Hi Karie, I am finding things a struggle and I had hoped for counselling through my GP, but has been stopped because of the virus, and the Sueryder counselling is fully booked at the moment, but they will contact me when something becomes available.
Richard xx
this coronvirus is making things difficult . i haven’t gone out in two days and i realised how much i was missing chip. I understand you need counselling but in the mean time you have us. say whats on ur mind how your feeling if we can help we will. x
Hi Pattidot, I am glad to be back, nice to put what is brewing inside you into words and get it out, I like to think that we are all good friends.
Richard xx
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Hi Richard, so pleased you have connected with Sue Ryder’s counselling service. I used it and it certainly helped me. They have two new counsellors joining so I’m sure you won’t have too long to wait.
Take care and engaging …it will help
Sandra x
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Hi SanW, Thank you, I hope that it is soon also, I do think at times that I am going mad, some of the things that I have done, but as others have said this is normal.
Richard xx
Richard i keep thinking im not right. I have chips ashes in a scatter tube. I take it to bed with me cover it with the quilt and hug it i talk to chip as if he was there with me i keep him warm and kiss him. if this is weird then i dont care. We all are coping in our own way. I am here if you want to share your probably find the things you are doing are very normal x
Karie love you are not weird, you are hugging your Chip and he is there with you. I put Brian’s pillow inside one of my husbands jackets and put the sleeve around me at night just as Brian put his arm around me for real. It gave me comfort for many months to be able to hug ‘him’ and smell his aftershave I sprayed on the pillow. I sleep on his side of the bed as it makes me feel closer to him. If that’s weird then there a lot of us suffering from this complaint. You go on kissing your chip and keeping him warm.
Pat xxx
Pattidot
that brought tears to my eyes how lovely. Thank you xx
Pattidot, and Karie, Perhaps I am not mad, Jean had a fluffy dressing gown which every night I put on her side of the bed and tie the belt around to keep it together with one sleeve out so I can also put it round me as if she is there, and it does give me comfort, and like you I do spray it sometimes with her perfume.
Richard xx
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Richard if ur at a lose end now with lock down im on facebook add me as a friend if you decide to get back onto face book. To all of you please be safe and look after yourselves xx
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Richards that perfectly normal and lovely x
Karie, I will look into going back on facebook, take care.
Richard xx
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im on face book more so be able to chat when u need to. xx
Still spraying my lovely husbands Armani Code 2 years on and always will 
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Dear Karie
I cried so much in the early days - I felt our whole future had just been wiped out. I think I cried more because I thought he would be sad to be missing the things we had planned - and up until just before he died we had never planned. But we had booked a wonderful cruise, were planning an extension and things were good. He looked at me just the night before he died and said apart from my legs (he had a problem walking) Life is Perfect. So that was a huge comfort to me that he / we were so happy. So I cried more for him that the life he was enjoying so much had been snatched away. When we love someone completely we put that person first - and so my thoughts were only for him and what he would miss. I did not go on that cruise and I did not extend the house - but one day I may do both - but who knows. So yes there was so much left to do and for the first time in our lives we had the time and enough money to do it. Life is cruel. But I am and always will be an optimist - so it will get better, and it has already started as we can laugh about his escapades - we bring him into our conversation all the time - "Dad would have liked that " - or “do you remember when Dad did that?” I miss him so much every day and tell him so. And I sleep with a huge cushion on his side of the bed which I snuggle into like I used to snuggle into his back. We do what we must but yes I do feel I lost my future so just take it a day at a time.
Take care xx
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Dear Richard
Yes I agree this terrible situation has made it worse - already isolated in missing our partners - now we are confined and cannot go out. We will not think of how long it will be - we will just take it a day at a time. Try and keep busy if you possibly can. I am no gardener but when I lost Gary last May I found the garden a comfort - I worked so hard in there day in day out - I left myself exhausted - but it meant I slept for a few hours. The garden looked the best it ever had - but the sad thing was I did not have him to share it with - but I could see him sitting on the patio having a beer …no doubt saying something cheeky. I spent the weekend mowing the grass - it looks a mess still but it distracted me from thinking too much.
Keep posting and if you want to talk rather than write on here - I would be happy to listen you can private message me your phone number or I can private message you mine. I have some good friends who I chat too - made through this forum. One I am lucky enough to live close to so have met for coffee and lunch and we text every day. The other I have met only once when I was in the North but we talk every day - and I have only just got off the phone to her (our chats quite often last an hour-- or more !!) as we really need each other’s support in the situation we find ourselves in. And another lady and I catch up on Whatsapp every couple of weeks. We are all singing from the same sheet so we really do understand and helping others helps ourselves.
Take care of yourself Richard.
Trisha xx
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TrishaF, I am a little confused with this site, I thought it was for people in local areas where you live, or have I got that wrong ?
Like others, I have learned to cope because there was no alternative. You will too, just take your time.
I lost my wife of 48 years a year ago last January. I am still grieving, and often become tearful for no apparent reason. At the same time, I have tried to build a new life, learn new things, and try to look after myself well.
At the moment, I expect you feel numb, stunned by the sudden situation. That will pass as you cope with the everyday practicalities of life. Don’t try to think ahead, just deal with today and tomorrow. I hope you find your way forward soon.
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To Anyone who is still awake, I will be awake all night, it is five weeks tonight that I lost my Jean and I am in pieces, I cannot think what the long term is going to be with the situation as it is tonight, but at this moment if I knew that I could be with my Jean I would swap in a moment, I hate being on my own and I know this is going to be a very long time before we can even think about getting back to normal, this is going to be a long slog,
All of you take care and be careful, just think do I really need to go out, be safe,
Lots of love to you all
Richard xx
Jaldi, Only just seen your message, 48 years ago you lost your wife, and you still miss your wife today, that just shows the love that you had, I do feel numb and stunned as you say, but I can’t see the day that it will pass, and somehow I don’t think I want it to pass because if it did, I think that I would be losing some memories and I want to remember Jean forever, I will never forget her and will love her to the day I die, she meant the world to me, and if I could be with her now I would give everything I have for that.
Richard
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