Hi Jess
Please don’t feel bad for coming on here and feeling negative we all do and it’s fine to talk about it infact it’s probably good to talk about it and get the thoughts out your head. Like they say a problem shared is a problem halved.
I am not a dr so can’t comment but would definitely recommend calling your doctor and discussing sertraline im asking for a lower dose tomorrow. Hopefully they can have a chat with you and help you decide. It might be a good thing right now since you are having a difficult time in a few aspects at the moment I mean with grieving and your work it might help you navigate things a bit better just now
Amy xxx
Hi Amy, you know I said I am a little on the clairvoyant side?.
You have described yourself just as I have imagined you, 5’1" and lightly built.
How uncanny is that?, it surprised me.
Sertraline seems to be flavour of the month, my Niece is permanently on the stuff., I think she takes the 25mg dose once a day, she is built like you.
I might ask for it myself when I see my doc on Thursday, got to go back over my eyes tomorrow(Wednesday) they want to put drops in my eyes and did not have them.
Its cold hear again and frost tonight, have an eco heater on in theb lounge (45 watt) but its like pissing on the Blitz and having little effect, might warm my bed, thats about it.
Blessings to you, I hope life is starting to be kind again, and Mr Robin is OK 
Timxx
Hi Tim, the Jesus book is called “Jesus My Autobiography” channelled by Tina Louise Spalding who is a Canadian medium and teacher.
I am in touch with my sister now after all the stupid behaviour she caused when I had my Dad’s house cleared. If she had been prepared to work with me we could have sold the house already. I had to get Power of Attorney to access his savings to pay his care bills.
I was sorry to read that you were so ill after your mother died. The same happened to me when my first husband died, I just wanted to sleep all the time, which I did. Eventually after being off work for a whole year I came back to life, so to speak. A loved ones death changes you in every way, I used to say that to my Dad after Mum died. You are not the same person physically, mentally or spiritually.
I thought I was the only one who got annoyed with the established view of so called “experts”, either historians, scientists, doctors. Of course most of them take the pay cheque and toe the party line. There are a few who don’t such as Neil Oliver who is quite controversial on GB News, Janina Ramirez and David Starkey. I don’t always agree with Starkey but he has his views and stands by them. I don’t know what he thinks of the latest revelations about the Princes in the Tower. I may buy the book as I watched the TV show and was fascinated but not surprised that they may have both been salted away to Europe in the low countries. Of course they wanted to return to try and oust Henry VII who had a very tenuous claim but an iron grip,
I watched a very interesting thing on YouTube yesterday from Alex Lovelock who goes by the title The Maverick Medium. He is a natural physical/trance medium. It was a very chilled chat about the legend of Black Shuck, the dog who had flaming red eyes and attacked people in the church at Blytheburgh, Suffolk. His claw marks are suppose to be on the church door when he was trying to escape. It was quite humorous and he is quite a friendly host. I have been introduced to some amazing people through his show.
I feel I am coping with Dad’s death by going into my own little bubble of spiritual subjects, medieval history and watching archeaology programmes on catch up. When the feelings come up I will deal with them and cry or whatever I need to do. There’s no rush to confront grief, I need to take my time.
When you said that Spirit cannot always come back to speak to us as there are rules, yes they have things they want to do as a soul, but are always there for us. We cannot annoy them by always asking for help. They love us, so they are always there. They can’t live our lives for us and some may not come at once, even though we may keep calling on them. Sometimes that is not in the plan, but they will come when the timing is perfect.
Hope you have a great day and it is not too cold.
Zoe xx
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Hi Zoe, thankyou for such an uplifting communication, I am glad things are know better betreen you and your sister, and in my case things were very titened down legally to limit what my brother could do post death of mum, the intention was that the house contents would be sold by auction and we buy back what we want, in the event my brother predeceased me and it had been arranged in the will that I can live in my mums house ‘in perpetuity’ for as long as I wish, but in the event of selling half the property after cost is divided between sis in law and niece, my clairvoyant said she did not see me moving so I have taken steps so I can live on in the house as comfortably as possible as cheaply as possible in the long term, I have got free insulation upgrade and free new boiler thanks top tax credits(know ended) and a solar power system installed and intend to produce all my own electricity next year, I can make a lot of electricity if you remove the cost of standing charges, I will need the booster inverter(650watt) on and off for 3 months of the year, the rest I will rely solely on Soler energy, works out much better then spending 3-4000 every year on energy when you are on a state pension(we have the worst in Europe) I intend to spend no more then around £400 a year on petrol for my inverter and technical maintenance, something very viable, I will make the inverter self starting/stopping.
You are certainly NOT the only one to get annoyed with so called ‘experts’ David Starkey is certanly a little controversial and has been in trouble in one or two places
for having views not quite pc(my own view is he is entitled to them, Putin has not invaded yet) he gave a wonderful presentation of magna Carta at Cartmel priory in 2015(800th anniversary of Magna Carta and my mum I myself were present, and I am so glad we were there for that, Magna Carta was, and still is the cornerstone of our liberties, and having invoked it for real myself, I can tell you it is still the ultimate legal spitfire to be reckoned with, never in the course of legal conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
It is true, the death of a loved one is a profound change, because something dies within us, you do not get over that, you get used to it and grow around it, you never feel whole again, part of you is missing, and when it is a parent who has been there for you all your life it is such an empty hole that can never be filled and you are not the same and never can be, the death of my mum was for me thge end of the longest era in my life, and NOTHING, is ever quite the same again and we have to reinvent ourselves and work it out, there is NO INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR LIFE.
Henry the 8th had a most tenuras claim to the throne and relied on force and iron grip to sacure his position as much as anything else and had more executions carried out then king John, had he not done so we would never have had Liz the first, possibly the gratest mind of her day, being fluent in 12 languages, SHE, was the iron lady of her age and I put her along side Mrs T, she was not all grate, and at the time of Armada was an old, week and frail woman, and no, she did not tour the country rousing everyone to fight, that famous Tilbury speech ‘I have the body of a week and feeble woman, but the heart and courage of a Lion!’ sadly never took place, although it was reported that it did and Shakespeare made grate play with it, it made the nation feel good, ‘one of history’s grate thibs’ as Lisa Woolsey puts it, I like her, I think she’s fun, she does not talk down to you, loves her subject, and projects it with an air of mischief without coming over as an overblown, self important intellectual and I prefer her to Starky, she is a natural communicator and would make a grate history teacher, her interest in history started with ‘1066 and all that’ a book she read as a child.
As for the princess inn the tower it is still a mystery, no one really knows what became of them, its very smoke and mirrors and I still suspect they were either left to starve to death or done in.
I shall try to get that book ‘Jesus my autobiography’ I trust it is NOT based on ‘The life of Brian’(tongue in cheek) 
Black Shuck sounds like something out of the hound of the bascabils by Arthur Colluin Doyle, who did actually help someone with some real detective work(a lawyer I think) and based Sherlock on his own character, he eventually ‘killed off’
Homes in some falls and had to resurrect him after populer appeal (literally the victim of his own success)
Blessings to you, enjoy your day, very cold hear, proberbly warmer with you.
Timxx
I honestly feel like I can’t be bothered with this life anymore. I’m currently stuck in hell (work) and it’s everyone have a go at me day today!
I am remembering the reasons I decided to leave and wondering how I found myself back here!
Apparently my manager did me a favour by asking if I could come back but other people have come back through the main manager so that’s a lie!
Apparently I should be thankful and be okay being back here? Even be happy 
vom!
I’ve even been going off to cry and I’m only 1 hour 30 mins into my shift, had enough.
It doesn’t help that I’m back in the depression stage of grief but I lost my Mum in March and I should be over it by now. Well it seems that way with the way people are treating me.
I just don’t understand the point anymore :(.
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Thanks for the kind words. I have had some say over the funeral, so I think the ceremony will be fine, it’s more dreading going through it. I’m not that talkative, but you’re right in that I’m in pain, it’s all so raw and broken at this point and I just miss my dad so immensely. I have few friends and nobody to really speak to about my grief, which is why I’m on here. I’ll give paracetamol a try, it can’t hurt!
Hi Tim
That’s so interesting as when you sent the pic of your brother I sort of pictured you like that! Not sure if yous were identical or not? I’m quite short and slim and I just feel 50mg may have been too much for me as it’s a strong medication. Doctor has agreed to put me on 25mg so I’ll collect it today or tomorrow and start tomorrow or Friday to ensure the St John’s wort isn’t still in my system.
That’s good to know that your niece has been on it a while that was a question I asked the dr how long can I be on it, he said we’ll review it at 6 months
Hope your eyes are okay too. And if you’re thinking of starting the sertraline with your age in mind Tim I’d ask for the lowest dose possible as you can always increase it further down the line if you have to, but at least your body would be used to it by then.
The Robin is so lovely to see I’ve even been dreaming of it! I do think it is her or a messenger from her. Also yesterday I got quite emotional I had my daughter upstairs and she was crying and I wasn’t coping well just shutting down and the lights started flickering and I thought that’s my mum telling me she’s here and to tend to my daughter! I am basically committing to the sertraline for a while as I noticed myself getting more irritable lately and I don’t want to be like that especially with my daughter I am usually happy and quite positive and I noticed that week on the sertraline it did improve my mood, so I’m hopeful over the next few weeks I’ll be in a much better place to start enjoying life a bit more again, and less stressed.
I am feeling a bit more hopeful though just thinking my mum is around me and it’s not over, it’s never over really as we’ll meet again someday
Amy xxx
Jess, you are at the equivalent of Dunkirk, they either got the hell of it, were taken prisoner, or died on it, get the hell out of there and start your own cleaning business.
No one can expect you to be over your mother, I lost mine in January and tomorrow I am going for counselling and probably antidepressants.
You need to look for the hero inside yourself, your present situation sounds hopeless and untenable, tell your boyfriend that you are giving up your job and starting your own cleaning business from january, if he does not want to help you out, then you seriously need to take a very hard look at your situation, and relationships.
While my mother was counting my father, he casually suggested she could/should
give up her dance school that she ran, she gave him back the ring with the words’;You better have this back then!', he at once recanted and never raised the matter again.
You know what I am saying Jess, tell your boyfriend to back you, or end the relationship, if he really loves you he will bend over backwards to help you, if he does not, then at least you know ware you stand,and if he fases an option of you having your own business or losing the property, I think I know which side he will come down on.
There is no reason, why you should not go self employed as a basic cleaning domestic, get yourself out of that ‘shell hole’ for want of a better word and have your own clients with hours to suit, you are mad if you do not give it a go, it sounds to me as if you will not last long ware you are know and may soon have a breakdown, when your back is to the sea you have no option then to turn round and start fighting.
I think of the 51st Scottish regiment who stood there ground and faced panza tanks at Dunkirk with nothing more then grenades and heavy machine guns, a very famous regiment, even the germans respected them, they created a dance called ‘The wheel of the 51st’ my mum used to teach it.
Take your inspiration from memories, incidents, or history, you have to find the courage and determination within yourself to rise above your current situation, if you do not, then I am afraid you are facing subjugation without any clear end, only you can decide, my advise from what you are saying is you need to act sooner rather then later before all your resources are lost, I think of Dowding’s letter to Churchill, stating that no more Spitfires should be sent to France, because they were needed for the defence of Britain,Dowding realised that the battle for France was lost (some 500 aircraft AND pilots) Churchill was at this point not so much in touch with the gravity of the situation.
It is up to you Jess, you have to stand up for yourself and decide what you want, you cannot go on as you are know, you are sinking into despair and possibly worse and this will have a terrible impact on your relations and on your health.
You are in my prayers, talk if you want to, good luck.
Timxx
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Hi Ulma, so sorry I cannot fix your pain, something else that helps by quieting the mind is St John’s Wart, I have St Johns teabags, usually at night just with sugar and no milk but I intend to try it with lemon juice.
I take it at night and it helps me sleep, I am still greaving my mum 11 months on and tomorrow I am going for counselling and possibly anti depressants.
Do NOT take antidepressants and St John’s together, I take it you are not in a relationship at the moment so presumably you are not taking the pill, you must not take the pill and St John’;s at the same time.
Are you doing a Eulogy to your father?, I did one for my mother, a very long detailed one, in fact I virtually led the service, but nit was some 3 months later and I was much more upto it, even though Im was recovering from cellulitis in my left leg, may I ask are you doing cremation or burial?
By and large I am not very talkative left to myself, but I can be when the occasion arouses me, and I can have some very strong views, like my mum. but I have few friends, I chose them very carefully, better to have a few good friends then many contemporaries I say.
No, I have never been in a serious relationship, that doesn’t mean to say I do not have empathy and compassion, I do, and in grate amounts, and I think my experiences with my mum have made me a better and nicer person, I have more patience for people, more forbearing and I tend not to judge, one learns what is important in life, and what is frivalus.
To those who grieve, to those who morn, I commend the teachings of St francis of Essesey, we need the humility to accept the things we cannot change, it is only then the healing process can begin.
You are in my prayers Ulma, I pray you will be granted the strength, courage and fortitude to guide you through your valley of despair and bring you safely to a better place.
Blessings be upon you.
Timxx
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Hey Tim a cleaning business isn’t really on my agenda, I just don’t fancy it, I’ve done it as a living for a long time.
I was actually took on a few years ago as a self employed cleaner and heard nothing about it after because there wasn’t much interest in it.
I am not clued up on running my own business anyway because I’m not intelligent enough!
I did consider going into hairdressing, after all I did study for 2 years for the qualification but it wasn’t to be. I missed a lot of the lessons in my 2nd year due to bereavement. Therefore I was not confident enough to go into it. Sure they passed me through pitty!
I did ask a few salons if they’d consider taking me on as a trainee but most wanted like 3 years salon experience or me to have my own client base. Sadly most people I know already have a hairdresser.
I am going to get chrismas and new years over and have a real good think about what I really want to do.
It is hard even to want to work at all at the moment, I’m definitely not well mentally. It does beat the new job though but I do feel defeated that it didn’t work out.
Jess, you have said what your problem is and you know it, you are running yourself down.
What makes you think you are unintelligent?, is this your opinion of yourself or other peoples opinion, is this something that others have always told you, or inquinated at?, is this a means of others asserting control over you.
I suspect you were bullied at school and undermined, and it may have happened in the home environment as well, did you get on with your dad?, mine was not always kind to me and I didn’t love him at the end and did not really morn his passing, I came home a year after his death to support my mum, who I generally loved and who did more for me then anyone, he is included in the wall memorial because my mum would expect it and it is the right thing to do, I have come to think better of him then I did in that I am assured a roof over my head, but I did not love him and found him very difficult, but I do not relate to others easily.
You say you are a qualified hair dresser and can do a half descent job, ok, do you drive and have access to a car?, you may be able to offer a mobile hair dressing service, there are plenty of housebound people who want there hair cutting, have you considered it?. they don’t want a Michael Angelo, just a nip and tuck and tidy up, surely you can do that, charge £15 a go, within 5 miles ware you live, and see how you get on, and stop putting yourself down, what you lack is self confidence and self belief, and frankly I suspect your boyfriend does not encourage you in that and just wants you as his ‘little woman’ remember what my mum said and did.
Consider it carefully.
Timxx
Cloeo Bennett is on record the lightest person to lift the Dinnie stones (330Kg) at 140ibs body weight, some one sent to her inbox an article stating to the effect that some lifters cannot lift them a second time, soring dough in her mind, the result was at the next meet she failed to lift them despite repeated attempts, even though she has lifted heavier weights’ since, why?, because that article destroyed her self belief, and when your self belief is destroyed it creates a feeling of inadequacy and that, more often then not has an inhibiting effect on your performance leading to a spiral downwards and a self fulfilling outcome.
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Hi Amy and good evening.
You don’t by chance have blue eyes and fair hair do you?.
I was not an identical twin and we were adopted and never knew our actual parents, it has been decided that I take after the mother and my brother took after the father.
Glad they are giving you the lower dosage at 25mg, probably suit you better, might well be on it my self this time tomorrow, I am going for counselling.
I find it so hard to think I am the one that’s left, one side of me says I should bat on as the night watch man to the very end, the other makes me think I should be with the rest of my family and helping them out, and I suspect that AmyC is probably the last one and this explains her guilt complex, (has she private messaged you?)
Went back to hospital by train, spent 2 hours on a freezing platform waiting for it this morning, only to be told they cannot use the eye drops as I have an allergic reaction to them and it might kill me(solve all my problems anyway) 
Its grate to know Mr Robin is settled with you, I think your mother is getting through to you, sorry you feel you are not coping, it is wonderful that your daughter was not only wanted, but is also much loved and that is a credit to you Amy, so many children are just a consequence of something else, and married or not, if you love her that is all that matters, I think the fact that she was crying and you were shutting down was making you feel guilty, you are only human, and you need your rest and recuperation, and yes, you also need to tend to your daughter, she may find it reassuring if she could sleep with you at night, particularly during the long, cold dark winter nights, it may also help you to feel less irritated.
I am sure your mum is around and I sense the presence of my mum in the lounge.
Blessings be upon you all Amy.
Timxx
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Funny you mentioned my Dad, I have not been close to him for quite a while now and I actually had an argument with him earlier he is quite narcissistic in some ways unfortunately.
I text him asking him for some advice and told him that I was struggling and he botcotted what I said and asked about me being a witness for him and his girlfriends wedding. Is he serious?
I told him that I couldn’t request the time off until next year so didn’t know if I could do it just yet and he text me trying to guilt trip me so I explained that I’d only just restarted my job and I couldn’t request holidays until the new year and he said “I told you, we will find someone else who can be happy for us”
Because I was already on edge being at work and everyone having a go at me I ended up flipping out and telling him to grow the F up and to leave me alone and said no wonder my siblings don’t bother with him anymore (my siblings haven’t been in contact with him for years now because his behaviour is unacceptable at times)
He has a thing for showing off as well, like he knows I struggle with DIY and he never offers any kind of help he just does things up at his house and sends me photos. He also sends me photos of his holidays when he knows I’m having a hard time it’s weird!
Also if I don’t get back to him right away when he’s contacted me, even if I’m busy or working he will give me a hard time for that as well.
I said to my Grandma earlier that I wish it was him that went and not my Mum. I know it sounds really bad but I was so much closer to my Mum and she was always there for me when I needed someone. Goodness knows what I’ll do when I lose my Grandma, going to be truly on my own then!
Even though my Dad was totally in the wrong I felt bad in the end and told him I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that but I was under a lot of pressure and didn’t appreciate him adding to it ect.
It’s just all getting too much for me now!
In regards to the hairdressing I need a lot of money for the equipment and don’t have my own car but have considered looking into a refresher course just to brush up on what I may have missed before.
I didn’t do mens hair as it’s all different now, I do wish I did barbering now as I think that would be easier to get into because there’s plenty of walk in places I could have gone to hmm x
Hi Tim, I indeed do have fair hair and light eyes green/blue colour! I’m naturally fair but mousy but I get highlights sometimes to brighten my hair up but I keep my roots darker as to me it looks more natural.
My daughter does sleep in with us she has since roughly 10 months old, she would refuse to sleep in her cot so we got bed guards for our bed and she moved into ours. It’s worked out alright.
You are right about children sometimes being a consequence. I dreamed of being a mum for a very long time my boyfriend knew that and when we tried I was blessed straight away with pregnancy. If I knew she’d be here that quickly, the only thing I’d have changed was her birth month, I just feel December wasn’t the best time to have a baby, but she’s here and healthy and happy and that’s all that matters. Yes the guilt of not always being very happy with a child is something I’m struggling with just now. I spoke to my dr this morning and he agreed to put me on 25mg sertraline and that we’d reassess it 6 months into taking it. I asked alot of questions like does it permanently alter brain chemistry he said no once I’m off it my brain would return to normal and still create serotonin, I asked if I could be on it quite a long time he said in theory yes but hopefully I won’t need it for too long, he’s hoping 6 months to a year but that if I feel I need it after that it wouldn’t be a problem. It was nice to ask the questions that worried me about it. Also if I start on a lower dose I can always increase it over time if I need to.
Hope your doctors appointment goes well can let me know how you get on
Amy xxx
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You are a sweet girl Amy and playing all the rite notes in the rite order and you deserve a brake.
Do not feel guilty about the odd bit of irritability with your child, that DOES NOT make you a bad mother, it makes you human and I am sure your gp would agree, the fact remains you are coming through a very sad and stressful time, looking after the other members of your family AND holding down a job,that takes grate energy, fortitude and character and you should be proud of yourself, I am sure your mother is.
Will let you know how I got on tomorrow.
Sweet dreams as I take my leave and close down for the night, have a peaceful night.
Timxx
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HE, is the root of all your problems and is a misogynistic bully and I bet what ever fling he is having with his latest bit of fluff won’t last.
At least my dad had high integrity and was excellent at his job as justices clark, only trise was his advise challenged and he won both of them.
I think your dad likes showing off and he has always undermined you, what you have told me makes sense and explains much.
What is his attitude to your boyfriend?, do they have man to man talks from witch you are excluded?, it sounds to me they conspired to force you back into that terrible job, they are probably plotting behind your back and I would not trust either of them Jess.
I am not serprised you told him tro fuckoff, I would too, he is NOT a good dad I am sorry to say and probably never wanted children in the first place, in that case the adult thing for him to do would be to keep his prick in his trousers!!.
I am 63 and still a virgin and I have no desire to change that, I think the world is a very cruel place and I would NOT want to be responsible for bringing any one into it, but I have grate respect for those who do who generally love there child like Amy.
I am so sorry for you Jess, your situation is not your fault, and your father being good at DIY is not everything.
You must be dreading losing your Grandma, I think you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment.
Do NOT have your partners child, his mother will then be your mother-in-law by default, the child forming a legal relationship, that will give her more say over you
You are in my prayers Jess, its difficult to help you.
Timxx
No we don’t see my dad much. My boyfriend has been really good to me, being there for me during grieving to tell you the truth, I think it’s more his mum that got involved in regards to me not working. Not that I planned to stay out of work forever and sponge off my partner! I was always going to find something else.
Thing is if they forced jabs on us again, she’d be the first person to tell me to get out of there, I remember her going ballistic about me having the first 2. It seems I cannot win no matter what I do so prehaps I should do what I WANT to do either way there’s always going to be someone unhappy with my decision making.
My dad’s been with his girlfriend for quite a long time so it isn’t really a quick fling, it’s just the timing was off, why would you change the subject when your daughter needs some advice/emotional support?
Also my boyfriend has asperges so I think that has a lot to do with us struggling at times but to be honest he’s been my rock and to be fair he did tell me to leave that job, it was more the not defending me against his mum that bothered me but she’s one of them who isn’t willing to reason!
Please don’t think he treats me badly because he doesn’t really in all honesty x
Jess you poor thing, I am so sorry your boyfriend has aspergers and that takes a lot of coping with and I may well be border line aspergers myself and am waiting for a test, you must love him very much to have taken him on with that, life cannot be easy at the moment for either of you, at the same time you are clearly in no fit state to make major decisions in your life.
I think your dads attitude stinks, your mother not long gone and he already wants to remarry.
May I suggest you and your boyfriend seek joint help/advise from citizens advise, clearly if you are desperately unhappy in your work that is unsustainable, I have been there, eventually my health collapsed and I was forced out, not that I enjoyed the job, it literally drove me into the ground and I was ill for 18 months.
It might be better if you could find something you could both work together on, may I ask what sort of work does your boyfriend do?, and are there any job openings there that he might be able to help out with?, when I worked for a small firm in Ulverston metal bashing (I was there chief Guillotine operator cutting plate metal on a keetona Guillotine) it was amazing how many father and sons/husband and wives worked there and you should explore every avenue and stop putting yourself down.
I get the impression your dad has made you think you are worthless and never praised you for anything, that can have a terrible detrimental effect in later life as it undermines self confidence and self belief, and your dad sending you pictures of his diy prowess can only make you feel worse and he probably enjoys it as well.
Both you and your boy friernd have clearly been through the mill and you deserve better, you say a lot of things at home do not work?, perhaps your dad should come round and lend a hand if he is so good around the house, a little kindness goes a long way towards healing broken relationships but maybe your dad does not have the emotional intelligence to realise it, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach,try suggesting in return you will do him dinner.
God bless you, I hope things will improve, but get some joint advise.
Timxx
Any one on the air tonight?
I’m here……mostly reading,are you ok?