Hi Ulma, thinking of you and hope you’re managing, it’s so difficult. X
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Hi Amy and how are you and your little one and did she enjoy the party? (this might well be the first Christmas she remembers) and I know its sad your mum not being physically there, but your daughter would not want to see you upset.
Probably too early to ask you about the anti depressants, weather turned wet and windy.
Church in the morning and returning a clock belonging to a congregation member
be in contact later.
Blessings to you all.
Timxx
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Hi Tim
I’m here too. Not been on my phone much the past few days really. Not seen my robin since I last posted but we’ve put the nest box out for it so hopefully it finds that soon. Just picked up the sertraline today I’ll start it tomorrow I read it’s best to take it in the morning if you have trouble sleeping which I do so thought I’d wait til tomorrow morning.
I just want to say when I first made my post I had no idea anyone would read it or respond never mind reach 700 posts on it. So just want to say to everyone thank you for the support and I am glad it’s brought so many people together to talk about their journeys through grief. I hope it’s brought people comfort to know there are so many of us going through the same thing although we may be at different stages in our journey through it. It made me realise I’m not alone and I hope it’s done the same for all of you and for anyone else who reads this someday. As one day, we will all be years into this, it won’t ever go away but for many it will be the start. It’s become like a wee community in a way and I look forward in a way to checking in and seeing how we’re all doing.
I’m okay for the most part, well on the outside, I’m not okay but managing. However I know deep down I’m not the same but I’m aware I’m lucky to have had the mother I did, as she was extremely loving towards me. And some people never get that gift, or lose their mothers far too soon into their lives. At 31 I have my own family and still have my father whom I live with and will until he meets his end, and then I will continue to live on in our family home and hope that their souls stay around me, as big as the world is I know there’s no place else either would want to be. This house has so many memories and love and I know when I myself am an old woman (if I’m lucky to become one) I’ll find comfort in the place I’ve always called my home. I agree Tim with your comment about how it’s sad we’re encouraged as almost a signature of maturity to grow up and move away from our families, many cultures all remain under the one roof and it saves on bills, and also creates so many more memories together. I don’t know how many memories I have of just being at home with my mum and dad, and my dad told me if I was dumb enough to buy a house which I almost did at the start of the pandemic, I would find myself always coming back to my family home but just find myself struggling to pay bills on my own place. He was so right, but I also understand that many people in this society don’t have the option or room to stay at home. My house layout is 2 bedroom one bathroom upstairs, a living room and kitchen downstairs and adjacent the kitchen a bedroom and en suite bathroom that my father lives in. I love knowing that if I wake during the night and come down for a glass of water, my dad is right there and will often get up and join me for a while before I head back up to bed. It’s little things like that that make me really pleased me and my boyfriend chose to stay here with him, plus he isn’t getting any younger and I know he’s so happy to have us around for company and see his granddaughter grow up in the same house they brought me up in. It’s really lovely.
Anyway sorry for the long post but I just did want to say how much comfort it’s brought me that so many people related to my original post enough to reply, and keep replying to myself and each other on here. It’s really beautiful how our own personal tragedies have brought us all together. 
and even though we don’t know each other in our own lives yous all have a special place in my heart for helping me through what has been the most devastating turn of events in my life.
Amy xxx
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Hi Tim
Thanks she did love the party but when Santa came in she started crying, typical but she got her present a Christmas book and stickers, and bubbles. We’ve been playing with them since we got back but she’s now asleep of course as it’s quite late now. We also got professional pictures taken which was nice.
That’s great I hope you have a nice day tomorrow. Take care
Amy xxx
Amy, what a lovely posting, you have a beautiful soul and should be an honorary ambassador for sue ryder.
Your posting, more then anyone else’s, has helped to create this online community that has lifted the spirits of its users in there darkest hours, and you have probably saved lives, possibly mine as well by so doing.
I have not always lived were I am know, my mother sold the family home at Lakeside in 2012 and we moved to a bungalow some 7 miles away to be nearer public transport and with a short walk down a hill I can catch a train in 15 minutes, also being a bungalow there are no inside steps, there are 3 steps upto the front door and I plan to put a ramp in, (I might need a electric mobility aid soon) being a bungalow means it will be easier for me to live hear, and as my clairvoyant tells me I have a long life ahead off me and will not be moving then I need to future proof things as much as possible.
Have turned the smallest bedroom into my clock shop ware I repair clocks, my mothers bedroom is still a general dumping ground and I have set up a rowing machine in it. my own bedroom is full of solar cells that still need assembly and setting up and I have varies ‘mad’ projects around the plase. the lounge is library/mosuliam and I sleep in it in my recliner, not being able to use a bed as I feel I am drowning. and holds the wall memorial with my mums ashes, I am creating a snug at the back of the lounge so I can have somewhere warm to go on cold winter days when I am old and decerped( going that way know, I need to start getting fit again before the wheels come off) the garden both front and back is frankly an overgrown disgrace, but good for nature and local ecology and with my injured foot I have left it for this year, these days it grows all year round due to global warming, but saves on heating,
You have got the balance right, and have 3 generations together under one roof, and that gives you that extra support, and you were so right about saving on the bills and when your dad stopped you buying that house he did a wonderful thing for you, he made you realise he loves you, and likes having you around, and assured you of a loving home, I think you too, were a wanted and loved child from the start, and that has know carried over into your parenthood.
If weather fit, get out in the sun tomorrow and take your dad for coffee.
Bless you Amy, I love your postings and I am sure we all do , and thankyou.
Timxx
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I was born in the 70’s -but only just so yes matched most of those on repeat . My favourite is the Good Life. I have the box set and watch it often .
Hope church is comforting today .
Lovely to hear from you @amyrose92 I agree it’s lovely we can all talk and help each other x
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One of the feline variety. Animals are such a gift to have in your life.
Thanks Amy. I haven’t been managing too well lately. It’s beginning to sink in properly, I think. How are you?
Yes, I am thinking of getting a little moggy
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I think you should, if no practical issues stop you. It’s someone to come home to and someone to hug.
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Hello everyone. Sorry I haven’t been talking much I have been keeping track of your conversations though. Sometimes I don’t know what to say especially at the moment as I am really struggling since I started back in my previous job.
I think I may have to request my hours to be cut even shorter because I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed, it really takes it out of you doesn’t it grieving!
I feel completely wiped out and sure grief has caused me a lot of health issues, I’d make an appointment with the doctors but it is hard work getting them where I am!
What you all doing over Christmas? Not going to lie I can’t wait for it to be over but it’s new years I’m absolutely dreading as it feels like I’m leaving my Mum behind x
Jess, you need a brake, I think you are burning out, that is unsustainable.
I am definitely burnt out but unfortunately I don’t think people are taking me seriously so the show must go on. How are you this evening Tim?
I have been talking to a friend who mentioned wanting to take me on as part of their admin team some time in the new year, I am trying not to get my hopes up just yet but I guess I’ll see next year!
Jess, you say you feel ill with grief?.
Not wishing to scare anyone, but this is something everyone should know.
IT IS NOT ALL IN THE MIND AND CAN EFFECT YOUR HEART.
Ask for a full heart check, GREAVING DOES EFFECT THE HEART, particularly the left ventricle and for a lot of people feeling ill with a bereavement, and remember it kills thousands of older people every year, the clinical reason does appear know to be heart related, and when they say someone ‘died from a broken heart’ as Ronnie Barker did after his fall out with son, it is just that, and may be the reason why you are feeling so rotten.
This is the reason why older people sometimes go very quickly after the passing of a spouse, or close relative, or the result of a fallout with a relative.
Younger people tend to get over it and pull through, but it can be life threatening for anyone with a heart condition, ask your doctor for a heart check.
And anyone feeling ill while greaving at any age should also see a doctor, it just might be the heart and the earlier that is detected the better, usually a heart trace machine will show up any abnormalities and most doctors surgeries know have them.
Apart for that take a rest when ever you can, but ask your doctor for a full heart health check.
Take care.
Timxx
I’ve had 2 ecgs because in the first few weeks after losing my mum I had chest pain but they all came back completely fine.
I’ve been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder but it’s worsened since!
I just feel run down to tell you the truth and on top of that I just don’t want to be at work so battling through that makes me so tired!
Jess, just sent an open email to the site, make sure you read it.
Is this a good friend who you can trust and not just raising your hopes?, because that is very cruel if she is.
I think admin would be a lot less stressful then what you are doing know, and if you feel more in control that helps everything else health related, greaving and quality of life, lets hope so.
Be sure when you see your doctor to ask for a FULL HEART HEALTH CHECK, grieving does effect the heart and might be why you feel ill.
I am ok tonight, having a thrustrating time testing a laser engraver, I think I need to configure the software and driver but not tonight, time for bed…
Goodnight and sweet dreams jess and everyone.
takecare.
Timxx
Hi Jess1,
So sorry to hear that the grief has settled in your heart area. Good that you got it checked out and you are medically fine. Grief has settled in my solar plexus area, it feels like someone hit me or I swallowed a stone. The past few days has been a battle with me and my crazy fearful thoughts. Thankfully I don’t have to work, God knows how I would cope. It was a difficult decision to give up looking for work as I was on benefits during COVID.
You could explore the options of going long term sick on ESA or Universal Credit, whatever they call it now. You have to jump through a lot of hoops to carry on getting these, I was on ESA for a long time after my husband died and had to go to a tribunal. Even if they say no you can still appeal and this goes on for a few months.
At least you will be able to heal at home and having to put on a" brave face " which we all have to do save the uncomfortableness of others.
Zoe xx
Hi Tim,
I wasn’t on here for a few days as I convinced myself that there was still a problem with my smoke alarm and it turned into one of those thoughts that I couldn’t shut down. There was no evidence for this fear except that for the two weeks previously it had been playing up and various “engineers” came out to “fix” it and didn’t. I got very little sleep Saturday night and the fact that the wind was whistling and gusting around the scaffolding outside the building.
I heard my Dad’s voice very clearly in my head yesterday morning saying “You will have a good sleep tonight”. I fell asleep on my sofa in the morning and slept again when I came back from going out with friends. He was right I did have a good rest. He also told me earlier last week that the alarm was fixed and safe. The one things about grief is it knocks your trust in everything.
I got myself back to some sort of normal by constantly saying “I am stronger than these thoughts.” I know I am. I have got through much worse than a piece of plastic and circuit boards misbehaving.
My Dad was adopted and for a long time wanted to know who his real parents were. It was war time and a lot of paperwork was destroyed. Some people in the family knew a little about it but declined to tell him. He went to mediums and some of them gave him some information, like medium Tony Stockwell, but not enough. One day I was having a reading with Elaine Thorpe and her guide Jonathan and he says "You do know that your Dad’s father is called John (Jock). " I said Dad has always thought it was Jock Colville (who was Private Secretary to Churchill and before that Eden). Jonathan says “Yes, that’s right.” So of course we had to book another reading for my Dad so he could find out more and also about his mother. It turns out that Jock had an affair with a lady who was a servant in one of their houses. She has never given her name but I think she’s called Sarah. The birth certificate which Dad had, had made up names.
When Dad knew all this and confirmed a dream which he had years ago, he was so happy. I found an interview with Jock on YouTube and we watched it together. My god, my Dad was the spitting image of him! I bought two of Jock’s books, one of his diaries and the other about his time working close to Government. It’s fascinating. I call him New Grandad as he’s new to me. 
So I guess Churchill is also a hero to me.
Jock also worked for the young Queen Elizabeth II and is featured in the first series of “The Crown”. Jonathan said he had told Dad about his real parents for Dad’s healing. Also as Dad’s dementia got worse he was able to see and talk to Spirit. He had many conversations with his real mother and father and even told off a family member who had upset him in the past. He received an apology. I think when people get dementia they choose to spend more of their time in the Spirit world, just mentally, than in this one. Don’t blame them.
Blessings to you and keep reaching out to all on this forum.
Zoe xx
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Hi Zoe can I just ask where is the solar plexus area . My sister in law does a lot of crystal therapy and I think she has mentioned it . How are you doing today ? Xx .
Glad your ecgs were fine, but your chest pain went unexplained and in my mums case it was an infection, greaving also lowers your immune system leaving you more prone to infection.
Your life stile is basically unhealthy, you know that already and I do not mean to insult your intelligence.
If you are bright enough for administration work then you can certainly run your own business using a diary, phone, and very basic book keeping, stop putting yourself down.
My mum was qualified in book keeping at 14(only one in her year to pass) and together with typing and shorthand got her her main job as a commercial secretary.
I too have anxiety but tend not to think off it, and frankly during the war most people did, but it was a collective thing and they were all in it together and gave each other moral support (PUT THAT LIGHT OUT!!) shouts the air raid warden.
I believe in the war time saying that my mum would often come out with ‘Praise the lord, but pass the ammunition’
God helps those who help themselves Jess, let me recommend a book to you
‘Anxiety relief’ by John.
Take care Jess, consider things carefully, you really need time out to look at your options and to recover, try not to worry too much, that alone will make you ill.
Timxx