Yes my doctors is like that re the 8am thing. I’m wide awake at 3.20 am, don’t know what to do with myself. My grief is that intense I forget I’ve got cancer at times. I’m not afraid of death and my daughter will be ok financially, my biggest worry is my dog, we are joined at the hip, I take him everywhere with me and if it isn’t possible I get him a sitter. I was preparing my husband for my death and it never occurred to me something would happen to him. God I’m drowning, sorry to go on
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It’s okay to talk sukey . This is the worst experience of our lives . I was scared of dying before , not at all worried now . I am desperate to have a sign from him . I’ve had a couple of weird things happen . I am going to see a medium tomorrow xxxx
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Hi Jol
Wish I could find a decent medium. I went to one before he died and it was rubbish, she just said a few things about me then said my mother was there apologising for how she treated me between the ages of 12 and 20, who doesn’t have teenage troubles at some point? I want to talk to someone who can tell me he is there and to say something that only we’d know. My friend visited a lady some years ago and as she walked in she told her that her mother in law had been waiting some time and even gave her name correctly. Unfortunately she’s not doing it anymore, her spirit guides have led her down a different path… Then a few months ago my oncology nurse gave me the email of someone who had helped her sister. I was so hopeful but all she wanted to do was sell kits to awaken your own “inner medium. I’ve screamed asking him to give me a sign. A couple of things have happened but nothing that couldn’t be explained. It’s just silence mostly. We are given all this love and where as I love my husband deeply, a big part of it has turned to pain.
Hi Sukey, I got the date wrong it’s tomorrow night I see her . There have been two strange events for me . Normally we see 2 bats at night . I heard. noises from my neighbours house . In two days I counted 26 bats appear . His birth date . We heard a bang upstairs and there was a smell like tcp or something for an hour . Weird . I don’t expect much tomorrow but I do know a good one I’ve heard about that i may try . It’s so hard without my baby
Hi Jol
I replied to you earlier but can’t find the message
I’m tired but hate going to bed without my darling. My dog comes with me and that’s nice apart from his flatulence and inbetween crying I have to smile.
I just keep thinking what the hell is going on and the pain is something else. He’s in a box in the ground about five minutes away but I can’t go to him. I’ve been told that grief is the price you pay for love
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Hi , I understand and know how you feel.
My husband passed away on 15th February this year, 6 months to the day that he was diagnosed with cancer.
He was my world,
The pain if losing him is so intense and overwhelming.
I have recently started bereavement counseling.
Didn’t sleep again last night, cried most of the time.
Feel so alone and helpless
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Hi helpmme1 , I am so sorry for you . It is heartbreaking to loose your husband so quickly . I hope the counselling helps
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Hi, thank you.
The councelling seems to be helpful. The lady is very easy to talk to, sometimes I just sit and cry.
I feel so alone, the night times are the worse. It’s easier to cope with in the day.
I’m lucky, I have adopted a cat to keep me company. Boots elderly owner passed away and he was going to be put down. Cat protection took him in, he is a joy and such a comfort to me. He certainly helps me. I don’t think I would be here if I hadn’t adopted him. I really didn’t want to live.
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Hi Helpme1 , I am glad the counselling is helping . You did right to adopt Boots cats are wonderful companions . You’re not on your own with thoughts to end it . We have to try and keep going for our partners I believe
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Yes, we do. As I say, my cat keeps me going. No children. Have a couple of really good friends who have been through losing their husbands, they do understand.
Some days are worse than others.
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Hi @Sukey , if it’s the price you pay for love then I am done for . I’m glad you have your dog , flatulence and all bless . We are off to donnington Sunday to spread my Andrew’s ashes . That will be rough
My Carl didn’t like cremation so is buried at our local church. I can’t get my head around burial and I haven’t been to the grave in a long time, I’m currently saving for a headstone. I wish I could find a medium to contact him so I know I’ll see him again one day but they just seem to offer readings. I had a reading from a lady that my cousin in Northern Ireland saw, we talked over Skype. She said she had my father there ( my husband was still alive) and she described my father as being “dapper” where as my dad wasn’t a scruff he certainly wasn’t as she described, then I thought she might have meant my father in law who always wore a three piece suit and shiny shoes when he left the house and I also called him dad. Was I clasping at straws to believe that?
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Hello helpme1
My darling husband has been gone 15 months now and I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with it. I had one counselling session where it helped and I talked but found I couldn’t open up at the second one, she’s ringing me again this week. I’m happy for you having your cat, I’ve a ten year old very intelligent black Labrador who keeps me sane. He makes me get out of bed and I spoil him as much as I did when his daddy was alive but it brings me the fear of also losing him, I think that would tip me over the edge. To be blunt life is crap and I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t think it possible to feel such pain. I’ve lost two and a half stone, I keep getting eye infections because the tears are always there and my hair is falling out, grief is one powerful thing. Sending love xxx
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Dear Sukey,
I never imagined that grief could cause so much pain either and as you say it’s not just emotional.
I never imagined that I could love someone so deeply as I did my husband, Howard. I think I am still in shock in a way, still reeling from the diagnosis and the pace at which the cancer spread in such a short time and took him from me.
I don’t think/ feel that I will ever get over this. At the moment I can’t see any future.
I spoil my cat , Boots, so much . He has all my love and gives so much back to me, he keeps me going. I am sure you feel the same about your Labrador. Xx
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Hi helpme 1
We got through another day of pain. Another eye infection from so many tears. Cancer is devastating, I was diagnosed 6 and a half years ago and given 2 years so I’ve been very lucky. I’ve heard of several people who have got cancer and gone just like that. When my husband died I almost forgot I had cancer, it just didn’t matter. All I can say is my memories and my dog are keeping me going. Sending hugs xxxx
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Dear helpme 1
Would you like my email address?
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@Sukey hope your eye infection clears up soon my love . Mediums were rubbish . I am joining a spiritual church soon to see a much better one . I keep taking one day at a time , yesterday was terrible . Today was easier . It’s all we can do
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Hello Jol
We have to keep going and it hurts so much. I’m not me anymore but I can’t explain it. I smile, I laugh, I take part in conversations but along with the hurt is a sort of numbness to life. Swear words ending in off go through my head. I want my Carl back, we were so happy and our love was so deep. Xxx
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Hello Sukey , no one knows the suffering we have constantly . I am the same I put a brave face on to people but inside I am in turmoil . We were stuck together like glue . He kept me so safe . I feel like a pile of mush now . Love to you
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That would be great Sukey.
In a bad way at the moment. Signed off work after having a breakdown at the weekend. It was the first major date which I knew would be difficult for me, my birthday.
There are very few who really understand. I think unless you have lost a life partner it is hard to comprehend. It’s completely different to losing a parent.
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