Best ways to cope with loss of mother

PS name of author is John Crawford

Zoe, your smoke alarm battery is failing, and when they do they keep going off, mine has a 9v rechargeable battery and when it plays up which is not very often I recharge the battery, I think your engineers must be a bit dim and from what you say I would not employ them.

Glad you are going out with friends, just the ticket, also your dad is coming through to you, Churchill had a similar experience once when painting a picture(he actually became a half descent artist, a man of many talents, ironically Hitler spent time at art school but had no talent for it, but thought he did, how delugernal is that hair furer?!!)

Grief DOES knock your trust, the reason is you feel you cannot control events, and in reality that applise al;l the time, we call it life’s curbballs.

From what you say you are suffering anxiety, let me recommend a book ‘Anxiety relief’ by John Crawford.

I was adopted like your dad along with my twin brother(know passed on) the paper work was probably lost in the blitz along with my grand fathers royal flying core service record when the main public records office got hiot by a bomb, some one was less then bright, they should have been moved deep underground or away from the city, they knew London would be a prime target.

YOU MUST RIGHT A BOOK ABOUT YOUR FATHERS BEGINNINGS, HIS ORIGINES ARE CERTANLY PART OFF HISTORY AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW, your fathers father worked for Queen Elisabeth no less, and know she is passed his story can, and should be told, and you must write it.

I am fascinated how as your dads dementia increased he became clairvoyant, is there a section in the human brain that allows us all to channel into clairvoyance?, it should be the subject of scientific study. but as you say, the spirit world is more attractive and perhaps as we move towards are end we all move into the clairvoyant zone.

Blessings to you to Zoe and keep reaching out, you always have something interesting to say.

Timxx

Tim. I would highly recommend it. I have 3 fur babies, that I love very much. It has given me a reason to carry on to care for mine

Janebee, What are fur babies?.

Tim- fur babies are another name for pets you love . So cats, dogs , rabbits anything you love with fur . In your case I strongly suggest a cat :cat2: xx

Another of Meg

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Here are my ‘fur babies’ the cat is called Ruby and the dog is called Dobby :smiling_face:

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Hi Laura,good evening and how are you?.

Thats a gorgas picture of a happy cat, did you say he was 17?, he looks a very healthy cat, my mum had one for 19 years and it was not a kitten when she got it.

When my house order I will get one.

Thanks for the picture I shall put that on my screen saver

TimXX

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Laura, they are all so adorable!!! :heart_eyes:

Please tell me what breed is your dog?.

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Sorry Jess, its your little dog isn’t it?.bet he loves you to bits

Timxx

Meg is a She . She is 13 years old so quite old she just likes to sleep these days but was an excellent mouser in her day .
How have you been ? Xx

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Yes it’s my dog and cat after Laura’s picture of her cat :joy: my dog is a long haired chihuahua, usually when I tell people his breed they tell me they’re horrible things but if they’re brought up right they can be so loving just like mine :heart: my mum adored him and loved when I brought him to see her, she was always picking him up for cuddles!

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Im ok I think Loura, got some sores on my fingers from work I have been doing so been pushing my fingers into a dettle bottle, had a really bad infection on my little finger before my mum past and it needed lansing, even my mum was asking me about it on her death bed, she had all her buttons on really until the very end when she past and she was trying to tell me something even then, and she could talk in her sleep and it was perfectly understandable.
Hope you have been ok today and feel a bit betterxx

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Touchay Jess, I love Chihuahuas too, they have the biggest brain for there size and properly bought up are lovable little dogs, I bet he adores you!!!, was he a rescue or breeder?, how do I go about getting one please?.

Timxx

Well me and my partner wanted a dog for ages and once we moved into our very own place we decided to view a few puppies and he happened to be the first one who we went to see, we was not expecting to make the decision there and then but we fell in love with him.

It wasn’t from a breeder but a couple had a male and female chihuahua and was shocked that the female ended up pregnant :thinking: weird but true :joy:

He’s like a little shadow, I can’t even go the toilet with out him following me🙄 and he gives the best cuddles.

Oh yes he shocks me with how intelligent he is! And his personality is just so funny and full of character. Certainly makes up for his size! He’s 4 years old now!

I had boarder collies growing up, they were very smart to. My Gran got a golden retriever at a similar time to us getting a border collie pup and ours kept trying to herd her pup, it was so funny!

My cat is going onto 12, I got her when I moved into my own place as I was really lonely then and she is really good at sensing when I’ve got anxiety as she isn’t really that affectionate but will sit on my knee purring and it does calm me down a little.

To be honest if it wasn’t for my ‘fur babies’ I think I’d be in a even worse place right now!

Hello everyone how are you all doing, silly question I know :roll_eyes:

I decided to go through a bag of my mums clothes today that I’ve been putting off for months.

It was so upsetting for me but I got through them. I found some of her false nails in one of the pockets and that set me off, she never went anywhere without her false nails stucks on! So it was a painful reminder!

I hate how life just continues on and I feel stuck, does anyone else feel like that?

I’m in work for the next 3 days and I’m dreading it, I am only contracted to 2 and a half days but some how end up on loads of days in a row sometimes. I just feel like I’m going to struggle!

Hi Jess, I think your ‘fur balls’ are your salvation and are doing wonders for your mental health.

I think you were particularly fortunate with the chihuahua, because from what you say its parents were siblings from the same litter, and usually that brings problems and it is very ware that this happens (I knew a young lad at college who got his sister pregnant,DIAR!!!)

My grand mother had a cat and she used to clean upstairs every Monday morning, it would leave the fireside(no central heating in my grands house) and come up and keep her company.

How did he go on for house training?, some say they are hard to train but my impression is they are incredibly intelligent.

Border collies are fun to, a past friend of nine who I went to college with had one,(so many of my friends have past away and its part of growing old :disappointed:)

Yes, cats bond to you just as much as a dog in there own quiet way, and if you look after them and love them they are excellent company and easier to cope with then a dog, do they get on well together?.

Lol you had me laughing cause you said fur balls and not fur babies, I’m guessing you made a typo :joy: I do apologise but it is nice to be able to laugh sometimes during these difficult times.

His parents aren’t siblings the owners just had a male and female chihuahua. As for the house training it actually surprised me how quick he learnt! I did some crate training for toileting and we really didn’t need to do it for long.

When we let him out and he did his business we were over the top praising him and gave lots of treaties.

I acquired a cat because I was working and was away from home quite often, I made sure she had everything she needed. Cats can cope better being on their own.

I also get him doing tricks he can high five, spin, roll over, play dead ect

Jess, we all hate our new lives with regard to losing our mothers, and it has been, and is continuing to be the most painful episode any off us have faced, and to a grater or lesser extent we have all been damaged by the experience, and frankly some of us(myself included) had been damaged before by life’s experiences and that has made matters worse, you are not alone, I think we all feel the same, and it is a mixture of emptiness, sadness, grief and loss, and that, is the price we pay for love.

A mother, will in the normal case, give her child unconditional love, NO ONE, unless you are very lucky in love, will give you that unconditional love again, and that is what makes our mothers both sacred, and irreplaceable, and losing a parent is about the hardest loss you will ever face.

The king himself, has publicly stated in his first christmas address to the nation, that he misses his mother, the late queen, desperately, even the high and powerful feel the loss just as much as we do, that is a universal truism, and both as individuals, and as society, we have to come to terms with it no matter how painful(I do not mean to sound like Churchill calling for victory at all cost, but like war, a loss like we have sustained is very hard to take, and if we can survive this, we can survive most things in life)

Leave your mothers personal effects for know if you find it painful, nothing will not keep, it is still very recent, first you need to heel emotionally and spiritualy,and get your life on a level footing and I think that applies to all of us.

I hope you are being paid for the extra days you are working, and if they are not then they are breaking the law, contracted or not you should be paid by the hour, if you are contracted for two and a half days then that is all you have to do, as I have said,
DON’T BE A DOOR MAT!!!, and if they are only paying you for 2 and a half days then you must make it clear you will not work more then that.

I have said no to my boss before today who wanted me to work on Saturdays, I considered it more important to spend time supporting my parents.

You Jess, your health and welfare, are much more important then your job, if you cannot fix that then the rest is meaningless.

Get that book I suggested to you, it will do you good, also give yourself as much time as you can, and do not work beyond your contract unless they pay you.

Blessings and goodnight sweet chariot.

Timxx

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I’m not working extra it’s just how the days work out sometimes as for some unknown reason the company made Friday the start of the working week, always hated that cause it doesn’t make any sense lol

My partner thinks I should request cutting down to 2 days as my life has changed a lot since my mum went. I worry about my Grandma as she lives in another town and I need some days off to recover because the job is very physically demanding.

I don’t dare bring that up at work just yet with me only just getting my foot back in the door but I’m thinking about bringing it up before March when the annual leave restarts.

Hi Tim
Just wanted to add we have a border collie I would recommend against you getting one unless you want to be swept off your feet they’re very strong and active but lots of fun. If you go for a dog get a small terrier you can find pets at animal shelters or by going online to look we got our dog from a family on Gum Tree it’s a website where people can sell and buy. They lived not far from us and fell in love with her right away.

They’re very smart but sensitive dogs since having my daughter my dog is very funny with me, but she loves my dad and boyfriend still. Have taken her to a dog behaviourist who’s said unfortunately this can happen when a baby is introduced (she’s fine with my daughter) but just doesn’t trust me anymore. Would advise getting a cat as they are easier to look after or a small terrier that is easier to walk.
Amy xxx