Ok Alex2, Must have been on another site and missed you
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We were here Richard. We were on other conversations but still on the site. I’ve been on the Songs thread listening to some great songs posted by Ian, Sandra and Sheila. In the early days of my grief I couldn’t listen to music but now I can’t get enough of it 
What have you been up to today Richard? It’s been much colder. To be honest I haven’t done much myself but the day does seem to have flown by. xx
Hi Kate, I have had one of the worst days ever, I just keep reliving Jeans last moments and it will haunt me for the rest of my life, and I can’t get over it, it just keeps going over and over in my mind
Oh I am sorry your day has been bad Richard. I think we have all relived those final moments but I promise you, it will not haunt you for the rest of your life. It will seem like it though right now. My husband’s final moments were very traumatic with me performing CPR. He was a fit and healthy man. No warning that he was about to suffer a fatal heart attack. It was Ike it all happened in slow motion. I can replay every single part of it in my mind even now. But I no longer dwell on it. It will ease Richard but it is so soon for you. Don’t expect too much of yourself. Hope tomorrow is a bit better. xx
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Kate you always seem to find the words to help comfort me, but I just won’t leave me those final moments and is always late at night when I want to go to sleep, I only get about four hours a night and I feel so bad in the morning when I get up knowing that I have about another twenty hours before it all starts again.
Richard x
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It’s pretty much what many of us experience, my husband’s passing was pretty traumatic as well. It takes time for this to be less painful and you will develop ways to cope. I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you read or post in any other discussion?
Sandra
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Hi Sanw, I do look on some others now and again.
Richard
Good morning Richard. Did you remember to put your clocks forward? 
Good morning guys
The only one that went forward was my mobile looked at alarm clock n was like ok who’s playing tricks on me then realised the clocks went forward xx
That’s good Richard as that’s how you can get the most out of this site. I’m sure you will start to reply and build on the support you’ve found on this thread. As you’ve found we are not always around when you are looking to chat.
Sandra
Hi Kate, yes put the clocks on, seems a little colder today
It’s a cold wind Richard. Stay warm and safe with your Jean’s love wrapped around you 
.
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As Sandra has said Richard, if we’re not around and you need to chat, try another conversation as there may be somebody on there. You’re very welcome to join in any conversation. I’ve noticed , sadly, that there have been several newcomers to the site in the past couple of days. Stay in touch Richard. Hope you’re day is as good as it can be. Xx
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Thanks Kate, will do, take care.
Richard xx
Hi Richard i have times when i relive chips too. Its fresh in out minds and we are bound to go over and over it. my dad past 20 years ago i was there when he took his last breath he had cancer. for a long time thats all i could remember but it faded as memories started coming back. happy memories now i think of those all the time. It will get better. Im saying that but im having a hard day today im really missing my chip. i Keep searching for happy memories but they just turn into thoughts of we will never do that again. Richard when those memories of jeans last moments come, embrace them cry scream if you want to. It will get better and yes i think to myself when will it get better when people say the same to me. Its a day by day thing and you will heal your never forget Jean but happy memories will start to bring a smile to your face x
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Richard were you with Jean at the end was she at home or hospital?
Hi Karie, Jean was in a hospice, and she died with me holding her in bed, and that was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I can’t get it out of my mind, it’s this last week that it has come to haunt me.
Richard, it might have been the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it’s also the most precious thing you’ve ever done too. 
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Richard you was there for how and held her how precious eventually you will see it as a beautiful moment. I was holding chip aswell and i wouldn’t have had it any other way. I am honoured to be the one to hold him as he left this life, Please dont look at it as the hardest thing you have ever done. It was you she wanted and she had you she slipped away swamped in love how can that be a bad thing x
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agreed kate i wouldn’t leave my chip because i wanted to be there hugging him while he left this world and moved to the next one. Im sure he knew i was there and that i was hugging him and comforting. fair enough im getting emotional now writing about it but i wouldn’t have changed a thing. Chip was mine and i was his and i was the last person he felt love from and i hope he took comfort in that because i know i did.
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