Best ways to cope with loss of mother

Losing a parent
1103

Hi Laura.
My mum had dementia and it went all the way, a dementia death is terrible, it is clinically speaking a crucifixion, in a crucifixion you ultimately drown in your own fluids as your vital organs fail and fluid builds up in the lungs and around the heart and eventually the heart can take no more and renders up the ghost(this is NOT medical advise Seaneen, its a hard clinical fact!!) she had to be heavily sedated and I had to check the driven syringe was working properly, along with monitoring her sats, heartrate, and watching all the time for signs of pain, no one should be called on to do what I did for a relative, but I have had the technical training and there was no one else to do it, and that was round the clock, 7 days a week for her last months.

Be thankful for small mercies Laura, your ant was spared that, and you would not have wanted to deal with that, and no disrespect, possibly would not be able to, it took a bad tole on my health and is probably the main reason I am on this site, and that applies to most of us, not just a bereavement, but all the trauma before, during, and after the fact, as well.

Your priority is your mum, and yourself, and you need to take care of both, you have your own family and they need you.

Glad you are getting your transport sorted out, hopefully your brother can keep your dads van on the road, no dough he used it in connection with the allotment so its a family ‘air lume’.

Made some lovely soup tonight, tins of peas, carrots, tomatoes, new potatoes and a tin of sardeans all blended up, best soup I have ever had, I ate it with a fork!!!., best of all I have only had half of it, so rest is in the fridge and will have it tomorrow if the fancy takes me, it lifted my spirits on this cold, dark, winters day, I am longing for the spring,

Next winter I should have a nice warm snug to keep me warm, much better then trying to heat the whole house which for one person is antisocial and uneconomic.

Looking into making candles commercially, something productive and a nice warm winters job, I will set up the equipment in my clock room.

Blessings to all Laura, including the cat!, thanks for the communication, keep your pecker up and be kind to yourself.

Tim xx

1104

I think you are right there it could be a blessing as she was deteriorating and my cousin was struggling to look after her and her the right care .
The soup sounds extremely nutritious you’ll live forever eating that !
Hope ruby is ok . Meg isn’t setting foot outside much at the noment , too cold , wet or windy .
Have you got much to do today ? X

1105

Bless you Laura and how are you and how is your mum and cousin?.

I am so glad for you and your family that you did not go through what I went through with my mum, it would have taken a terrible toel, and would NOT have made for happy final memories, I have not processed my mums final moments, even a year on, to painful.

Meg is not silly, and neither is Ruby, sticks her nose out of the back door and strate back in!!

Having meat pie and chips for lunch, probably some more soup tonight(I just flung things together as in a casserole and blended it into soup, NO RESEPY, wares the fun in that???)

Putting yet more insulation into my snug, going off grid next year so energy efficient.

Looking into making candles commercially (approx. 100 a week) so a new adventure and add on to clock repairs.

Got my SAD light on and its 12:25 in the day, very dark outside and uninviting.

Blessings to you and your family at this sad time.

Tim xx

1106

Hi Tim
Thanks for the message. I had a rather sad dream last night. My mum was crying to me saying there’s nothing after life. I said how can that be true when Romy said goodbye to you that night, it’s like she saw you. And she just looked really down.
Made me question so much. But I asked my daughter this morning where is your gran, she looked all round the room, laughed and said ‘up in the sky’
I just have to keep my faith and hope that it was just a bad dream and not her sending me the message that there’s nothing- because surely if there is nothing she wouldn’t be able to visit at all?
Have any of you been having dreams about the ones you’ve lost?
Amy x

1107

Amy, you just had a bad dream, DO NOT WORRY YOURSELF ABOUT THIS.

The anecdotal evidence to support the afterlife is overwhelming.

The only alternative is to believe millions of us all over the world or simply deluding ourselves, that, is just nonsense.

Strange that Romy still recalls the incident just after your mum past, one of her earliest memories Amy, she will remember that until her dying day!.

Get yourself to a descent clairvoyant, its more then 3 months know, I think you will find she will come through very well, and not only will that put your mind at rest, it will also help you on your grief journey, see if your dad is interested as well, make a double appointment and go together.

I know someone who went to a medium with her sister to contact her dad, they were meant to have separate readings, her dad told the medium to bring them in together, what he had to say was for both of them and there is no way the medium would be making that up!!.

You will know when you have reached the end of your grief journey, you will feel an overwhelming sense of calm and peace, peace within yourself, and peace with the world, peace with your family, and those around you.

Not had many dreams about my ‘back in the pavilion’ family lately, I am sure my twin brother is around, and he will be the first one I see when I depart earth.

Going to clairvoyant Quinn again on Sunday and I will let you know how I get on, my Niece is in before me like last year, but you and your dad should do it to, it will put your mind at rest, I think you just had a bad dream.

Made some soup last night, just vedge/potato and sardines flung together at random in a blender, I ate it with a fork, best soup I have ever had.

This weather is making me depressed, have had my SAD light on in the middle of the day, bet its colder with you, some 270 miles nearer the arctic circle, I know you have proper winters.

Keep getting 'draft error ’ warnings and have to reload, not your mum is it?, she probably thinks I’m reared, believe me, she will know just as much about me as she knows about you, and same for my mum, who will know all about you,thats spirit for you, I am not making it up.

Find a good medium, Jess might be able to help you, she is in a media circle, you might like to find a medium who does channelling, give your mum a chance to speak directly to you through the medium, not all mediums do channelling, but I think that would settle matters for you once and for all.

Blessings to all

Tim xx

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1108

I have they’ve all been comforting . I think Tim is right and this was just a bad dream . Our minds plays tricks on us sometimes. X

1109

Hey everyone sorry I’ve been slacking on writing on here!

I’ve not been feeling too great today, been having problems with my neck for months and today I’ve been really off, just feel so drained!

I managed to get myself to the doctors to make an appointment but it isn’t until the 12th and is only a telephone appointment :roll_eyes: blinking 7:45 in the evening as well, I didn’t even know you could make appointments that late.

They’ve also booked me in to see a physio, another thing I didn’t think was possible as I would have thought I’d be transferred through the doctor after my appointment, oh well it is what it is I suppose.

Today was my collegues funeral, and all week I was contemplating whether to go or not, but sadly I decided I wouldn’t be able to handle it because I’m still struggling with the grief of losing my Mum. I’m hoping I don’t regret not going though!

1110

I do think it would have been a bad dream but I understand you having doubts as I have them often. If only we knew for sure what awaits, that would make things more bearable wouldn’t it but sadly that’s not possible for some unknown reason.

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1111

Having doubts is normal, and is part of the learning process that we are all going through, it should not be seen as a set back, but part of the healing process and part of the journey, it is a normal part of the mind disseminating change and new information.
But I say again Amy, find a medium who does channelling, that will settle it for you.

1112

Sorry you feel down in the dumps Jess, I have had terrible neck problems including removal of a tumer(was not the big C thank God!) and yes it drains you and I had to ‘give up’ a job that involved long distance driving(I was glad to be out of the dam thing, it was my ticket through the one good thing about that firm, THE DOOR OUT OF THAT SALES PITCH TOILET!!

That is a joke Jess, 10 days for a telephone appointment!!, anyone would think you were trying to ring the pope in the Vatican!!! and it shows just what a shambles the NHS is in places, I am so lucky were I live, my local surgery was voted the 6th best GP practice in the country, if in trouble dial 111, I did it recently over my eye and was seen with in the hour.

At least you are down for the physio, and in my experience for neck strains they tend to be more useful then doctors, in my experience necks can take quite a bit of fixing and I had to have a number of sessions, the first session is likely to be just explorative and gentle, later ones will be deeper, but it should NOT be painful, feels more like a cross between massage and joint manipulation which it is, you might even enjoy it, I did, it is also good for stress relief.

Hope all well including little Dobby,

Timxx

1113

Hmm I’m feeling a little sick tonight, just seen that my Mums partner has been seeing someone on Facebook, I’m not 100% sure but looking at pictures and the comments from his mates it’s looking like it. It will only be a year in March since my Mum passed. I just think it’s a little too soon to move on right now and it’s hurt me :confused: he still visits my Grandma every week to, this is a whole new feeling to my grief now and I can’t explain it!

1114

Aww I can understand why that would hurt Jess . There are many levels to grief I’m finding that many won’t understand. It’s so difficult. I can totally see why
that would upset you xx

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1115

I didn’t know whether I was over reacting but they were together for quite a long time it just amazes me how some people can get over these things so fast :confused:

1116

People deal with things in different ways. He may be distracting himself from the pain of your Mum .
I would also find that really hurtful so it’s not just you .
He probably ought to have let you know before you saw it on Facebook . Xxx

1117

Sometimes it would be better off Facebook didn’t exist causes more trouble than what it’s worth! How are you doing? Probably a silly question! I’m at work in the morning :frowning:

1118

I can understand ware you are coming from Jess, I can also understand why you feel unhappy about him seeing your grandma, and your not wanting to turn up and find him there, what are your grandma’s feeling towards him?, yes, I can understand why you feel uneasy about this, from what you say, my impression is his intentions are unclear, old people can be venerable, listen to your intuition, tell your grandma to be on her guard and vigilant, if you feel something is wrong, it possibly is, I have done safe guarding courses in my voluntary work, what you say rings alarm bells, you probably have good reason to be concerned for your grandma who you have made clear you love very much, talk to her about this, try and get the full picture, if only to put you at your ease, I am concerned he might try to take her to the bank.

1119

How has your day been Laura, did you get your brothers car?.

Done more work on my snug, put my mum’s dressing table into the car to take to my niece tomorrow, spent most of the afternoon repairing the mirrow frame, had the rest of the soup, chicken pie and chips with onion tonight.

Long day tomorrow, seeing my clarevoyant.

Blessings to all including your cat.

Tim XX

1120

I am not sure what you are meaning, was just upset that he seems to be moving on when it’s been just under a year since she left. He’s always been a good friend of the family and still visits my Gran, my Gran won’t know what he gets up to in his spare time.

1121

Omg Tim I’ve just got where you are coming from and you have got this so wrong, he’s not seeing my Gran that would be super messed up eww lol was saying he still bothers with my mums family and I was under the impression that he was still grieving over my mum,so it came as a shock that he was possibly seeing another woman so soon

1122

OK Jess, as long as that is what it is, I tend to be overprotective, its just your original message painted pictures in my mind of some geezer trying to con your grandma and I am so glad that is not the case.

I must agree with you, 10 months is not long before getting hitch with someone else and I can see why his behaviour has made you feel unhappy and perhaps it is a bit soon to bring someone else into your family.
How are you feeling today?, ok, probably not the smartest question I know, I realise you are fed-up with life and still miss your mum desperately as I miss my mum, and there are days when I ask my self why do I bother??, but I think we all do on this site, and it helps to talk to others in the same boat, and we build up a picture of each other, even without us actually meeting, and that’s invaluable for all of us, and we know we are not alone, and between us have a sort of ‘grief academy’

Blessings to all.

Timxx