Thought I would mention to you all , yesterday my mum had a family friend over to look at some work Mum wants doing in the front drive . He’s a landscape gardener .
As we were talking there was a robin on the back yard watching us and little white feather floated down . It was really special. My Dad would have been very involved in what was going on . Just hope dad is happy with what we are doing !
I collected the feather and bought it inside … xx
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It was my birthday in October Amy - it was so difficult x
Bless you Laura and thanks for that, it sounds a lovely moment.
I am sure your dad would be very happy at anything being done to improve the garden, by the sounds of it he was very into haulticalture.
My past Scottish Uncle who became friends with my mum ‘During the war’ (Uncle Albert) was very much in to that and had 3 garden shops, he opened one and a near by one clossed down ‘Thats business’ was his only reaction, not only was he an expert at what he did, he was a grate communicator as well and travelled the world on ocean liners giving horticalture lectures on the ship, he lived in East Kilbride near Glasgow and was a Scottish as Amy.
Engoy your day Laura.
Blessings to all.
Timxx
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Hello everyone sorry been slacking at replying again my bad!
I am trying to grin and bear the working situation for now and going to have a serious think about what I want to do long term.
I have actually put out a message to the universe for me to find a job that I’ll be happy and healthy in, so time will tell.
Still really struggling to make sense of my Mum being gone from the earth plane though, I think I may be suffering from complicated grief.
My family seem to be getting on with things a lot better than me, one example is that one of my brothers actually told me off for talking about my mum and said that he just wanted to move on now, boy did that hurt.
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I think everyone handles it differently Jess. I do things like light candles for Dad when we are all together but my brother finds it too hard and upsetting .
I’m struggling with missing Dad too .ita such a hard road .
How has work been ? Are you having the same issues with the pots etc ? Xx
Hi Jess, so sorry about your situation, is there anything I can do?.I hope you find a situation suitable to you.
It is ok to be vonerable, that, is part of the greaving process, and unless you work through that you will not reach acceptance.
Your brother had no right to speak to you like that, the spirits are telling me you did more for your mum and she did more for you, I do not think your brother loved her like you did, grief, is the price we pay for love, and any loss that causes us pain is grief, it can be the end of a friendship or relationship,
the loss of a career, or a family airlume with sentimental value, and sometimes family members are not always as suportive as we might expect, and it is at times like death in families that one sometimes gets to see a side to sivalings one would rather not see, often it is bitterness over inheretance.
I hope others in your family are more forbearing.
Bless you Jess, your partner and fur babies.
Timxx
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Hi Laura and how has your day been?.
Lovely verse, thanks.
Hospital tomorrow, NOT looking forward to it, thats life and death.
Hope to be in contact tomorrow night.
Love Timxx
It’s been ok Tim . I haven’t done much . This is for the knee appointment ?or eye … I hope you get on ok . Please let us know .
X
I hope what ever your appointment is about you’re okay and it goes well!
I don’t think there’s much anyone can do, I just have this huge hole in my heart, as I’m sure we all have parts of ourselves missing now.
I am the eldest child and have been through a lot with my mum before my siblings came along, prehaps this is the reason we were closer?
I’m at work again tomorrow, my shifts have been all over the place this week, one day off between is not enough to recover from lol but they get you putting you back to back with Friday being the start of the week.
I worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, yesterday and then in again tomorrow so been in off, in off lol
I left with 2 hours of my shift left the other day when I went to urgent care, they had me filling a back to work form 
what is that all about it’s 2 hours 
Something else I’m struggling with is a lot of pent up anger, but I guess that comes with grief but goodness I stress at the most minor things these days, considering trying anger management lol
Jess, it is almost certanly the case you were your mothers faverat, being a girl as well as first born the bond would have been very strong indeed.
You need a more stable work environment, it is always better to have a proper working routine, you seem to be all over the plase and cannot plan your week.
Be very careful about any forms they ask you to sign Jess, (might have been better if your partner had a look at them first) I suspect that is there ‘get out of jail card’ refuse to sign anything until you have had it looked at if you do not understand it.
Anger, is a branch of the grief tree believe it or not, what you are going through is quite normal, Amy was sighned of work for a number of weeks when she lost her mum, have you had the same?.
Its not anger management you need Jess, its bereavement counselling and lessons on work place assertiveness.
It sounds to me you need to take time out for recuperation, my impression is your
health may be compromised for a long time , I was in a treadmill situation like you and my health collapsed and I had to leave the job, in my case I was lucky in that I was in a rented bedsit with no morgage to pay and I went back onto JSA .
Blessings to all.
Timxx
My mum wouldn’t have had any favourites, I believe she loved us all the same.
As for the form it’s standard procedure, but it didn’t make sense doing it when I only missed 2 hours of work.
I have always had a firey temper that should have been addressed a long time ago, it just seems more out of control given the situation.
I have tried bereavement counselling, it was about 8 weeks after her passing and I didn’t find it helpful at all, but it could have been too soon.
I just felt like every session was the same, going round in circles.
Hope today goes okay for you!
OK Jess, I believe you about your mum.
My day has been ok, I got my knee xrays done and they found some adrenalin based eyedrops that were safe for me.
I think you should ask Sur Ryder about bereavement counselling, they have there own professional experts who can help you and I beleave you can talk to them on the phone.
The spirits have not told me you have a temper, what makes you think you are bad tempered?, I think you are your own hardest critic.
I used to have a very firey temper when I was young, know I tend to be laid back and take one disaster at a time, my every word and action is perfectly certifiable Jess(just kidding)because most things are not worth getting up tite about, and it is no good concerning ourselves with things we cannot control, that only brings tension and unhappiness, stoicism means having the courage to change the things we can, the humility to accept the things we can not change and the wisdom to know the difference.
Consider what I have said about bereavement cancelling and ask SurRyder to help you, if I were your doctor I would sign you off for 10 weeks, you need time to recover and unless you work through your grief it will have a detrimental effect on your health and welfare for the foreseeable future.
Blessings to you
Timxx
Hey Tim, I’m glad today went okay for you.
I hide my temper well round others, but it does get the best of me at times, I can say some horrible things that I’ll later regret during anger.
I have broken a few things out of rage since my Mum left but I just can’t control it sometimes, the way I’d decribe it is, I’m like a boiling kettle ready to boil over.
My life hasn’t been easy but I’m sure there’s people out there who’s had it even worse.
I’d like to think I’m a good person but with anger I find it hard to believe at times, but I guess knowing I have an issue is the first step, I dunno 
I am mad that my Mum left so early though it doesn’t make sense nor will it ever make sense!
Hi , I start the Sue Ryder counselling next week ! The lady says she hopes it will help me feel overwhelmed.
I will let you all know how it goes .
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Please let us know how you find it! I really need some help, really struggling lately, cried myself to sleep last night!
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I will do .
Even in the assessment I did I could tell they were very good and the lady was lovely. I’ll find the link as it’s worth getting your name down as it takes a while . X
Hi Jess, not meaning to pry, but what is your age please?.
The fact you have a temper does not make you a bad person, it makes you human, I somehow do not get the impression that you scream at your friends and tell them ware to go.
Amy has very kindly offered to review your CV, I think you should take her up on that, and at the same time seek bereavement counselling.
I get the impression your dad is a little bit masodgernistick, and from what you say he appears to make fun of you and undermine your confidence and brought you up to consider yourself ‘incapable’ and if so I can personally identify with that, I had learning difficalties when young and at 15 was diagnosed as dyslexic, by then it had ruined my education.
Later in life I put my self through college and learnt about electronics but it was very difficult for me, nothing to me is easy so I aim to do just one job a day, I am a slow and mathodivcal thinker and have learnt that nothing worthwhile can be achieved quickly, I stuck it out because I like a challenge, I did not enjoy university and things were not easy with my land lady.
So many of us are on this site not just because we are greaving our mums, it’s all the F***ing crap gone before that has led us to this point, and loosing our mums was, and is, the end of an era and the loss of the most important person in our lives, our Queen.
It seems so unfair, some sale through life and are blest, others struggle, and it is often brilliant people who find it hardest, because the world does not conform to the way we see things, and were it not for the greed of man, and the bent, degenerated, ideology of politicians, alternative ideas would be allowed to flourish.
What we all need is courage, patience, forbearance and stoicism.
Blessings to all.
Timxx
Hi Laura.
Deffinatly a good idea, we are all hoping for the best for you and please let us know how it goes, might give it a go my self but I think I might have worked through the worst of it (maybe?) my twin brother keeps nagging me from the other side to ‘pack this life in’ but I do not want to turn out the lights just yet, want to work on a few ideas first.
Blessings to all.
Timxx
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