Hi Laura
Definitely no one understands how you feel until they go through it too, and you wouldn’t wish it on anyone but it’s nice to hear from others on here. Do you have anyone in your life who has lost their father? It’s my mother who I’ve lost and I’ve been speaking to my cousin who went through it at a similar age to me which is helping. Also an old colleague who’s been through it same age. My sister is 51 and I’m 31 so I got 20 years less with our mother. It makes me so angry that I’ll probably be alive longer without knowing her anymore longer than I did. My dad is my best friend too and I’m sorry you’ve lost him, 40s is still young to lose someone. I hope your family do listen and try to understand how you’re feeling even if they can’t properly comprehend your feelings yet. And this is what I’ve told myself, when it happens to my partner and my friends I’ll be there for them as I’ll understand. You’ll do the same for your partner in time. As time just keeps going and it happens to us all. Try your best to appreciate the family you’ve made for yourself and in time you will reunite with your dad. The only certainty is time takes us all and I truly believe they will be waiting to collect us at the end of it all. He is probably with you right now. Look after yourself x
And I’m so glad our chat comforted you feel free to reach out anytime I mostly check on here at bedtime as my daughter and partner are sleeping. I feel loneliest at night. And I reread your first message I’m sorry you lost him when he was 75 my mum was 70, it is young in comparison to some others lives and I feel we feel robbed of time. I was told my mum might get home for a few months before being back in and possibly dying in her next hospital admission as drs were certain she didn’t have long left (respiratory failure) and when I tell you, if I’d been told before that my mum or dad had 3 months to live before I’d have been distraught, but when she was on her deathbed I’d have given anything for those extra months. But as it goes we don’t get to decide these things. There must be a greater lesson we need to learn, and we aren’t suppose to be happy all the time. The grief you feel only shows how much you love him and I say love and not loved because the love doesn’t leave. People around you will understand in time, I remember trying to comfort my ex colleague and I couldn’t properly as I really couldn’t imagine her feelings. Your partner is likely the same it’s completely unimaginable until you face it yourself. Again so sorry for your loss and reach out any time x
Hi Lynne
I am so sorry you are going through this on top of losing your mum. You are already in a fragile and vulnerable state probably the most vulnerable you’ll ever be, and to be dealing with your sister on top is alot. Please do not let her do this, your mum will be watching and will want you to stand your ground. You do not need to do this face to face, contact a solicitor or lawyer and have them deal with this on your behalf. Do not think about your sisters fiery nature because she is not taking your feelings into consideration right now. Your mums will was her last wish to you and your sister so try your best to make sure her wishes are carried out. And if your sister tries to confront you remember it’s okay to take space from people. Right now all you need to do is focus on you and making sure you’re okay day to day.
Please do not let her take what is yours and what your mother wishes you to have from her.
Sending love and I hope you have some support around you. If you are feeling lost at sea like you said use your mums love as the light to find your way back. She will still be with you and from your post it sounds like you were closer to your mum than your sister was. You often find the ones less close manage to do these things with the will, as they are not as clouded by grief as you are.
Honestly contact a solicitor for some advice at least. Wills are usually able to be contested by direct family even if they’re not named in the will at all, the fact you are means you are entitled to what your mother has written.
Take care and be easy on yourself 
Hope you are okay too tonight. You’ll always miss her and we need to be easy on ourselves, May was not long ago. Incase you haven’t heard it in a while your feelings are valid and hopefully in time they will be less intense, but we’ll always remember and miss them dearly. There’s nothing wrong with that just shows how much we love them.
Also Lynne you will go on holiday again someday it’s not the same but me and my mum always watched the same show every night and she’d text me to tell me it was on, when we lived together we’d watch it together but once I moved 2 years ago I’d get the text. I love that show and feel I can never watch it ever again. My partner said one day I will sit down with a drink and put it on and talk to her like she is with me. And I like that idea. Hopefully in time no rush though you will visit your holiday destinations again and enjoy them as though she was with you.
I am saying all this knowing someday when I lose my dad I’ll feel much the same though. We go walks every other day together all around the town we live in and I know I’ll even struggle to go walks again. However; I know I’d force myself too eventually I’d get a dog of my own (I walk my baby in the pram he walks his dog) when I’m old I will get my own dog and go the same walks, and speak to him like he was there. What else can we do, I would want him to look at me and smile and I’m sure your mum would want the same.
Sorry this is quite long and a ramble. I just mean I hope you can find some joy in holidays again and remember your mum fondly while you are on them. I’m sure she would love that for you and I bet she loved the fact you had all that time for her after your dad died. You sound like a lovely daughter so always remember you did right by your mum x
Thank you . One of my friends lost their Dad but I think we both worry we will upset each other so I don’t tend to tell her what I am feeling .she’s a lot further down the road than me over 20 years .
I know what you mean about being robbed … I feel like he has been snatched from me . He had had a lovely day and it all happened so fast .
Not sure I’ve got my head round it all yet or if I ever will
Thanks for the message
X
Hi Amy, you are obviously a very caring person and have considerable courage, even at the height of your own greaf you are comforting others in there time of distress, a shining example to all of us, and a beacon off hope, if more people were like you the world would be a better place, it is when people are hurting that we find out what they are really like and I think your boyfriend is a very lucky man, you are going to very quickly move on from your tragedy and loss and I am sure that is what your mother would want you to do, my impression is she was an Amazon of a women, as no doubt you are to, I hope you are having a better day.
Love and blessings 
Tim
Thanks so much Tim! You are so kind.
I’ve had a much better day today I got out to the shops. I’ve been so tired though and fell asleep when my daughter did and woke up later. I guess in time we’ll just become used to the way things are even if we don’t like it we will adapt over time. Still had little appetite and not feeling very well but mentally I’m coping a bit better. Well I think I am, I know it’s one day at a time though. We will get good days and bad days. I am dreading November when it would have been her 71st birthday I’ve already booked the day off work. It is so sad that times we used to celebrate become times we mourn.
Going to try and get back to sleep, speak soon and take care. X
I lost my wife 10 months ago tomorrow, words can’t explain the loss, but as write this I’m sat on my balcony on a cruise to Hawaii and Tahiti, we had 2 cruises cancelled due to covid, so booked this in February. I don’t know whether it is right or not, she wanted me to be happy, but it’s a different sort of happiness, she should be sat here with me know. Everyone who writes on this forum experiences what we all feel, there’s no right or wrong, we just have to try and get through it, it’s not easy. Tomorrow I’m missing the unveiling of a leaf dedicated to my wife at our local hospice, her best friend is going in my place, it’s so difficult, tomorrow is another day, that’s all life is now getting through day by day, there’s no rule book to tell us what to do, do the best for you.
Yes Amy, there is no cure for this accept time and anniversary’s can be particularly difficult, christmas, birthdays,mothers day etc and one is left only with the happy memories, but that is priceless and we have to struggle on through life and life is not easy for any of us but is the price we pay for our place on earth and it is better to have had then not to have had, I am so grateful that my mother was there with me for so long,for you that is harder I know as you are barely 30 and have to face the world with out her, hold on to the happy times and try to create happy memories for your little one, I find I sleep more these days, possibly because I am older but possibly because I am still greaving more the 9 months on and I keep myself busy when awake and working on my snug this morning and tomorrow taking a clock back to a customer(I repair clocks and furniture, work from home) a bit about eating, avoid eating out for know as you cannot take a large meal at the moment, you should eat tiny meals at home(have what you like) but eat tiny amounts about 6 times a day, it is important that you do eat or you will be ill(my mother was celiac for years and I had to be very careful what I gave her and eating out could be a night mare if I was not very careful, for the last 10 years we did everything together and have on occasions been mistaken by shop workers and hotel staff as a couple,(much to there embarrassment and my amusement) possibly because my mother always looked young for her age, it never bothered us, for years when I ate out with my mother I ended up eating half her dinner, it was too much for her and she would have been sick had she eaten all of it, having planed your holidays is a good idea as it gives you something to look forward to and will give you a change of perspective, if only for a few days, at some point I may take a couple of days in a hotel in Blackpool and go up the tower, not been there for more then 36 years now, it was a works outing when I worked in a metal bashing industry, I remember getting a lemonade in the bar there, 36 pence, and I thought that was cheep even then, I bet its £5 know, my dad criticized me for bringing back some blackpool tower rock for my uncle, he had no teeth, but as my mum pointed out, he could suck it, one of the presents he had from a nephew of his was a very large ornamental wooden spoon, on it were the words ‘The worlds biggest stirrer’, we used to laugh at my Uncle Tom with the things he came out with but you know what?, we came to realise he was not so wrong about the state of the world after all, long dead know and died in the 90’s and I lost my ant at the tern of the centaury 23 years ago and there ashes are together in a nearby church yard, I hope that story has given you a laugh, there have been many characters in my family and they have all gone know, you would have loved to meet my mother and I am sure I would have loved to meet yours. try to take care of yourself.
Tim
Thanks for your message and I’m so sorry for your loss. I am seeing my father without my mother and he is very down. It’s 3 weeks tomorrow. He says he will be haunted by what happened for a very long time. He has no family left except for me and my daughter and I reminded him we will always be here. He took on a sort of carer role for my mother in the last few years and I think as well as missing her he is feeling lost, he spent most days visiting her and running about after her.
I’m glad to read you are on holiday. I know it won’t be the same but it’s good you are still trying to have nice experiences, and as you said she wants you to be happy and I’m sure she would be happy to know you are on a cruise and at least trying to find some happiness. My dad hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and he’s said he will get a new passport to travel sometimes. He hasn’t had the chance in a long time and I will encourage him to do so. Him and my mum used to go plenty of holidays they visited the ussr, Italy, France, they’ve had lots of nice trips together but as she got older she wasn’t able to. I think me and my partner will book us a family holiday us my daughter and my dad but not for a few years yet.
I agree we need to take things day by day. When my mum passed my dad said it will be harder on me and I said I’ve actually read spousal loss is deemed the most difficult. I think that whilst we don’t want to lose our parents part of us accepts that this will happen at some point in our lives, but often don’t consider our partner (or we) will die. My dad met my mum when he was 24 and he is 67 now, whilst they’ve lived apart for a while they’ve always been very close. Trying to remind him he is allowed to grieve in his own way and let him know I’ll always be there for him too.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your cruise, I have great memories with my mum and dad on a cruise ship they are fantastic holidays. Hope you are soaking in the sun and relaxing as much as you can.
Amy x
My family has a lot of characters too, my dad is definitely a character himself, a typical Gemini if you are into zodiacs. Very chatty and fun. He is an artist (in his spare time, was an engineer and architect) the house is covered in his paintings. He has a beautiful self portrait he did that my mother kept in her bedroom. We have it back now and I’ll always keep the paintings on the walls as this house wouldn’t look right without them. There are a lot of characters on my mums side (on my dads it’s just me and my daughter) and even though sometimes I’ve had issues with them I love them all
My mums sister is a bit erratic she likes an argument sometimes, but overall she is good natured and has been a great support after I lost my mother, I didn’t think she would be the one to help me alot with how I am feeling. I am seeing her on Friday to take my daughter out, she is only a year younger than my mum and whilst she’s kept quite fit most of her life, is now worrying about her health. Not sure if it has anything to do with seeing her sister these last few months.
I also have my half sister too who I actually didn’t keep in touch with for a while up until recently, I didn’t agree with how she treated my mother, it wasn’t nice (and that’s putting it nicely…) But at the end of the day we’re both her daughters and we’ve gotten back in touch, for better or for worse. I don’t have a lot of room in my heart to hate people, especially not now, so I can’t stay mad at her forever. In my opinion, the way some people treat their mums, that can haunt them later on in the form of their own conscience, they don’t need anyone else to remind them about it. I’ve wrote to you and said I myself have had cross words with my mum and they do play on my mind, even though it wasn’t constantly and I always let her know I loved her, I know I wasn’t always the nicest- and I have to live with that. It has definitely taught me to be more careful with my words, a lesson learned a bit late but I am willing to keep learning how to be better.
Sorry if this is another long message but to be honest coming on here and writing to you and others has been a great comfort to me and I hope if other people drop in to even just have a read that it lets them see that we can connect with others and remember our lost ones. I’ve been trying to distract myself alot but it’s nice to pop on here too and have a chat about things.
Thanks Tim I’m sure our mothers would have loved that, and are happy we’re speaking to people about them too.
Take care
Amy x
Dear Ame, I am interested to know your father is an engineer AND an artist, they tend to be regarded as opposite ends of the spectrum, but there again Bawns Wallis did an incredible wooden carving of his wife and it suggest your father is a very rounded man, yes, we all have regrets for what we have said in the past and sometimes when we are young and even as adults we can speak with out thinking, that DOES NOT make you bad, it makes you human, and being human we do not always analyze everything that is going on around us, that is just too much, and to add to that the pressures of life, the stress of bereavement, and many other things, human flesh can only take so much, I have heard Professor Haner Fry use the ‘F’ word on television, she had something to swear about, she was fighting breast cancer at the time and agreed to the BBC doing a documentary of her illness, a very brave thing to do, she appears to have recovered from it. I know you have regrets about your mother, I, was not always the ideal son, and it must hurt to see your sister being unpleasant with your mother,and it creates a lasting unhappy memory, like when my mother virtually flung my brother out of the house (he did have a wife and home to go to) do not feel guilty, you are NOT responsible for the actions of your siblings,I have learnt laterly from a next door nabour that my mother was really glad to have me around and loved me very much in her final years,and I am sure your mother very much appreciated the love that I am sure you will have rendered too her in her final months, and if at the end of the day you can look yourself in the face and honestly say you did your best, as I said of my mother on the service sheet, and on her casket in latin ,quae fecerunt sibi optima(she did her best) then you can hold your head high, you have nothing to be ashamed for, regrets, we all have them, but do not feel guilt, or shame, for you being you,life is precious, we are all Gods creatures and part of creation, try not to judge your step sister too harshly, it is possible she did not understand she was being so hurtful, I know, it is easy to condemn, much harder to understand and even harder to forgive, I think we need a little more Farther Brown and a little less Herman Fuhrer, there is more then enough evil in the world for all of us so lets strive for good and that starts with all of us and begins with tolerance and patience for others weather they be ones relatives or not, and sometimes it is how we ask for things that matters just as much, I remember years ago listening to ‘thought for the day’ one morning on radio 4, there were 2 monks, the first monk asked the abot
‘May I smoke while I pray?’ the second monk asked ‘May I pray while I smoke?’ the first monk was told ‘no’ and was very disappointed, the second monk was delighted to be told ‘Yes’ hoping you are getting back your appetite and having a better day Amy, I shall leave you with that thought tonight.
Love and blessings 
Tim
Thanks Tim I like that about the monks. And you are right we all have some regrets but I can look at myself and realise I spent a lot of time with my mum and gave her alot of love too. I suppose our minds are just our worst enemy sometimes. I had a nice day we visited some family during the day. Was nice seeing my daughter with other people in the family and remembering that’s what it’s all about, spending time with people. We don’t know when our time is coming my mother didn’t know when she first went in but realised about a week before her time. Been talking to her today and asking her to come to me and watch over me. I just know in my heart if she could be anywhere she’d come back to this house to be with us.
And yes my dad is quite well rounded, he has been down today. Listening to songs that remind him of my mum. I hope this doesn’t take his spark away, I think it will change him as it will change me too but we have each other.
Love and blessings to you too
Amy
Hi Amy, you and your father need to look out for each other,down days are common after a bereavement but if he stops taking proper care of himself for a prolonged period then it is a sign of bereavement depression and is a clinical condition, you should call the doctor who will probably prescribe anti depressants, they take about a week to work, it is the main reason why with so many elderly couples who live alone as often as not one often follows the other in a few weeks, basically they just stay in bed, stop eating and drinking, and within a week or two they are gone, it very nearly happened to me, me and my mother were almost like a couple. I hope you are starting to eat again(just milk would be very good as long as you are not lactose intolerant)
Its good that you are talking to your mother and my mother regularly contacts me from the otherside(has done since I went to a clairvoyant on the 4th February) I can also sense her presence in the house,also my father cames through to me as well from time to time. About your father when he gets down it will pull you down, being much younger and having a reason for living you will probably shake it off much quicker but he can’t, I know you have your work but spend as much time with him as you can and encourage him to talk, that’s the best you can do, any relatives near by who can help?.
Take each day at a time and be kind to yourself, its a long road but you come over as making good progress, glad you liked the monks, I heard that nearly 40 years ago and it made an impression on me and yes, are own minds can be are worst enemy, I shall remember that as well for many years to come, hope you are having a better day.
Love and blessings
Tim
Hi Tim. Hope you are doing ok. I read you went to see a clairvoyant on the 4th February. Did you have any visits from your mum before you saw the clairvoyant? I’m skeptical, but just want to know that my mum, who passed in May, is at peace now. I don’t have any ‘obvious’ signs at all.
Hello everyone sorry to jump on here but I really need to talk. And some of your words here have been really comforting!
I lost my mum in March and it seems to get worse each day. I just miss her so much.
I to feel robbed of time from her as she was only 50 and I’m 32 (33 in Nov, I’m really not looking forward to my birthday this year as I’ll miss getting a card from her) but in all honesty do we ever get enough time with our loved ones!
I have been to a few mediums over the months and most have told me things they shouldn’t know! I even started attending a development circle and have been able to get evidence through for others in the group but I am still sceptical at times.
I’ll be honest I didn’t even know about much about mediums till I lost my Mum and I sat on the fence. But after she passed I had a lot of weird occurances which made me seek answers and eventually book my first reading. And the fact I couldn’t really believe her very essence what made her, her would just disappear without a trace pushed me towards searching for answers.
I just wish we could have concrete evidence that we will indeed meet with our loved ones again in the future it would help so much x
I had a strange experiance the night after her death, I woke up with a start, it felt as if my face had been slapped and I am sure I got an image in the darkness of my mother wondering around and I was sure it was her,since I went to see the clairvoyant she keeps telling me things in the back of my mind like when I parked my car a few weeks ago out of the blue I was told to go back to the car because I had left my wallet on the dash(I had!) or to remember to take my mobile phone when leaving the house in case I need it in the car, or when a kind lady gave me her late husbands cap in the church coffee morning and I tried it on, I got a very sharp rebuke from her in my head to take it off in church, its not an audible voice I hear, but I hear her ‘in my head’ so to speak and only I can hear it,the other day I was trying to use masking tape, out of the blue I hear her say ‘You need a george’ a george is commonly used if you are painting and you want a straight line, it was the perfect solution. her personality is just the same, my mother was a very defiant lady and expected certain standards of behaviour, like the late queen, she had a smile that could light up a room,they could both kill a man at ten paces and I once observed the queen berating an unfortunate guards man,(not his finest hour)they were virtually the same age and had grown up in wartime Britain and those days and wartime experiences had forged the characters of both of them, also my father comes through to me as well, when I went to the clarevoyant, among many other things she advised me I would have matters to deal with of a legal and financial nature, my solicitor, was of the opinion that inheritance tax to the tune of £100,000 was owing on the estate, my late father told me to take his will to the firm that drew it up, my solicitor was wrong!, she has handed the case to someone else and I wonder how many times that has happened before and who has been diddled out of thousands?,it is something I cannot define, but I am glad I have this contact with my parents from the other side and when I am finally out(63 not out at the moment) we will all be back in the pavillion. you should find a reputable clairvoyant (some one of international standing) my clairvoyant is one of the best in the business and people come to see her from all over the world, you will find it an eye opener and it may even open communication channels for you, you have nothing to loose, good luck.
OK Jess, take this one step at a time, firstly, make sure your medium is genurin, best go to ones who have an international reputation, they have often been working for many years, have seen and heard everything, and know there arses from there elbows so to speak,and a decent medium will be able to tell you things they shouldn’t know, the spirits of our loved ones walk with us every day, when you go to a medium or clairvoyant you take the spirits with you and they can connect with that and obtain information from that, there is nothing hocass pocass about it, it does not involve funny boards or sayonses,it is just a medium has the ability to ‘hear’ what you and I basically cannot hear(I can know, my mother comes through from the other side since my reading) I’m sorry that does not appear to be working for you but I am slightly clairvoyant my self and it saved my life once by stopping me from driving through a green light ware I would have died under a lorry coming from the right, and if you are not clairvoyant then it will be harder for you to get the communication, we all have the ability to a certain extent, its just proper clairvoyants have it in bucket loads, I know you miss your mother very much and 50 is so young and she was still a teen ager when she had you so life must have b een hard for both of you, I can assure you the evidence suggest that we do meet up again with our loved ones in the next life, my twin brother passed on the 4th September 2021, the following night he was messing with a movement activated battery light in my room and it was going berserk(pissed me off at the time, I thought he was going to brake it, kept belting it with something every time it timed out!!) same night a close friend of his had a similar experience, 50 miles away! clearly they get around in the next life and dont need petrol, e-cars or any of that crap, when you know what something isant, you are left with what it is, draw your own conclusions.yes, we all have to reinvent ourselves, if you are in work then you have something to focus on, I hope you are not alone in the world, at 33 that is so cruel, we are all on this site for the same reason, we have lost someone special to us and we are suffering a form of bereavement depression or post bereavement depression, on the 5th of January my mother died in my arms in the evening as she breathed her last at the end of an 4 year struggle with dementia and I ended up under the care of a mental health nurse more used to dealing with battle field trauma which I have to a mild extent, (any extreme situation can cause it, its a form of PTSD) but I am getting over it and very much better then I was, we need the humility to accept the things we cannot change, it is only then the healing process can begin, I will not role over, I will not knock my bails off just because all my family are out of the batting, instead, I will bat on to the end, the very end like my mother did, as my clairvoyant told me, my mother would not give in, she fought like Ukraine until hell its self froze over, I shall do the same, to do otherwise would be dishonest and a cop out, your best way to honour your mother is to make a success of your new life, Do not wish your life away, go forth into the light and sease the day, for you, the sun has not yet reached its zenith, take up the torch of life, go not quietly into the night, but rage into the storm and ride it out until dawn brakes, the storm abates and you reach safe harbour(Shakespeare wrote that)
in other words KBO, keep buggering on, I do not know if you are alone, if you are then I hope one day you will be loved, if you are alone then there are people on this site who will encourage you, only you know how you really feel, get out of the house regularly and try to keep busy, do not despair, there are hard days ahead, but if you persevere you will get through them and find a happy place, take up new interest, paragliding or power lifting if you are an adrenalin junky,(you are a good age for that) cultivate new friendships
we never get over a real berteavement, but we do get used to it, I am concerned you apear to be having more bad days then good after 6 months, I think you should see your doctor, a course of anti depressants may be in order and if you live alone like I do it can be very difficult, bereavement can make you seriusly ill and often leeds to bereavement depression and that sees of a lot of old people off every year who have just lost someone , but it can effect younger people as well but they usually do not die from it, they have more resources, but bereavement is often followed by a period of poor health for most off us, and its not like a cold, more like long covid, talk to me if you need someone.
Love and blessings to you.
Tim
Thank you Tim. I absolutely love your posts and knowledge on here. I will consider seeing one. I don’t know how my mum (or dad, who has passed to) would feel about this… they would probably say “what a load of rubbish!” (you probably know what the pre-war generation was like!). It’s only 5 months since mum passed so I wasn’t sure about timing. I’ve seen a lot of videos on Youtube of the really good psychic mediums, but I guess you need to know the ‘real deal’ when visiting someone; it’s a completely ‘new’ area for me!. I am just starting to read “Becoming supernatural” by Dr. Joe Dispenza. Learning about the subconscious and your ability to work with your subconscious thoughts and emotions is fascinating stuff. xx