes the other soon follows, it is because the surviving one sinks into depression, stays in bed and gives up, bereavement kills thousands of old people every year and can be as deadly as pneumonia, younger people tend to be ok but older people do not always have the recourses and will and sometimes just turn over and give up and it almost happened to me, but I was found.
May I ask are you getting any help or support re the funeral and are you coping?, I was alone and found it desperately difficult in the early days and all my primary family gone, sis in law is near by but has her own life and my Niece lives away near Liverpool, and at 63 I am for the first time in my life living alone in the house and having to reinvent my self.
let me recommend 2 books that helped me, the first is ‘You are not alone’ by Gillian Lloyd, the founder of grief cast, the second one is ‘climbing out of depression’ by sue Atkinson, both books I commend to anyone just bereaved, try to give yourself time to come to terms with things, there is no such thing as the correct way to grieve, I am afraid it is a time for courage, faith, humility, fortitude, and forbearance, and in the words of the late queen mother, grief is the price we pay for love, and while the road is painful, we are all on this site for the same reason so reach out if you want to ask something or just need to chat, the loss of a parent can be a devastating experience, I am still not my self, and I was ill before my mother passed, my twin brother died of brain cancer 2 years ago and as a 14 year old I watched my grand mother die from cancer and I probably sore things as a 14 year old that would know involve social services, but at 14 my mother was working as a qualified commercial secretary in typing, shorthand and book keeping and it was 1942 they were the greatest generation and she lived to 95.
You are in my prayers Ulma, I know what you are going through, we all do on this site, we have all been there.
God bless you and give you strength for the days ahead.
Timxx
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Hi Tim
Sorry I haven’t posted much I’m in a lot of pain with these anti depressants I have decided to stop taking them I’ve only had 3 tablets and I just don’t think they’re right for me. I know I’m supposed to give them 2-4 weeks to work but I can’t I think I’d rather just feel the grief. My head is so sore I can barely keep my eyes open and I feel very spaced out and numb it’s not a nice feeling. I know they might help in the long run but I think I will be able to deal with the grief better than getting used to this.
Thanks Tim I enjoyed my uni degree and maybe I could have applied it in a different way but I always knew I just wanted an average job that paid well enough so I could enjoy my life outside work which is what I ended up with so I am content enough for now. Maybe I’ll do something different someday but right now I’m okay where I am. And yes it is nice helping people a lot of renters or landlords need advice and most people who contact us are lovely, I just had a bad call on Monday and let it get to me because I’m in a vulnerable state just now but I know in time I will get stronger over time.
Seen my Robin this morning watching me through the window my head is so sore I am not doing alot this weekend, just staying home as my daughter sick and my boyfriend not feeling too good either
Take care,
Amy xxx
Thank you for the kind comments and your advice, I appreciate it. I have a sibling who helps with the practical matters, but feel incredibly alone otherwise. Like you I think I have to reinvent myself and I don’t know how. My sympathies for all your struggles, it’s such a difficult path we are on. I’ll check out those books, maybe they can be of help to me as well.