Best ways to cope with loss of mother

Losing a parent
762

Hi Tim,

I felt stressful yesterday as I had to go to the doctors to ask for some sertraline. She was very nice and sent a prescription to the chemist straight away. I am picking it up today along with some tabs for my friend Jill, who had a very stressful day yesterday. I came back from seeing her and fell asleep in front of the telly. When I woke up that feeling in the pit of my stomach was there. It was because too many things were on my mind, being in overwhelm. So I spoke gently to myself and said “You don’t have to do anything, don’t worry about tomorrow either.” I did calm down.

I agree with you Stalin killed a huge number of his fellow comrades, so have the tyrants of many countries. But you can’t kill truth.

I am looking forward to the Strictly Come Dancing final tonight, although I won’t be able to watch all of it live. I am going to a Christmas Party in our flats. A lady comes in with her Karaoke machine and she tries to get people up to sing. Last year I was left holding the microphone for a few songs. They expect me to do it again this year. You just sing along with the track, so it’s not proper Karaoke where you’re on your own with the music. I could do that if it was a song I knew well. There will be quite a lot of drinking and possibly “the conga”. :slight_smile:

Have a great day!

Blessings to you.

Zoe xx

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763

Hi Zoe
Sertraline seems to be flavour of the month and most of my post bereavement internet friends are on it in various doses so it appears to work and one of them is my Niece who is giving me and sis in law dinner on Christmas day, I am taking her a fruit basket,
Sounds like you are self managing your anxiety, may I suggest if I have not done so a book, its Anxiety relief by John Crawford.

What you need is a tv recorder so you can watch your favourite programs later, I need to fix my antenna plug, presently have no tv, wonder if I can watch it on my laptop?

Karaoke sounds fun, the congo is always a grate laugh and I remember them having fun with that in ‘The way to the stars’ :star_struck:

Enjoy your day and blessings be upon you and all your friends.

Timxx

764

Hi Tim
Thank you we enjoyed her birthday she had a great time, and not long til Christmas so get to celebrate with presents for her again soon. I have missed my mum today but not as extremely as I thought I would, me and my daughter are so close it almost takes over and helps me focus on the happy times with her and not dwell on missing my mum all the time. I had a dream about the robin last night it was bright and glowing and watching me through the window and was getting a bit bigger and bigger til I woke up. Was a nice dream! Yes Christmas will be quite difficult this year but I am pleased you are spending it with family and not on your own. I am feeling a bit better but not completely, far better than I did before though.
Amy xxx

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765

Hi Amy

So glad you are on the mend and enjoyed your party with your daughter.

It sounds to me that the bond between you and your daughter has actually strengthened since your mum past and this holds good for coming to terms with your loss and moving on us you must for your own health and for your daughters as well.

How are the antidepressants doing,? (i might be on them in january) so please warn me of any side effects and to start with I will not be able to drive until used to them

Your mum walks in spirit with you and your daughter everyday, I am sure you will make her proud of both of you, there is no doubt from what you say that your daughter is helping your recovery, she will prove to be your salvation.

I love your dream about the Robin and I hope it is a good omen.

Yes, christmas will be difficult this year for all of us,remenber that your mum will be there in spirit, this is your little ones first memorable christmas, so make her happy, and in doing so make yourself happy, do what ever makes you happy on christmas day as long as it is safe and legal to do so, traditionally at christmas we remember our loved ones, only the first year can be painful, and I have a wall memorial to my primary family know all past as you have seen, we dont forget our past loved ones and nor should we, but it is quite ok, infact essential, that we work through the greaving process and on to the otherside as our loved ones would expect us to, grief places many demands on us, but life demands that we live, and do not forget your dad on christmas day, you need him as much as he needs you.

Blessings to you all.

Timxx

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766

Hi Zoe how are you? Did you enjoy the karaoke and the strictly finale? I used to watch it with my mum but have given it a miss this year.
Amy x

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767

Hi Amy so sorry for your loss your story had me in floods of tears me too have struggling sleeping my mam died in august I don’t want to let her go my heart breaks every day not being able to tell her that the kids are doing great and her grandchild is going to college
My mum drank after my step died in 2021 she was so lonely lost so much weight give up on life so would love to hear her voice one more time

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768

Chary, my heart brakes for you, Like Amy, I have been through a lot of trarma over my mother and for 4 years was her principle carer.

She passed in my arms early in January with dementia gasping like a lung fish as she drowned in her own fluids and there was nothing I could do, I had also had to deal with her palliative care and felt crushed, I was put under a mental health nurse as soon as she passed, I know have hypertension, depression and ptsd.

I know just how you feel, I get the impression from what you say your mother drank herself to death after your step father past causing you to loose both parents(I am know an orphan like you) and that must be very hard, alcoholism is one of the hardest addictions to treat because it requires a gradual reduction, it can prove fatal to just stop.

I know live alone, are you alone as well?,I suspect you are a mother with grown up children and a grand child is going to college.

Your mother walks with you in spirit every day, you should go to a medium, who will probably confirm this, I was a bit soon, and to my surprise the name coming through was Frank, my dad who passed in 2008!!, my Niece who had her reading before me was asked who Michael was (her father)

You are in my prayers, we are all having a touth time tonight with christmas round the corner.

Blessings to you and all who love you.

Timxx

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Hi Charyll
Sorry to read this :frowning: it is the hardest thing and worst pain. I’m so sorry to hear that, spousal loss is reportedly the hardest to deal with (did you mean step dad I think) as they’re your life partner who you see and speak to everyday, I can’t imagine her loneliness. Sometimes people turn to anything to help numb the pain and I’m sorry that happened.
Sleeping is so hard when you’ve got all this on your mind, and with my daughter we are up early every morning too, I don’t know how I’m coping some days! We lost our mums around the same time then as I lost mine in September. Hope you are okay tonight I am trying to sleep but as usual I just find it difficult to switch off
Amy xxx

770

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts
I just feel lost I cry everyday because I couldn’t save her
My dog didn’t leave her side the week leading up to her death I just miss her so much
The doctor has prescribed medication just hard to carry on
I do try every day knowing I’ve lost my best friend Christmas is approaching I normally decorate the full house only the Christmas trees I feel like a failure

771

So sorry for your loss it’s heart breaking
My mam was my rock when things got tuff I would ring her just hearing her voice give me strength
I have 4 children 2 moved out 2 still at home
The last week of me mam my dog didn’t leave her side then when she died he grieved in his basket
Was thinking about seeing a tarot card I don’t leave the house I’m too scared

772

You are NOT a failure, you did your best for your mum as I did for mine and as Amy and everyone else on this site did for there mums, and if you were not a caring person you would not be greaving, and would not be on this site, and grief, is the price we pay for love, and there is nothing any of us could have done, and sometimes grief makes us do things we would not normally choose to do and there is no accounting for that, and it may well be that your mum simply did not want to continue living without her spouse and that is no reflection on you, and it does not alter the fact that you loved her, and will miss her for ever.

None of us know how we will feel, or react when faced with the crushing loss of a loved one, and when it is a close relative, or a loving child/parent relationship who has been there for us since birth, and has been a source of unconditional love and encouragement, then that is very hard to take and takes a lot of adjusting to,but DO NOT feel guilty, there is no guilt on your part, and the hardest thing of all in family situations is to protect our loved ones from themselves, and if they are determined to press the self destruct button then there is really nothing we can do about it.

I know, you feel you let her take her life, but you did not, addiction is such a hard thing to deal with and alcoholism is particularly difficult, and unless the one with the addiction admits they have a problem then there is no answer to it, and so often they do not realise they do.

All of us on this site are having a hard time at the moment, and so many of us are on antidepressants and I will probably be on them after Christmas, I am so fed up with feeling glum, and about 5 weeks ago I was in a very dark place.

You must concentrate on your children, you must remain strong for them, they need you and you need them, you have lost the matriarch of your life, but you, are know that matriarch, and must take up were your mother left off, what can’t be held, must be let go.

Sorry you feel the need to be hear, we are all suffering in various ways and support each other as best we can, you have come to a good place.

Blessings to you and all who love you and may God give you the courage, strength and fortitude to carry on in the weeks and months ahead.

Timxx

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773

So sorry to hear about your loss my heart breaks for everyone on here at it’s the hardest thing to go through in life loosing a loved one
My mam had a broken heart as much I we all tried to get her help she didn’t want it so sad :sob:
My kids keep me going I’ll be strong for them
The doctor has given me stronger medication I’ve been to hell and back these past few years

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774

I know a bit about to hell and back, during my mothers last 6 months I actually got less sleep then a B.O.B spitfire pilot, I sat up and held her hand day and night for the last 11 days of her life, and walked with her every step of the way through the valley of the shadow of death to the very gates of heaven, we were alone in the house when she passed away at home on the 5th of January, the room went very cold, and the world looked a dark, cold, forbidding place, THAT, is why my health is wrecked and I am under a mental health nurse who usually works with battle scared soldiers,most people during there careers in special forces do not go through what we have. I have still not processed that moment, its too painful.

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775

I feel your pain reading your message

776

Hi welcome to the group . We all help each other a lot .
I lost my Dad suddenly in July and am completely heart broken . Life turned upside down .
We all know how you feel , nothing I can say can make you feel better though. .its the worst xxxx

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777

I’m feeling your pain as I’m reading your message its so sad no words can describe the pain so so sorry
Do you find the nurse helpful?
I had mental health before me mam loosing her just wiped me of my feet
I have a councerler from someone who cares that was for emotional support I was going through something else all piling on top

778

P.S, not bothered with decorations this christmas, going to see my Niece with sis-in-law on christmas day, then spending the rest at home alone.

I have created a wall memorial to my know all past family, the gentleman on the left is my late father who past on December/1st/2008, the middle one under the cross is my mother, the man on the right with the horns growing out of his head is my twin brother who passed on September 4th 2021(the last day my mother left the house alive to get her hair cut) the casket contains my mothers ashes, she requested me on her death bed to keep them so I have used the casket I got for her funeral in April, (i was medically in no state to cope with it earlier so I went the direct cremation route giving me time to recover, people from away chance to attend, and to prepare a decent service and Eulogy for her, she was 95, grew up in the war and was a part of the greatest generation,started work at 14 as a qualified commercial secretary in shorthand, typing and book keeping and became PA to a colonel Woddon who worked for the duke of maclue.

wall memorial1
wall memorial11049×787 123 KB

779

Awwwwww they are so nice
My mams sister got me a necklace we put some of mams ashes in I wear her wedding ring as a sign of respect for her got her wedding dress in the loft too I can’t accept she’s gone
It was strange a few days before me mam died my dog lay beside her would r let no one but me next to her

780

Yes, the nurse is helpful by giving me time and space to discuss things face to face, I do to some extent have anxiety as well, and doughs about the future, but my clairvoyant tells me she does not see me moving from ware I am so I have been future proofing the house as much as possible with improved insulation and a new boiler (free being on tax credits) also building a snug at the back of the lounge and will put a motion activated infrared heater in it so I can keep warm without warming the planet, intend to go off grid next year and make all my own electricity, have a rowing machine and intend to connect it up to charge batteries or even drive a small electric heater/blower, so pedal to get warm, get me fit amnd keep me active.

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Your dog knew your mum was passing, and probably has a clairvoyant connection with your mum, dogs have been used in paranormal investigations, they can sense the presence of a spirit, did the room grow colder around the time of her passing?.