Just joined this site today. I’m not the only one who feels so tired and unsure all the time, that is a comfort. I need the support of people like me, going through this dark tunnel again. Xx
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Hello I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself on a site like this. But you are in the right place. Would you like to tell us more about your situation? X
Hello Zhug, and so sorry you are in a bad situation, ask anything you like or do you just want to chat, we are all in the same boat hear and I lost my mother on the 5th of january after a 4 year battle with dementia as her principle carer and it wrecked my health, I know have hypertension, depression and ptsd so not in a good way, then I had to deal with undertakers, lawyers etc(the first one was useless and did not understand my mothers will, I sacked her, but I could have done with out the stress) and we are all in a fragile state of mind on this site, and yes, most of us are trying to get on with our lives with compromised mental health and that seems to go with the territory, bereavement kills thousands of old people every year ware the surviving spouse just turns over and gives up, it can be as dangerous as pneumonia and I have seen it happen, and it is only recently that the medical profession has started to acknowledge this, younger people tend to pull through, they have more fight and more resources.
what is your story may I ask?, do you need any advise on anything?, we are all hear to support each other so don’t be afraid to tell your situation, you will not be
judged.
May you find the strengh and courage to pull you through this.
Timxx
Jess, you are taking too much upon yourself, if the conditions of your work are causing you injury, then you have a primeasia case against your employer, who should by law provide you with suitable gloves/equipment so you can work without in jury, you appear to have suffered an industrial injury(I am referring to your dermatitas) and your employer, at least in England and Wales, is liable for that, are you in England?, I am not familiar with Scottish law, they kept there own under the terms of the 1707 unity treaty(sorry about the history lesson) so if you are in Scotland that may not apply, but certainly in England under COSHH regulations(Control Off Substances Hazardess to Health) the employer has a duty of care, you need the very long sleeved gloves,also you might be allergic to latex so rubber gloves would be better.it is surprising how many domestic and health workers become allergic to it.
Think long and hard about what I have said about your own cleaning company, Amy thinks its a good idea and always gives good advise, it might just be your ticket to ride and allow you to start putting this horrible year behind you.
If the kitchen staff moan at you perhaps you should tell them to do it if its there job, another reason to consider your own business. currently they are probably missing you and are having to do it!!!.
Take care and think what Amy and myself have said, God willing you will find a way.
Timxx
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Yes that’s one of the main reasons I went looking for a new job. I only get it on one hand strangely enough but it can get quite sore and irritated.
All the domestics have to wash up so it isn’t just me. It’s always been that way since I last started. But the other homes in the same company the kitchen staff take care of the wash ups. Don’t understand why it’s that way where I am.
They do provide gloves but they’re not good quality at all and they seem to soak right through. I can get my own that are decent but it starts getting quite costly as like I say with the amount of wash ups they only last a day as they start getting smelly lol and I work 3 days a week so I’d need 12 pairs a month and they’re over 2 pound a pair so it definitely adds up!
I actually went into town earlier and bumped into a collegue and she told me that people already know that I’m coming back and she said a lot leave only to return so that’s made returning a little easier.
I’m very nervous though and think I’m going to have to make a joke out of it for the people asking questions. I do get through life with humour at times.
I definitely don’t plan on staying though but I really need to think long and hard next time and go with my gut! But it’ll do for now!
Hi Tim
Sorry I didn’t see this before!
Hopefully it was my mum I seen just a younger version in my dream 
Rain on YouTube is just on YouTube the website I type in ‘rain on caravan’ or ‘rain to fall asleep’ and it is just a long video of rain noises to help people drift off to sleep
I am reading this on my phone and everytime I am trying to read the messages it’s taking me back to the start I will write properly later
Hope you’re okay too talk later
Amy x
Hey can I just say that they usually come as their younger self in a visitation dream 
How have you been today? Thanks for your help yesterday it was appreciated. I’ve calmed down a bit but still very disheartened that I’m back there on Friday.
I can’t believe that you’re only at 2 months, I’m so sorry about that! You are so good at giving advice especially when you’re going through the same thing!
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How are you all doing ? @tim007 @Jess1
I’m pretty sad every day but plodding on it’s tough .
Christmas is bringing up so many memories . @amyrose92 how are the tablets working out ?
Love to all xx
I found another nice poem by Donna Ashworth
….
When someone has gone,
you can bring them back
for just a little while
by talking them into life
by painting a picture
with your memories and your words
breathing their essence
back into existence
for just a few moments.
When someone has gone
you can see them again
for a minute or two
by being all the things they once were
by allowing their best traits
to filter through you
shaping your words,
your thoughts and your deeds
back out into this world.
When someone has gone
you can feel them again
for just a moment
by playing their music
and singing their favourite songs
by giving yourself up to the notes
that brought them alive
once upon a time
it will again.
When someone has gone
you can keep a part of them alive
by giving the love you had for them
a forever place in your life
a forever seat at your table
and a glorious chapter in your book.
Stories never die
tell them.
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Jess, what country do you work in?. if its England or Wales your employer has to provide suitable gloves for you by law.
Timxx
Hi Laura, that’s a lovely poem, and thankyou for sharing it with the group,I hope things are improving for you, anymore strange happenings in the house?, your dads spirit is probably around you, may I suggest ‘life among the dead’ by Lisa Williams for bedtime reading, covering her strange experiances with spirit as she took up the work of her grand mother, a world renown clairvoyant who jetted the world giving readings, if that does not convince you, nothing will.
Hope you are having a good sunday evening.
Timxx
Hello angel, hoping you are feeling better today and that life is being kinder to you, thanks for answering my question on ‘rain on youtube’; and sorry I did not warn you of the dangers of St John Wart with birth control, I do not know if that applies to you, its just that Jess mentioned it,
What do you think of my idea for a cleaning business?,I mentioned it to Jess as a [possible answer to her problems, it strikes me as very cheep to start with a likely demand, and as it s indoor work, better suited to winter(its gone very cold and is -2 hear) and I should think -3-4 with you,
Hope your little one and boyfriend are better and your dad is ok, look out for each other, keep warm and watch for ice under foot when you go out, (some years ago I spent christmas at Iifa Coon with my mother, it was -20 when we arrived and there was a burst in the hotel when the weather warmed up and we had to stay in the dinning room while they dealt with it.
Be in contact later, hope tomorrow a better day for you
Blessings to all
Timxx
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Thanks Tim I’m doing okay today they’re all still a bit sick my boyfriend took today off work and taking tomorrow off too it’s nice having him about on his days off even if he isn’t doing too good. My dad made a big pot of chicken and rice soup so we’ve all been eating that and got out a walk together was nice.
And it’s no problem if you have or get a smart tv you get the apps on your tv, or an Amazon fire stick and YouTube will be on it, it’s brilliant so I put rain videos on YouTube to sleep to most nights do does my dad in his room it’s very relaxing.
Also I do think a cleaning business is a great idea it could be hard to set up initially but if you get a few regular clients word of mouth can help promote the business. My mum used to get cleaners in sometimes and they’re lovely the elderly tend to get cleaners it’s also company for them. Can just set up a Facebook page @Jess1 and see how you get on. I keep encouraging my boyfriend to do something similar do his own business fixing cars as he’s very good at it and he’s considering it, or odd jobs / handyman type work. One of his old work colleagues did it and he’s making alot of money my boyfriend used to go help him a lot and they’d split the cash. My cousins husband builds fences and that type of work and his business boomed really quickly so it’s not impossible.
Hope you’re having a good day too and tomorrow is good for you also. We both fell asleep earlier with our daughter and woke up a couple hours ago, so we’re sitting up for a bit before heading to bed.
Amy xxx
Hi Laura sorry to hear your down today 
we will have down days it’s normal and I didn’t get along with sertraline I stopped taking them I only gave them 5 days which I know isn’t long enough but my head felt a lot of pressure I did feel more ‘up’ like happier so it did definitely work in that regard but I was frightened how potent and powerful it was and thought I will struggle to get off this long term and have decided I’ll just take kalms and bachs rescue remedy for a bit and hopefully that helps. They’ve helped me in the past.
Amy xxx
Hi Jess that’s good to know I hope it was her so much I do believe she’s still around me 
she won’t leave if she can help it!
And thank you I’ve just found connecting with people in the same situation has helped me a lot and I know people in my real life who’ve been through it similar age to me and they’ve given me advice so I’m glad I could help some people too. We’ll get there it’s very raw and fresh over time we’ll still feel this way but we will get stronger over time and know they’re waiting for us somewhere it’s just see you later for now it’s not goodbye just remember that xxx
Also remember you’ll be okay in work Friday I know it’s not ideal but you will get through it and find something different in a year from now you’ll be looking back on now things will change it’s just a hard time just now but you will get through it xxx
Thank you so much for your kind words. I married 2 wonderful men who were quite a lot older than me and I became their carers in the end. My second husband was my soul mate and for many years I was in denial. My Mum died of lung cancer about 5 years ago. I didn’t live close by and although I was sad, I was glad she had a release from all the pain she was in. My Dad died at the beginning of October 2023. He had vascular dementia and so was in a care home. I had to do everything when I moved back. Buy my own flat, sell the old one. Take over looking after his finances as my sister was mishandling them. Because of the dementia he became a different person, those hard edges to his personality disappeared and he became my very best friend. What I have been struggling with is the smoke alarm being faulty in my flat. I was on tenterhooks all weekend wondering if and when it was going to beep. Several engineers came out, out of hours and did nothing. It turns all it needed was a new battery. They are checking it over today to make sure that is the only fault. I didn’t use to stress out so much over such things. I just need to feel safe at the moment as I feel very exposed emotionally.
Hi Tim ,
Well one more thing happened on Sunday my husband was talking about Mum having her electric meter replaced . Then the lights started flickering as he was talking . I asked mum if they usually do that and she said no. Seems to be when my husband starts talking about changing things in the house that perhaps aren’t necessary .
How are you doing ? I’m still rather I guess depressed - I can pull myself out of it but I have to keep busy .
Are you fixing anything interesting at the moment ?
I will check out the book …
Laura xx
Yes i took it a couple of years ago and had some weird side effects. I thought about taking them now but trying to push through it.
I had a Sue Ryder counselling assessment yesterday and I will be starting that soon . The assessment showed I was still very overwhelmed with grief which is normal in this time frame but that I am embracing the grief which is positive . She said the counselling should help with the overwhelming feeling . I hope it does . Will keep you all posted anyway x
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AmyC, are you ok, not heard from you for 7 days and am a bit worrid, like to drop a line just to say you are ok?
Timxx