Yeah it’s hard having the feelings just rush over out of nowhere. Fine one minute and all of a sudden feel overwhelmed.
Yes I think the robins prefer being hidden out of the way, I’m not even sure if any are living in ours we stuck ours in our bushes in the back garden as I am sure I read that’s a good place to put it x
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Amy, you were always close to your mum, bring Romy up like your mum did for you, and there is no reason why she should not always be close to you, its the same environment, and you share the same jeans, as she is bonding well to you in early life, and YOU are her entire world, then there is every probability she will remain close.
May I suggest something?, the next time you go to your mums grave pick a pleasant sunny day when the birds are singing, you all feel well and you can go together as a family, you will find that a much better experience, as far as Romy is concerned her gran is ‘in the sky’ leave her thinking that, if she ask just tell her that she left her body behind.
I hope very much you connect with your mum when you see your clairvoyant, that will remove much of the sadness you are feeling, it will certainly give you the reassurance that you need, we were both so lucky to have such wonderful mums, and are memories of them are part of us forever, and I still have ‘dark moments’ when I question the wisdom of going on, then I think of the sacrifices her generation made for us, and THAT, makes me go on.
Glad your finger is doing a lot better, you must have done something right with your DIY surgery!!.
It was my local minister who described the grief ball in the box to me before my mums funeral, she came to see me about the format, I was considering basing the eulogy on the 21st sarm, in the event I scrapped the idea and concentrated on covering her history in brief during her war time formative years, in view of developments with Ukraine I thought it was more appropriate.
Eventually with time your intense feelings will subside, don’t forget you are still getting over the antidepressants, and your ex[periance with that has not been good by your own account, my niece is permanently on them, she freaks out if she missis them and is probably addicted, eventually your grief WILL subside, you will know when you are there, you will have a sense of overwhelming piece, and will be at one, both with yourself, and the world, NONE OF US on this site are there yet.
Seeing my mental health nurse tomorrow, also getting dizzy spells for some reason, my twin brother had them before his brane hemorrhage, so a head scan may be in order 
I am sure you are correct about Mr Robin, he likes the hedgerows of life! 
I have heard of ‘bug hotels’ and used to make them at ‘men in sheds’ in kendal pre covid. have considered becoming a bee keeper and get a little hive! 
have to get an adrenalin pen, I might be allergic to bee stings but not to wasp.I shall look into getting a bee kit and will check the bird house for ‘tenants’
Be sure to teach Romy all you know about these things, all children love nature.
What is the bee survival kit on a keychain please?.
Went to church today, volunteered myself for stewarding duties for 2 hours on Wednesday.
Blessings to all 
Tim xx
Hi Jess, glad you are ok, but sad you are sad, another funeral to face, try not to be anxious, just support your partner by being there for him.
Try to get out into gardens and the countryside when ever you can, its the best thing for you, particularly so in good weather.
I hope your move to your bungalow is a good one, and that it brings you a fresh start and happiness.
Blessings to all
Timx
Hello the funeral was lovely, I tried not to be too emotional but I was taken back to my Mums funeral and I’ve known his Grandma ever since me and my partner got together, so it is very sad!
We are hoping we get a break from all the heartache now! It’s just strange how we’ve been together so long without experiencing things like this and all of a sudden we’ve lost his Grandad, my Mum and now his Grandma in just over a year!
Hi Jess, I understand, I lost my mother-in-law, twin brother and my mum in just 14 months so I know ware you are coming from.
I hope you and your family can know have some piece and stay together, I’m not going to insult you by asking you how you feel, I know already.
Keep an eye on your partner and his mum, she has been through a particularly bad ordeal with her passing in her arms,that happened to me and is no small thing, she was of course her mother.
Also take care of yourself and be kind to each other, that builds resilience as well, hopefully the move will give you a fresh start in life, but take your time, small steps, you are under enough stress as it is.
Blessings to you
Tim x
Hello Laura, what sort of day have you had?.
Any more bike riding or digging the allotment?.
Had some reasonable weather and it felt warm out in the garden this afternoon, how with you?.
Timx
Aww Jess it’s so triggering . They are so hard. Like Tim says be really gentle on yourself xx
Hello Tim , I’ve been back in the office today I’ve normally work at home . It was ok . Then I met some friends for tea .
Had an ok day .
I went a bike ride on Friday so that was nice . The sun came out just as I left .
I was at the allotment Saturday and Sunday and planted onions , garlic and mint , oh and some dahlias . It’s coming on well .
How have you been ? Xx
Yes it’s a real rollercoaster and very difficult to navigate through the pain some days .
I did have the grief counselling . It helped a little.
I saw a post about grief being like a ball as well only that instead of the grief getting smaller - we grow bigger and learn to carry it around with us more easily . It struck chord with me .
My friend had a robin make a nest in a bag of compost that was on the floor ! It was very well hidden in there
I hope you are feeling as well as can be xxx .
Hello Laura, roller coaster sums it up, some days I just do not want to bother, then I think of the sacrifice made by my mums generation and get on with it.
Got a cuckoo clock back to a customer today, but having trouble installing a main spring in another clock, I need to make my self a clock spring winder.
No interest regarding my cleaning business so dropping it, intend to start making beeswax candles (might as well be the best from the off) and carry on ticking(clocks 
Sounds like you are growing a number of crops, I can see you teaching the land army if we ever have to ‘dig for victory’ again, how to you cope with pest?.
Hope all ok.
Tim x
Beeswax candles sounds great ! I am not sure about pests yet, My Dad always planted plenty and assumed their would be some casualties . there is a cold frame which will provide some protection and we have a large netted tunnel , Try to keep it as natural as poss without pesticides . I’ve also been reading that if you plant certain things together like mint near veg it deters pests . So will try that too…
Hope you have a good day xx
Hi Laura, I am all for natural pest control, the more of that the better, they say if you encourage wasp they eat the green fly and a lot of other pest, but they deter the bees, although wasp do polynate to a certain extent, but nothing like as much as the bee, but wasp do have there place in the natural order of things and are just as important as the bees, and I do not swat them know, (I used to go for them like a Spitfire on a ME109 in the Battle of Britain ) I suppose if the Bees are the Spitfires, then the wasp are the hurricanes.
Got a SERIUS cordless strimmer with a circular saw!!! I intend to go to war on my garden, for the first time for almost 2 years I feel reasonably fit, trise a day on my rowing machine is really working and even my knees appear to be regenerating.
Hope family well, enjoy your evening.
Tim xx
Hi Amy, hope you are ok tonight, been a reasonably pleasant afternoon with sun and it even felt warm, how with you?, is this ghastly winter finally loosing its grip or are the haggises still hibernating?
Tim x
Hi Tim
I’m doing alright, I actually meant to pop on yesterday to tell yous:
I was in my kitchen yesterday morning looking out the window I said out loud to my mum ‘so much for sticking around it seems like you’ve left me’ and the wee Robin then popped up on my garden fence looking through the window at me, and hopped up right to the back door 
think she heard me and was showing me she is still around.
Took a walk to the graveyard today was surprisingly peaceful
Hope you’re all well
Amy x
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Hi Amy, that little robin is trying to tell you something!!!, you should throw it some meal worms , probably hungry. see if you can get it to feed from your hand, you could more or less tame it, from what you say it recognises you.
Thinking of putting bird food in my bird box (is that a bird brain idea?)
I have had some experiences with grave yards, some are more peaceful then others and I can sense it, Barrow main cemetery were my grand fathers ashes are is not, I sense a lot of ‘bickering’ walking among the graves, while the cemetary at Pennington in cumbrea is a very peaceful place(my mums grate grand parents were miners from Cornwall, he was a mining captain), they came up as a large group to work the lake mines and built many of the villages around the Furness area.
Have got a serius garden strimmer, complete with circular saw with the intention of getting to grips with the garden (what my mum would think god knows!!!) looks a serious piece of F*****g Sh*t!!! 
and probably the most dangerous tool I have.
Let you know how I get on after I have counted up my missing toes and digits
Blessings to all
Tim xx
Speaking of grave yards not long after my mum passed Romy dragged us into a different cemetery here, walks straight up to a grave stone and was pointing at a name on it. Was my mums middle name! Was very spooky.
I don’t think I’d put the food in the nest maybe get yourself a wee feeder? You can buy them on Amazon or maybe at your local B&M if you have those in England. And you could even get a bird bath too to encourage them into your garden, they like keeping clean
Careful with the strimmer!
I think the wee Robin is just a sign from my mum telling me she is still around
Never noticed the message about the haggises lol yes they’re all waking up out of hibernation now, ready for the summer 
Take care
Amy x
Amy, this is strange, I assume Romy can not yet read?, she knows a lot more then you think and I think her level of understanding will probably surprise you, I suspect your mum will have told her already and there is very little, if anything, that she does not already know regarding your mums passing.
The feeder sounds a grate idea so I will try that and put some meal worm in it, might get a roosting box, in a roosting box the access is at the bottom and this also provides ventilation, there is no ventilation at the top, instead there are perches, the idea is that the heat from the birds is trapped near the top providing them with a blanket effect giving a warm dry atmosphere and a safe refuge for small birds in a storm or a cold night.
I hope your wee Robin is your mum, put some meal worm on the window ledge of your kitchen to attract her.
First real sign of Spring today, Mr Bumble made his presence known in my garden, and is always a welcome site, Mr Bumble has to eat every 45 munities or he will die, Churchill liked Mr Bumble, and was well into conservation and the environment long before it was trendy, and was very knowledgeable about gardens.
The strimmer is brilliant, and even better I still have all toes and digits!!!
Did 2 hours stewarding at church for there pre Easter presentation (stations of the cross really and there is 12 of them, then went to my doctor, I need my ears syringing(pardon???)
Tomorrow IS THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING, and let us hope for new beginnings and better times ahead, and that the vail of grief will be lifted from us and we can walk onward into the light.
Blessings to all
Tim xx
Hello Laura, how are you tonight?.
The strimmer is brilliant, like Rambo in the garden, even better I still have ALL my toes and digits ALL in the rite order!!
I came upon Mr Bumble today, a sure sign of Spring, and tomorrow is the first day of spring, hope everything blooms on your allotment, you will soon have green fingers!!
Blessings to all
Tim xx
well that’s good to know about the digits , was getting worried there! I have seen some bees too as I’ve been doing some jet washing at my Mum and Dads house . it’s taken me ages , I was aching so much after but I did a lot , it’s not particularly hard work so no idea why i ached so much !
Any plans today?
xx
Hi Laura, went to see my ‘shrink’ nurse at doctors surgery today and seeing him again in a month, and for the first time in more then 2 years I feel I am getting better, even my knees are improving and life might be something I can think of facing again with out feeling I am in a constant ‘dual to the death’ with my self and everything in the ‘Battle of Britain’.
Carrying on with my clock repairs and taking one back to reinstall tomorrow, also got to order a movement for a barometer.
Jess was complaining of aching all over, they ran test and she is short of vitamin D, know apparently grief can effect your digestion to the point ware you are not absorbing vitamins from your food, and you have had rather a lot of that lately,(grief I mean) you get vitamin d from sunlight as well of course, a simple blood test will quickly show if that is the case, so see your gp if it gets worse or does not quickly clear up,Jess only told me this the other day, something else learnt from ‘Grief academy’ it could of course be something else, I hope its something simple and you are better soon.
Gone back to winter today(first day of spring ) yesterday was nice, not know.
Blessings to all.
Tim x