I read a book called ‘answers from heaven’ by Teresa Cheung which was interesting and comforting.
I’ve been talking to the circle leader about how I’ve been feeling about not being able to stick to believing but she thinks I will do eventually which was quite reassuring.
I think sometimes with me I have a lot of self doubt.
Not morbid at all I totally get where you’re coming from. Most of my closest friends have been decent as they can be but none have been through it. So I understand that they don’t have the ability to relate but I’ve told them I’ll be there for them whenever they’re at this stage in life 
and they’re trying they’re best I’m going to one of my friends house this weekend to just chill with her for a bit which I’m looking forward to. I hope your friends reach out soon even if they just listen. One my other friends would sit on the phone with me before my mum passed and was sick and just listen it really helped and she knows that. A good support system is so important to just know you can text or call someone you’re close to and have a wee chat helps.
I think I might become addicted too if it works! I just want peace of mind that where ever she is just now that she’s okay
Amy x
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I reached out to my closest friends prior to the funeral to ask them to come and let them know how much it would mean for them to be there and they made it. But I understand from your perspective too it’s hurtful that they didn’t and aren’t even checking in on you. I’d advise even texting or messaging them to ask if they’d be up for a chat hopefully they are and are maybe just giving you space.
Hope you are doing okay today
Amy x
Thank you Tim 
I’m glad you are feeling better some days but yes we will have good days bad days, good weeks then bad moments. We’re all learning and of course I would like to be in touch you’ve been such a help to me. I’ve even told my friends about you and my boyfriend and how pleased I am I came onto this site and reached out for advice. It’s been nice making connections. And learning from each other and that we are not alone in our feelings.
Scotland can be so cold! Right now not too bad but still cold windy. I have the rain to look forward to when I go back in to work next week. My daughter is a winter baby though so it makes me like the winter a bit more.
I might travel to see this clairvoyant but probably wouldn’t be able to freely for sometime due to my daughter. But I am going to try and find one closer to me. Family have invited me to a spiritual church I might go when I get a chance to.
And I agree I’m sure they were moved after she just put them there initially.
I’ll make sure not to reveal any information even if they ask certain questions I wouldn’t follow up with more information as I’d want to know it’s true. Definitely Tim life is fleeting even the moment before I came on here to write this is just a memory we’re only in the present but we have all our great memories to look back on and hopefully they won’t always feel bittersweet like they do now.
I’m going to see a friend on Saturday and hang out with her for a few hours she knew my mum and my friend is quite interested in tarot so I might ask her if she’d like to try them with me. It will be nice to go and see someone and get a chat about my mum and other things going on in her life.
Going to try my best to get a sleep it’s after 1am already and I’m still awake 
not great as I will be up at 7 with my daughter.
Night Tim thanks again x
Hi Laura, regarding ‘You are not alone’ please tell me what you are finding most helpful.
Tim
Hi Amy, very optimistic communication if I may say so,you are certainly moving in the desired direction and the weekend with your friend will do you a world of good 
Good idea to go with your family to the spiritualist church, I probably went to early to a clervoyant, it was my father coming through more then my mother(not that I minded that) but it was amazing what she was able to tell me about my mother, of how she loved me, and fought to the bitter end when she suddenly stopped breathing and hell froze over, and that until her illness she had been very active all her life (qualified commercial secretary at 14 and had her own dance school) now about clairvoyants, make sure you find a genurin clairvoyant, the good ones have excellent communication and people skills and are very caring people *(Doc Martin would be grate in the armed forces, buy not so in civvy street owing to his total lack off bedside manner) 5% are really good, 30% are ok and the other 65% are frankly charlestons and piss artist, a genurin clervoyant really can and does connect with spirit, my clairvoyant writes in a book that a very upset lady came to see her and as they went into her office she smelt an overwhelming smell of gas, like any reasonable person she though the gas hob in the kitchen had been left on, then the upset lady told her that her husband had ended his life 2 days earlier, make of that what you will, the upset lady had bought her late husbands spirit with her and my clairvoyant had connected with it, gas smell and all, science cannot explain that, no less, ceretanly no moreand what it cannot explain it tends to dismiss and we call it paranormol,
the romans thought the gods were angry in a thunderstorm, they were very clever and had some highly precise instruments that we did not have until the victorian era, but that was the limit of there understanding and thunderstorms, floods, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions were beyond there understanding and to the romans these were paranormal events of a terrifying nature, we are currently at the same level of understanding with spirit, some of us can connect with it, and many of us have had paranormal experiences that appear to be and almost certainly are connected with the passing of our loved ones but no one can explain what is actually happening as it is currently beyond our understanding and we are at the level of puffing tobacco smoke up peoples arses to cure worms as they used to do(Charles Darwin’s grand father was a doctor and inventor, he even had designs for a gunpowder driven flying machine, he also invented the modern steering system seen on cars but never patented it) until the best minds in the land are bought to bare then our understanding of spirit will not grow very much, it needs proper scientific evaluation, police forces use clairvoyants and tarrant card readers to help solve crime,they do not understand what it is but they use it.
Hope you are having a better day.
Love and blessings
Tim
Hi Tim ,
It’s just comforting to read other people’s experiences and that you are indeed not alone .
Also how it says there is no right or wrong or timescale to it . And also debunks the 7 stages of grief .
How about you ?
Laura
Hi Laura, thankyou for your input, the seven stages of grief was never intended for the bereathed but the terminally ill, but even then the terminally ill go through there own individual journey of coming to terms with there end and it is as individual for them as the greaving is for us, and the terminally ill are greaving while they are dying just as much as we are,most of them would rather not die, even when old, as jesus said ‘Lord, if it be they will let this cup pass my lips’ Jesus was a man, he did not want to die ,both my mother and myself new when it was her last day, among other things I thanked her for being my mother (I was adopted along with my predeceased twin brother) and for my faith, and my sorrow and regret for not always being a good son and a host of other things, at 8 o’clock at night she started breathing like a lung fish, I called the minister and cradled her in my arms, suddenly at ten past 8 she rendered up the ghost as her heart stopped and her breathing ceased,her suffering was over, I went into auto mode and called the night nurses to report her death as instructed, then the minister arrived and read the sarm to the dead, the night nurses arrived, tided her up and told me to call an undertaker(I had the coop direct cremations lined up and ready to go(I had prepared,it was know time to execute the plan) the body was placed on a trolly and removed from the house at 11:20 that night and that was the last time I sore the body, it was a slitty eyed plastic manikin, there is no life in matter, I have a lovely photograph of my mother above her ashes casket taken on the occasion of her silver wedding, that, is how I wish to remember her, not as she ended, I hope you too have something that will bring you comfort, we never get over it, we just get used to it, and the best way to honour them is to make a success of our lives, that is what they expect us to do.
Hope you are having a better day
Love and blessings to you 
Tim
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I have many very happy lovely memories of Dad - he inspires me everyday and try not to think of the sad ones at the end. My Dad knew how much I loved him and i know how much he loves me 
this brings me comfort . I just miss him so much . So difficult .
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Thanks Tim, feeling down tonight but I know it’s normal I’ll have good moments and bad ones. Looking forward to see my friend on Saturday. I mentioned she likes tarot and I just remembered my mum actually bought her a pack for one of her birthdays so I’m hoping she still has them.
Definitely trying to move in the right direction and find I am kept busy during the days but I know when I’m not busy like at night and I have time to think more it all feels more real again.
My daughter said again today her gran is gone and pointed and looked up towards the ceiling, then at the couch then back up again. You’re right we can only hope at some point these things are studied more and proven, I’ve been looking into research doctors have done on those dying and there’s an overwhelming amount of people who see their deceased loved ones not long before they pass on. Gives me hope that we will be reunited in time, and as you said previously what feels like a lot of time to us probably does not feel that way in the spirit realm, as time will not exist the same way we experience it.
Hope you are okay tonight and have a nice weekend ahead. Tomorrow we are taking a trip into town to open a bank book for my daughter with some money my mum left so we can tell her when she is older that her gran started her savings for her.
All the best hope you have nice dreams of your mum. I’ve been waking up knowing I’ve dreamt of her, but unable to remember them at all, just left with a feeling. Fell asleep a few nights ago and it was the most uncanny thing, I seen my mums hands as my own and looked up and seen tubes in her arms and doctors all around me. Maybe she wanted me to see how she seen things for a brief moment. It was a surreal experience.
Amy x
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There is no simple answer Laura, death, no matter what age occurs at, is hard to come to terms with because it seems so cruel and so final, the evidence as I can evaluate it from my own experience with my twin brother is that we do continue after this life and we have a conscience existence but we cannot possibly know what that form is, but we take our knowledge and experiences from this life with us and we attach in someway or other to loved ones left behind.
Concentrate on the happy times and honour your father by
making a success of your life.
Love and blessings to you
Tim
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Dear Amy,try not to be alone at night, spend it with your father or friends and keep an eye on him, you both need to look out for each other at the moment so ring him at the weekend when with your friend, Its a lovely idea to start a saving account for your daughter, encourage her to save when she can and teach her the value of money, I found an A3 size book keeping sheet typed up by my mother, during the war while she worked for the duke of maclough!, its a historic document in its own right so I have put it in a safe place, its part of the local history of the area, among other things she used to type out the permit for Gondaler to be moored to the bed of coniston. your dream sounds a bit disturbing almost as if you had changed places with your mother, we concentrate so much of the greaving of the bereaved, what about the grieving of the dying?,for each one of them it is as individual as it is for the bereaved, no two deaths are exactly the same,there is strong evidence that past loved ones gather round us near the point of death and my clervoyant asserts this as well in her book ‘beyond the 6 senses’ (She has a strong christian ethos in her work as a clairvoyant and was bought up a catholic) and to some the past loved ones are the angels who guide us to the next world, my own experience with my twin brother confirms to me that there is a life after this and that we take our memories and experiences with us, learn as much as you can in this life, it will help you in the next in the fleeting time we have hear.
Love and blessings to you asnd enjoy your weekend Amy
Tim
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Thanks Tim, I’m reading a lot about it the next life/spirit world I mean. At nights my dad heads to bed very early he always has done but my partner is here at night, he just needs to try and sleep early for work which is fine. That’s amazing finding those things your mum wrote, I’ve been looking through alot of my mums things too, she took alot of photos and I have them all. Yes it was a surreal dream it didn’t last very long. Looking forward to tomorrow and next week to get back into work Monday and Friday and see some other faces. We didn’t get to open the bank book today we needed more information with us but my dad is doing it alone on Monday since it’s him who is opening it. I also used some of the money my mum left me to buy myself a new winter coat, and a lipstick. She always bought me my make up and it just felt nice to pick something out that she’d usually do for me, I told her thank you when I bought it. Saving the rest away, there wasn’t a lot. It is remarkable to me how much this affects us, it almost feels unbearable but we get through it somehow and that’s real strength.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy your weekend also 
Amy x
Hi Amy, something you should see on BBC2 at 9 o’clock on Friday night is UNCANNY and is a program aimed at series investigation of ghost, spirits,poltagised and paranormal events, this week they were investigating a poltergeist haunting in a house in Durham, the ghost being that of a scruffily dressed undernourished small boy who worked in the coal mines (and presumably died there) while the house was built in the 1930’s it is directly over one of the schemes in the mine, a very famous case in paranormal circles is the Enfield haunting in London in the 70’s ware objects were being hurled around a room(the newspaper photographer who took photographs of the event was struck in the face by a lego brick) no digital enhancing in those days, everything was on seluloid, digital photography was still some 30 years in the future. and some of the children found themselves being levitated into the air, also the Society for Phycid research was mentioned, I intend to contact them regarding my paranormal experience with my deceased twin on the night of Sunday the 5th September 2021 the night after his death, I will keep you in the loop, I did wake up one morning to see him standing in the doorway of my bedroom looking at me.(I was slightly frightened and looked away) when I looked back he had gone, this was before the death of my mother.Pity you have not been able to open the account, they want all sorts of identity these days and anyone would think they were signing out the crown jewels,(if you make a deposit or withdrawal of £5000 or more they tell HMRC) keep that under your hat, its actually classified, but I do not think they will lock me in the tower for that like King John did with his nights. Hope you have a good weekend, have invited my sister in law for lunch tomorrow, a few things I need to discuss with her, just out of interest what sort of work do you do?, I do clock and furniture restoration, looking into building small marine steam engines and anything craft based that I can sell, got sevral clocks being repaired at the moment.ultimatly build my own micro plane but not sure how to power it, I am working on something new.
Love and blessings Amy, keep your pecker up, your mother is watching over you
Tim
I will watch that Tim I might even look it up on YouTube and see if there are episodes on there.
That’s good you’re having lunch with your sister in law tomorrow, I had a nice day with my friend. I found it a little difficult to discuss my feelings, maybe because she hasn’t gone through it (and I don’t think people can really understand it if they haven’t) or maybe because I just find it hard to talk about out loud… but nonetheless it was good for me to get out and we had a lovely time. Had a good chat with her about my mum and I know she cares about me and that’s what counts.
I will need to look up the Enfield haunting and start reading into things like this
I think our house is built on an old train station and beside a mine. I’ve had a few strange experiences in this house, I remember refusing to sleep in my room for a long time because I woke up one night to all my toys being in the air then being thrown around the room.
That sounds like such an interesting job you’ve got, and I’m sure if you try to make a plane or any craft you’d be very good at it. I do office work so telephones emails, it’s fairly quiet and I enjoy it, it’s for a government approved scheme and in housing, I’ve been there I think 7 years, all in all not a bad place to work I can do days from home and they let me set my hours to suit around my daughter.
Definitely keep me updated on the society for psychic research. That’s amazing you got to see your brother, I really hope at some point I get to see my mum again. It gives me hope thinking that they could be in the room with us right now just observing.
Thank you for that I really hope she is watching me and I hope you have a nice weekend too! Amy
Hey, hope you’re doing ok today? It’s a month today since my Mum passed and it’s been a very emotional and weepy day. I met with a friend yesterday for a walk, which was nice. Judging how the convo went I kinda think they disnt realise they could go to the service, I think supporting a friend through grief is new. I mean it is uncomfortable for everyone really
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Hi I hope you’re okay too, it’s been just over 4 weeks for me. So I can definitely relate to how you’ll be feeling today. I seen one of my friends today, one of my friends wasn’t going to attend the funeral but I told her how much it would mean to me. I don’t think people realise how much this hurts I think they can only imagine, and they can stop imagining it. Whereas we have to feel it all the time we can’t just decide to stop thinking about this because we’re dealing with it.
Glad you got out a walk and explained to your friend how you’re feeling.
We have made it through this first month and while I don’t think it’ll get a lot better any time soon I’m taking a bit of time to realise I’ve survived this first month. Really the only thing keeping me going is just hoping she’s not too far away and is still watching me it gives me some peace thinking that.
Amy x
Your Mum will be so proud of your strength, she’s with you.
I think you’re right. Grief so far, feels different to how I imagined it, but I feel I need people so I can keep talking about Mum without always repeating myself to the same people. I can’t deal with my friends ridiculous tiny problems just now tho. How our worlds have been thrown into a different perspective, back to back meetings? Don’t care. Going through a not living together breakup? Hard to have much sympathy. I know it makes me sound awful but I can’t help it!
There’s always this background sadness, are you the same?
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Hi Amy, hope you are having a good weekend, your friend will not be able to directly relate to your loss if she has not experienced it herself, death, is as much a part of life as birth, and grief is the price we pay for love, at the end of a long and difficult illness through which I cared for my mother at home, including helping with her palliative care and I was more or less in charge of that my mother ended up dying in my arms,
the experience almost broke me, I still have bad days and not a day goes by that I do not think off her, one eventually gets used to it, but one never forgets and neither should we, my mum worked in an office for a number of years , one of her duties was to light the stove in winter and apparently it smocked the place out because they were told to burn wood and it had not properly dried so it burnt very badly(i would have just put more clothes on) I never use the central heating because I have fallen out with my supplier who keep demanding money for gas I have not used, looking to switch over to bottled gas instead, sounds weird about your toys flying around your room, did you feel levitated or something pressing down on you? has anything else happened since?, your house may be haunted, my mother died at home and I think I have told you I am certain she was wondering around the house the following night.
I have a new book, ‘Survival of the soul’ by lisa Williams, I am finding it very informative and I recommend you read it, it may help you answer some of your questions.
Love and blessings to you:heart_eyes:
Tim
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Hi Amy, about the enfield poltergeist, just go into google and type ‘The enfield poltergeist’ and you get the full story and there is a photograph of one of the girls being thrown into the air from her bed(it is a bit like blithe spirit but much more terrifying with the ability of doing series injury, by the look on her face she was terrified) paranormal investigators have accepted the story as true and I suspect you had a lucky escape, your visitation was almost certainly a poltergeist and there activities tend to centre around girls and young women. they have no idea what caused these events or how they work, only that they did happen and it was very frightening to the people concerned, they were defiantly not fooling about, but the victims of a nasty paranormal event.
Love and blessings
Tim